How to Talk about Your Feelings in a Relationship & Grow Closer

Not everyone is a natural-born sharer. Good news! You can learn how to talk about your feelings in a relationship and be comfortable with it.

Whether you are a closed book or a blabbermouth, learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship can feel so vulnerable. The worst part is that we can’t explain that either. Your tongue gets tied, you sweat, or you just clam up and can’t say a thing.

First things first, this is all normal. So many people struggle to talk about their feelings in a relationship. You are not alone in this. Odds are your partner has dealt with the same thing.

Even the most forthcoming of us can struggle to share our feelings when we’re in a relationship. There is a lot of courage and strength needed to be open and honest with how you feel. It can be scary to share such intimate feelings with anyone, especially the person you’re closest with.

But, learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship does not have to come naturally. You can learn how to talk about your feelings in a relationship with some baby steps. [Read: Easy communication exercises to be a better lover and partner]

How to talk about your feelings in a relationship when you never have

First of all, I want to say, good for you. Just by looking for this article and making it this far you are trying, and that is already a big step in the right direction. It isn’t easy to admit you’re having trouble with something, especially something so delicate, but you did it.

And now that you did, you can learn the next steps to learn how to talk about your feelings in a relationship even if you never have before.

Opening up, especially for the first time, can feel immensely foreign. Letting someone into your deepest emotions is a vulnerable thing. By letting someone know that, you are giving them a special glimpse into a part of you that few people may see. [Read: What does it mean to be vulnerable? 13 ways you can open up to each other]

But, instead of thinking of it as a risk, try to think of it as a benefit. By releasing your feelings to the person you’re in a relationship with, you are growing that partnership. You are gaining someone you can confide in and trust. You are being courageous.

Yes, the first time you talk about your feelings in a relationship, you will be nervous. You might hesitate, stumble over your words, or sweat profusely, but that is okay. Didn’t someone once say nothing worth doing is easy? Or something like that?

You don’t need to sit down and say I’m going to share my feelings with you. I know it is hard to let something that feels so off to you flow naturally, but you can do it.

Next time you are enjoying your time together and are feeling love, appreciation, sadness or even feelings about something else in your life just say it. Pull the words out of yourself like ripping off a Band-Aid.

It will feel like a release of so much tension you’ve been holding onto. [Read: How to be emotionally available so you can actually feel love]

How to talk about your feelings in a relationship when you’ve been hurt

Learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship when you never have is full of fear of the unknown, but doing it when you’ve been hurt is even more of a struggle.

You have opened up before and been burned. It is human nature to preserve oneself. You’ve been hurt by someone you let yourself be vulnerable with and you come to expect that in the future.

I know rationality tells you that not everyone is the same and that you need to take a risk to feel the reward of shared love, but it’s not good at convincing someone who has been so irrationally hurt.

And to you, I would not say to release your feelings so abruptly and enjoy the feeling that comes with it, because for you the feeling will likely be dread that that pain will come again. [Read: How opening up to people can give you a much better life]

Instead, take your time. In a relationship, let your partner know you have been hurt so talking about your feelings is not something you feel comfortable with yet. Ask them to be patient with you and take baby steps to get there.

First, talk about your relationship in more practical terms. Talk about your journey together so far. How has that made you feel?

Maybe even share your feelings with someone you do trust just to see how letting them out feels. If you can’t do that, write down your feelings. Just let it all out unfiltered. That will help you build up to sharing them with your partner.

And as you slowly offer more and more vulnerability to your partner, and they continue to earn your trust you will feel more secure and safe sharing even more. [Read: How to stop yourself from overthinking in your relationship]

How to talk about your feelings in a relationship and be comfortable with it

There is a big difference between learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship and actually feeling comfortable doing so. And I have some news. You may never feel 100% comfortable with it. But, that is okay.

It is okay not to feel comfortable with everything. If we felt comfortable with everything we did, we would never achieve anything. We would never move out of our parents’ house or get a new job or travel.

