People Who Sleep Around Are Sleeping with a Lot of the Same People

Who are the people who sleep around a lot sleeping with? Well… EACH OTHER, for the most part. We look at the numbers and see how it all shakes out.

Next up in “uncomfortable truths about hooking up”: the more sex you have with more different people, the more you are dipping into the same (somewhat limited) pot of lovers every other sexually active person is.

A lot of people do not seem to understand this. In fact it took me a few years in seduction to realize it myself. I was picking up girls from nightclubs and some from dating apps. While I knew it wasn’t their first rodeo, it didn’t really occur to me that, “Every guy who also gets laid a lot is sleeping with these same exact girls.”

In any population of people, most of them aren’t having lots of sex with different people. Most of the women and most of the men only have a handful of lifetime partners. But this also means that most people in any given mating market are not participating in the dating scene most of the time. Only those who are single (or cheating) and who actively are looking for mates are participants. This is a limited pot of people.

Further, the most chronically ‘single and looking’ people tend to make up a disproportionate amount of those present in meet market environments (such as nightlife and dating apps), skewing hookups from these environments even more into the “shared lover” category.

I’ll give you some data to back up what I mean, but first I want to tell you a few stories.