StrayDog's #1 Shopping Opener

Use this simple opening line to engage any girl out shopping. It doesn’t matter where you meet her or what she’s shopping for – this line kicks things off!

This post originally appeared on our forum here.

---

Thought I'd share my #1 opener when shopping. It's so simple, and the opportunity so common I rarely need another opener.

Basically, you see a babe standing in front of a shelf/rack considering some items, you approach and open with

I can tell you are putting a lot of thought into this decision.

Granted your fundamentals are decent you will always be met warmly. Often with a laugh.

Now, obviously you have to follow this opener up to generate conversational momentum. But you can definitely consider the ice broken at this point.

When Should You Look for New Nightlife Spots to Meet Girls?

If you’ve been going the same places to meet girls for a while, they can die off or you can find yourself in a rut. That’s when it’s time to shake it up!

Hi guys and welcome back.

Contents

I. Death of Venues

1. Venue Fatigue

2. The Crutch

II. When Should You Try New Venues

III. Conclusion

Today, I want to discuss a little-known night game topic: whether you should try out new venues or stick to your favorites.

It depends on where you are, and many factors come into play.

Going to a familiar venue (home turf advantage) where you know the crowd, the staff, the venue codes and social culture, understand the logistics and what strategies work, and feel comfortable will make your night easier.

It is an instinctual response to feel anxious in new venues. A new environment makes you more alert, which makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, as it ensures your survival to be alert in a foreign environment.

And, of course, being anxious and overly alert may affect your mood, impacting your results negatively.

If you know the venue well, you'll know how to play it and feel at ease there. You feel at home and safe, thus, feel more liberated. You know what is appropriate versus inappropriate behavior, allowing you to let go. If you are unsure what is acceptable, you may over-restrict yourself and be too risk-averse.

You may also know people at the venue who enhance your feelings of familiarity, making you even more at ease. Similarly, knowing some people may put you in a talkative, social mood, further contributing to a good state.

Good seducers have home turfs-venues they frequent often. From my own experience, most prolific night gamers become regulars at venues they like and usually rotate between three to five venues. They don't go to new places every weekend. Why? There are benefits to being a regular, and it would be unwise not to enjoy them. Advanced gamers know this.

There are venues I like and that I often return to. Moving around, changing cities every three years, I automatically find a few venues I enjoy (clusters, see my previous post), ranging between two and seven venues at any time. Each venue serves a different purpose.

So, should you even try new venues? And when?

Tattoos on Women: Are They a Red Flag?

56% of women ages 18-29 have at least one tattoo. With tattoos so common, are they still “red flags” in women… or have they been fully “normalized?”

Recently we had a forum member asking about a girl he’s started dating, wanting to know if she’s girlfriend material or not. About her, he says:

Her first tattoo she got when she was 16 with her friends in school. On the inside of her lip which says ‘babygirl’ She’s a little bit embarrassed about that one. She got a couple other classier looking ones on the inside of her wrists and back of her ankles which look nice.

Another forum member referenced my 2017 article of yellow, orange, and red flags to watch out for in girls. One of the nine red flags I listed there was “more than one small tattoo.”

Here’s an excerpt from that article, in which I cite a bunch of the research on tattooed women:

[W]omen with tattoos are more impulsive than untattooed women, take more risks, and are also more likely to use drugs, shoplift, and have non-ear piercings (more on that in our next red flag). Women with four or more tattoos are 4x as likely to attempt suicide as women with three or fewer tattoos. And yes, your instincts are correct – they also engage in riskier sex. Remember, we said red flags are signs a girl is both nutty and easy, right?

Of course, as the years march by, more and more women are getting tatted up. According to the latest Pew survey, a whopping 56% of American women aged 18-29 have at least one tattoo.

Is it still the case that tattoos are a potential red flag in girls you want to date?

Tactics Tuesdays: Telling Girls "You're Blowing It with Me"

When a girl is laughing a lot but also blocking you from moving forward, what do you do? Simple enough: you tell her she’s blowing it – and WAKE her up!

Here’s a tidy little kit of banter lines you can use to enliven the dynamic with a girl.

Sometimes you’ll get a girl where there’s a good playful/flirtatious vibe with, who is also testing you a lot or being resistant to your moves. There are different reasons this may be:

• She likes you but is treating it too much like “a game.”

• She likes you but is self-conscious due to people around.

• She likes you but not enough to go past flirtation.

You can get stuck in a loop here, continuing the playful banter, going nowhere. But then you aren’t moving forward, the banter gets stale, and the girl gets bored and leaves.

You can eject and go talk to other girls. If you’re somewhere social or it’s social circle, perhaps you’ll run into this girl again. If you’re texting her or it’s online dating, maybe she’ll be easier to crack the next time you talk to her.

Or, perhaps if you eject now, that’ll be all she wrote – you won’t get another real shot with her again.

What you can do INSTEAD – to get yourself unstuck from that loop, flip the frame on her, and avoid having to hit ‘eject’ – is to tell the girl she’s blowing it with you, and put the pressure on HER to get things moving.

Even Sweet Nice Conservative Girls Are Dirty Sexual Deviants

Female sexuality is different from male. While men want more partners, women want deeper (and quite often DIRTIER) experiences with those men they accept.

It couldn’t possibly be… nice girls are just nice, right? They couldn’t POSSIBLY be dirtier than men are!

We had a comment from a reader on my article about girls acting loose and slutty saying he thinks men are actually the dirtier, more sexual sex (after I stated the opposite).

There’s a big misconception here a lot of men have because they see “the male desire to have sex faster, with less information, with more partners, held to generally lower standards” and conflate that with ‘dirty sexual urges’.

But male sexuality is DIFFERENT from female sexuality, in some very KEY ways – and this is one of them.

When I say women are dirtier, naughtier, and more sexually deviant than men are, I am not talking about number of partners desired or lack of standards. Sure, if we talk about that, men in general are going to win out: dudes want to get it on with more partners on average than chicks do (though many exceptions abound for both sexes).

No, I am talking about something else.

Planning Out Your Night (When Out to Pick Up Girls)

It’s easier to have a successful night out with girls when you plan for it. The keys to successful night out planning: triangulation, transit time, & more.

Hi everyone.

Contents

I. Do Your Research

1. Triangulation

2. Finding Good Venues

3. Finding More Venues

II. Less Transit Time

1. Taking It Further

2. And Take It Even Further

III. Conclusion

Today, I'll discuss night game logistics and share a strategy for an optimal night out. In the past, I've covered similar topics, such as preparing your place for pulls, and provided checklists before heading out at night, see Logistics Checklist: What to Prepare for Good Seductions

In this article, I'll continue along those lines. I'll go through the steps for planning your night out. When you combine the content in this article with the checklist at the link above, you have your night planned to a T. Everything should go more smoothly. Logistics can make or break a seduction. Good logistics will help; bad logistics will ruin you. It is your duty, I repeat, DUTY, to do all you can to take care of logistics.

You cannot prepare for every aspect of logistics and foresee all logistical hoops. Yes, poor logistics happen, and often they are beyond your control (examples: your favorite venue is dead, your girl lives far away, various wildcards, and more). What you can do, however, is do your best to ensure that you take care of what you can control and prepare for the rest.

The good news is that logistics is one of the easiest factors to fix, and you can implement many measures to ensure your night goes smoothly.

It's one aspect of the game that does not require practice. Just read about how to handle logistics and implement the measures. (You don't need to "practice" to ensure your flat is clean.) That said, experience helps because you may not care about logistics until you lose a good lead (a tough lesson to learn!) And experience helps when you must use logistical thinking to handle difficult and unpredictable situations. However, the latter becomes easier when everything you can control will be in check. And this is what we will cover today.

Do Women Become Less Loyal as Men Age?

As you age, what is the risk your once-loyal woman becomes disloyal? Do relationships destabilize with time – or if hard times come upon you?

