Are you dating someone smarter than you? If you are, it can make you feel dumb sometimes. But don’t worry. With these tips, you can make it work.
Dating someone smarter than you can be a double-edged sword. You get the perks of having a girlfriend/boyfriend with a high IQ, but you are also subjected to the disadvantages of dating someone who knows more than you do.
Confused over whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing? Learn the highs and lows of dating someone with an SAT score higher than yours, and ask yourself what you’d prefer yourself.
Let’s face it, intelligence is the hottest new criteria when it comes to dating. Being physically attractive is not enough anymore. More and more people are gauging their partners based on their conversation skills, interest depth and intellectual achievements.
It’s not difficult to find your own Mark Zuckerberg, but do you know what you’re really signing up for when you’re dating someone smarter than you? [Read: The smart and sexy girl – reasons why she’s the perfect catch]
Intellectual Disparities in Relationships
When it comes to relationships, we often hear about the importance of shared interests, emotional connection, or even height differences. But what about the brainy stuff?
You know, dating someone smarter than you. It’s more like having a personal tour guide through the encyclopedia of Everything You Didn’t Know.
First off, let’s chat about intellectual compatibility. It’s like finding someone who can keep up with you on your favorite trivia night or challenge you in a game of chess. [Read: 40 Core values in a relationship, why they matter, and secrets to align them]
It’s not just about being a know-it-all, it’s about how well your minds click together. This brainy bonding can be a big deal for relationship satisfaction.
Imagine having deep conversations that don’t just skim the surface but dive into the Marianas Trench of thoughts and ideas. It’s pretty cool, right?
Now, why do some of us find ourselves attracted to those who could probably win Jeopardy? [Read: Early stages of dating and 25 expectations and must-knows of a new romance]
Psychological theories suggest that we might be drawn to smarty pants because they’re intriguing, they challenge us, or maybe it’s just really hot to watch someone passionately explain quantum physics or the finer points of art history.
This attraction to intelligence can add a whole new layer of dynamics in a relationship.
But here’s the tricky part: dating someone smarter than you can sometimes poke at your self-esteem. It’s like being in a constant state of “Am I smart enough for this person?” [Read: High self-esteem – 33 low signs, what hurst self-worth, and secrets to pump it]
Or it can swing the other way, where the smarter partner might unintentionally play the role of the teacher rather than the lover. It’s important to remember that a relationship isn’t a classroom, and you’re not there to score an A+ in intelligence.
How Do You Know if Your Partner is Smarter Than You?
What makes a person smart? Is it their grade point average? Is it their ability to analyze problems and solve them efficiently? Or is it their vast knowledge of nerdy fandoms?
No one can judge a person’s intelligence through these things alone. You have to go through rigorous standardized tests and get checked by credible psychologists in order to validate the level of your IQ. [Read: Self-sabotaging a relationship – why we do it, 43 signs, and ways to break free]
Knowing a person well enough helps in determining whether they are smart or not as well. Growing up with a person can tell you a lot about their intelligence.
High grades, published papers, and practical application achievements can also show you the depth of a person’s intelligence. If they are confirmed to have a three-digit IQ in the genius range, then they are definitely smarter than most people.
If you and your partner are both on the same level intellectually, the comparison will be based solely on who knows more than the other. [Read: Stop feeling sorry for yourself – 35 steps to end self-pity and be your own hero]
Whether they got high grades in school or graduated Magna Cum Laude, a person is only as smart as you make them out to be.
Perks of Dating a Person Smarter Than You
The advantages outweigh the disadvantages in a situation like this, primarily because smarter people can help you become a better person intellectually. There are a lot of good things to consider when you’re dating someone smarter than you.
1. They Solve Problems Faster
It’s not just their intelligence that gives them an edge when it comes to problem solving. [Read: Decisions you should never let your partner make for you]
By taking the higher position in terms of intellect, your partner will assume the role of problem-solver in the relationship. Although it won’t work 100% of the time, you can rest assured that they are tackling challenges with a vast arsenal of knowledge behind them.
2. You Can Ask Them Anything and They Will Almost Always Have an Answer
It’s like having a human Google search bar at the breakfast table. Aside from knowing a lot of things, smart people tend to work harder to provide you with information.
When they feel that their intelligence is being challenged, they will go through their stores of backed up information in order to provide an answer to any random question. [Read: 78 Good questions to ask people and be a good conversationalist]
3. Having Them Around Makes You Want to be Smarter
It’s human nature when a person competes with the people around them. In a relationship, this is doubly so because a person will want to be on the same level as their partner.
