Using Humor with Women in a Romantic Relationship

Humor plays a key role in healthy romantic relationships. Not everyone uses it well, though; some barely use it at all. Here’s how to use it to buoy up & solidify your relationships.

We’re a few days away from the launch of my novel tease-the-girl method, Lush Teases™ (you can find the latest Lush Teases™ video here). In keeping with this week’s theme (‘tease weak’), I’ll be discussing the use of humor with women – in your romantic relationships.

While much of what I’ve been marketing Lush Teases™ for is the dating/seduction aspect of humor, the fact is humor plays an outsize role in your ongoing romantic relationships, too.

In the Lush Teases™ sales presentation (which will be live in a few more days), I quote a number of studies on the effects of humor. Some of these are on humor’s impact on your relationships – and the effects are LARGE:

• 92% of couples say humor makes “significant contributions” to their romances (source)

• 75% of couples laugh together once per day

• Partners’ humor use is strongly tied to relationship quality & satisfaction

• Constructive humor in particular dramatically raises long-term relationship satisfaction (source)

• Women rate their partners’ sense of humor as one of the four most IMPORTANT factors to them staying in the relationship (source)

Humor is important enough for relationship health that women strongly look for it when selecting long-term partners. It plays such a role in relationship success that men’s poor use of humor in their relationships is actually predictive of divorce.

In other words, humor is vital – if you want a good relationship that is.

In this article, we’ll look at HOW you should be using humor in your relationships, and in WHAT ways you can use it.

[WATCH] Teases MUST Be Sensual

A good seductive tease is a sensual one. Why? What’s so important about SENSUALITY? Well, without it, you very quickly end up in the “jester zone”, for one.

We’re closing in on the launch of Lush Teases™ -- just four days away.

I hope you’re ready.

Today I have a video for you on one crucial element of teasing (and the FIRST of the four elements of the Lush Teases™ Method I’ll be revealing to you):

Your teases MUST BE sensual!

Anal Orgasm: How It Works, Feels & 34 Must-Knows to Help You Experience It

Some people claim they can achieve anal orgasm. Are they being serious or is something else happening? Find out all the dirty answers here.

The biggest question most people have about anal sex is whether or not you can actually orgasm from it. While there is plenty of information on the web about anal sex, the answer to this highly sought-after question about anal orgasm seems to go unanswered on most sites.

Anal sex is becoming more and more popular in today’s society for a number of reasons. Firstly, it used to be considered extremely taboo. Only “slutty” people ever did it, and nobody wanted to be associated with that sexual act. Now, it seems to be becoming much more accepted and less frowned upon. [Read: 24 benefits of anal ex (and risks) that’ll make your bum wanna bend over]

Orgasming Through Anal Sex

You’ve probably heard different stories about anal orgasms—some swear by them, others are pretty skeptical. Let’s clear the air and talk about what’s actually going on, shall we?

When it comes to the big ‘O’ via anal play, it’s all about understanding the basics of our body’s anatomy and how it’s wired to experience pleasure. So, here’s a down-to-earth run-through.

First off, let’s chat about what’s happening under the hood. For everyone, regardless of gender, the anal area is loaded with nerve endings. Think of it as a hotspot that, when stimulated, can really amplify sexual pleasure.

For those with a prostate, this gland is like a hidden gem for orgasmic pleasure during anal sex. Stimulation of the prostate can lead to intense sensations and orgasms. It’s not the kind of thing you typically learn about in health class, but it’s definitely a game-changer for many.

But what about individuals without a prostate? Well, anal stimulation still has its perks. The network of nerves in and around the anal area can contribute to overall sexual arousal and even lead to an orgasm. This is because the pelvic floor muscles, which play a key role in orgasms, get in on the action during anal stimulation.

Here’s the neat part about our bodies: the neurological pathways involved in anal orgasms are quite intricate. They’re all part of this vast network that gets our brain to register pleasure. It’s like hitting a bunch of pleasure buttons at once, which can lead to a pretty unique orgasmic experience. [Read: Why do orgasms feel so good? 21 whys & ways to make it way better]

Reasons It IS Possible to Have an Anal Orgasm

There are plenty of people out there who practice anal sex regularly and enjoy it a ton. Those people will tell you that they can, without a doubt, have an anal orgasm. Here is why they find it not only possible but easy.

1. They Think They Can

Mind over matter! That’s not just something people use as a means to motivate themselves to study when they want to sleep. It’s true.

If you tell yourself that you can do something and that it will happen, it’s actually more likely that it will. Many people who are able to have an anal orgasm do so because they believe they can. [Read: The art of edging: Sizzling ways to control your orgasms]

2. There Are Other Factors Included

The majority of people who have anal sex also use toys—anal beads, vibrators, the whole lot. This not only mixes things up and makes it fun, but it also adds extra stimulation that’s needed to get to the finish line. [Read: Must-have couple’s sex toys for naughty first timers]

3. In the Right Position, the G-spot Can Be Reached Through the Anus

The wall that separates the vagina from the anus isn’t all that thick. In fact, if you’re in the right position *which is different for everyone*, you can actually hit the G-spot through that wall, allowing some women to reach orgasm that way.

Men also have a “G-spot,” so to say. It’s actually called their prostate gland and it’s located inside the anus. Men have reported having mind blowing orgasms from this spot being pleasured from anal penetration. [Read: Does anal sex have to be painful? The ass lover’s guide]

4. The Idea of it Turns People on Enough to Have an Orgasm

Some people have erotic fantasies about anal sex that turn them on so much that it really doesn’t take much more for them to reach completion after they’ve begun anal sex.

There’s something about the primal aspect of this sexual act that has a lot of people feeling extremely turned on when they get to actually experience it.

5. They Have Practiced It

Most people are not going to orgasm their first time having anal sex. It takes a while to get used to the idea, the feeling, and even figuring out what position works best for it. But people who can have an anal orgasm have practiced and perfected it enough for themselves to make it happen. [Read: The bottom of it: Misconceptions about anal sex]

6. Nerve-Ending Party

As we said, the anal region is like a hotspot for nerve endings. It’s packed with sensitive spots that, when stimulated, can lead to intense pleasure and yes, orgasms. This isn’t just about hitting the right spot; it’s about the overall sensory experience.

The stimulation of these nerve endings during anal sex can be pretty powerful, sending pleasure signals all over your body. Think of it as tapping into a pleasure network that you might not have explored much before. For many, this alone is a journey to an anal orgasm.

7. Psychological Arousal

There’s this mental aspect to sexual pleasure that we can’t ignore. Sometimes, the mere thought of engaging in something perceived as taboo or adventurous can heighten arousal significantly.

This psychological arousal plays a big role in achieving an anal orgasm. When your brain is all revved up and intrigued by the idea of anal sex, it’s like setting the stage for a heightened orgasmic experience. It’s not just your body that’s getting turned on. Your mind is totally in on the action too.

8. Relaxation and Comfort

Comfort and relaxation can be big factors in achieving an anal orgasm. When you’re relaxed and comfortable, your body is more receptive to pleasure. [Read: Secrets to relax during sex, free your mind & enjoy a blissful orgasm]

If your mind and body are in a state of relaxation, the likelihood of experiencing an orgasm increases. This is particularly true with anal play, where being tense can really detract from the experience. So, chill out and let your body do its thing!

9. Pelvic Muscle Strength

Strong pelvic muscles can contribute significantly to achieving an anal orgasm. Regularly engaging in exercises like Kegels strengthens these muscles, making orgasms more intense and easier to reach. It’s not just about endurance, it’s about control and the ability to enhance your sexual experience through muscle strength. [Read: Real pussy power: How to strengthen your vaginal muscles]

Think of it as training for the big event. Stronger pelvic muscles mean you’re more tuned in to sensations and can navigate towards what feels best, including during anal sex.

Reasons It Is NOT Possible to Have an Anal Orgasm

Other people will tell you that there’s no way they could ever have an anal orgasm. Although they’ve tried, it could never happen for them. These are the reasons why some people just can’t reach completion through anal sex.

1. They Don’t Like it

It’s plain and simple, no reason to sugarcoat it. Some people just dislike it completely. If it’s not the idea that turns them off, it’s the feeling of it. It’s not for everyone, and those who dislike it aren’t going to orgasm… obviously.

If it hurts or if someone just doesn’t enjoy the sensation of it *since it is a lot different than vaginal sex*, they’re not going to have fun or find pleasure in it. And no pleasure = no orgasm.