Commenting on my article “Why Can’t You Find a Loyal Woman?”, Shankar asks:

Bro, can a girl stay loyal to you in your old age if there are young guys who are hotter than you due to age factor?What if girl invested a lot while the environmental and personal conditions were favourable in the past and in future only the investment remains but environmental and personal conditions will change in due to age factor?In that case, would she still cheat despite travelling with that guy through good and bad memories and having children?Also keep in mind the girl is more or less the same age as guy? Have you ever though about this in your relationship with your girlfriend like if you are old, she would lose respect towards you and progressively attraction and hence cheat on you(no offense to you, it was a genuine doubt I wanted to clarify)?

I often find this brand of age-related question a tad… surprising? The natural order, of course, generally speaking, is that male value rises with age while female value gradually erodes. More often than not, it is women who worry about being discarded in their golden years.

Nevertheless, I am aware that some portion of our readership worries about age-related abandonment too.

So, today, let’s talk about what happens to relationships as men and women age. We’ll also look at all those divorces that happen between long-time married couples with children, which men often seem to think come from out of left field.

How to Open a Girl Who's Moving

Moving girls are everywhere. Most men will never try approaching them. Yet there are numerous ways to meet these girls – and open them successfully.

Contents

1. Great Girls Are Moving

1. Busy Girls
2. Girls Out Alone
3. Not Often Approached

2. How to Open a Moving Girl

1. 8 Don'ts for Moving Sets
2. 7 Dos for Moving Sets
3. The Side Open
4. The Front Open
5. Following After Her
6. Alternate: The Claw

3. Conclusion

You’re walking down the street and you see a beautiful girl. Her hair, her clothes, her walk, her body – it’s all just amazing. However, she’s walking. You cannot think of a good way to meet her… and so, you let her walk by.

How many beautiful girls have you simply WALKED BY over the course of your life? How many of them could have become your lovers… girlfriends… the future mother of your children… if only you’d just said “Hello”?

In this article, I’ll lay out the dos, don’ts, and strategies to use when opening girls who are moving. First we’ll talk about some of the girls you’ll meet when you start opening girls who’re on the move – then after that, I’ll give you the nitty gritty on how to open a girl who’ve moving.

Let’s go.

Girls Who Are DTF Don't Stay DTF Forever

If a girl is DTF, can you put her off for now and sleep with her later? No, sorry… because when a girl’s DTF, it doesn’t last; she won’t stay DTF forever.

Bit of a public service announcement here, because I see a looot of new guys make this rookie mistake:

When a girl is DTF (down to fuck), she is only that way on a temporary basis. DTF is a fleeting emotion – once it’s gone, it’s gone, and often it will not come back.

Even if you’re a pro with girls today, I have no doubt you have memories of girls who were hot, horny, and ready to go, only for you to put off bedding them because, “I’ll just lay her later.” Except later never came… for when you tried to bed her the NEXT time, she wasn’t in the mood and you couldn’t get her back in it.

The fleeting nature of women’s DTF state is something guys need some time to fully comprehend. That’s because as men, we don’t work that way. If I’d be down to fuck a girl today, I’m still going to be down to fuck the same girl tomorrow, and probably next week (and next month… heck, maybe even next year!) as well.

Not so with women.

Understanding this difference between males and females is essential if you don’t want to bypass opportunities to sleep with sexy girls that you will miss if you fail to grasp it.

The Purity Gambit: Open Up Sexual Topics in a Surprising Way

The Purity Gambit introduces sexual topics in a way few women expect: by discussing purity. But we don’t mean chastity! We mean purity of another kind…

Hey guys. I hope you are doing well.

Contents

I. What Is the Purity Gambit?

1. How to Transition

2. Example

3. Taking It One Step Further

4. Potential Pitfall

II. Mechanisms at Work

III. Conclusion

You may remember a recent post of mine about social observations and how the sexual market has changed. Everything changes, although rarely drastically; it changes enough that we can tweak our game while maintaining our framework. We usually don't need to make extreme changes, which is good.

I pointed to gambits focusing on lowering anti-slut defense (ASD), women's defense mechanism that allows them to reject or resist sexual advances to preserve their reputation, so others don't label them as sluts. These gambits often have fewer effects in more sexually liberated Western societies.

Those gambits still work, although less powerfully. Women still fear the slut label subconsciously, and society still has a somewhat sex-negative attitude toward sex, at least deep down. Today, it has a different form (radical feminism).

That said, the idea of being a sexually free woman correlates with more modern ideals of liberal feminism and being a strong, independent woman. Whether or not we agree with these ideals is up to each of us, but as discussed in my previous posts, we can use this to our advantage to create great gambits.

And this is true with today's gambit.

I wrote this gambit quickly as a forum post a while ago, but since it works remarkably well today, I decided to rewrite it, adding more details and tweaks to make it more powerful. I discuss more of the mechanisms below. You are welcome to read my forum post, which contains a discussion between me and several posters: Sex Talk: The Purity Gambit.

How to Minimize Nagging from Your Girlfriend or Wife

Girls nag guys. As soon as a girl sees a guy relaxing or otherwise ‘unoccupied’, the female restlessness and nagging begins. What can you do to minimize it?

If you have a woman, she’s going to nag you. No two ways about it.

Men, in general, agree. Like in this forum post:

It seems like women are hard coded to be restless and turn restless the man that has the misfortune of being in her proximity for too long.

I kid you not, I never had a woman at my house that allowed me to sit my ass on the sofa for more than a hour without demanding actions, time or assigning tasks.

The same moment your ass cheecks hit the pillow surely and quickly comes a "can you help me with..." or "let's go to ....", "are you really just gonna sit there and do nothing"?

Just like kids their brain cannot understand the concept of beind idle to rest and recover, they either sleep or they need non stop entertainment.

But what really makes them unbearable to me are the tasks they feel the need to assign wheter is to get an object in the room they can get themselves, close the curtain, throw away the trash on demand, check for something and so on.

Or this Reddit thread:

This behavior is annoying. It is annoying when men do it to women – I have done it deliberately to women, just to see how they react, and, yep, without exception, they also hate being nagged to do stuff. It is also annoying when women do it to men. Nevertheless, it is primarily women doing the nagging – and often it seems like they just cannot help themselves.

The poster in that first forum comment remarked that

the need for peace is probably the biggest drive not to engange in a serious relationship at least for my taste.

But must a man choose either a peaceful life OR a woman? Is “one or the other” the only way?

Study: More Powerful Romantic Partners Sacrifice Less

Who holds more power in a romantic relationship? The one who’s still pursuing goals and dreams outside of it, scientific studies show.

In another study that surprises absolutely no one, researchers have found that those with more relative power within a relationship sacrifice less for the sake of the relationship:

Romantic partners often have to sacrifice their interests to benefit their partner or to maintain the relationship. In the present work, we investigated whether relative power within the relationship plays an important role in determining the extent to which partners are likely to sacrifice. Drawing from both classic theories and recent research on power, we tested two competing predictions on the relationship between power and sacrifice in romantic relationships. We tested whether (a) power is negatively related to sacrifice and (b) power is positively related to sacrifice. Furthermore, we also explored whether the association between power and sacrifice is moderated by commitment and inclusion of the other in the self. To test our hypotheses, we used different methodologies, including questionnaires, diary studies, and videotaped interactions. Results across the five studies (N = 1,088) consistently supported the hypothesis that power is negatively related to tendencies to sacrifice in close relationships.

While this seems obvious – i.e., that the person who’s the “one-down” in the relationship ends up doing more of the sacrificing than the person who’s the “one-up” – I think it’s worth discussing a bit in-depth to understand just what’s going on here… and why.

Holotropic Breathwork: What It Is, 31 Ways To Try It, Risks & BIG Benefits

Curious about holotropic breathwork? Here’s everything you need to know, from its psychological roots to benefits and risks.

Breathing: we do it every day, every minute, without a second thought. It’s as involuntary as blinking or having your heart race when you spot someone cute across the room. But what if we told you that intentionally altering your breathing pattern could plunge you into an intense journey of self-discovery and emotional insight? Enter holotropic breathwork, a practice that flips the script on what you thought you knew about the humble inhale-exhale routine.