I am a huge sharer. I am brutally honest with my emotions and never hold back. Even someone as open to talking about her feelings as I am is scared doing it. I know from experience that there is always a chance I’ll get hurt. It is always a risk to open your heart to someone. [Read: 41 conversation starters for couples who want to get serious]

Whether you are talking about your feelings in a romantic relationship, familial one, or even a friendship, you open yourself up to a gamble. But, that is okay.

I am not going to tell you that you cannot have a reward without a risk even though it is true. What I am going to tell you is that it gets easier with practice and with trust.

The more you open up, the more the trust builds. And as that trust builds, you feel more comfortable opening up and talking about your feelings.

And eventually, even though it scares you, you won’t hesitate to share your feelings in a relationship because you know how it makes you and your partner closer. You know that sharing your truth is necessary to live an honest and happy life. [Read: How to start being vulnerable in your relationships and build a better bond]

You’ll learn that you are your most comfortable when you are 100% yourself and sharing all your real feelings. Eventually, you will wonder why you haven’t been doing this all along.

It can be hazardous to your emotional and even physical well-being to hold back your feelings, especially in a relationship. It can cause stress and tension that lead to insomnia, illness, and even physical pain in some cases.

But, by working on your communication and trust within your relationship, you can feel exposed and happy about it.

[Read: 20 best questions to ask in a relationship and understand each other]

Learning how to talk about your feelings in a relationship takes time, patience, and trust. But with all of that, you can share your emotions in a relationship and feel damn good about it too.

The post How to Talk about Your Feelings in a Relationship & Grow Closer is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Should You Spend the Holidays Together? Or Is It Too Soon?

This time of year is all about family. So, do you think of your partner that way? Should you spend the holidays together?

Deciding whether or not to spend the holidays with your new boo can be difficult. Of course, you want to see them, but is it too soon? ??It is likely that it won’t just be the two of you but your families as well. Are you ready for that? ??The holidays can put a lot of pressure on a relationship, especially a new one. Even if you try to make it casual, spending the holidays together is a big step. So should you spend the holidays together?

There are the gifts, the food, the families, and the customary couple’s photo in front of the tree or another holiday staple.

And the bad news is that there is no set timeline for when the perfect time to spend the holidays together is. Is it after 6 months? A year?

Do you want to spend the holidays together?

I know I probably just freaked you out, but that wasn’t my intention. I just want you to really think about it. Once you spend the holidays with your partner for the first time, your traditions tend to change.

Maybe you always opened gifts on Christmas Eve with your family but with theirs, you do it Christmas morning. Maybe they have mulled cider instead of eggnog.

I know these are frivolous things and just spending time with your partner should be what matters, but holiday traditions run deep within us and big changes can make us uneasy. [Read: 14 stages of a new relationship to define your budding romance]

What I want you to do is consider these things. Do you want to spend time with your partner and their family? Do you want them to come to your family’s party?

If you think about spending the holiday with anyone other than your family, who you have spent every single holiday with for your entire life, maybe it just isn’t time.

If spending the holidays with your partner unnerves you more than it excites you, it may be too soon.

Should you spend the holidays together?

Other than actually wanting to spend the holidays with your boo, there are some things that may make this decision easier for you.

I hate using the word ‘should’ when talking about taking steps in a relationship because each one is so unique, but following these guidelines can make decisions like this go a lot smoother.

For instance, this year I am spending my Christmas with my boyfriend for the first time. Now, we have only been dating for about 4 months. Some people might say that it is too soon. But we feel good about it and we decided to split time between both of our families so we both get a little of our own traditions.

That works for us because we live nearby each other but for those who have to fly home for the holidays, it may be a bigger compromise so communication, as always, is key. [Read: Is it too soon to start traveling with your partner?]

What should you talk about when deciding whether or not to spend the holidays together?

#1 Are you close with your families? Families usually either mean the world to someone or they aren’t that close. Knowing your partner’s situation here is key. Do they see their family regularly or just on holidays? ??Would your partner feel comfortable coming to your large family party if they usually do something low-key? How important is it to each other to spend the holiday with your families? Would it be okay for you two to spend it alone together? Are your families comfortable having someone new join the holiday fun?

