Feel Guilty All the Time? Causes, Signs, and Ways to Stop That Nagging Feeling

If you’re someone who always takes the blame no matter the situation, you might want to learn how to stop feeling guilty all the time.

There’s a lot one can feel guilty about in life. And if you’re someone who seems to take the blame from others even when it’s not your fault, you suffer a great deal more than most of us. It can even ruin your life if you don’t know how to stop feeling guilty all the time.

But there is hope because there is a way to shut the incessant, nagging voice of guilt going off inside your head at all hours. It might take some time and a lot of mental effort, but in order to better your life, it’s worth it. [Read: 70 true secrets to happiness to have a happy life & enjoy everything you do]

The Psychology of Guilt

Guilt: it’s a feeling as familiar as the awkward smile we offer when someone waves in our direction, only to realize they are greeting someone behind us.

We’ve all felt it at some point, but there’s a fine line between occasional feelings of guilt and it becoming a constant background noise in your life.

Guilt is like an internal moral compass, often alerting us when we’ve strayed from our ethical path. Psychologists define guilt as a complex emotion that arises when we believe we have caused harm, or violated a moral standard. It’s our psyche’s way of saying, “Hey, maybe think twice before doing that again.” [Read: 45 secrets to control your emotions, the psychology & steps to master it]

Not all guilt is created equal. Healthy guilt can be a constructive force, guiding us to rectify mistakes and uphold social norms. Think of it as a gentle nudge toward empathy and moral alignment. However, when guilt starts to feel like an uninvited guest that never leaves, it becomes unhealthy.

This type of guilt lingers and often isn’t proportional to the situation. It’s the difference between feeling guilty for five minutes because you accidentally took someone’s pen and feeling guilty all the time for things beyond your control.

Guilt can be a social glue, fostering cooperation and altruism. Studies show that guilt-prone individuals tend to be more empathetic and are often seen as more trustworthy. However, when guilt is excessive, it can strain relationships. [Read: Relationship stress: How it feels, 38 signs & best ways to fix it as a couple]

Imagine constantly apologizing for every little thing or avoiding decisions for fear of causing harm. It’s like walking on a tightrope of eggshells – stressful and unsustainable.

Living under the dark cloud of perpetual guilt can be a recipe for mental health challenges. Research links excessive guilt to a variety of issues, such as anxiety, depression, and even obsessive-compulsive disorder *OCD*.

A study in the Journal of Abnormal Psychology revealed that chronic guilt can be associated with anxiety, depression, and even obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

Individuals who frequently experience overwhelming guilt are prone to negative self-reflection and a pessimistic outlook, which can spiral into more serious mental health issues. [Read: Why we need to break down the stigma of mental illness]

Common Causes of Persistent Guilt

Now, let’s talk about the whys. Unraveling the common causes of persistent guilt helps us understand why some people might find themselves trapped in a cycle of feeling guilty all the time.

1. Unrealistic Self-Expectations and Perfectionism

Setting the bar impossibly high for yourself is a one-way ticket to persistent guilt. Perfectionists often feel guilty for not meeting their own unrealistic standards.

This relentless pursuit of flawlessness can turn every small mistake into a major guilt trip, leaving little room for self-compassion or realistic self-assessment. [Read: Dating a perfectionist: Things you must know before you date one]

2. Past Mistakes or Perceived Failures

Dwelling on past mistakes can often feel like you’re stuck replaying a blooper reel in your mind. People commonly loop these errors, leading to a sticky guilt that lingers long after the events themselves have become distant memories.

Each replay not only magnifies the guilt but also sets up mental roadblocks, making it tough to move on and learn. Imagine being in a car, but instead of driving forward, you’re just idling and watching the same scenery.