Intrigued? Let’s exhale the skepticism and inhale the facts.

What is Holotropic Breathwork?

So, for those of you who haven’t heard of it, you might be wondering what this ‘holotropic breathwork’ buzz is all about.

Well, think of it as a breathing exercise on steroids *not literally, of course*. Holotropic breathwork involves a specific pattern of controlled breathing, often harmonized with evocative music, to help you achieve altered states of consciousness.

Imagine going on a soulful journey without even having to leave your yoga mat. Cool, right?

Now, let’s sprinkle some science onto this. This whole idea falls under the umbrella of transpersonal psychology, which is all about exploring those mind-bending experiences that go beyond our everyday ego. You know, the ones that make you question if you’re living in a simulation or something. Yeah, that deep.

And a quick dive into history—holotropic breathwork isn’t some New Age fad that popped up on Instagram last week.

It’s been around since the 1970s, thanks to the creative minds of Stanislav and Christina Grof. They were on a quest to find an alternative to psychedelic therapy because, let’s be honest, not everyone’s keen on tripping to find themselves. [Read: How to be emotionally stable and find your zone of complete calmness]

The Holotropic Breathwork Experience

Ready to give holotropic breathwork a whirl? Let’s paint a vivid picture of what the experience is like before you even step foot in a workshop or sprawl out on your own living room rug.

You can expect to be in a relaxed setting, often with low lighting to set the mood. Music? Oh yeah, that’s a staple—usually something ambient or instrumental that won’t have you singing along and losing focus.

1. Setting the Stage

First off, holotropic breathing sessions can last up to three hours. Yep, you heard that right. We’re talking about a movie marathon length of time but for your soul. So you’ll need to create a calming atmosphere.

Dim the lights, make sure the room temperature is comfortable, and have a playlist of atmospheric, instrumental music at the ready. [Read: 32 secrets to be in the present and live life when everything is speeding past you]

2. The Preparatory Phase

Before diving into the deep waters of your subconscious, it’s good to prepare your body and mind.

Physical Warm-Up

Gentle stretching to get the blood flowing. Maybe even a little yoga, if that’s your jam. [Read: 20 Sexy yoga poses that look super-hot & make you feel really good too!]

Mental Prep

A guided meditation or some simple mindfulness exercises to set your intentions can be super helpful here.

3. The Breathing Technique

Here’s the bread and butter of the practice:

Position

Lie flat on your back on a comfortable mat or rug. Pillows for head or knee support are a plus!

Breath Pattern

You’ll be doing a series of rapid, deep breaths in and out, aiming to inhale and exhale in a circular pattern—meaning no pause between inhale and exhale.

Open Mouth

Breathing through your open mouth allows a fuller breath and maximizes the oxygen intake.

4. Let the Music Guide You

As you get comfortable with your breath pattern, hit play on that ambient playlist you’ve prepared.

The music is more than just a background track, it serves as an emotional and spiritual guide through the different phases of the experience.

5. Journeying Through Altered States

You’re now entering the core phase of the holotropic breathing experience. During this time, you’ll likely encounter various sensations, emotions, and even visions. [Read: Plutchik’s wheel of emotions: How to read & decode your emotional wheel]

The key? Let go. Don’t fight these experiences as they’re part of the journey.

6. Coming Back to Earth

After you’ve ridden the rollercoaster of your inner world, it’s time to gently bring yourself back to reality:

Slowing Down

Gradually reduce the intensity of your breaths.

Grounding

Become aware of your surroundings, feeling the floor beneath you and listening to the ambient noises around you.

Integration

Don’t skip this part! It’s essential to spend some time reflecting on what you experienced. Jot down your thoughts, share them with a guide or a friend if you’re comfortable, and try to make sense of any insights or revelations you may have had.

The Benefits of Holotropic Breathwork

If you’re diving into something as immersive as holotropic breathwork, it’s natural to ask, “What’s in it for me? Why can’t I just stick to my regular ol’ inhales and exhales?”

Excellent questions, my inquisitive friends! Let’s get into why holotropic breathing is more than just, well, hot air.

1. Psychological Benefits

First up, let’s talk about your noggin. Holotropic breathwork isn’t just for kicks, it’s rooted in transpersonal psychology and has shown significant potential in reducing stress.

Imagine letting go of weeks’ worth of tension in just one session. Plus, it can serve as a powerful tool for emotional release. [Read: Repressed anger: 22 healing ways to release anger & focus on the positives]

You know those pesky feelings you’ve bottled up? They could very well find their way out, allowing for a cathartic experience that leaves you lighter and more at peace.

2. Self-Discovery

Now, let’s shift gears to something a tad more existential: self-discovery. If you’re wondering who you are beyond your social media profiles and how you’re connected to the bigger universe, holotropic breathwork can serve as your personal tour guide.

It’s like a mirror that reflects not just your face but your inner complexities, helping you discover facets of yourself you didn’t know existed. It offers you a space to explore your inner world in a deeply profound way.

You might unlock hidden memories, confront suppressed emotions, or simply gain a clearer understanding of what makes you, you. [Read: 25 self-discovery questions to bring you closer to learning who you are]

3. Enhanced Creativity

Ever hit a creative block and wished you could just kickstart your brain into Picasso mode? Holotropic breathwork could be your ticket to creative freedom.

By entering altered states of consciousness, you unlock areas of your brain that may be dormant or underutilized.

This can result in an explosion of creative ideas—whether you’re an artist looking for inspiration or someone who just wants to think outside the box.

4. Improved Physical Wellbeing

While the primary focus of holotropic breathwork is on emotional and psychological wellness, your body also reaps some benefits.

The increased oxygen flow during the practice can improve your blood circulation, making you feel more energized and alert.

Plus, by decreasing stress levels, you’re also likely lowering inflammation in the body, contributing to overall physical health.

5. Spiritual Connection

For those inclined towards spiritual growth, holotropic breathwork offers a path to a deeper sense of interconnectedness.

It’s like opening a door to a spiritual dimension where you can feel more aligned with the universe, or whatever higher power you believe in.

Many people report mystical or transcendental experiences that stay with them long after the session is over, enriching their spiritual lives in an enduring way. [Read: Spiritual connection: The science, how it works, and 33 signs you’re connected]

6. Enhanced Emotional Resilience

If life’s throwing curveballs at you left and right, holotropic breathwork might be your secret weapon for dodging them like Neo in “The Matrix.”

This practice can enhance your emotional resilience by helping you process your feelings in a supportive setting. Think of it as a practice run for confronting challenges in your everyday life.

You’ll build a thicker skin emotionally, better equipping you to face hardships with a sense of poise and grace. [Read: How to be emotionally independent & stop using others for happiness]

7. Improved Focus and Concentration

In our world of incessant notifications and perpetual distractions, a little focus goes a long way. Holotropic breathwork requires you to be fully present in the moment, honing your ability to concentrate.

Over time, this sharpness can spill over into your daily tasks. Whether you’re acing a test or just trying not to burn your grilled cheese, an enhanced sense of focus can be a game-changer.

8. Fosters Community and Connection

Let’s get a little sentimental here: holotropic breathwork is often a group activity, offering a unique avenue for social connection.

In a world where “How are you?” often gets a default “I’m fine,” this practice provides a space to share deeper emotions and experiences.

You might just walk away with more than just self-insight; you could gain friends who have shared a similarly transformative experience.

9. Boosts Self-Esteem and Confidence

Feeling a bit down on yourself lately? Holotropic breathwork offers a nurturing environment for boosting your self-esteem.

When you successfully navigate the emotional rapids and come out the other side stronger, it’s a massive confidence builder. [Read: 55 secrets & self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]

Plus, the insights you gain into yourself can replace self-doubt with self-assurance, leaving you standing a bit taller in your own shoes.