#2 Have you met each other’s families? Meeting your partner’s parents for the first time at the holidays is a lot of pressure. It is not as simple as meeting for a lunch mid-year. You’re likely meeting the parents, siblings, and maybe even grandparents and more extended family. That is a lot to handle at once.

On top of that, there are the gifts. How do you buy a gift for someone you don’t know? Hopefully with your partner’s help, but still. It is definitely easier if you have previously met each other’s families. It takes some of the pressure off and makes things more comfortable for everyone. [Read: 14 courteous ways to charm your boyfriend’s parents when you meet them for the first time]

#3 Did you talk about gifts? Don’t go into gift-giving blind. Whether you are exchanging privately or in front of the families, talk about expectations beforehand. Do you have a spending limit? Are you going practical or romantic?

You don’t want to give your partner tickets to a broadway show when they got you a mug with your cat’s face on it. Are you both in the same financial situation? Can you opt-out of gifts? If you are spending the day with family, are you expected to give gifts to each person or just the host? [Read: 21 dos and don’ts when meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time]

#4 Do you need to travel? If you live nearby, it can be easier to handle the holidays. You can split up the day with a quick drive. But, if you have to fly or travel a long distance to visit family, how will that work? Are you going to go to their family’s this year and yours next?

Can you afford a flight? Is your partner paying? It can feel less than magical to nail down the logistics of the holiday but everything will go much smoother if you do.

#5 Is the idea of doing something like this overwhelming? We all get nervous about meeting the family or just spending such an important time with new people. It is totally normal. But is it too much too soon?

You also want to enjoy your holiday so is it more comfortable for you to skip spending the day together for your own sanity? Talk to each other about how you really feel. You won’t hurt your partner’s feelings if you’re not ready. They are probably feeling the same way.

Just be honest. Let them know how happy you are that they want to spend the day together but it just feels too soon for you. They should understand. [Read: 12 new relationship boundaries all couples must draw early on]

#6 Are you okay with making your own special day before or after? If you both want to see your own families but can’t make that work together, would you be okay creating your own day, just the two of you?

Maybe the day after Christmas or when you both get back from your family festivities, you can exchange gifts and create your own traditions. Even introducing each other to some of your favorite holiday pastimes can help you feel better about sharing the holidays next year.

#7 Are you unsure that things will work out? If you have been thinking about breaking things off or are doubtful things will last much longer, it may be best to spend the holidays apart. You want to be able to relax and enjoy your day.

Even if you spent last year together and feel like it could cause problems to spend the day apart, try to do it. See how it feels. If it is too soon to tell if things are serious or you know it won’t last, the tension and uncertainty can make the holiday more stressful than need be. [Read: What you need to do when you’re unsure about your new relationship]

#8 Do you celebrate the same holiday? Are you Jewish and your partner Catholic? If you are spending the holidays together but celebrating different events, you will want to clue each other in. Respect each other’s differences, religions, beliefs, and traditions.

And introduce those things to each other. You don’t have to only do what you’ve always done. Share what you love about this time of year with each other. It will bring you closer together.

#9 Did you share your family’s traditions? Preparing each other for the events of the day or weekend is so important here. Make sure your partner knows about any games or things that always happen so they aren’t taken off guard.

If you do Secret Santa, include them. If your aunt always gets wasted by 8 pm, warn them. If there is always a political fight before dessert, let them know what to expect. Not only is this the most respectful way to go about your first holiday together, but it takes a lot of the unknowns out of the equation.

#10 What are your expectations? I know we often expect our partner to know what we want without having to tell them, but that is so unrealistic. They are not mind-readers. Especially around the holidays when our expectations for magic and joy are high, it is so vital to share what you want. [Read: 12 healthy relationship expectations that define a good love life]

Are you expecting jewelry and your partner thinks socks are an acceptable gift? Are you expecting a roast dinner but your partner’s family orders pizza? Let your partner know what you look forward to and how you see your holiday going. By doing this, you are helping each other make the holiday the best it can be. [Read: 14 unrealistic expectations that can ruin your love life]

#11 Can you both keep your cool? With all the magic of the holidays, stress always seems to slip in. We get overwhelmed, exhausted, and unsure. But if you are going to get worked up about missing your yearly viewing of The Santa Clause because your partner’s family watches White Christmas, it may be best to skip this year.