3. Upbringing and Cultural Factors

Did your parents often emphasize what you ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ do, making you feel guilty for stepping out of line? This kind of upbringing, where guilt is a frequent guest, can deeply embed the habit of feeling guilty all the time. [Read: Narcissist parents: What makes one, 55 signs, effects & how to cope with them]

Cultural norms play a big part too. In some cultures, maintaining harmony and fulfilling family expectations is so crucial that not doing so triggers a strong guilt response.

4. Psychological Conditions *e.g., Anxiety, Depression, OCD*

Psychological conditions can amplify feelings of guilt. For instance, anxiety can make you overestimate the impact of your actions, while depression can lead to negative self-perception, both fertile grounds for guilt.

In OCD, guilt can be tied to intrusive thoughts, leading to repetitive behaviors aimed at alleviating these guilty feelings. [Read: Relationship OCD: What it is & the big signs of a partner with OCD]

5. Traumatic Events

Trauma can leave a lasting imprint, often accompanied by survivor’s guilt or guilt over actions taken *or not taken* during a traumatic event.

This type of guilt can be particularly persistent, as it’s tied to deeply emotional and sometimes life-altering experiences.

6. Over-Responsibility for Others

There’s a tendency in some individuals to shoulder more than their fair share when it comes to the happiness and well-being of those around them. They often feel it’s their duty to keep everyone else content, and when things go south, a wave of guilt washes over them. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries & guide others to respect them]

The key issue here is the mismatch between what they can realistically influence or control and the enormous responsibility they feel for others’ emotional states.

7. Social Comparisons and Envy

In a world fueled by social media highlights, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing your life with others.

Such comparisons can foster feelings of inadequacy and guilt, especially when you perceive yourself as less successful or fortunate than your peers. [Read: The toxic dangers of social media & signs and ways it makes you insecure]

8. Fear of Letting People Down

The dread of disappointing others can be a powerful source of guilt. This fear often stems from a desire to be liked and accepted, leading to over-commitment and guilt when you can’t fulfill every expectation or request from those around you.

9. Neglecting Personal Values

Neglecting personal values can often lead to a nagging sense of guilt, like an internal alarm that goes off when your actions don’t align with your deeply held beliefs.

Imagine constantly acting against your own script – it creates an inner conflict that’s hard to ignore. This disconnect, like wearing a costume that doesn’t quite fit, can trigger persistent feelings of guilt.

It’s especially pronounced when you find yourself repeatedly compromising on issues or principles that are important to you.

10. Lack of Self-Care

Ironically, neglecting self-care can lead to feelings of guilt. When you don’t take adequate care of your mental and physical well-being, it can lead to a cycle of guilt about not being at your best, further exacerbating the neglect of self-care. [Read: How to take care of yourself emotionally and avoid falling apart]

The Key Signs of Guilt to Watch Out For

You might not even realize that what you’re feeling is guilt. It might just be a sense of something that you can’t put your finger on. In that case, let’s look at some key signs you might feel guilty all the time. Next, work out what to do about them.

1. You’re a People Pleaser

There is nothing wrong with helping others, but if you’re always looking for approval from other people, it’s time to ask yourself why.

This is a self-esteem issue and requiring validation from others basically means that you don’t trust yourself or value your own opinion. Get to work on building yourself up, loving yourself, and understanding that the only approval you need in life is your own. [Read: People pleaser: 21 signs you’re one & how to stop people pleasing]

2. You Agree With Others a Lot

Even if deep down you don’t agree with what someone is saying, you agree to their face. Disagreeing with other people is perfectly acceptable.

It means that you have your own opinions and it’s a sign of strength. There is nothing to feel guilty about here.

It loops back to the first point I made about wanting to please people. When you agree with someone, you’re looking to be part of their inner circle in many ways – just be part of your own. [Read: 41 signs & steps to stop caring what people think & start living your life]

3. Your Needs Always Come Second

Your needs are just as important as everyone else’s. There is a false narrative that in order to care about or love someone, their needs must always come before your own, but that’s a recipe for unhappiness.