10. Increases Mindfulness and Self-Awareness

If you’re on a quest to live more consciously, holotropic breathwork can be your trusty sidekick. By diving deep into your internal landscape, you become more attuned to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations.

This heightened self-awareness can translate into a more mindful approach to life. You’ll find yourself making decisions more intentionally and navigating your emotional world with greater finesse.

The Risks of Holotropic Breathing

While we’ve been singing the praises of holotropic breathwork, it’s time to pump the brakes for a moment.

Because hey, it wouldn’t be fair to send you off into the psychedelic realm of your subconscious without a word of caution, right? So, let’s talk about some of the not-so-groovy risks involved in this practice.

1. Physical Risks

First off, let’s get physical—but not in the fun, Olivia Newton-John kind of way. Holotropic breathwork involves rapid, deep breathing, which can sometimes lead to hyperventilation.

That’s a fancy way of saying you might breathe so fast and shallow that you disrupt the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your body. This can lead to symptoms like dizziness, lightheadedness, and even fainting.

Additionally, the increased oxygen flow can jack up your heart rate, which might be problematic for individuals with certain heart conditions.

2. Psychological Risks

Now, let’s dig into the emotional sandbox. While holotropic breathwork can be a great tool for emotional exploration, it can also unearth feelings or memories that you might not be prepared to handle.

In psychology lingo, this can lead to “emotional dysregulation,” essentially throwing your emotional equilibrium out of whack.

Especially for individuals with a history of psychological issues, such as PTSD or severe anxiety, this practice can sometimes be more triggering than therapeutic.

3. Lack of Scientific Evidence

Okay, let’s talk science—or rather, the lack of it. While many folks will enthusiastically share how holotropic breathwork changed their lives, it’s important to note that these are mostly anecdotal accounts.

The empirical evidence, the kind that gets published in peer-reviewed journals, is still pretty scant. So while it’s tempting to get swept up in the personal success stories, remember that your mileage may vary. Always consult with healthcare professionals before diving in. [Read: Positive vibes and 17 ways to draw positive energy into your life]

4. Legal Implications

Yep, you heard that right. In some jurisdictions, holotropic breathwork is considered a form of psychotherapy.

That means if you’re thinking of leading a session, you could run into legal issues if you’re not properly credentialed.

So before you invite over a bunch of friends for a DIY experience, make sure you’re aware of the laws in your area.

5. The “Bad Trip” Phenomenon

Much like other practices or substances that induce altered states of consciousness, there’s a risk of experiencing what’s colloquially known as a “bad trip.”

These are experiences filled with negative emotions, fears, or even hallucinations that can be deeply unsettling. And unlike pausing a movie, you can’t just “stop” a holotropic breathwork session once it’s underway. [Read: 33 truths to overcome regret, deal with our bad choices & learn from it]

It requires mental preparation and the presence of trained guides to navigate such scenarios safely.

6. Expense

Let’s talk money, honey! Holotropic breathwork sessions aren’t exactly a dime a dozen. They can be quite costly, especially if you’re planning on attending multiple sessions or workshops.

Financial considerations are crucial, especially if you’re on a budget. You wouldn’t want to break the bank in the name of enlightenment, would you?

7. Dependency Risks

Ah, the sweet allure of higher consciousness! But beware, some people find the experience so thrilling or rewarding that they might become psychologically dependent on it.

While it’s not “addictive” in the chemical sense like some substances, a dependency can still be a serious concern. In extreme cases, this can detract from your ability to find pleasure or satisfaction in other aspects of life.

8. Exclusion Criteria

This one’s important: holotropic breathwork isn’t for everyone. Individuals with certain medical conditions, like cardiovascular issues, severe mental health disorders, or certain types of respiratory problems, are often advised to steer clear.

Make sure to consult your healthcare provider for a full medical evaluation before embarking on this journey. When in doubt, sit it out!

9. Time Commitment

Your time is gold, and holotropic breathwork is a bit of a time-gobbler. A single session can last up to three hours, and that’s not counting any additional time for preparation or reflection afterward.

If you’re juggling a busy schedule, this might not be the most convenient form of self-improvement for you.

10. Lack of Trained Professionals

Last but not least, it’s crucial to consider who’s leading your session. The field is still relatively new, and the number of highly trained and credentialed professionals is limited.

An inexperienced or inadequately trained guide can increase the risks mentioned above, from physical symptoms to emotional distress.

[Read: Soul gazing: The science, 32 steps and secrets to create an eye gaze bond with someone]

When Not To Do It

So, we’ve chatted about the dazzling allure of holotropic breathwork and the caution flags you should keep an eye on.

Now, let’s get down to the nitty-gritty—when should you absolutely, positively NOT embark on this cosmic journey of breath?

1. During Pregnancy

First on the no-fly list is pregnancy. While becoming one with your inner self sounds great, pregnancy is generally a time to avoid anything that could potentially stress the body or the baby.

Holotropic breathwork, with its intense emotional and physical states, can introduce too much unpredictability into an already delicate situation.

Therefore, it’s strongly recommended to skip these sessions when you’re expecting a bundle of joy.

2. Pre-Existing Medical Conditions

If your medical history is more complex than the plot of “Inception,” holotropic breathwork might not be the wisest choice.

Conditions like cardiovascular issues, high blood pressure, or severe respiratory problems can be exacerbated by the intense breathing exercises involved.

Always consult your healthcare provider for a full medical evaluation before you go searching for your inner spirit animal.

3. History of Severe Mental Health Issues

For those who’ve battled severe mental health issues, such as PTSD, bipolar disorder, or severe anxiety, holotropic breathwork might be more destabilizing than liberating.

The practice can unlock a Pandora’s box of emotions and memories, and without proper psychological support, this could be a risky endeavor. A mental health professional’s advice is invaluable in such scenarios.

4. Children and Adolescents

If you’re not old enough to legally vote or order a cocktail, you might want to steer clear of holotropic breathwork for now.

While the age restriction varies from one facilitator to another, many experts agree that the adolescent mind is still too much in flux for this sort of intense emotional exploration.

Better to wait until your brain is fully baked, so to speak.

5. Lack of Expert Supervision

Can’t find a certified facilitator in your area? Then it’s a no-go, buddy. The presence of a trained professional is crucial for safely navigating the emotional ebbs and flows induced by holotropic breathwork.

An unqualified guide can significantly up the risk factor, making the experience potentially dangerous rather than enlightening. [Read: How to reduce stress: 17 fastest hacks to a calmer and happier life]

Being Well-informed is Just as Important as Being Willing

While holotropic breathwork offers a unique avenue for self-discovery and emotional healing, it’s not a path to tread lightly. The experience can be profoundly impactful—positively and negatively.

If you’re intrigued by the transformative potential of holotropic breathwork, that’s fantastic! Your curiosity could be the key to unlocking deeper layers of your psyche.

But hey, don’t dive headfirst without checking the depth of the water. Your safety and well-being are paramount, so it’s essential to consult with healthcare providers and certified experts before taking the plunge.

Keep those eyes wide open as you explore the intriguing world of holotropic breathwork. It’s an adventure worth taking but do so with all the necessary precautions in place.

[Read: 48 real secrets to change your life and find the right path when you feel lost]

So, ready to breathe your way to a new you? Just remember, in the realm of holotropic breathwork, being well-informed is just as important as being willing.

The post Holotropic Breathwork: What It Is, 31 Ways To Try It, Risks & BIG Benefits is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

31 Important Things You Should Know About Your Girlfriend & Why It Matters

There are just some things you should know about your girlfriend, okay? You see her every day or at least quite often. So, learn these things.

It seriously shocks us when we hear guys admit they don’t know certain basics about their girlfriends. Like, really? You’ve analyzed your boyfriend’s bathroom schedule down to a science, yet some don’t even know their girlfriend’s father’s name? It’s essential to either start having real conversations or, at the very least, listen more attentively when she speaks. There are just some things you should know about your girlfriend, no question about it.