2. They Don’t Do it Correctly

Having anal sex is a LOT different than vaginal sex. You can’t just slip in and let the fun begin. There’s prep work, it’s a slower process, and there’s a lot of trust that has to happen between two people in order to fully let go. Those who don’t experience an orgasm are missing something or doing it incorrectly. [Read: Risks and dangers of anal sex: What to watch out for]

3. They Feel Like a “Slut”

In order to have an orgasm *in any capacity*, you have to feel good about yourself and you have to feel sexy. Those who don’t orgasm from anal sex usually feel “slutty” or ashamed of what they’re doing. In today’s society, it’s hard to push past those taboo acts.

When you’re not in a positive mindset going into any kind of sexual act, you’re not going to feel as much pleasure as you might if you were happy and excited about it. So those who feel like they’re doing something wrong aren’t going to be able to have an orgasm. [Read: Reasons why women don’t admit to watching porn]

4. They Aren’t Trying the Right Positions

Anal sex is a lot about trial and error. You have to figure out what works best for your body before you’re able to finish. Those who give up on the idea of having an anal orgasm usually don’t do enough experimenting to help themselves get there.

Certain positions are much better for anal sex than others, but it also completely depends on the individual and their body. Trying out a different position can make things much better, or even worse. [Read: Spicy sex positions to heat up your bedroom romps]

5. Lack of Relaxation

Relaxation is super important for any kind of sexual pleasure, especially when it comes to anal play. If someone is tense or anxious, their body isn’t going to be in the right state to enjoy the experience, let alone have an orgasm. This tension can be both physical and mental.

Physically, the muscles around the anus could be tight, making penetration uncomfortable or even painful. Mentally, if you’re stressed or anxious, it can be hard to focus on the pleasure, which is key to reaching an anal orgasm.

6. Insufficient Lubrication

This one’s pretty straightforward but super important. The anus doesn’t naturally lubricate like the vagina does, so without enough lube, anal sex can be uncomfortable or even painful. This can definitely get in the way of reaching an orgasm.

Plus, the friction caused by insufficient lubrication can lead to micro-tears in the skin, which isn’t just painful but also increases the risk of STIs. So, the absence of adequate lubrication can be a big roadblock to achieving an anal orgasm.

7. Lack of Knowledge or Experience

If someone isn’t well-informed about how to engage in anal play safely and pleasurably, they might not have a great experience. It could be due to not knowing how to prepare for anal sex, not understanding the importance of taking it slow, or not knowing how to communicate with a partner during the act.

Lack of experience or knowledge can lead to discomfort or a less-than-satisfactory experience, making an anal orgasm seem out of reach. [Read: Easy ways for guys to hide their sexual inexperience]

8. Personal Discomfort with the Act

Some people might have personal or cultural beliefs that lead to discomfort with the idea of anal sex. This discomfort can create a mental block that inhibits the ability to relax and enjoy the experience.

If you’re mentally uncomfortable with what you’re doing, your body is likely to follow suit. This mental block can be deeply ingrained and might stem from societal stigma or personal beliefs about sexuality and sexual practices.

9. Underlying Medical Issues

Certain medical conditions can make anal sex painful or uncomfortable, which can obviously get in the way of experiencing an orgasm. Conditions like hemorrhoids, anal fissures, or other gastrointestinal issues can make anal play a no-go zone.

If it hurts, your body’s natural response is to tense up, which is the opposite of what you need for an orgasm. Plus, focusing on pain or discomfort can totally take your mind off the pleasure aspect, making an orgasm unlikely.

10. They Don’t Think It’s Possible

The mind has a funny way of playing tricks on the body. If you truly don’t think you can have an orgasm through anal sex, then you just won’t. You can’t do something when your mind is telling you that you’re unable to. [Read: Surprising benefits of anal sex you had no idea about]

Tips for Achieving Anal Orgasms

If this is something you and your partner are curious about, it’s great to go in with some know-how to make the experience as enjoyable as possible. So, here’s a list of tips for you:

1. Importance of Communication and Consent

This is the golden rule. Before diving into anything, it’s crucial to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Discuss your desires, boundaries, and any concerns. Good communication can make the experience way more enjoyable and safe for both of you. No room for surprises here!

2. Finding the Right Stimulation Technique

Not all techniques work the same for everyone. It might take some experimentation to find what feels best. This could mean trying different types of touch, varying pressure, or mixing things up with rhythms.

Be patient and attentive to your body’s responses. And hey, if something isn’t working, don’t be afraid to switch it up! [Read: The most arousing erogenous zones for women all men should know]

3. Use of Lubricants and Toys

Lube is your best friend in anal play. Since the anus doesn’t naturally lubricate, a good, high-quality lube can make things more comfortable and enjoyable.

Toys designed for anal play can also enhance the experience. Just be sure to use toys with a flared base for safety. Experimenting with different types and amounts of lube, as well as various toys, can lead to new and exciting sensations.

4. Exploring Different Positions

Different positions can offer various levels of comfort and pleasure. Some might allow for deeper penetration, while others might feel more relaxed.

It’s worth trying a few to see what works best for you and your partner. Remember, the right position can make a huge difference in achieving an anal orgasm.

5. Taking It Slow

Rushing into anal play can be a recipe for discomfort. It’s important to take your time, especially during the initial stages of penetration. This allows the body to relax and adjust.

Think of it as a gradual journey rather than a race to the finish line. Taking it slow not only enhances comfort but also builds up the pleasure. [Read: Slow sex: Steamy reasons it’s so sexy & tips to experience it yourself]

6. Breathing and Relaxation Techniques

Just like in yoga or meditation, focusing on your breath can help you relax. Deep, steady breathing can reduce tension in your body, making anal play more pleasurable.

When you’re relaxed, your body is more likely to respond positively to stimulation. Plus, being in a relaxed state can enhance your overall experience and make an anal orgasm more achievable.

7. Regular Practice and Patience

Like most things, getting better at anal play and increasing the chances of an orgasm can take practice. Be patient with yourself and your partner. If it doesn’t happen right away, that’s totally okay. Regular, gentle exploration can make your body more accustomed to the sensations, leading to more pleasure over time.

8. Mindfulness and Presence

Being mentally present during anal play can significantly enhance the experience. Focus on the sensations, let go of other thoughts, and be in the moment.

This can intensify the pleasure and make achieving an anal orgasm more likely. Plus, being mentally engaged can deepen your connection with your partner.

9. Exploring Prostate Stimulation *If Applicable*

For those with a prostate, stimulating this gland can be key to achieving intense orgasms. The prostate can be accessed through the anus and is often referred to as the ‘male G-spot.’ Exploring prostate stimulation requires patience and practice but can be incredibly rewarding. [Read: Hot male erogenous zones & places to touch a guy most girls don’t know]

10. Listening to Your Body

Last but not least, always listen to your body. If something hurts, stop. If something feels good, keep going or explore it further.

Your body’s signals are your best guide to what works and what doesn’t. Pleasure should be the main goal, not just the orgasm itself.

Myths and Misconceptions

It’s also important that we talk about the myths and misconceptions surrounding anal orgasms. You might be surprised at some of the things people believe, so let’s set the record straight with some facts. Here are five common myths, each explained in detail:

1. Myth: Only Certain Genders Can Experience Anal Orgasms

This is a big one. Some folks think that only people with a prostate can experience anal orgasms, but that’s not the case. The truth is, anyone can experience an anal orgasm, regardless of gender. The anus is packed with nerve endings, making it a sensitive area for everyone.

While prostate stimulation is a pathway to anal orgasms for some, the combination of physical and psychological stimulation can lead to an anal orgasm for others, regardless of anatomy.

2. Myth: Anal Orgasms Are Only for Gay Men

This couldn’t be further from the truth. Anal pleasure and orgasms are not confined to any single sexual orientation. It’s about the physical sensation, not whom you’re attracted to.

People of all sexual orientations can and do enjoy anal stimulation and orgasms. Sexual pleasure is a human experience and isn’t exclusive to any particular group. [Read: List of sexualities: Gender orientations you need to know about]

3. Myth: If You Enjoy Anal Play, It Means Something About Your Sexual Orientation

Enjoying anal play or orgasms has absolutely nothing to do with your sexual orientation. It’s all about what feels good for your body.