Instead of resenting your partner for their intelligence, use the situation as a catalyst to strive to become better in your chosen field.
4. You Will Rarely Need a Calculator
Smart people have the multiplication table tattooed in their subconscious. Let’s admit that as adults in a tech age, we have forgotten how to solve simple problems without consulting our smartphones. [Read: What to do if your partner makes more money than you]
Smart people still know the square root of 144. If not, they will make more of an effort to find the answer just to prove that they do know it.
5. You Learn Something New Every Day
Smart people have an insatiable appetite for learning. Whether it’s about a newly discovered quark, a dip in the stock market or a weird inscription found in a bathroom downtown.
They love learning about new things and with that enthusiasm comes the joy of sharing it with someone they love. [Read: Powerful steps to break out of your comfort zone]
6. You Are Theoretically Safer in Their Presence
They can think of solutions to get you out of a locked room or solve a math problem that could prevent you from getting crushed in an earthquake.
They have the capacity to think quickly on their feet. This is one of the traits that can come in handy in any emergency.
7. Your Parents Will Love Your Partner
It’s easier to overlook tattoos and body piercings if your boyfriend/girlfriend can recite Shakespeare’s Sonnet 14 or quote Stephen Hawking and dissect his theories. [Read: Interfering parents – all the ways they can affect your love life]
8. At Least One of Your Kids Will Win a Nobel Prize
Although there are no studies that ultimately confirm the direct passing of intelligence through genes, evidence suggests that it can be nurtured through their environment. It’s okay to hope for the best, though!
9. Bragging Rights
‘Nuff said.
10. Endless Conversation Starters
Ever been on a date where the conversation dwindles to an awkward silence? [Read: How to never run out of things to say and banish the awkward silence]
Well, date someone smarter, and you’ll find that’s rarely a problem. They’ve got a brain teeming with topics ranging from the latest scientific discoveries to historical anecdotes.
Whether you’re queuing for coffee or stargazing, they’ll always have something fascinating to bring up. It’s like your personal talk show, minus the commercials!
11. Creative Date Ideas
When you’re dating someone smarter, get ready for some out-of-the-box date ideas. [Read: 35 Fun and creatively cheap date ideas that prove money can’t buy love!]
Forget your standard dinner and a movie. They’re more likely to suggest a night at a science museum or a day deciphering ancient scripts at a library.
These dates aren’t just unique, they’re adventures into new realms of knowledge and fun. You’ll never be bored, and your dating life will be as varied as the pages of an encyclopedia.
12. They Boost Your Critical Thinking
Hang around someone smarter, and you’ll find your critical thinking skills leveling up. [Read: 38 Secrets to stop overthinking, what it looks like, signs, and the fastest fixes]
They’ll challenge your viewpoints, push you to form well-rounded opinions, and help sharpen your mind. It’s like a mental gym where the brain gets its workout, making you a more thoughtful, informed person.
Science backs this up too—when we spend more time with people, we tend to adopt their thinking patterns and behaviors, a phenomenon known as social contagion. This means you’ll not only improve your critical thinking skills but also adopt some of their positive habits and perspectives.
13. Networking and Opportunities
Dating someone smarter often means they have a network of equally intelligent and resourceful individuals. This could open doors for you in ways you never imagined, from career opportunities to social gatherings.
You’ll get to meet fascinating people from various fields, expanding both your social circle and your understanding of different worlds. [Read: 33 Easy ways to meet new people and widen your social circle effortlessly]
14. Improved Problem-Solving Skills in Daily Life
Ever struggled with figuring out the best way to organize your living space or how to optimize your daily routine? A smarter partner can offer ingenious solutions to everyday problems.
Their ability to think critically and approach issues from unique angles can make life smoother and more efficient. It’s like having a live-in consultant for the daily puzzles of life.
15. A Different Perspective on the World
Dating someone smarter can profoundly change how you view the world. Their knowledge and insights can open your eyes to new ideas, cultures, and philosophies. [Read: Roles in a relationship – the psychology, 20 types, and 30 secrets to balance them]
It’s not just about accumulating information, it’s about gaining a deeper, more nuanced understanding of everything around you. Your world view expands, making life a richer and more interesting experience.
Pitfalls of Dating Someone Smarter Than You
It’s not technically the worst-case scenario but dating someone smarter can open up the floodgates of a dam filled with repressed insecurity.
If you have a low tolerance for annoying clever facts on a day-to-day basis, it won’t bode well for your relationship either. So, why is dating a person smarter than you not a good idea in some cases? [Read: How slow is too slow in a relationship? 46 signs, ways to deal, and must-knows]
1. They Can Be Exasperating
This is basically the most well-known complaint of people who are dating smarter people. Some smart people can be overconfident, stubborn, and self-righteous. If you know how to handle these types, go ahead and enjoy your daily dose of existential love quarrels.