Your own needs need to be met, while you shouldn’t be selfish and look after only yourself all the time, you should certainly make your own a priority too. [Read: How to take care of yourself emotionally and avoid falling apart]

4. You Would Rather Hurt Yourself Than Someone Else

In many ways, this isn’t a negative trait because it means that you’re not willing to hurt other people willingly, but sometimes in life it’s unavoidable.

Of course, you shouldn’t go around doing things which you know are going to bring pain to other people, but you also should accept that sometimes we hurt others without meaning to.

It’s likely that you will feel guilty all the time if you have to do this because that’s one of your traits, but it does’t mean you have to torture yourself. Right your wrongs, if there are any, and let it go.

5. You Feel Guilty For Having Your Own Needs

We need things from people, such as care, attention, and love. If you’re with someone who isn’t giving you these things, you’re likely to struggle asking for what you need.

6. Over-Apologizing for Minor Issues

If you find yourself repeatedly saying sorry for things that don’t typically warrant an apology, this could be a sign of guilt.

This behavior often stems from a fear of offending others or a deep-seated belief that you’re always in the wrong. It’s like carrying an umbrella even on sunny days, just in case you accidentally splash someone with a puddle. [Read: 28 heartfelt ways to say you’re sorry & apologize to someone you love]

7. Reluctance to Set Boundaries

Often, the inability to set healthy boundaries is deeply intertwined with feelings of guilt. If saying no or prioritizing your own needs makes you feel guilty, you may find yourself constantly overextending.

When you regularly put others’ needs ahead of your own, it can lead to a cycle of stress and exhaustion.

8. Chronic Self-Doubt

Chronic self-doubt is a common side effect of persistent guilt. If you’re always questioning your decisions or doubting your worth, guilt could be undermining your self-confidence.

These feelings can prevent you from recognizing and celebrating your achievements, creating a cycle of negative self-assessment.

9. Feeling Responsible for Others’ Happiness

Feeling overly responsible for the emotional well-being of others is a significant indicator of guilt. When you find yourself constantly trying to lift others’ spirits or solve their problems, it can be emotionally draining.

Remember, while it’s natural to care for others, understanding that everyone’s happiness is not solely in your hands is crucial for your own mental health. You’re not trying to be a superhero, are you? [Read: Hero complex: What it is, 39 signs & the psychology of “save the day” syndrome]

10. Difficulty Enjoying Personal Achievements

If you’re the type to brush off compliments, chalk up your successes to luck, or shrug away accolades, guilt might be pulling the strings behind the scenes.

It’s like you’re the star player in a game, but you keep passing the ball, never taking credit for the goals you score. This habit of undervaluing your own efforts and attributing success to external factors is often rooted in guilt.

How to Stop Feeling Guilty So You Can Finally Enjoy Life Again

Everyone deserves a great life. If you’ve been struggling with excessive guilt and can’t seem to get rid of it, we can help. These are our best tips for dealing with taking too much of everyone else’s burdens.

1. Let Go of Some Control

When you take control over everything, you’ll naturally hold onto more guilt when things don’t go your way. In order to get past this, you have to give up some of that control. Realize that you can’t make everything happen the way you want.

But that’s okay. Nobody can control every single outcome. It’s normal to want things to go a certain way and then feel guilty or awful when they don’t. If you realize that it’s not under your complete control, you’ll start to feel less guilty. [Read: 15 questions to reveal a controlling personality instantly]

2. Stop Blaming Yourself

When something goes wrong, you probably start berating yourself in your mind. Those who feel guilty do this often. No matter the situation, you find a way for it to somehow be your fault.

You have to stop that. More likely than not, it wasn’t your fault at all but rather, a combination of events you have little to no control over. Remember this and stop putting the blame solely on yourself.

3. Look at the Facts

Instead of getting in your head about this, just sit down and look at the facts. Step away from the situation and assess it as an outsider. What happened exactly to make things go wrong?