Are you going to put too much pressure on this day? Just because this holiday doesn’t go perfectly doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Will you both be able to handle whatever family craziness comes at you and continue on with your relationship afterward?

Should you spend the holidays together? It is a loaded question that can only be answered with proper communication and prep. Give these things a thought, and whatever you both choose to do, it’ll only bring you two closer.

The post Should You Spend the Holidays Together? Or Is It Too Soon? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Regret the Breakup? 15 Undeniable Signs Your Ex Still Loves You

Breakups aren’t easy. Sometimes when we decide to end a relationship, we feel it wasn’t the best decision. So, are there signs your ex still loves you?

Whatever your reasons, you want to know the signs your ex still loves you. I get it. If it’s just for your ego, that’s one thing. But, if you’re wanting to know because you want to give the relationship another go, knowing the signs will help you decide whether or not you want to confront your ex.

Talking about this with your ex isn’t going to be easy, but if you see them exhibiting these signs, then it’ll be easier for you to have this conversation.

Just remember, even if they show these signs, you may not get the answer you want. There’s always a chance they’re going to say no. It’s something you need to accept beforehand. [Read: How to protect your heart and get back together with an ex]

15 subtle but clear signs your ex still loves you

Breakups suck. Whether you wanted to end the relationship or not, there’s always a small part of you that thinks about the “what if.” For some relationships, couples break up even if they didn’t want to. Maybe their families got involved, or someone moved for work. These things happen and break a loving couple up even though they want to be together.

Maybe you’re completely happy with the breakup, but your ego is dying to know if your ex still loves you. Everyone has their reasons. I’m not going to judge you.

Do they love me? Do they love me not?

#1 They keep photos of you on social media. When most people go through a breakup, they remove any images of their past relationship. They don’t want them around as a reminder. But your ex hasn’t deleted anything. They still have photos of you up on their social media, and it doesn’t look like they’re taking them down any time soon. [Read: The psychology behind deleting photos of your ex on social media]

#2 Your ex keeps in contact with you. Your ex isn’t afraid to give you a call and see how you’re doing. Usually, when someone is over the relationship, they avoid their ex completely, including phoning or texting them. But if your ex is still checking in with you, well, it is one of those clear signs your ex still loves you, or maybe still deeply cares about you.

#3 They tell you they miss you. If your ex is telling you they miss you, then most likely, they still have feelings for you. However, if they’re cheating on you or abusing you, these words are going to be used to win you back. They may not mean it. Look at the relationship and see if they’re genuine when they tell you this. [Read: Here’s why your ex still texts you and keeps in touch]

#4 They’re still close with your friends and family. Your friends and family are still in contact with your ex. It may seem a little odd, but if they’re still keeping in contact with your family and friends, they’re trying to keep one foot in the door. They still have feelings for you and are hoping things will work out.

#5 They rush into a new relationship. I know this may sound like a weird sign, but if you just broke up and they’re already seeing someone else, they’re not over you. This is an obvious rebound, and a clear sign they still love you. They just don’t want to handle the breakup process and think rebounding will help them get over you. [Read: 15 clear signs of a rebound relationship that can’t be hidden]

#6 Your ex becomes angry at you. When two people break up, there are a lot of emotions floating around. Though you may think anger is the opposite of love, it’s not. The opposite of love is indifference. If your ex is still showing emotions such as anger, they probably still have feelings for you. They simply don’t know how to express how they feel.

#7 You always bump into each other. It’s one thing if you both work in the same building, for example. But if you are bumping into each other in places you usually hang out in, the odds are they’re trying to get a chance to see you again. [Read: 14 things to keep in mind when you bump into your ex]

#8 They block and unblock you from social media. One day, you’re their friend on Facebook or following each other on Instagram. The next day, you’ve been blocked. Though it may seem like confusing behavior in your eyes, your ex is struggling with the breakup. When they block you, they’re trying to avoid contacting you.