2. They Can Be Pushy
They see the potential in everyone. If they think you can do better, they will almost always do everything in their power to “motivate” you. This can sometimes come off as suffocating and can also instill a fear of disappointing your partner.
3. They Can Get Lost in Their Own World
Intelligent people have a tendency to space out more times than the average person. [Read: 31 Communication exercises and games for couples and secrets to feel closer]
This can pose a problem in terms of communication. You may think that they’re ignoring you, but the truth is they are just thinking.
4. Your Priorities Can Clash
Although your careers are usually a separate subject, being smarter may mean that your partner has a more mentally challenging job.
It can stress them out and make them disregard your needs in the process. Try to understand that they feel they need to prove themselves more because they assume that it is expected of them. [Read: Love or career – how to choose and make sure you’re not left feeling bitter]
5. You Want to Prove Yourself to Them for the Wrong Reasons
It’s akin to the situation of dating a supermodel. Although they loved you for being the average Joe or Jane that you are, you still can’t help but think that you should have harder abs or a better haircut.
When dating a smart person, some people are determined to prove that they can be just as smart while forgetting who they are in the process.
6. You Can’t be Smarter Than They Are
As we’ve mentioned above, the intelligence of a person cannot be judged easily. In a normal everyday situation, the person who is right is labeled as the smart one. [Read: Making a relationship official – 33 signs it’s time and the best ways to do it right]
If your partner is used to knowing everything all the time, they can take your being right as a slight to their intelligence. There’s nothing worse than seeing a loved one’s face after you proved them wrong using Google.
Smart or not, your partner is someone that you have to live or spend time with on a day-to-day basis. You have to appreciate them for the good things and understand them and help them out through the bad.
Every relationship consists of two people who have their own talents, skills and attributes to add to the table. [Read: 38 Signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]
7. Intimidation Factor
Sometimes, just being around someone who’s a walking encyclopedia can feel intimidating. You might hesitate to share your opinions or ideas, fearing they’re not ‘smart’ enough.
It can lead to you feeling overshadowed in conversations, making you more of a silent partner rather than an equal one. It’s like being in a constant mental arm-wrestling match where you feel you’re always the underdog.
8. Complex Conversations
Ever find yourself in a conversation that’s so over your head, you might as well be listening to a foreign language? When dating someone smarter, this can happen often. [Read: 84 Intellectual, deep conversation starters and topics to bond with anyone]
They might dive into complex topics with enthusiasm, leaving you scrambling to keep up. This isn’t just about feeling lost; it can also make you feel disconnected from them, straining the relationship.
9. Feeling Undervalued
In a relationship where one person is significantly smarter, you might feel like your contributions are less valued.
Your achievements, though important to you, might seem trivial to them. It can lead to a nagging feeling of inadequacy, where you constantly question your worth in the relationship. [Read: Why givers feel unappreciated and under-valued in a relationship and how to fix it]
10. Lack of Common Interests
Sometimes, the intellectual gap can translate into a chasm in interests. They might be all about quantum mechanics while you’re more into reality TV.
This disparity can make it hard to find common activities you both enjoy, leading to a disconnect in how you spend your quality time together.
11. Over-Reliance on Their Opinion
There’s also a risk of becoming too dependent on your smarter partner’s opinions or decisions. This can be especially true in areas where you feel less confident. [Read: Emotional dependency and 20 signs you’re overly dependent on someone]
Over time, it can erode your ability to make decisions independently, affecting your sense of self and autonomy.
12. Difficulty in Emotional Connection
Intellectual prowess doesn’t always equate to emotional intelligence. If your partner is more comfortable in the realm of ideas than emotions, it can lead to a lack of emotional depth in your relationship.
More often than not, smart people are more logical than emotional, and there’s a tendency for them to trivialize things, even feelings.
You might find yourself longing for a deeper emotional connection that just isn’t in their wheelhouse, which can be challenging when you’re seeking more than just intellectual stimulation.[Read: Emotional connection – 38 signs, secrets, and ways to build a real bond]
13. Pressure to Keep Up
Dating someone smarter can sometimes feel like you’re running a race where you’re always a few paces behind. Imagine dating someone who just won an award, aced a major competition, and is also recognized as a great leader in their field.
It’s inspiring, but it can also be intimidating. Sometimes, you can’t help but look at yourself and compare, wondering if you measure up. This pressure can be overwhelming, making you feel like you need to constantly improve just to keep up with their accomplishments.