When you do this, you’re able to see things for what they are. Those of us who feel guilty often only look at stuff that directly affects us. We’re blind to the facts and those are what we need to find peace with ourselves. [Read: 55 secrets & self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]

4. Talk to Someone

Holding everything inside is a terrible idea. If you’re truly feeling guilty about something – specifically something that affected someone close to you – just talk to them.

You’d be surprised how much of your guilt is solely in your own mind. So open up and talk to them. They can help you realize where your thinking is off and how you can get back on track to stop feeling so guilty.

5. Remember That You’re Not Responsible for Others

If you want to know how to stop feeling guilty, remember that your decisions are your own and someone else’s decisions are theirs. People who often feel guilty take on the responsibility of others when it’s not theirs at all. If you do this, just try to stop.

Repeat this to yourself and it’ll help a lot. Everyone makes their own choices and if something goes wrong, you’re not the one who should take the blame, especially if you were barely involved at all. It’s okay to feel bad for someone, just don’t feel guilty. [Read: 18 ways to free yourself and find more spontaneity in life]

6. Look at it From Another Perspective

Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Would you still blame you if the roles were reversed? If not, then you shouldn’t feel guilty about what happened. You can’t blame yourself for something you wouldn’t blame someone else for.

So whenever you feel yourself feeling particularly guilty, simply look at it from a new perspective. Ask yourself how you would feel if the roles were reversed and this will help tremendously.

7. Look Deeper at the Situation

You might not truly be feeling guilty at all. Guilt is a very broad emotion if you think about it. Instead, you could feel resentment, dread, anxiety, or anything else other than guilt but you’re just defaulting to that as a means to keep yourself together.

Digest the situation in full. You’re allowed to feel more than one thing at once. You could feel guilty and upset with someone. You could have anxiety in addition to the guilt. Overall, looking deeper at what happened can help you learn more about yourself and this can help with the guilt. [Read: How to find your meaning when you feel like life is meaningless]

8. Ask Yourself What You Can Do About the Situation

If you’re trying to figure how to stop feeling guilty, just stop and think about what action you can take instead of worrying about how guilty you feel. Those who tend to feel guilty super easily usually don’t take much action at all.

Stop yourself and ask, “What can I do right now?” If you come up with an answer that works for you and will aid the situation, then do it. If you can’t do anything and you’re still feeling guilty, talk to someone.

9. Focus on Your Own Needs

You can’t only care about everyone else. You matter too and your feelings are valid. Those of us who feel way too guilty all the time tend to be very empathetic. We take on the emotions of others.

Obviously, that isn’t a good thing when it comes to your own feelings. You have to remember to take care of yourself first. That’s not selfish, that’s necessary. You can’t feel bad and guilty for everyone all the time. [Read: Stand up for yourself: Why it’s hard & steps to get what you want & deserve]

10. Remember That It’s Okay to Feel Guilty Sometimes

It’s normal and it’s okay. You can allow yourself to feel upset and guilty for a little while. The problem is when guilt is taking over your life for no good reason.

We all go through periods of time when we take on the guilt of others. That’s fine if you don’t allow it to get too excessive. Relax and work through the guilt so you can start living for yourself.

[Read: Should you feel guilty about cheating?]

Guilt Shouldn’t Be a Persistent Shadow Over Your Life

Living in a constant state of guilt is not only exhausting but also detrimental to your mental and emotional well-being. It’s important to recognize that while feeling guilty is a normal and natural emotion at times, it shouldn’t be a persistent shadow over your life.

[Read: 70 true secrets to happiness to have a happy life & enjoy everything you do]

If you find yourself feeling guilty all the time, it’s crucial to take steps towards addressing this. These tips and insights are designed to guide you on the journey to a healthier, guilt-free life. Remember, overcoming chronic guilt is not just about suppression but about understanding, accepting, and redirecting this emotion in constructive ways.

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