Come on, guys. What exactly are you discussing during your time together? Or, hold on, do you even engage in meaningful conversations? It’s fine to have a laugh and share light moments, but tuning out everything she says isn’t the way to go.

You’ve got to learn to sift through the chatter and latch onto the crucial details, storing them in your memory forever. Trust us, these details are not just trivial, they’re bound to come up again and play a significant role in your relationship.

[Read: 21 girly stuff stereotypes and typically girly things not all girls like]

The Top Things You Should Know About Your Girlfriend No Matter What

Like I said, there are just some things you should know about your girlfriend, okay? These are some of those things.

1. Her Relationship With Her Parents

Is she closer with her mom or her dad? Are both of her parents still alive? Are her parents together or separated? Perhaps they were never together at all. Does she even know both of her parents? Does she have step-parents?

There are so many layers to a girl’s relationship with her parents, and it is important to understand her specific situation.

You wouldn’t want to slip up and say something that makes her uncomfortable, like mentioning her father when he recently passed away or perhaps he just isn’t in the picture, and it is a touchy subject for her.

Get to know her relationship with her parents. Honestly, it tells you a lot about her. [Read: Interesting things to talk about with your girlfriend]

2. Does She Want Children?

This is a really big question! If she wants children and you don’t, you need to break it off sooner rather than later.

We know a lot of us think that we can compromise and make it work, but we promise you that you should not try to compromise on the big stuff. This is one of the big things that you just shouldn’t compromise on.

If you stay with someone who wants children and you don’t, you will end up resenting one another. Make sure you match up on the important details of your relationship and your lives together. The rest can be compromised. [Read: The questions you should be asking in your relationship]

3. Does She Want to Get Married?

This is the other “big thing” that you cannot compromise on. If you want to get married and she doesn’t, you need to walk away from this relationship.

This is a question that you should ask early on in the relationship because if you don’t find out until a year down the line, you might feel as if you’ve wasted your time and theirs.

Just make sure you know this about your girlfriend, okay? [Read: 50 relationship questions to test your compatibility instantly]

4. Her Favorite Food

Knowing her favorite food is an absolute must, not just for ordinary days, but especially for those times when she needs an extra bit of comfort. Think about those moments when she’s dealing with the discomfort and mood swings of her period.

Having her favorite candy or comfort food at hand can be a game-changer. It’s a simple gesture that says you understand and care about her well-being.

This knowledge can turn a challenging day into a moment where she feels deeply cared for and understood. It’s not just about the food itself, but the thoughtfulness and empathy that come with it.

5. What Makes Her Upset

As women, we are very intricate beings, and we all have our triggers. Make sure you know what her triggers are and how to avoid them. Also, know how to make her feel better when she becomes triggered by something and falls into a dark place.

Whether it takes a strong hug, talking it out, a bubble bath–whatever it is, make sure you know what she needs to feel better. As her boyfriend, it sort of becomes your job to give her the tools to feel better. [Read: 15 perfect ways to comfort a girl in all the right ways]

6. What Are Her Goals?

This is huge. You need to help support her through everything she does and motivate her through everything. That is why it is so important that you know what her goals are and what she wants to achieve.

It is also important to listen to her when she tells you her plan–perhaps she has a five-year plan–make sure you know and understand where you fit in that plan, or if you do at all.

This is super important in understanding where your relationship will lead you and what your life will look like in the next five years. [Read: The traits you should exhibit to be a good boyfriend]

7. Does She Like House Plants?

Maybe this sounds ridiculous, and it really shouldn’t matter if she likes house plants or not, but I promise you that if my boyfriend knew I liked house plants so much, he really would have thought twice about pursuing me.

Seriously though, her love for house plants or lack thereof will tell you about her nurturing side. Can she keep a house plant alive? Awesome. Can she make a house plant thrive and flourish? Great.

This means that she knows how to care for living things and will likely make you very happy. Sounds ridiculous, but I promise you I’m on to something here. [Read: 17 funny questions that’ll help you get to know your partner way better]

8. What is Her Favorite Type of Flower?

Alright, so her favorite type of flower – it’s a must-know. Why? Picture your anniversary or any big date. You show up with a bouquet of her favorite blooms.

That’s you saying, ‘Hey, I remember what you love.’ It’s about those little things that make her feel super special. And it’s not just anniversaries. Bad day at work? Random Tuesday? Boom – her favorite flowers.

It’s like a cheat code for bringing a smile to her face. Plus, you avoid the awkward guesswork at the florist – ‘Umm, do you have anything… flower-ish?

9. Is She a City Girl or a Country Girl?

Where does she want to live–in the country or in the city? This is pretty important. If you stay with this girl, it will definitely impact where you end up.

This is something that you can totally compromise on, but knowing where she feels that she will be the happiest and most fulfilled is important. [Read: What to do when something doesn’t feel right in your relationship]

10. Has She Had Long Term Relationships in the Past?

While it can be painful to dig up the past, It is important to know what you are getting into. If she has never had any long term relationships, this might be challenging for you because this relationship is something new for her.

This doesn’t mean that you should abandon all ships. Be a little extra patient with her in terms of the boundaries of your relationship and how a relationship is meant to function.

[Read: The deep questions you should be asking your girlfriend]

11. What is Her Preferred Communication Style?

Does your girlfriend thrive on direct conversations, or does she communicate through gentle hints and expressive gestures?

Knowing whether she favors texting, calls, or face-to-face interactions is crucial for deepening your connection and avoiding misunderstandings.

12. What is Her Ideal Vacation Destination?

Discovering her dream holiday spot reveals more than just travel preferences. It reflects her personality and aspirations. [Read: Most romantic vacation spots for couples]

Whether she dreams of relaxing on a beach, exploring historic cities, or hiking in the mountains, this insight can help you plan memorable experiences together and understand what rejuvenates and excites her, making it a significant thing you should know about your girlfriend.

13. How Does She Like to Spend a Day Off?

Is your girlfriend all about adventure and activities on her days off, or does she prefer a more relaxed, quiet day at home?

This knowledge is invaluable for planning surprise days that align with her idea of relaxation and stress relief.

14. What is Her Attitude Towards Health and Fitness?

This is one of the vital things you should know about your girlfriend for a supportive and healthy relationship.

Is your girlfriend a fitness enthusiast, a casual exerciser, or more laid-back about physical activity? Understanding her approach to health and fitness can help you support her in her wellness journey, whether it’s joining her in workouts, cooking healthy meals together, or respecting her relaxation time. [Read: 26 secrets to get motivated to workout & exercise your way to a better life]

15. What is Her Favorite Genre of Music and Movies?

This can reveal a lot about her personality and mood preferences. Whether she’s into rock music, loves romantic comedies, or is a fan of horror movies, sharing and exploring each other’s tastes can be a delightful way to spend time together and deepen your bond.

Knowing her preferences in entertainment is a fun and essential thing you should know about your girlfriend.

16. What are Her Culinary Preferences and Skills?

Does she love to cook, or does she prefer ordering in? What are her favorite cuisines?

Knowing this not only makes meal planning easier but also opens up opportunities for cooking together or exploring new restaurants, making for meaningful culinary adventures and an important aspect of the things you should know about your girlfriend.

17. What is Her Approach to Conflict Resolution?

Navigating how your girlfriend handles disagreements is key to a smooth relationship. Does she prefer tackling issues head-on, eager to discuss and resolve them immediately? Or is she the type to need some time to think things over, preferring to talk once she’s had time to process?

Understanding this is super important, especially since it helps you both to handle conflicts in a way that feels comfortable and constructive. [Read: How to resolve conflict: The best ways to cut out the drama]

18. What is Her Stance on Financial Management?

Is she a saver, a spender, or a balance of both? Understanding her financial mindset helps in aligning your future goals, managing expenses, and planning for financial stability together.

This insight is a fundamental thing you should know about your girlfriend, especially when planning a shared future.

19. What are Her Pet Preferences?

Does she love dogs, cats, or perhaps has no interest in pets? Why is this detail so crucial, you ask? Well, it’s not just about whether you’ll end up being parents to a fur baby.