What you enjoy in your sexual life is a personal preference and is not indicative of whom you’re attracted to. It’s important to separate the physical aspect of sexual pleasure from sexual identity.

4. Myth: Anal Sex Always Leads to Orgasms

Just like with any other type of sexual activity, anal sex doesn’t guarantee an orgasm. Every individual’s body responds differently to various forms of stimulation.

For some, anal play can be incredibly pleasurable and lead to orgasms, while for others, it might not be their thing, and that’s okay. The key is to find what works for you and your partner through communication, experimentation, and understanding.

5. Myth: Anal Orgasms Are Dangerous or Unhealthy

This myth stems from a lack of understanding. Anal orgasms, when pursued in a safe, consensual, and informed manner, are not harmful.

The keys are to use plenty of lubricant, go slowly, communicate with your partner, and practice good hygiene. As long as these guidelines are followed, there’s no inherent danger in pursuing anal orgasms. [Read: How to have anal sex & 51 bum must-knows to prepare for your first time]

It May Not be For Everyone

Like many aspects of human sexuality, experiences with anal orgasm vary widely from person to person. What works for one might not work for another, and that’s perfectly okay. Understanding your own body and what brings you pleasure can be enlightening, filled with discoveries, and sometimes, surprises.

[Read: 41 self-pleasure secrets to give yourself an orgasm & have sex with yourself]

The short, simplified answer to the question of whether or not it’s possible to have an anal orgasm is yes, it is possible. Many different factors will need to go into the equation in order to make it happen, but you can do it if you want to. Just remember that being with a caring, trusted partner can oftentimes make all the difference.

The post Anal Orgasm: How It Works, Feels & 34 Must-Knows to Help You Experience It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

34 Psychological Secrets to Get a Guy to Forget His Ex & Mistakes to Avoid!

Feel like your relationship is haunted by the ghosts of past girlfriends? Here’s how to get a guy to forget his ex.

He’s a great guy, and you really like him. The only problem is he has MAJOR commitment and trust issues. All his previous relationships have ended tragically, and the last one seems to have ruined it for him. For you two to progress any further, you need to know how to get a guy to forget his ex.

Maybe she was his first love, but they broke up because they grew up and wanted different things. Maybe she was the woman of his dreams who made their relationship a nightmare by cheating on him. Or perhaps she was simply a great person, and the fact that things didn’t work out took its toll on him.

Whatever happened with his relationship before yours seems to have caused him to be very closed off and afraid of taking your relationship a step further, and it’s breaking your heart because you believe there’s something really special about this guy.

Now this situation can go one of two ways: You either give up and bid him good riddance, or see if you can help him get over his past for good, so he can focus on dating you instead. [Read: Warning signs your boyfriend is not over his ex and still attached to her]

The Psychology of Moving On

Moving on from an ex isn’t just about “getting over it.” A whole lot is going on in our heads and hearts that makes it difficult. Attachment theory plays a big role in this. If you don’t know, attachment theory states that we have different ways of forming relationships with people based on the relationships we had with our parents when we were children.

When the relationship ends, peeling off that attachment glue isn’t easy or pain-free. Your brain and heart got used to being around this person, and now they have to relearn how to be okay without them. It doesn’t matter whether that attachment was healthy, like a secure attachment, or toxic, like an avoidant attachment, it still stings. [Read: Avoidant attachment style: The types, 32 symptoms & how to love one]

And then there’s the whole grief thing. Breaking up can feel like losing a part of yourself because, in a way, you did. You lose the future you imagined with them, the daily texts, the inside jokes—all of it. That loss is a lot to process.

But here’s the cool part: our brains are pretty amazing at adapting. Over time, our thoughts and feelings can shift. We start forming new habits, new routines, and seeing life through a fresh lens. It’s not overnight magic, though. It takes time and effort to get your brain to start thinking differently.

So, when you want to help a guy forget his ex, remember that it’s a journey. It’s about giving him the space and understanding he needs to rewire his heart and mind. Give him time and eventually his thoughts and feelings will become an ex-free zone. [Read: 49 proven secrets to stop thinking about your ex and forget them for good]

How to Help a Guy Get Over His Ex

The psychology of breakups can make this process difficult, but if you’ve met a guy who is worth the effort, you can help him forget his ex. Following the tips below can help you to become the number one girl in his mind:

1. Give It Time

Anything worth having is worth waiting for. If you really care about a guy who just broke up with a girl, allow him time to mourn and be sad about it. A broken heart, as you may also have experienced yourself, will take time to heal. For some, it may take a very long time.

2. Be a Friend and Offer Support

First of all, be a good friend to him. Understand that it’s normal to feel down and lonely after a breakup. If you rush head-on into a relationship, it might just backfire on you because of all the issues from his past relationship he has yet to resolve. [Read: How to be a good friend – 49 traits and friend codes that define a real pal]

For now, it’s best to show him you care enough to listen to him and offer your support. This will make him feel valued and see you as the one who was there for him at his lowest. Even if things don’t work out how you want them to right now because he’s not ready, you’ve already got your foot in the door by being a steady rock in his life.

3. Now, The Tricky Part: Avoiding the Friend Zone

Once you start spending time with him, you know you have his attention. But is it the kind of attention you want?

This is the tricky part: be careful not to be “one of the guys” or you might just be that—his friend. Make an effort to look good, be sexy, exude confidence, and make every other guy notice you.

Make him see you as a potential partner by hanging out like friends while hinting that you’re subtly trying to attract him. [Read: 25 signs and reasons you’re treated like one of the guys and ways to fix it ASAP]

4. Get to know Each Other

Although you can’t force a relationship on him while he’s grieving his last one, this time is ideal for you two to get to know each other without any pressure.

Go out and do the things you like doing together, and enjoy each other’s company. Make it fun and light, and give him a breath of fresh air from all the drama that he’s had to deal with.

As mentioned earlier, it’s crucial for you to make him see you as more than a friend, but don’t try to come on too strong, or you’ll scare him away! [Read: 31 classy, cool ways to make a guy go crazy over you and crave for you]

5. Be Careful of Triggers

Triggers can come in many ways: the scent of perfume, a movie, a dress, or even a restaurant. These triggers are reminders of his ex and the times they spent with each other, which may open up the wounds you’re trying to heal with him.

Even if he may be good at hiding it, if he is still raw from the breakup, he will have a hard time moving on if he sees his ex at every turn.

If he mentioned that his ex used to love shopping at Forever 21, avoid passing by this store. If you know his ex’s favorite food is sushi, skip the sushi bar dinners.

Encourage him to try new things and go to places that you know he has never been before with his ex. From here, you can start erasing his memories with his ex and replace them with new ones with you. [Read: 22 flirty secrets to impress a guy and leave him totally obsessed with you]

6. Let Him Experience His Newfound Freedom

If he was in his last relationship for a very long time, he may want to experience an independent, single life that he wasn’t able to while he was with his ex.

This could include nights out with the boys, traveling alone to distant locations, or even spending a whole week at home with his gaming console. Let him be. Be chill and supportive enough to understand that he needs a break and plenty of other diversions.

The last thing he needs right now is someone tying him down again after his last relationship didn’t work out. Letting him enjoy things he never got to do while in his previous relationship is a healthy way for him to move on.

As you know, enjoying the single life for a bit will always be healthier than jumping from one relationship to the next. [Read: 28 big myths and huge benefits of being single girls must know and remember]

7. Engage in Physical Activities Together

Whether you work out or have sex, the important thing is he gets his body working so his mind doesn’t dwell on the past. Physical activities can serve as an outlet for his frustration, allowing him to let go of all those pent-up feelings.

Although the former option is better and less complicated, you can also consider hooking up with him and giving him a dose of mind-blowing sex that may just be what he needs to forget about his ex. [Read: How to kiss a friend and the subtle ways to get them to want to do it]

If not, you can always encourage him to stop moping around in his house and hit the gym together. And don’t forget to give him a good view of your best assets! [Read: How to attract men – 26 must-knows and irresistible secrets no one talks about]

8. Boost His Self-esteem

His last relationship may have left him with a damaged ego. He may feel worthless, and he may think that he is never going to have someone as great as his ex. Build him up by complimenting him. [Read: 44 signs of low self-esteem in a man, causes, and how it feels dating him]

Start with little things like his outfits or his haircut, then move on to complimenting how well he manages his time or how great he is with pets.