14. Social Dynamics
When in social settings, you might find your partner inadvertently dominating conversations with their knowledge. [Read: Dominant girlfriend – the pros and cons of dating a woman in control and how to handle it]
This can sometimes put you in the background, making you feel more like an accessory than a partner. It can also affect how you’re perceived by others in your social circle.
15. The Know-It-All Effect
Let’s face it, constantly being corrected or having facts ‘clarified’ can be grating. Even if they’re not trying to be condescending, their know-it-all attitude can be off-putting.
It’s not just about feeling corrected, it’s about wanting to be heard and respected for your own knowledge and experiences. [Read: Should a girl dumb herself down just to impress a guy?]
Tips When You’re Dating Someone Smarter Than You
So, you have a partner who has more brainpower than a supercomputer, huh? No sweat, here are some handy tips for making your relationship work when you’re dating someone smarter than you:
1. Embrace and Respect Differences
Remember, variety is the spice of life! Your partner’s intelligence is just one part of them, like your killer sense of humor or your ability to make the world’s best pancakes.
Celebrate the differences instead of seeing them as a barrier. That way, you turn what could be a point of contention into a source of diversity and excitement in your relationship. [Read: Relationship with a polar opposite – 26 truths and must-knows to make it work]
2. Foster Open and Honest Communication
It’s vital to keep the lines of communication wide open. If you’re feeling intimidated or overshadowed, talk about it.
It’s important that your partner understands your feelings. This creates a supportive environment where both of you can express your thoughts and feelings freely.
3. Recognize Each Partner’s Strengths and Weaknesses
Just because your partner is the Einstein in the relationship doesn’t mean you don’t bring your own unique strengths to the table. [Read: 25 Honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]
Maybe you’re the social butterfly who brings warmth to your partner’s life or the practical problem-solver who can handle life’s more tangible challenges. Acknowledge that each of you has different yet equally valuable strengths.
4. Maintain Self-Esteem and Individual Identity
Keep nurturing your self-esteem. Remember that your worth isn’t determined by how much you know or don’t know.
Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself and maintain your sense of individuality. Doing this helps in keeping the relationship balanced and healthy. [Read: How to date when you have low self-esteem and find true happiness]
5. Encourage Mutual Growth and Learning
Look at your relationship as a journey of mutual growth. Maybe you can teach them a thing or two about emotional intelligence or a subject you’re passionate about so that both of you can grow together and learn from each other’s strengths.
6. Avoid the Comparison Trap
It’s easy to fall into the trap of constantly comparing your intellect to your partner’s. Instead, focus on your journey together as a couple. Celebrate your partner’s successes without feeling like it’s a competition.
7. Keep a Sense of Humor
A good laugh goes a long way. Don’t take everything too seriously – being able to laugh at the quirks of your relationship can help keep things light and enjoyable. [Read: Good and bad types of humor and how they affect your relationship with others]
After all, laughter is a key ingredient in any successful relationship.
8. Find Common Interests
It’s important to find activities you both enjoy. This could be anything from hiking, cooking together, or binge-watching your favorite series. Shared interests keep the connection strong beyond intellectual conversations.
It doesn’t always have to be about deep, intellectual discussions. Sometimes, the simple, fun activities you both love can be the glue that holds your relationship together.
9. Being Supportive, Not Competitive
In a relationship where one person is noticeably smarter, it’s crucial to be supportive rather than competitive.
Cheer them on in their intellectual pursuits and show genuine interest in their passions. This creates a supportive and loving environment, rather than one of rivalry. [Read: Signs of a supportive partner who encourages you and your goals]
10. Setting Boundaries Around Intellectual Dominance
Lastly, it’s okay to set boundaries around intellectual dominance. If you feel like they’re unintentionally lecturing you, it’s alright to gently remind them that you’re their partner, not their student.
Each Person Brings Their Unique Qualities to the Table
The intelligence factor in a relationship is just one of many aspects that contribute to its success. It’s completely okay to feel a bit out of your depth when you’re dating someone smarter than you.
What’s important is recognizing that relationships thrive on mutual respect, understanding, and love, not just on intellectual compatibility. Each person brings their unique qualities to the table.
[Read: How your self-respect in a relationship affects you and your love life]
So smart or not, don’t feel threatened or overconfident by the highs and lows of dating someone smarter than you. Just because your partner has more IQ points than you do does not make you any less of a person, and more importantly, any less of a lover!
The post 30 Highs & Lows of Dating Someone Smarter Than You *Plus 10 Tips to Keep Up* is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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