Knowing her pet preferences and any allergies she might have plays a big role in planning your life together, particularly when it comes to future living arrangements or the possibility of pet adoptions.

It’s one of those things that might seem small but can have a huge impact on your shared lifestyle and comfort.

20. What are Her Thoughts on Personal Space and Independence?

Understanding her need for personal space and independence is key. Does she value alone time, or does she prefer being in the company of others most of the time?

If you’re in the early stages of your relationship, the significance of this might not be immediately obvious, but trust us, it’s a game-changer in the long run.

Recognizing her space requirements helps in striking the right balance between being together and giving each other necessary breathing room.

It’s essential for avoiding feelings of claustrophobia or clinginess, which can creep up if personal boundaries aren’t clearly understood and respected. [Read: Ways to give space in a relationship & feel closer than ever before]

Why These Things Matter

You might be wondering: are these must-knows or just nice-to-haves? Oh, they’re definitely must-knows.

Knowing the colorful layers of your girlfriend’s personality is like unlocking the secret levels in a relationship game – exciting, rewarding, and totally worth it.

1. Deepens Emotional Connection

Knowing the small and big things about your girlfriend creates a deeper emotional bond. It shows you care about her as a whole person, not just as a partner.

This kind of attention to detail in a relationship cultivates a sense of being valued and understood, enhancing the emotional intimacy between you two.

2. Improves Communication

Understanding her communication style prevents misunderstandings and helps you express your feelings more effectively.

When you know how she prefers to communicate, conversations flow more smoothly, leading to a more harmonious relationship. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship & ways to fix a lack of it]

3. Supports Conflict Resolution

Being aware of how she handles conflicts can help you navigate disagreements more constructively. This knowledge allows you to approach sensitive topics in a way that resonates with her, reducing stress and promoting healthier resolutions.

4. Aligns Life Goals

Understanding her aspirations, both personal and professional, helps align your future goals. It isn’t solely about supporting each other’s dreams but also about weaving your aspirations together to build a shared vision for the future.

5. Enhances Trust

When you take the time to learn about her – her fears, her joys, her quirks – it builds a foundation of trust. Trust is the bedrock of any strong relationship, and it’s nurtured by showing genuine interest in all aspects of her life.

6. Cultivates Mutual Respect

Knowing and respecting her likes, dislikes, and boundaries fosters mutual respect. When she sees that you honor her preferences and values, it creates a respectful and caring environment in the relationship.

7. Encourages Personal Growth

As you learn more about your girlfriend, think of it as an opportunity to take a funhouse mirror look at your own preferences and quirks.

Getting to know her likes, dislikes, and viewpoints isn’t just about her – it’s a chance for you to reflect on your own habits and opinions.

Maybe you’ll find yourself adopting new hobbies, re-evaluating old views, or even discovering new things about yourself.

8. Fosters Empathy and Compassion

Understanding her background and experiences fosters empathy. When you’re aware of what she’s been through, you’re more likely to respond with compassion and empathy in situations that require a sensitive touch. [Read: Reasons why empathy is important in a relationship]

9. Strengthens Partnership in Decision Making

Knowing her stance on key issues like finance or family planning helps in making joint decisions. When both partners are informed about each other’s perspectives, it leads to more harmonious and collaborative decision-making.

10. Promotes Fun and Creativity in the Relationship

Last but not least, knowing her preferences allows for creative and personalized ways to surprise and delight her.

Whether it’s planning the perfect date or choosing a gift, this knowledge lets you tailor your actions in ways that uniquely speak to her heart.

11. To Check Compatibility

Getting to know these aspects of your girlfriend is like doing a compatibility check. It’s not just about seeing if you both like the same movies or music, but more about how well you fit together in the big picture stuff. [Read: Relationship compatibility: What it is, 40 signs you have it & ways to improve it]

Do your life goals align? Can you both laugh off a bad day? Understanding her preferences, values, and quirks helps you figure out how well you click on a deeper level. It’s basically ensuring you’re not just great together for a weekend getaway, but for the long haul too.

It’s the Kind of Effort That Pays Off in a Big Way

It might seem like a lot to take in at first – twenty things to remember about your girlfriend. But trust us, each one is a golden nugget in the treasure chest of your relationship.

They’re about getting to know her beyond the surface, into the core of who she truly is. And while it might feel like a bit of an effort, it’s the kind of effort that pays off in a big way, making your bond stronger and your understanding of each other richer.

Understanding your partner is crucial to a successful relationship. But for starters, these 20 things you should know about your girlfriend are definitely must-know stuff you should never ignore!

The post 31 Important Things You Should Know About Your Girlfriend & Why It Matters is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Obsessive Love: How & Why It Happens, 34 Signs of Obsession & the Bad Effects

Maybe you’re the one obsessed or maybe they’re obsessed with you. Until you know the signs of obsession, you won’t realize it.

When you first fall for someone, it’s natural to think about them a lot. You replay conversations, eagerly anticipate the next meeting, and maybe even doodle their name during a boring lecture. But there’s a huge leap between these butterflies in your stomach and tracking their movements via GPS – one’s cute, the other, not so much. Recognizing where we draw the line between affection and overstepping is crucial. In the early stages of a relationship, it’s exciting to feel connected and involved in each other’s lives. However, it’s vital to understand the signs of obsession, which indicate when involvement turns into intrusion. It’s essential to be aware of these signs, not just in others, but in ourselves too.

Being vigilant about the signs of obsession helps in maintaining healthy boundaries in a relationship. It prevents the kind of over-involvement that can turn a romantic comedy scenario into a thriller.

The Psychology Behind Obsessive Love

Love is like a rollercoaster, isn’t it? Sometimes thrilling, sometimes terrifying, but always a ride. But when does that exhilarating ride start spiraling into an obsession? Let’s decode the science behind this, shall we?

Picture this: You’re in a relationship, and everything’s peachy. You’re happy, they’re happy, the world’s a better place. But then, things start getting a bit… intense. [Read: 23 intense signs of unspoken mutual attraction between two people]

Suddenly, it’s not just about sharing milkshakes and long walks. It’s 24/7 texting, a barrage of “where are you” messages, and an uneasy feeling that you’re being watched more closely than a cat watches a laser pointer. That’s when you start wondering about those obsessive love signs.

So, what’s the science saying?

First off, our brains are wired for connection – thanks, evolution! But sometimes, this wiring goes a tad haywire, especially when our attachment styles *think of them as your relationship blueprints* get involved.

Some folks have a secure attachment style – they’re like the chill, Netflix-and-chill kind of lovers.

Others might have an anxious or avoidant style, which can lead to the signs of obsession in love.

Then there’s our old frenemy, low self-esteem. Imagine your self-esteem as a tiny cheerleader inside your head. If she’s feeling good, she’s cheering you on, and you’re feeling confident and secure in your relationships.

But if she’s a bit down in the dumps, suddenly every text left on “read” feels like a personal critique, and you start double-guessing your partner’s affection. This is where the line between enthusiastic love and obsessive love starts to blur.

You see, when self-esteem takes a nosedive, it often invites jealousy and possessiveness to the party – those classic obsessive love signs.

It’s like having a little gremlin in your head that constantly whispers, “Are they really into you? Better check their phone when they’re not looking!” Not exactly the healthiest mindset, right?

Now, let’s sprinkle in a dash of neuroscience. Our brains, those squishy commanders of our bodies, release all sorts of chemicals when we fall in love – dopamine, serotonin, the works. It’s like a natural high. [Read: Chemistry of love: How hormones make you feel love the way you do]

But in obsessive love, it’s as if your brain’s on a never-ending sugar rush, constantly craving more attention and affection to keep that high going.

This chemical cocktail can lead to behaviors that tick off those boxes in the ‘signs of obsession’ checklist.

You might find yourself constantly seeking reassurance, or your thoughts might be as clingy as a pair of wet jeans. It’s not just about loving someone; it’s about needing them for your emotional survival.