Make him see himself in a better light by giving him support and attention, and express your appreciation for the little things he does for you. Give him your full attention to show him that someone as awesome as you can see him in a positive light.

9. Let Him Het Closure

With most breakups, a person cannot get over their ex because there is no closure. If this is the case with the guy you’re going out with, it may be a good idea to help him get that closure.

If he wants to meet his ex to return her things or to talk, let him. It may be scary for him—and for you—but this may just be what he needs to see that his ex is not worth dwelling on anymore.

By letting him get closure, he is ending that chapter of his life and paving the road to a future without his ex and maybe, just maybe, with you this time. [Read: Closure after a relationship – 29 signs you haven’t got it and ways to move on]

10. Encourage New Interests

Got any fun hobbies or activities up your sleeve? Share them with him! The great thing about sharing your interests with him is that it doesn’t just help him to keep his ex off his mind. It also opens doors to new adventures and experiences, helping him see there’s a whole world out there full of new things to explore and enjoy, including you.

11. Emphasize the Positive

Bright side alert! Help him spot the little awesome things in his day and tune into a happy frequency in his brain. This shift in focus can do wonders in helping him let go of the past and reduce how much he thinks about his ex. Plus, who doesn’t love someone who brings a bit of sunshine to their day? [Read: Positive vibes – Ways to welcome positive energy into your life]

12. Create a Judgment-free Zone

Make your time together a ‘no-judgment’ zone, a time akin to a comfy emotional lounge where he can kick back and open up.

This vibe of acceptance is super important as it helps him feel safe and understood, which is a big deal when you’re trying to help a guy forget his ex.

13. Celebrate Small Victories

Did he go a whole day without bringing up his ex? Was he able to go to their usual restaurant without feeling emotional? Throw a mini-celebration! It’s about cherishing the little wins on his path to moving on. These small victories can boost his mood and keep him motivated.

14. Encourage Socializing

Nudge him to hang out with friends or dive into social scenes. It’s good for the soul and great for mental health. Plus, a busy social life means less time dwelling on the past and his ex and more time making new memories. [Read: 33 easy ways to meet new people and widen your social circle effortlessly]

15. Listen Actively, But Don’t Push

Be all ears when he wants to talk, but don’t force it. This way, you’re there for him without pressuring him, which can help as he navigates the tricky waters of forgetting about his ex.

16. Support His Self-improvement Goals

Is he trying to learn guitar or maybe run a 5K? Jump into the role of his biggest fan! Cheering him on in his goals, whether acing a new hobby or hitting the gym, isn’t just fun, it also brings you two closer.

Your support shows you’re into what he’s into—that kind of teamwork is a big thumbs-up for any relationship.

Plus, it’s a great way to help him stride into a new chapter, leaving memories of his ex in the dust. [Read: Signs of a supportive partner who encourages your goals]

17. Introduce Him to New Perspectives

Sharing interesting books, eye-opening documentaries, or even just thought-provoking chats can help him repaint his life story and see the world—and his own situation—in a new way.

This fresh outlook can be a game-changer, helping him dial down the drama from past relationships and tune into a new, exciting frequency. Plus, it’s always fun to be the one who brings the coolest ideas to the table, right?

18. Be Patient With Setbacks

Progress in moving on is not linear— two steps forward, one step back. It’s normal to have days that aren’t all sunshine and progress. Sometimes, he might trip over a memory or a feeling, and that’s okay. It’s all part of the mixtape of healing.

When these moments happen, just roll with it. Your patience during these setbacks isn’t just cool, it’s kind. It shows you understand that moving on is a bit messy sometimes, and that’s what makes your support so awesome. [Read: 24 secrets to be patient in a relationship and avoid risking a new love]

19. Be Worth It

Don’t go through all of this effort if you’re only planning on playing him. If you’re just after fun and games with this guy, please spare him!

Getting over someone only to be burned again is every person’s relationship nightmare. Taking another risk after being hurt also takes a lot of courage, so make it worth the risks he’s taking to be with you. [Read: The 30 best subtle, obvious, and really sexy flirting tips for girls]

How Not to Get a Guy to Forget His Ex

The whole thing about helping a guy forget his ex is tricky. To be the person who helps him turn a new leaf without falling into common traps, it’s important to be aware of these pitfalls:

1. Falling Into the Rebound Trap

Rebound relationships often stem from a desire to fill the emotional void left by an ex. They can be more about distraction than genuine connection, which isn’t fair to either person involved.

To avoid being a rebound, ensure there’s enough time since his last relationship and watch for signs that he’s genuinely interested in you for who you are, not just as a substitute for his ex. [Read: Signs you’re the rebound girl a guy is using to get over his ex-girlfriend]

2. Not Dealing With Emotional Baggage

Everyone carries some emotional baggage from past relationships, and handling this with sensitivity is crucial. Encourage open, honest communication to address any unresolved feelings.

This approach helps in understanding his emotional state while also building a foundation of trust and transparency in your relationship.

3. Ignoring Red Flags

When you’re in the zone of helping a guy forget his ex, it’s easy to miss red flags. If he’s often bringing up his ex, comparing you two, or seems hesitant to dive into something new, these are warning signs worth paying attention to. [Read: 45 big relationship red flags most couples completely ignore early in love]

Being mindful of these signs isn’t just about being cautious, it’s about ensuring that your journey together is healthy, happy, and built on mutual readiness and respect.

4. Sacrificing Your Own Needs

In your effort to help him, don’t forget about your own emotional needs. A relationship should be mutually fulfilling.

Ensure that your efforts to help him aren’t leading you to compromise on what you need and deserve in a relationship.

5. Overstepping Boundaries

It’s really sweet that you want to be there for him, but remember that healing takes time and space. If he seems to need a moment alone or isn’t ready to talk about certain things, that’s okay. Respecting his boundaries shows you care about his needs, not just what you think he needs.

Think of it as giving him room to breathe and sort through his feelings. This isn’t just good for him; it’s a sign of a healthy and respectful relationship where both partners feel understood and valued. [Read: Ways to give space in a relationship and feel closer than ever before]

6. Forcing New Memories

While creating new memories is great for helping him to forget his ex and enriching your own relationship, trying to force them can backfire. Let these moments develop naturally instead of orchestrating situations to make him forget his ex.

7. Neglecting Other Aspects of Life

While you play a supportive role in his life, don’t forget to live yours too! Keep up with your hobbies, catch up with your friends, and chase your own goals. Feeding and focusing on your own life keeps your world colorful and vibrant, which, in turn, makes you an even more amazing partner.

It also sets a great example for him. It shows that while his journey of moving on is important, your happiness and interests matter just as much. [Read: How to balance your career, social life, and dating life]

8. Disregarding His Friends and Family

His friends and family play a significant role in his life. Engaging with them positively can provide him with a support system, so don’t shy away from their help.

You might want to be the one to help him forget his ex so that you can prove just what a great catch you are, but his support system can help him grieve the loss of his relationship and focus on himself again.

Don’t hog the limelight. Instead, work with them. [Read: 30 secrets to get your boyfriend’s friends to like you and mistakes to avoid]

9. Misinterpreting His Grieving Process

Grieving the end of a relationship is natural. Understand that his way of coping might be different from what you expect. It’s important not to misinterpret his need to process his emotions as a lack of interest in you.

10. Expecting Quick Results

Remember, forgetting an ex is more like a marathon than a sprint. It’s different for everyone, and sometimes, it can feel like a slow and steady journey rather than a quick dash to the finish line. Your patience here is a quiet, steady sign of support that says, “It’s okay to take your time.”

Expecting quick changes or pushing for immediate results might add unnecessary pressure. Instead, celebrate the small steps and progress he makes.

11. Comparing Yourself to His Ex

Avoid falling into the trap of comparing yourself to his ex. This affects your self-esteem and also puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship. Focus on building a unique connection with him instead, not replicating what he had in a relationship that failed. [Read: Easy ways to stop comparing your new guy to your ex]

12. Underestimating the Power of Closure

Closure is an important part of moving on. Encourage him to seek closure if he hasn’t already, but remember it’s his journey. It’s about him coming to terms with the end of his past relationship, which is essential for starting anew, so he may have to take his time with it.