#9 They ask your friends about you. Well, if your friends are getting texts and calls from your ex, asking them about you, that’s one of the clear signs your ex still loves you and misses you. It’s either that or they’re unable to move on and are becoming obsessive. I would keep an eye on this sign, especially if they’re showing “stalkerish” behavior. [Read: How to breakup with someone who loves you]

#10 They don’t want to give you your things back. Maybe you left some things over at their place. Usually, after a breakup, you’d pick up your things, and that would be the end of it. But your ex isn’t rushing to give you your things back. Once they give you your things, they know it’ll be the last time they see you. [Read: 15 revealing questions to know if you should even be talking to your ex]

#11 When they see you, they reminisce. When you two bump into each other or meet up for a coffee, your ex enjoys talking about the good times in your relationship. They probably miss you and are subtly trying to remind you of the good moments you shared, hoping you’ll give the relationship a second chance.

#12 Your ex is very touchy. When you see them, your ex has their hands all over you. Whether it’s holding your hand, hugging you, or touching your face. Your ex is very touchy. Well, they’re trying to stay close to you, and are either trying to get into your pants or want to be with you again. [Read: When someone touches you – The different body parts and what they mean]

#13 They insult your new partner. You’ve moved on and started to date someone else, which is completely fine. Your ex has found out about your new relationship, and they’re anything but supportive. Instead, they’re jealous and insult your new partner. Well, this just shows they’re not over you and want you to see your new partner isn’t anything in comparison to them.

#14 They contact you during the no-contact period. You decided not to contact each other for thirty days. That way, you both have time to cool down and slowly move on. But your ex is really struggling with the no-contact rule, and they’re breaking it every moment they get. [Read: How to help your ex move on from you for good and find peace]

#15 They tell you they love you. Well, this is a clear sign your ex still loves you. I mean, if they’re telling you to your face they love you, it can’t get any clearer than that. Though, this doesn’t mean you should get back together. Yes, they love you, but love doesn’t equate to a relationship.

[Read: What are the signs your ex has moved on from your relationship?]

Some relationships are hard to move on from. If you’re wondering about the signs your ex still loves you, hopefully, you have your answer.

The post Regret the Breakup? 15 Undeniable Signs Your Ex Still Loves You is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Is Cuddling Cheating or Not? How To Read Between the Blurry Lines

What is cheating to you? Is it kissing or is it sex? Is it an emotional connection? And, is cuddling cheating too? How far are you able to go?

What does it mean to cheat on your partner? Sex? Emotional affair? Kissing? Is cuddling cheating too? Every single person on this planet has a different definition of what is and isn’t cheating.

The lines are blurry, and it often comes down to it happening and understanding how you feel about it at the time.

For instance, you might say that you don’t believe kissing is cheating, but then if your partner is caught kissing someone else, how would you feel? Would you be okay with it? Would you feel upset and then get over it? Or would you suddenly feel so hurt that you can’t overcome the emotion?

It really is something that you can’t know for sure until you’re right there, in the moment. I also hope that you’re never in the situation where you are right there, in the moment too.

Within those blurred lines, is cuddling cheating to you? This is something often hotly debated.

[Read: Understanding relationships and what is cheating]

Is cuddling cheating to you, or is it nothing?

How do you feel about cuddling? What is a cuddle to you? Do you class a cuddle as the same as a hug?

It really comes down to your own personal definition. Because this is such a personal deal, let me share my view on it and see if you agree at the end.

To me, a hug is something fleeting, designed with comfort in mind but doesn’t really mean anything. You can hug anyone and it doesn’t mean that you have feelings or that you even like them. It’s a way of delivering comfort or saying “hey, it’s okay.”

On the other hand, a cuddle is a little more in-depth.

A cuddle is longer and with more body contact, and in my opinion, it communicates more feelings. In many ways, a cuddle is part of an emotional connection. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches that make you feel loved and connected]

So, when you ask is cuddling cheating, ask whether it involves emotions. If it does, then does cuddling work as part of emotional cheating?