So, when does the switch flip from ‘head over heels’ to ‘head over obsess’? It’s all about balance. Like a teeter-totter, a healthy relationship has its ups and downs but generally stays level.

Obsessive love, on the other hand, is like a teeter-totter hijacked by a hyperactive toddler – wildly up and down and all over the place.

The Subtle Signs of Obsessive Love to Watch Out For

Maybe you don’t think you behave obsessively, maybe you think calling them 50 times a day is normal—it’s not.

If you think getting approval for what you wear out tonight is them exercising their styling techniques—it’s not. So, whether you’re the one obsessing or someone is obsessing about you, you need to know the signs.

Obsession is picture-perfect… in the beginning. Pay attention to these signs of obsession and take care of your heart.

1. You Feel Something is a Little Off

If you read this, you already know that something isn’t right. You already feel a little off with the entire relationship, which is great.

If you feel it, then you know it’s happening. Now, all you need to do is get yourself out of it because this feeling won’t go away. [Read: How to let go of a relationship that’s bad for you]

2. You Don’t Have Any Personal Space

In healthy relationships, you don’t need to see that person every day. Sometimes, you just want a day to go to the beach alone or read a book in the bathtub.

But they need to be around you all the time. They need to know every single thing you’re doing and make sure it doesn’t go against their plan. [Read: 7 secret and revealing signs of a bad relationship]

3. Privacy? What privacy?

They have your passwords for your social media and email because they need to know what you do at all times. They need to make sure that you’re not cheating on them.

You no longer have any privacy, they own you. Your privacy, if you’re lucky, is going to the bathroom alone.

4. Jealousy to the Max

Jealousy is an understatement to how they feel. They don’t like when people look at you, they don’t like if you dress too sexy. In all honesty, they just want you locked up at home in a potato sack.

If you have friends of the opposite sex, that’s not gonna work for them. They’re insecure and cannot handle any threats.

5. They Pull You Away From Friends and Family

They’re cool around your friends and family in the beginning, but after a while, they start to pull you away from them. They don’t like your friends, your family annoys them, or they feel like your parents don’t like them.

This is all an act. They just play the victim so that you feel bad and stand by their side. This means to abandon your friendships for them.

6. They Assume You Cheat on Them

If you don’t answer their text after fifteen minutes, you cheat on them. If you call them back an hour after you’re done with work, you’re cheating. They don’t trust anything you say, really.

In the beginning, they’re cool. Everything’s fine, but after a while, they start to ask you for your passwords, start to question who you talk to. They don’t trust you. [Read: 20 things happy couples don’t do in a perfect relationship]

7. They Say “I Love You” Too Soon

Oh, yeah, sure, they’re in love. It’s been a day, but they know it. They feel that this is true love. You don’t even know how they like their eggs in the morning, but they love you.

If they pop out this phrase like it’s nothing, that’s a problem. Some people actually do feel love. However, if you’re on edge then it’s probably not true love.

8. It’s All About Protecting You

All they want to do is protect you. They don’t want you to go out with your friend tonight because they want to keep you safe.

They must go to the shopping mall with you because they don’t want you harassed. It’s all sweet sounding, but it’s bullshit. You can do anything you want, and you don’t need to be protected unless you ask for their assistance.

9. You’re Perfect… But

There’s always a but. They tell you all the time about how perfect you are but also criticize you for small things. Maybe you’re beautiful, but you should lose ten pounds.

These types of people look for your weaknesses. By finding them, they use them against you to control you and make you insecure so that you don’t leave them. [Read: 18 signs you’re being coerced into a controlling relationship]

10. You Feel Like You’re Going Insane

This shows you they try to manipulate you and control you. If you feel like you’re not yourself anymore, it’s because you’re not. They try to suck everything out of you and turn you into their personal slave.

11. They Will “Never Let You Go.”

Awww, so sweet, right? Picture this: You’ve just had a wonderful date, and the goodnight texts are rolling in. One message pops up saying, ‘I’ll never let you go.’ Initially, it seems like the ultimate romantic gesture.

But as the relationship takes a turn, those words start to echo with a different tone. It’s no longer just a sweet promise; it becomes a literal scenario.

Your partner insists on being a part of every aspect of your life, unwilling to give you space. ‘Never letting you go’ transitions from a line in a love song to a red flag waving in the wind, signaling an unhealthy level of attachment

12. Their Dating History is Blurry

Usually, when you ask them about their dating history, they always talk about how their exes were crazy. Don’t fall for that.

We mean, they probably were crazy because this person made them go literally insane with their manipulative behavior. If this is the only word they use to describe their partner, this is a huge red flag. In other words… run.

13. They Stalk You

On social media, they know every single thing about you. They know who commented on your profile photo, who likes your pictures the most, what you post, when you post things—they know it all. This is one of those big signs of obsession you can’t ignore.

In person, they go to the classes you’re in, eat in the places where they know you’re going to be. You somehow see them everywhere even when you never told them. [Read: How to know if your relationship is toxic so you can get out fast]

14. They Make Threats to You or Themselves

Because they’re insecure, they feel they won’t be able to do anything without you. If you try to break up with this person, instead of saying, “Okay, I understand,” they switch and talk about how they want to kill themselves or they’ll never allow you to break up with them.

That’s not love. If it was, they would, of course, be sad and confused, but they would let you go.

[Read: The unhealthy effects of falling madly in obsessive love]

Now you know the signs of obsession, are you obsessed or in love? Is your partner obsessed or in love? If you or your partner is obsessed, you need to take the steps in getting out of the relationship because this won’t end well for anyone.

How Do You Know When a Lover Has Become Obsessive?

It can be difficult to recognize the signs of obsession because you can mistake it for normal relationship behavior. Of course, your partner can get jealous. They can also be overprotective.

When a person starts becoming obsessive, the signs usually come out when it’s too late to control their impulses. They can become paranoid, aggressive, and irrational. They will start to question everything you do. They will impose strict rules that were unnecessary before.

The sudden change in your relationship dynamic can throw you for a loop. Instead of acknowledging the problem of obsession, your first instinct will be to defend yourself and lash out. When that happens, an obsessive lover will take your defensiveness as a sign of guilt, and they’ll increase the intensity of their possessiveness. [Read: 66 early signs of an abusive relationship]

Why Do People Become Obsessive About Their Partners?

Some people are susceptible to obsession because of their past experiences. How we react is shaped by how we were brought up or what we’ve been through in the past. Here are some of the most common reasons why people become obsessive:

1. Trauma

When a person experiences heartbreak, betrayal, or humiliation, they will develop different defense mechanisms that can help them cope.

Obsessive people will try to control their partners by fixating on non-existent issues or transgressions because it gives them some semblance of control.

2. Social Influences

Society also contributes to the paranoia and assumptions of obsessive people. A person can become possessive if he or she bases their thought processes on how society views relationships.

They end up expecting the worst because society says it’s inevitable.

3. Conditioning

How we are raised can also influence our tendencies towards obsession. If you grew up thinking that you’re supposed to react this way, you will undoubtedly apply it to your relationships in your adult life.

4. Psychological Problems

Most of the examples above can go past the extremes when coupled with a personality disorder or a different underlying psychological problem.

Obsession is not considered normal behavior. It can never be used in mild contexts because it denotes an overly intense fixation on a person, situation, or mindset.

The Impact of Obsessive Love on the Obsessor

You’ve seen the signs: your partner’s obsessive love is more intense than your grandma’s interrogation about why you’re still single. But what happens when you’re the one with the binoculars? Let’s explore the less-than-rosy side effects of being the obsessor.

1. Hello, Paranoia, My Old Friend

Being the obsessor often means welcoming paranoia into your life. You might start reading hidden meanings into every ‘seen’ message and every unreturned call.

This constant vigilance can lead to anxiety and trust issues, as per studies linking obsessive tendencies to heightened stress levels.

2. Social Circle? What Social Circle?

Obsessive love can shrink your world faster than a bad laundry cycle. You might find yourself ditching friends for your beloved, or constantly checking your phone during hangouts.