13. Neglecting clear communication

Clear and honest communication is key to having a healthy and long-lasting relationship. Don’t assume he knows how you feel or what you’re thinking—speak openly. This builds a healthy foundation and avoids misunderstandings. [Read: 42 secrets to communicate better in a relationship and ways to fix a lack of it]

14. Overlooking Mutual Interests

Find common ground and mutual interests to strengthen your bond. If you solely focus on helping him forget his ex, your relationship can end up feeling one-dimensional.

Instead, take time to explore shared hobbies or passions to deepen your connection and make sure you have a relationship outside of helping him forget his last one.

15. Failing to Celebrate Progress

Lastly, acknowledge and celebrate the progress he makes, no matter how small. This encourages him while also helping you both recognize the positive strides being made in moving past his ex and building something new together.

Your Role is to be Patient, Empathetic, and Supportive

Getting over someone isn’t an overnight feat. It requires patience, empathy, and a healthy space for self-growth. No tried and tested remedy will make him get over his ex at the drop of a hat.

However, by being there for him, you can show him that life can be great even if his ex isn’t in the picture anymore. It may take him some time to get his ex out of his mind long enough to see that you two have potential.

But if the bond between you is meant to last, it will survive this transition period. Once he has moved past the hold of his past relationship, and if you’re truly destined to be together, your relationship will naturally find its footing again. [Read: Relationship compatibility – what it is, 40 signs you have it, and ways to improve it]

It’s not easy, and not everyone will understand, but in learning how to get a guy to forget his ex, if you think he’s worth it, remember that your role is to be patient, empathetic, and supportive. Allow him the space he needs to heal and start anew with you

The post 34 Psychological Secrets to Get a Guy to Forget His Ex & Mistakes to Avoid! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

What's the Difference Between Using Uproarious vs. Subtle Humor with Girls?

You can use uproarious humor to get whole groups laughing. You can use subtle humor to set seductive frames. But how should you use either with girls?

[WATCH] My FAVORITE Way to Tease Girls

Chase shares his all-time favorite way to tease girls. Draw women deeply into a “shared universe” with you with this powerful tease.

Our second Lush Teases™ video is now out.

This one on my personal FAVORITE way to tease girls.

It’s one I’ve talked about on this site before (in fact, I talked about it very early on in Girls Chase’s lifetime) but in this video I go deeper and also give you a few rules around how better to use it.

There are some neat little tips packed into this short clip.

Leaving a Girl an "Out" in Your Seductions

Women relax more into seductions when they feel they have an “out.” Make her feel free to opt out, and you’re far more likely to get her opting in.

Hey guys and welcome back.

Today, I’ll discuss something I mentioned a few weeks ago in my indirect game series in the article “Do Girls Know You’re Hitting on Them When You Are?” During indirect game, it is not about whether or not she has good reasons to think you like her, but that whatever interests you is never truly “officialized” (made explicit) until you know that she is ready to say yes and her compliance levels are high.

Being explicit about your interest level and “officializing” your connection places her in a position where she either has to accept or reject your advances. If her interest is too low, she will resist. However, if the interest is not “official,” she will not feel forced to decide whether she accepts your advances. More importantly, she does not need to make her response explicit to you, as she can easily maneuver her way out if you turn out to be a creep. If she doesn’t know you, this is a possibility in her mind.

Tease Opener: "The Optimistic Complaint"

Opening with a complaint (“This line sure is long!”) can come naturally. But not everyone responds to it… because it’s NEGATIVE. Here’s how you fix that.

As we gear up for the launch of my novel new teasing method (you can watch video #1 on it – about the #1 common humor mistake to AVOID when talking to girls – right here), I’m going to be talking a fair bit about humor and teases.

Today we’ll talk about a specific type of opener: the optimistic complaint opener.

Before you can dive into a new conversation, first you need to start the conversation. We do this using what we call openers.

Most folks find situationally relevant openers the easiest to begin with. They’re low pressure; they make use of the environment for context; and they’re a breeze to come up with.

Perhaps the easiest situationally relevant opener to stumble upon is the ‘humorous complaint’ opener. This is where you point out something less-than-ideal about the situation you and a girl find yourselves in, and use it to begin a conversation.

For instance, if you’re in a long line at a coffee shop, you might lean in toward the girl in front of you and quip, “Sheesh, we’re going to be here all month!” If you’re at a bar with terrible music, you might tap the girl next to you and ask her, “Who wrote this music anyway, Helen Keller?”

While these openers can be creative, and they do fit the context you use them in, they still face one major drawback: they’re negative.

Yet, with a little inventiveness, we can fix it.

[WATCH] Can Humor Help You Get with Girls?

Veteran playboys have debated humor for years: does it really help you get girls – and if so, how much? I answer those questions in this new video (Lush Teases).

Okay, fellas.

You’ve been asking me to teach you how to use humor effectively with girls pretty much since the inception of this site.

I’ve seen a few programs over the years that teach guys some funny lines and techniques. We’ve go those here too. But I have never, ever seen a program that teaches men HOW to BE funny. Which is the big problem if you ask me – if you don’t know HOW to BE funny, all those ‘great techniques’ can very easily fall flat!

And so, I’ve put together a program that doesn’t just arm you to the teeth with ways to get women laughing their pretty little butts off…

I’ve put together a program that teaches you the nuts and bolts of humor itself.

One that gives you a METHOD to actually create humor that sucks women in.

Tactics Tuesdays: Fuck, Marry, Kill

Inject fun, break rules, and find out a girl’s deep opinions of men (which you can bond with her on… or TEASE!) with old classic ‘Fuck, Marry, Kill’.

This is an older seduction gambit that is very straightforward but pretty silly and fun.

It’s most useful in bars, nightclubs, parties, etc.

Essentially, you are going to ask a girl to point out three men in the venue to you:

One she’ll choose to fuck, one she’ll choose to marry, and one she’ll choose to kill.

This opens up all kinds of paths to all manner of irreverent humor, sexual frames, and chances to find out about her values and bond with her over them.

Why Do Women REALLY Divorce Men? (Why’s the Divorce Rate So High?)

Women initiate 69% of divorces. Among the most empowered (college-educated) women, it’s 90%. Why though are women who driving so much of modern divorce?

Commenting on my article about why women always seem to go for the wrong guys, Vince C. asks

Chase, overall I certainly agree with most of what you're saying here but I think there should be a follow up article to this.

Because I'm genuinely curious, why is the divorce rate hovers close to 50% if many girls believe they are choosing the right guy for themselves, later to find out that this was in fact not the case?

A reader named Montage replies to Vince, noting that

Back in the day, a researcher looked at the divorce rate, concluding it was actually around 33-35%. The 50% figure was supposedly inflated by "serial divorcees."

I'm not sure why you're exclusively blaming women, though. What about the guys who filed for divorce? Some of them assumed they had found "Ms. Right," only to end up wrong. Other men marry their first wife for pure economics. Once a dude's career has taken off, he drops her for a trophy wife. I remember some guy did exactly that. Once his first wife had helped him graduate from schools of both law & medicine, he ditched the poor woman. He's no longer with us, and she's doing life in prison.

Another issue you're overlooking is that women's market value is mostly attractiveness/youth. For that reason, many will marry out of a fear of ending up as a spinster/weirdo, or out of a fear of life on one income, not because they feel they've found somebody special.

We know divorce happens.

We know it doesn’t always happen.

In India in 2024 the divorce rate was 1%.

In the United States in 1924, 100 years ago, the divorce rate was 14.4%, which is about a quarter what it is today. The U.S. was already the world leader in divorce at this point (and had since 1916).

Yet if you go all the way back to 1867 in the United States, the earliest date we have reliable data for, the American divorce rate was just 3%, not very much higher than India’s in 2024.

You can see how divorce rates have changed over the years in the U.S.:

U.S. marriage & divorce rates, 1867-2010

Obviously, we are looking at something highly variable over time.

Women initiate 69% of divorces overall. However, among women with the greatest amount of personal liberty – that is, college-educated women – women initiate a jaw-dropping 90% of divorces.

If women are carefully selecting men for a lifelong commitment, why are they the ones who most often break that up?

Giving Her a "Set the Drinks Down" Kiss at Your Place

A simple, potent way to ease into a romantic kiss: get her comfortable, get her a drink, then after a moment set down your drink, take hers, and kiss her.

This post by Franco originally appeared on our forum here.

---

Kissing is a hard subject to write on.

There are definitely fundamentals that can be learned to improve your technique, but what really drives women wild is if you know how psychologically get them excited to be kissing you in the first place.