Couples cuddle in bed in the morning or last thing at night. It’s a way of feeling better, sharing body heat, feeling the warmth of the person you care about against you, and it basically causes all those feel good endorphins to be released and help you to feel better about everything negative that’s gone on during that day.

So, would you want your partner doing that for another person?

Again, it’s a personal answer, but for me, no.

Would I class it as cheating? Possibly not cheating as a deal breaker, but I wouldn’t be too impressed with the situation, and it would lead me to question what else was going on that I wasn’t aware of.

You see, cuddling doesn’t happen without any type of communication or connection, it’s not something you do randomly to someone who’s just started in the office at work, or someone you barely know. For cuddling to happen, there is a background of some kind, although it may be perfectly platonic.

[Read: 15 cuddle buddy rules to avoid turning into fuck buddies]

The problem with cheating is …

The biggest issue with cheating is that there is no clear definition of what it is. There are no clear cut lines, no definitives, and no absolutes. You might be in a relationship with someone that only considers sex with someone else as cheating. On the other hand, you might have several other definitions in your mind, such as sexting, social media messaging, emotional cheating, etc.

In that case, is cuddling cheating to your partner? That’s the question you should find out the answer to. You need to be on the same page. There can’t really be any blurred lines when it comes to what you deem to be cheating as an absolute and what you don’t. But, at the same time, you might experience something in your relationship that you suddenly don’t feel comfortable with. As a result, you wonder what else is going on. [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably never noticed before]

As I said before, if my partner was caught in a rather cozy cuddle with someone else, I would certainly be wondering if there was any background to it that I needed to know. I would also want to know why they felt it was okay to share close body space with another person, when I know for sure if I was to do it, they wouldn’t be too impressed with it!

So, how can you have the conversation about what is and isn’t cheating with your partner without sounding all negative?

This is something which you need to get right. You can’t sit down and launch into a “we need to talk about cheating” conversation. It’s far better to try in a subtle way. Maybe if cheating comes up during watching a movie together, make a flippant comment, such as “I wouldn’t want my partner doing that …” and then watch their reaction.

Blurred lines simply lead to confusion and upset in the end. Communicate what you really want and what you really see as cheating. The things you won’t accept under any circumstances.

However, it’s also worth remembering, you can never be 100% sure how you’re going to feel about anything until it happens. [Read: Is flirting cheating when you’re already in a relationship?]

My personal experience with cheating

I’ll give you my personal story here. I’m not looking for sympathy, by the way.

I was cheated on. It was horrible. I wasn’t sure of anything for a while, but I’m still with my partner. You might be shaking your head now and wondering if I’ve lost my mind, but that’s the thing – you cannot be sure about anything until you’re in that situation.

Cheating doesn’t always mean the end. Sometimes it means a wake up call to fix a problem that you weren’t even sure was there in the first place. [Read: Affairs in a relationship and the mysterious role of egos in it]

We’re better than we’ve ever been now, but I can’t say I’d want to go through it all again to learn the lesson. So, to avoid you going through it, I want you to know that even though you might have hard boundaries and lines about cheating, even if you’re still asking yourself is cuddling cheating and you’re not sure about it, it’s vital that you keep an open mind in any relationship situation.

Sure, if you have firm boundaries you should stick to them, but also remember that nothing in life is certain. As my story shows, sometimes you have to simply go with it and see how you feel about it after the dust has settled.

For me, if it happened again, that would be my hard line, but for some people, even the first time would be the end.

Learning how you feel about cheating of any kind is something you’ll never know until it happens. You think you know, trust me I did, but you can’t really be sure. All you can do is know what you consider to be cheating and what you don’t.

[Read: What is micro-cheating? Are you guilty of it?]

Is cuddling cheating to you? That’s a question to explore. And while doing so, explore whether there is an emotional connection to that cuddle. If not, surely it’s just a hug, and not an actual cuddle.