This can lead to social isolation, a key factor in deteriorating mental health. [Read: 41 honest reasons why you Have no friends that care & steps to fix it ASAP]

3. Self-Esteem on a Roller Coaster

As you fixate more on your partner, your self-esteem might start resembling a yo-yo – up one minute, down the next. It’s a tumultuous ride, where every little thing can send your confidence soaring or plummeting.

Imagine stumbling upon something unexpected – a text, a comment, anything that raises an eyebrow. Suddenly, your self-esteem takes a nosedive. You find yourself agonizing over every detail, questioning your worth and your place in the relationship.

This constant need for reassurance becomes a vicious cycle. You confront them, seeking clarity, and for a moment, their assurances lift you back up, only for you to spiral down again at the next sign of ambiguity.

This pattern of constantly seeking approval and reassurance can severely erode your sense of self-worth. It’s crucial to recognize this as one of the signs of obsession, where your emotional stability becomes heavily dependent on your partner’s actions and affirmations.

4. Obsession, the Time Thief

Think of all the hobbies and passions you could pursue if you weren’t busy over-analyzing your partner’s last text. Instead of hitting the gym or putting the final touches on your masterpiece, you find yourself falling into the rabbit hole of obsession.

Hours that could be spent on self-improvement or leisure are consumed by scrutinizing their social media, deciphering the tone of their messages, and mapping out their last seen online status. [Read: Big reasons to quit cyber stalking your guy’s ex]

The Impact of Being the Object of Obsessive Love

It’s not exactly fun being the apple of an obsessive eye. If your partner’s showing obsessive love signs, you might feel like you’re starring in a reality show you never signed up for. Here’s how it can affect you:

1. Feeling Trapped in a Love Cage

When someone’s love feels more suffocating than supportive, it can lead to feelings of being trapped or controlled. This can take a toll on your mental health, leading to anxiety or depression.

2. Privacy? A Long-Forgotten Concept

When you’re with an obsessive partner, the idea of privacy might start to feel like a distant memory. It’s like living in a reality where your every move, message, and moment is up for scrutiny.

This relentless monitoring can lead to a profound loss of autonomy, making you feel like you’re constantly under a microscope.

In such a relationship, trust issues often surface. It’s challenging to feel secure and valued when your partner seems more invested in controlling your activities than in understanding and trusting you.

The erosion of privacy is a glaring sign of obsession, where the boundaries that are essential for a healthy relationship are blurred or completely disregarded.

3. Social Life in Shambles

An obsessive partner might demand all your time and attention, leading to strained relationships with friends and family. This can result in social isolation, which is linked to various mental health issues.

4. Walking on Eggshells

Constantly trying to appease an obsessive lover can feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You find yourself in a perpetual state of caution, reflecting on whether every action, word, or even a casual glance might upset them. It’s a relentless balancing act, where you’re always on edge, trying to predict and prevent any possible conflict or dissatisfaction. [Read: Walking on eggshells in your relationship? Signs & how to fix it]

This persistent stress can lead to emotional exhaustion and a sense of being emotionally trapped. Your actions become less about expressing your true self and more about managing your partner’s reactions. It’s a draining and unsustainable way to live, where you’re constantly policing yourself to keep the peace.

Is Breaking Up the Only Solution?

Breaking up with an obsessive lover is a last resort. If you really care about that person, it’s understandable that you would want to fix things first. You can talk about it with your partner or ask for help from your friends and family, or even a professional. [Read: 16 ways to handle a controlling partner and help them change]

If you’ve exhausted all your options in trying to change the way your partner is handling your relationship, it’s not just okay, but necessary for you to break up with that person. If they don’t want to fix themselves, there’s no point in staying.

It will be difficult, especially considering that your partner has become obsessive. Just know that your separation will benefit both of you. Functioning as an individual is what you both need. Your partner will need to fix their problems on their own, while you need to recover from being in a toxic relationship.

For those of you who are reluctant to let go of the ones you love, don’t lose hope. After you and your partner have healed, you still have a second chance at making things work. At least by that time, both of you can enter into the relationship without any more trepidation. [Read: How to break up with someone you still love]

How to Break Up With an Obsessive Lover

When worse comes to worst, you have to start thinking about cutting your losses. A breakup might be inevitable if your partner’s obsessions persists. Here are some tips on how you can remedy that problem.

The First Step: Communicating With Your Obsessive Lover

Being honest is the best possible way for you to express to your partner that you need some time apart. Lying will only make things worse because it won’t help anybody.

If you don’t acknowledge the problem implicitly, you and your partner won’t learn from the mistakes that led you to this point.

1. Acknowledge the Problem

Tell your partner that the problem exists. Make them see that their behavior is unacceptable. Obsessive behavior isn’t normal. When your partner understands that, it will be easier for them to accept the situation.

2. Make Them Understand

Explain how their behavior is hurting you and your relationship. Don’t be vague about it. Enumerate some examples of when they were being obsessive, and explain to them how it negatively affected you. [Read: 14 ways controlling people manipulate their lover]

3. Tell Them What You Need

Make it a point to list down your expectations. Make sure that they are reasonable, so your partner will see that what you are asking for is fair.

Be specific, and elaborate on how they can act on it. Don’t ask for something that they can’t provide, like an overnight reversal in their attitude.

4. Ask Them if They Can Provide it

It will be a long and difficult process, but your partner has to agree to make the changes needed. They have to be willing to make an effort to make the relationship work, as well as acknowledge and fix their problem.

5. Cut All Ties, if They Won’t

When it comes down to it, your partner may not agree to your stipulations. Obsessive people can be very stubborn, even more so when their paranoia kicks in.

This is the time where you have to decide whether or not you’re ready to give up your toxic relationship. [Read: How to take a break in a relationship]

The Emergency Procedure

When your partner becomes obsessive to the point of hysteria and harassment, you have no other choice but to call in the cavalry. Dealing with an obsessive person can be emotionally taxing, and a person can only take so much before they start realizing that they need help.

1. Know When to Ask For Help

Don’t take on more than you can handle. If it gets too much for you, start exploring your options. Who can you ask help from? If your first choice doesn’t work, who else can you call?

2. Ask For Your Partner’s Friends or Family for Help

Your family and friends are the most powerful influences in your life. Your partner will need all the support he or she can get from the people who love them most.

Talk to everyone who can help, and schedule a one-on-one interaction or a full-on intervention, if necessary.

3. Call the Authorities

When there’s nothing left for you to do, and your obsessive partner has crossed all boundaries because of their attitude problem, it’s time to call in the big boys. Before you do this, make sure that you know who to call, and you can provide evidence that your partner is exhibiting alarming behavior.

If you think there’s no crime being committed, call a mental health facility. If your partner has hurt you or is harassing you, you can call the police. They have protocols in place that can help people with mental disorders.

Dating an obsessive lover is no laughing matter. It might sound flattering, and it can give you a tiny ego boost, but the consequences outweigh those trivialities any time.

[Read: 10 important things to do after a breakup to feel better]

Anything in Excess is Bad

In life, and particularly in love, the adage ‘anything in excess is bad’ rings true. Being aware of the signs of obsession in your partner is not just about safeguarding the relationship, but also about protecting your own emotional health. It’s essential to recognize when passionate love crosses the threshold into obsessive territory.

If you find that your partner’s affection is morphing into an obsession, or if you’re noticing these tendencies in yourself, the tips provided could be crucial in maintaining a balanced and fulfilling relationship.

[Read: Obsessive love disorder: What causes it, 21 signs and how to get over it]

Ultimately, learning how to deal with obsessive love is about finding equilibrium – where affection doesn’t suffocate, and attention doesn’t overwhelm. Whether it leads to mending the relationship or preserving your sanity, acknowledging and acting upon these signs of obsession is a vital step towards a healthier, happier love life.

The post Obsessive Love: How & Why It Happens, 34 Signs of Obsession & the Bad Effects is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.