This all depends on

1. The mood,
2. The setting, and
3. The build-up to the kiss.

My main reason for writing this is that I would love to contribute a killer method for landing the first kiss and making a girl melt in your arms.

Who Is Really the Chaser in a Good Seduction?

A good seduction consists of a man enticing a woman and creating desire inside her for him. But with him doing all this, is he the chaser — or is it her?

Hey guys and welcome back.

In the past few weeks, I have covered indirect game. This form of seduction is when one withholds interest in a girl until she warms up and shows interest (unless she is interested from the start). I discussed all dimensions of indirect game, including how one should display interest (yes, one still should show interest when running indirect game), how much disinterest to display, and how to do it. I also have many posts about calibration to assist with indirect game.

Today, I will discuss a commonly debated subject that many men ask themselves:

“If the goal is to make a woman chase, so I appear to be the prize, how does this make sense if I am the approacher and the one trying to get her to bed? Am I not, by default, the one chasing her?”

It’s a great question.

[X GIVEAWAY] Free Book: 9 Ways to Get the Upper Hand w/ Women

Chase Amante’s new mini ebook is available free on X – all it costs is a like, follow, and retweet.

Running another giveaway here to bolster our audience on X a little bit.

(by the way, if you aren’t following us on X, I’ve been posting a lot of great stuff. Probably half my recent output has been on X. You really ought to follow me there too)

How to Reach Absolute Abundance (to Easily Get & KEEP Girlfriend-Caliber Girls)

Absolute abundance: where you know you can get another girlfriend-caliber girl in a matter of weeks. What’s it take to reach this level – how do you get here?

In a recent X post, I laid out the 9 levels of abundance, starting from level 0 (total scarcity) to level 8 (absolute abundance).

A reader named French Frame Apostle asked what it takes to hit absolute abundance with girls. I listed out the key facets to reaching this:

A guy who is in absolute abundance (i.e., able to get & keep girlfriend-caliber girls very reliably):

✅ Has a specific type of girl he goes for and knows her front and back.

✅ Has himself totally dialed in as this specific girl’s ideal male archetype.

✅ Knows the best places & times to go to meet his preferred type of girl.

✅ Is approaching & laying enough girls to be running on HIGH social momentum.

✅ Is excellent at approaching, smoothly opening, and reaching the hook point.

✅ Builds enough intrigue yet retains enough mystery that girls want to come out onto dates.

✅ Has enough female options that he can stop himself from slipping into oneitis with amazing girls.

✅ Has a fully mapped out date process that lets him attract & seduce with efficiency.

✅ Has learned not to do the “wow, this one’s so great, I need to throw out my process and do something special with her” thing with the exceptional girls and just treat them exactly the same as every other girl.

✅ Has learned not to get clingy/crazy/emotional after he beds an awesome new girl, and still treat her the same as any other new girl he’d just bedded.

✅ Knows to maintain the power shift after intimacy where the girl is going to push for the relationship and he is going to stay skeptical. Never pushes for the relationship no matter how amazing she is.

When you see all that, the guy without fail will either be at absolute abundance or very close to hitting it.

— Girls Chase 🏃‍♀️💨 (@GirlsChase) October 16, 2024

You’ve got the list there.

In today’s article, I want to go a little more in-depth into what you need to do to hit all these.

Tactics Tuesdays: Pushing Women's Requests & Tests Off Till 'Later'

What do you say when a girl tries to take you away, disrupt you at play, or frame herself as greater? The word of the day, that verbal sashay, the word that we all know as ‘LATER’!

This is a very simple little technique, with a surprising amount of uses, and a startling amount of power.

I learned it from a very beautiful, very charismatic, very sociable girlfriend of mine who tended to get crowds of people clustered around her pestering her with all kinds of questions or requests.

It revolves around a single, magical word:

“Later.”

Someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do?

“Maybe later!”

Someone asks you about something you don’t want to discuss?

“I’ll tell you later!”

Someone tries to get you to go somewhere you don’t want to go?

“I’ll go with you later!”

The power in the word ‘later’ lies in it being a rejection that’s not a rejection. It keeps the other party in a state of limbo, robbed of the ability to either push for more or take offense at the rejection.

And, as a bonus, it clearly frames YOU – to the party you tell “later” to and to all other observers – as the one who is being chased, and very much in demand.

Skilled Seducer of the Month, October 2024: Kaida

Skilled seducer Kaida discusses his progress from awkward high school student to college Casanova with 20+ lays – plus what he still has yet to master.

Can You EVER Trust a Girl Again After Being the 'Side Guy'?

Once you’ve seen the dark side of women – how callously they can stray on men who deeply love them and lie about it – can you ever trust a girl again?

Over on X, there was a good long thread where guys shared their experiences being ‘side guys’:

Do Girls Know You’re Hitting on Them When You Are?

When you chat up a girl, does she realize you’re hitting on her? If not… how obvious must you be for her to “get the picture” that you like her?

Hey guys and welcome.

I have recently finished my series on the indirect approach, discussing the many mechanisms at play, covering displaying interest and disinterest, and how to do it. So, today, I’ll turn to a theoretical question many men ask:

Why go indirect and “hide” your true interest in her when she already knows why you are hitting on her?

I will tackle this question below.

Look for Girls Looking at You from Far Away (It's an Approach Signal)

Women don’t usually make eye contact beyond 6ft/2m. When they do, it’s often a sign they’re ‘on the hunt’, in search of men – and YOU have caught their eye.

I’ve noticed for a long time now that when girls start looking at me from far away, they almost always start playing with their hair and preening themselves once they have my attention.

Much of the time they will move closer to me on their own. As they draw nearer, I will use my eyes that draw technique to make sure they stop near where I am (within easy opening range).

When I approach girls like this, they are generally very receptive.

So, I have long taken this one (girls staring at you from a distance) as “very often an approach invitation.”

As it turns out, there is a specific distance you can look for to make this more watertight!

Modern Men Are Inhibiting Their Own Sexuality: Study

Today’s henpecked men suppress their own sexual attractiveness, studies find. Why men are doing this & how to stop doing it we discuss in this essay.

The other day I came across an eye-opening paper from 2007. Here’s the abstract:

Tactics Tuesdays: Tease-Compliance-Qualify-Cold Read

This simple ‘tactical framework’ for romantic conversations puts you in the driver’s seat. Get girls laughing, intrigued and following your lead in no time.

Yesterday we talked about the common problem where guys bombard women with too many questions.

It’s an easy trap to fall into, especially when you are new, and especially when the girl is not giving you much.

In that article, I challenged you (you being anyone who runs into this issue) to try running your conversations with ZERO questions – at least until the girl is hooked / shows sufficient interest on her end.

In today’s Tactics Tuesdays article, I’m going to give you a simple tactical framework you can use to make your “no questions convos” run smoothly in the early conversation.

We’ll call this tease-compliance-qualify-cold read – or TCQC for short.

Do You Ask Girls TOO Many Questions? Why to Go "Zero Questions"

A common trap men fall into is asking women too many questions. How do you stop asking girls too many questions? By asking no questions AT ALL! Try it!

I responded to a few reports on our Field Reports Board recently (over on the forum) in which newer guys fell into the trap of asking women they’d just approached too many questions.

Here’s an excerpt from one report – I’m just going to post what the forum member said and skip the girl’s replies just to give you a sense of the question frequency here:

[opens]
"Hi, so what's your name?"
"How are you doing today?"
"Pretty good, I just, uh, got out of the coffee shop. I was just reading a book and chilling today. You?"
"Oh awesome, the Korean corndog place?"
"But they look like corndogs."
"Okay okay. Well, girls are usually interested in hotdogs."
"So what kind of boba are you going to get?"
"Oh, I've been to that place. I really liked the watermelon."
"Are you guys boba addicts?"
"I'm part of the, uh, boba anonymous addiction recovery group."
"Maybe. Maybe I'm just replacing one vice with another."
"Yeah. Are you from around the area or...?"
"Oh, that's pretty prestigious."
"Yeah, I also grew up around the area. I went not to <her school>, I went to <school name>."
"Yeah, did you just graduate?"
"Oh awesome, what did you study?"
"Oh nice...so you like money, and numbers? <Teasing her>"

That is 9 questions out of 18 separate remarks. 50% questions.