The post Is Cuddling Cheating or Not? How To Read Between the Blurry Lines is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Why Am I So Jealous? How to Recognize the Hidden Reasons & Fix It

There are times when I keep wondering, why am I so jealous in this situation? But, once I figured out the issue, I was able to let it go.

Jealousy is a poison. It eats away at you. Whether it is founded in reality or just in your subconscious, it can seep into every part of your life and relationship. If you find yourself wondering, why am I so jealous, it is time to face the issue.

When you feel jealous, it can take over your rational thought process. You may know for 100% certainty that your partner is loyal, but knowing they are going to a business dinner with their hot coworker still drives you nuts.

Where does jealousy come from?

Jealousy can sprout from so many seeds. It can be planted in your mind by the smallest comment in passing.

[Read: How to overcome jealousy and walk away from its destructive power]

When you are jealous, you feel protective. Even if you’re angry or irrational or just plain scared, it comes from a protective place. You have something or someone you hold dear, and something is looming over your happiness.

In fact, your relationship doesn’t even have to be threatened for you to feel jealous. If you have been cheated on in the past, those fears can easily carry into a new relationship with a new person that has never hurt you.

You may also be jealous due to insecurity. That insecurity can come from your childhood, a past relationship, your parents, or anything else. Feeling unworthy of love can make you hyperaware of anything that could sabotage your relationship.

Along with these, broken trust, competition, projection, and even just a gut-feeling can make you jealous. But, it isn’t always easy to nail down the source of your jealousy when it is taking over.

[Read: 20 ways to tame the green-eyed monster]

Why am I so jealous?

You may have already found something I said to be familiar. Maybe your past relationships are haunting your current one, or you are still working on trusting a partner you forgave for lying.

Identifying what is making you jealous can help you face the cause head-on and get over those doubtful feelings.

#1 Your past. Your past is probably the biggest aggressor when it comes to feeling jealous. Our psyche gets used to a certain pattern and expects it to happen again. Being able to anticipate cheating or lying is a form of protection that comes from being hurt in the past.

Maybe your ex dumped you for their secretary so now you are jealous of your current partner’s assistant. You put yourself into survival mode so you aren’t hurt again. You may act irrationally because you are dead-set on securing what you have.

Talk to your partner. Let them know you trust them, but that you can’t help but be worried because of what you’ve been through in the past. They should understand that this isn’t about you doubting them. Being able to share your past and fears with your partner and having them understand can help ease your jealousy. [Read: 17 relationship red flags most people completely ignore]

#2 Insecurity. I like to consider myself a confident person. I definitely wouldn’t say I have self-esteem issues, but insecurities gets to all of us, even those in happy relationships.

I recently starting seeing someone, and we are extremely happy. For some reason, I stalked his social media recently and came across photos of him and his ex. They broke up years ago, and I know they don’t talk, but seeing those photos still lit a fire inside me.

There was no rational or substantial reason for me to feel jealous. I have a past dating life too, but some insecurity deep down brought on those feelings. They passed quickly and I realized what happened, but even the smallest insecurity can make you jealous.

This is something your partner can soothe temporarily for you with an ego-boost of compliments, but you really should address this on your own since this comes from within you. [Read: 20 common reasons why you feel insecure and care more than other people]

#3 A need to win. Competition for someone with control issues or a need to win or even just be on the same level as someone else can lead to jealousy. And you may think romantic jealousy is different than in-office competition, but it isn’t so.

You could be jealous of your partner’s ex because they have a better job than you. You could be jealous of your partner’s celebrity crush or some girl he liked a photo of on Instagram. It can be completely ridiculous but to someone competitive in life, it can be so hard not to compare yourself. [Read: My boyfriend likes other girls’ pictures on Instagram – Here’s what to do]

This can go hand-in-hand with insecurity but can also be drawn from a need to win or have control. Trying to focus on yourself and your relationship rather than any external factors can help.

#4 Mistrust. If your partner has cheated or lied in the past, rebuilding that trust can be very hard. You may have forgiven them but you haven’t forgotten the pain. Even if your partner has given you no substantiated reason to be jealous, once the trust is broken, jealousy sneaks through all those cracks.