Here’s an excerpt from a second report:

But we get to talking and again my problem is my conversational skills be dry as fuck I can't think of anything to say beyond what do you do and where are you from. Anyway she tells me she goes to church and turns out she goes to the same church I used to go to, I ask her for her number and she says she doesn't give that out so I left.

…

But I couldn't think of anything to say my conversation skills are super dry. How do I be better at conversation and get her attraction to continue building? I could just feel these girl's attraction to me slowly waning the more we talked cuz I didn't know how to keep the spark going.

Here again we have an incident where the guy was struggling to get much more going on than asking some basic questions while struggling through conversation.

I just want to be clear: I’m not ragging on our forum members! I did the same thing as them when a newbie. You could’ve called me “Mr. Questions” at times.

It’s tough when you get into a chat with a girl who isn’t giving you much back. It’s all too easy to get caught up in the ‘infinite questions loop’. She’ll answer your questions but she contributes nothing! What do you do except ask MORE questions!

Well, I’m going to give you a strategy for what to do:

You are going to ask ZERO questions!

Relationship Dynamics: 29 Must-Knows To Turn Toxic Love Into a Healthy One

Isn’t it interesting that each relationship has its unique dynamics? Learn what your relationship dynamic is and how to improve it.

Ever wondered why some relationships just seem to flow effortlessly while others are a constant battle? It all comes down to relationship dynamics. These dynamics shape how we interact with our partners, influence our communication styles, and affect how conflicts are resolved.

Whether you’re in the honeymoon phase or have been together for years, understanding relationship dynamics can make all the difference. By recognizing and improving these dynamics, you can build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. [Read: 33 emotional needs in a relationship, signs it’s unmet & how to meet them]

What Are Relationship Dynamics?

What are relationship dynamics, exactly? At its core, relationship dynamics refer to the patterns and processes that define how people in a relationship interact with each other.

Each relationship has its own unique dynamics; the supportive girlfriend and the ambitious boyfriend, or the quiet guy dating the outgoing lady.

It’s the ebb and flow of communicating, handling conflicts, showing affection, and supporting each other. These dynamics are crucial because they can make or break a relationship, influencing everything from daily interactions to long-term compatibility. [Read: Relationship compatibility: What it is, 40 signs you have it & ways to improve it]

From a psychological perspective, relationship dynamics are influenced by various factors such as attachment styles, personality traits, and past experiences.

For instance, attachment theory explains how our early relationships with caregivers shape our expectations and behavior in adult relationships. [Read: Attachment styles theory: 4 types and 19 signs & ways you attach to others]

Understanding these psychological aspects can help you identify why certain patterns exist in your relationship and how to address them. By recognizing these dynamics, you can work towards building a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.

Toxic Relationship Dynamics

If you’re not sure what kind of relationship dynamics you’re dealing with, it’s crucial to spot the difference between healthy and unhealthy patterns. Recognizing toxic relationship dynamics can help you address and change them before they cause lasting damage. Here are some common toxic relationship dynamics to watch out for:

1. Aggressive/Accommodating

In this dynamic, one partner tends to be overly aggressive, while the other constantly accommodates to avoid conflict. The aggressive partner might use intimidation, threats, or verbal abuse to assert control.

The accommodating partner often sacrifices their own needs and feelings to keep the peace. For example, one partner insists on making all the decisions about finances without consulting the other, leading to frustration and a sense of powerlessness for the accommodating partner. [Read: Relationship power plays: What men need to know]

2. Active/Passive

Here, one partner is always taking the lead, making decisions, and driving the relationship forward, while the other remains passive, going along with whatever is decided.

This can create a dependency where the passive partner loses their sense of individuality and the active partner feels burdened with all the responsibility.

This dynamic often stems from one partner’s fear of confrontation or a deep-seated belief that their opinions are less valuable.

3. Competitive/Controlling

This one’s a constant battle for control. Both partners are always trying to one-up each other, leading to frequent power struggles.

Imagine every decision turning into a tug-of-war, with neither willing to give an inch. This competitive nature can make the relationship feel more like a battlefield than a partnership. Cooperation and mutual respect get lost in the fight for dominance. [Read: Power struggles in a relationship: Signs & ways to overcome it]

4. Dependent/Indifferent

Mia and Neil have been together for a couple of years. Mia is always seeking reassurance and emotional support, constantly needing Neil’s validation to feel secure. Neil, however, seems emotionally checked out and often detaches himself from these interactions.

In this dynamic, Mia, the dependent partner, feels neglected and unimportant when her needs aren’t met. On the other hand, Neil, the indifferent partner, feels overwhelmed by Mia’s constant need for attention and starts to distance himself even more.

This relationship dynamic creates a cycle of neediness and neglect that gradually erodes their bond, leaving both partners feeling unsatisfied and disconnected. [Read: 20 signs you’re not attracted to your partner & how to spark it up again]

5. Jealous/Possessive

You find yourself constantly checking your partner’s phone, wanting to know where they are and who they are with at all times. Your partner is becoming increasingly frustrated with your demands for constant updates.

This toxic dynamic is characterized by excessive jealousy and possessiveness from one or both partners, leading to a constant need to monitor each other’s activities. Such behavior breeds mistrust and insecurity, stifling personal freedom and causing resentment.

For instance, your partner might feel suffocated by your need for control, creating an atmosphere where genuine trust and affection struggle to thrive.

Recognizing and addressing this pattern is essential for improving your relationship dynamics and building a healthier, more trusting relationship.

6. Criticizing/Defensive

One partner frequently criticizes or belittles the other, who in turn becomes defensive and shuts down communication. [Read: How to be less critical: Reasons why you judge & how to stop it]

This dynamic can lead to a negative cycle where the criticized partner feels constantly under attack and the criticizing partner feels unheard. This often results in both partners feeling isolated and misunderstood.

7. Withdrawn/Clingy

If you expect your partner to be with you 24/7 while they crave some personal space, you might find yourselves stuck in a difficult dynamic.

This situation, where one partner is overly clingy and desperate for connection, while the other withdraws and avoids emotional intimacy, creates a push-pull effect. The withdrawn partner may retreat further in response to the clinginess, leading to a cycle where both partners feel unfulfilled.

Let’s be real, it’s great to have time to miss each other, but when one partner feels overwhelmed by the other’s need for constant closeness, it only leads to more emotional distance.

8. Victim/Bully

One partner adopts a victim mentality, always feeling wronged or mistreated, while the other acts as a bully, using blame and aggression to assert control.

The victim feels powerless, and the bully justifies their behavior as a reaction to the victim’s perceived weaknesses, creating a toxic environment.

According to the Karpman Drama Triangle, these roles of victim, persecutor, and rescuer create a cycle of dysfunction. In relationships, bullying behavior can stem from a need to dominate and control, often rooted in the bully’s own insecurities and past experiences. [Read: Insecurity in a relationship: 34 signs & secrets to feel secure and love better]

Healthy Relationship Dynamics

Understanding healthy relationship dynamics is key to building a fulfilling and lasting partnership. Here are some positive patterns that contribute to a strong and supportive relationship:

1. Accepting/Supportive

In a healthy relationship, both partners accept each other’s flaws and imperfections, offering unconditional support. This dynamic fosters a sense of safety and belonging.

For instance, if one partner is having a rough day and feels down, the other partner listens without judgment and offers comfort. This acceptance and support build a strong emotional foundation.

2. Communicative/Open

Open and honest communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationship dynamics. Partners share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment, actively listening and validating each other’s emotions.

This kind of communication helps in resolving conflicts and ensures that both partners feel heard and understood. Psychologically, effective communication reduces misunderstandings and strengthens emotional bonds. [Read: 25 ways to emotionally connect with someone & instantly feel closer]

3. Respectful/Considerate

This dynamic is composed of mutual respect and consideration for each other’s opinions, values, and boundaries. Both partners see each other as equals, ensuring that their interactions are grounded in honor and respect.

Even when disagreements arise, they listen to each other and work to find common ground without dismissing the other’s perspective.

Respectful and considerate behavior ensures that both partners feel valued and understood, contributing to the overall stability and happiness of the relationship.

4. Balanced/Equal

If you and your partner are both actively involved in decision-making and respect each other’s opinions, then you’re fostering a balanced and equal relationship dynamic.

Healthy relationship dynamics involve shared power and responsibilities, ensuring that both partners have an equal say in important matters. This balance prevents either partner from feeling dominated or sidelined.

For instance, when facing major decisions like moving to a new city, both of you discuss your preferences and work together to reach a mutually agreeable solution. [Read: Secrets to make friends in a new city & spark small talk with people you like]

5. Trusting/Reliable

Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. It involves being reliable and consistent in your actions and words. When both partners can depend on each other, it creates a secure environment where vulnerability is safe.

Keeping promises, being honest, and showing up for each other consistently builds this crucial element. Psychologically, trust reduces anxiety and fosters a deeper emotional connection.

6. Empathetic/Understanding

Empathy and understanding are vital for emotional intimacy. Partners who empathize with each other’s feelings and experiences create a deeper emotional bond.

This might involve one partner showing understanding and support when the other is going through a tough time, reinforcing the sense of being a team. [Read: How to help someone up when they’re feeling down and depressed]

7. Collaborative/Team-Oriented

A collaborative approach to challenges and goals strengthens relationship dynamics. Partners work together to solve problems and achieve their shared goals, whether it’s planning a vacation, managing finances, or navigating family issues. This teamwork ensures that both partners feel involved and valued in the relationship.

8. Flexible/Adaptable

Whether it’s planning a vacation, managing finances, or navigating family issues, a collaborative approach to challenges and goals strengthens relationship dynamics. When partners work together to solve problems and achieve their shared objectives, they build a sense of teamwork and unity. [Read: Reasons why relationships are such hard work]

This collaborative effort ensures that both partners feel involved and valued in the relationship. By tackling issues together, you can create a supportive environment where both individuals contribute their strengths and support each other’s weaknesses.

This teamwork not only enhances your bond but also makes navigating life’s challenges more manageable and rewarding.

9. Playful/Positive

What’s a relationship without a bit of fun and laughter? Maintaining a sense of playfulness and positivity keeps the relationship dynamic vibrant and enjoyable.

Couples who laugh together, engage in fun activities, and share positive experiences build a stronger bond. This playfulness helps in mitigating stress and keeps the relationship light-hearted.

By incorporating humor and joy into your interactions, you create a positive atmosphere that strengthens your connection and makes your time together more enjoyable. [Read: Memorable things couples should do together to deepen their bond]

Tips for Healthy Relationship Dynamics

So, you’re reading all these and thinking, “Healthy relationship dynamics? That doesn’t sound like us.” But don’t worry, it’s never too late to make positive changes. Here are some tips to help you cultivate healthier relationship dynamics:

1. Practice Active Listening

Active listening means giving your full attention to your partner when they are speaking, without interrupting or planning your response while they talk. This shows respect and ensures that you truly understand their perspective.

Reflect back what you hear to show that you’re engaged and validate their feelings. This can prevent misunderstandings and foster a deeper emotional connection. By practicing active listening, you can improve communication and strengthen your relationship dynamics.

2. Use “I” Statements to Express Feelings Without Blaming

When discussing your feelings, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say “I feel upset when plans change last minute” instead of “You always change plans without asking me.” [Read: Tips for dealing with a non-confrontational partner]

This focuses on your feelings rather than blaming your partner, which can lead to more productive and less defensive conversations.

It helps in resolving conflicts more effectively and maintaining a respectful dialogue. Using “I” statements is a simple but powerful way to improve your relationship dynamics.

3. Schedule Regular Check-Ins to Discuss the Relationship

Regularly scheduled check-ins provide a dedicated time for you and your partner to discuss your relationship openly and honestly.

These check-ins can help you address any issues before they become bigger problems and ensure that both partners feel heard and valued. Set aside time each week or month to talk about what’s going well and what could use improvement.

This proactive approach keeps the relationship dynamics healthy and prevents the buildup of resentment. It’s a great way to stay connected and aligned with each other. [Read: Signs of resentment in a relationship that hurts both & how to fix it]

4. Develop Self-Awareness and Empathy

Self-awareness involves understanding your own emotions, triggers, and behaviors, while empathy means being able to understand and share the feelings of your partner.

By developing these skills, you can respond more thoughtfully in interactions and better support your partner. Practice mindfulness and reflection to become more aware of your own emotional state.

Show empathy by actively listening and validating your partner’s feelings, which enhances your emotional connection. These practices are key to maintaining positive relationship dynamics.

5. Recognize and Manage Emotions Effectively

Being able to recognize and manage your emotions is crucial for healthy relationship dynamics. When you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to breathe and calm down before responding. This prevents reactive outbursts and helps you communicate more effectively.

Share your emotions with your partner in a constructive way, explaining how you feel and why. Managing emotions effectively reduces unnecessary conflicts and promotes a more harmonious relationship. [Read: Foundations of a relationship that separate the good & the bad]

6. Respond Rather than React

Instead of reacting impulsively to situations, take a moment to respond thoughtfully. Reacting often involves letting emotions dictate your actions, which can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.

Responding, on the other hand, means taking the time to think about the situation and your partner’s perspective before you act.

This approach fosters more respectful and productive conversations. By responding rather than reacting, you can maintain healthier relationship dynamics and resolve issues more calmly.

7. Address Issues Promptly and Calmly

When problems arise, address them promptly rather than letting them fester. Approach the conversation calmly and with an open mind, focusing on finding a solution rather than placing blame. [Read: How to calm down: Instant hacks to put the crazy away]

Discuss the issue when both partners are calm and ready to talk, avoiding times of high stress or anger. Doing this prevents small problems from escalating into major conflicts and keeps the relationship dynamics positive. Tackling issues early shows commitment to the relationship and to each other’s well-being.

8. Focus on the Problem, Not the Person

When discussing conflicts, focus on the specific issue at hand rather than attacking your partner’s character. It means addressing the behavior or situation that is causing concern without resorting to personal insults or blame.

For example, instead of saying “You’re so irresponsible,” say “I was upset when the bills weren’t paid on time.” This keeps the conversation constructive and solution-oriented. By focusing on the problem, you can maintain respect and work together to improve your relationship dynamics. [Read: 38 small changes to better your love life & improve the relationship ten-fold]

9. Seek Compromise and Common Ground

In any relationship, finding a middle ground where both partners feel satisfied is essential. This involves being willing to give and take, considering each other’s needs and preferences.

Discuss possible solutions and be open to making concessions. Compromise shows that you value the relationship and your partner’s happiness.

By seeking common ground, you strengthen your relationship dynamics and create a more balanced partnership.

10. Be Reliable and Consistent

Reliability and consistency build trust in a relationship. Keep your promises and commitments, and be dependable in your actions.

Your partner should feel confident that they can rely on you, whether it’s for small daily tasks or significant responsibilities. [Read: Unique traits that make a person trustworthy]

Consistency in behavior and communication fosters a sense of security and stability. By being reliable, you contribute to healthy relationship dynamics and a strong foundation of trust.

11. Show Vulnerability and Openness

Being open and vulnerable with your partner can deepen your emotional connection. Share your thoughts, feelings, and fears honestly, allowing your partner to do the same.

This openness creates a safe space for both partners to express themselves without fear of judgment. Vulnerability fosters intimacy and trust, which are crucial for healthy relationship dynamics. By being open and vulnerable, you can build a deeper and more authentic connection with your partner.

12. Shared Activities

Engage in activities that promote bonding and teamwork, such as cooking together or taking a class. Shared activities provide opportunities for fun and collaboration, strengthening your connection.

They also create positive memories and reinforce your partnership. Choose activities that both partners enjoy and can participate in equally. [Read: 32 fun ideas to build & grow intimacy in a relationship and feel more loved]

By engaging in shared activities, you enhance your relationship dynamics and build a stronger, more united relationship.

Embracing Healthy Relationship Dynamics

It’s interesting how we all have a sense of what love is, but once we enter relationships, the different dynamics can make things complicated. Understanding and improving these relationship dynamics is key to nurturing a healthy and fulfilling partnership.

Take some time to reflect on your own relationship dynamics and identify areas where you can make conscious efforts to foster healthier patterns. Whether it’s improving communication, showing more empathy, or being more consistent, small changes can make a big difference.

[Read: 50 secrets & early signs of a good relationship that make a great one]

Remember, every relationship has the potential for growth and improvement. A relationship is a joint effort, and by focusing on creating positive relationship dynamics, you and your partner can build a stronger, more loving connection that stands the test of time. After all, that’s what we’re all aiming for—a lasting, happy, and healthy relationship.

The post Relationship Dynamics: 29 Must-Knows To Turn Toxic Love Into a Healthy One is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.