In this case, there is no easy fix. You can’t just put BandAids on the scars and move forward. Work on trust with your partner. It will take effort, time, and a lot of talking and trustworthy behavior.

Sometimes therapy and trust exercises can go a long way to regain trust. [Read: How to rebuild trust after even the worst type of betrayal]

#5 Projection. When we do something wrong, we are a lot more likely to accuse others of doing wrong. First off, we don’t want to be alone in our guilt, but we also know that if we are capable of something so are others.

You may not understand why you are jealous of your partner’s coworker. You know nothing is going on, but you feel uneasy about it or feel the need to bring it up with your partner.

This could be projection. Without even realizing it, you may be flirting with a coworker. It could be innocent, but deep down you know that you are doing something on the verge of cheating. Your buried guilt is showing up through jealousy.

Think about how you have been acting with others and roll back anything that you feel uncomfortable knowing your partner was doing, and see if those feelings go away. [Read: Micro-cheating – What it is and signs you’re accidentally doing it]

#6 Fear. Fear is the cause of all jealousy. Whether the fear of losing control, fear of loss, fear of heartbreak and pain… it goes on. The fear of pain or losing someone is so strong. It can negate everything you do.

Fear can be paralyzing. When it shows up through jealousy, it can get very ugly. It is so hard to let go of fear, especially this one. Talk to your partner about it. Whether you’ve been cheated on or betrayed in the past or not, losing someone you love is scary.

Just letting out those feelings can take some of the weight away.

#7 Self-sabotage. When we are protecting ourselves from pain, we often self-sabotage. This means we end things before we get hurt. This can be brought on by fear, low self-esteem, and a variety of things.

We get irrationally jealous as a way to push away our partner before they can push us away. A great example of this is Ross and Rachel from Friends. He gets insanely jealous of not only Rachel’s new job but also her coworker Mark, who has been nothing but a gentleman. [Read: 12 common ways you could be sabotaging your happiness]

We know Ross has been hurt in the past and that he has low self-esteem. Being with the girl he has adored since he was a kid is a dream for him. For so long he thought it was unattainable. Now that Rachel was with him, he was probably terrified she would leave.

Instead of sharing that with her openly and honestly, he self-sabotaged his own happiness with overkill. He suffocated her with love and jealousy which at first seems like a way to hold onto the relationship. Subconsciously, it was so he could end things before she could. [Read: Are you exhibiting the signs of being emotionally dependent on your partner?]

#8 Your gut. Jealousy is a funny thing. There can be so many things that bring it on and that can be explained, and there can also be no rational reason. There may be nothing you can put your finger on.

Your partner may be a gem. There are no suspicious phones calls in the middle of the night. They aren’t late from work or smelling like someone else. But for some reason, you can’t shake the feeling they’re cheating. Sometimes your gut just knows.

[Read: The complete guide to stop being insecure and start being happy in your relationship]

Can you now answer that frustrating question, why am I so jealous? I hope you can. And then I hope you work through it for a happy and healthy relationship.

The post Why Am I So Jealous? How to Recognize the Hidden Reasons & Fix It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Play It Cool: How to Confirm a Date without Sounding Desperate

Ever wondered how to confirm a date without sounding desperate? It’s all in the wording and the timing! We have all the tips you need to for success.

Ah, the first date. Full of butterflies in the stomach, confusion, excitement, and “should I” or “shouldn’t I.” But it all even starts before the actual date! So, if you’re wondering how to confirm a date without sounding desperate, read on.

Where do you fall?

Most people fall into one of two categories—those who adore the mystery and adventure of a first date, and those who hate the awkwardness. I am somewhere in the middle, but certainly more towards the second category. Personally, I would prefer to skip forward a few weeks and get past the confusing part.

However, if you’re someone who loves first dates, there is one area you will probably agree with me on – How to confirm a date without sounding desperate.

We all need to confirm details, right? We need to confirm that we’re both going to be at the same place, at the same time, with the right idea. This is just basic manners, however, when the dating situation is thrown into it, especially a first date, nobody seems to want to do the confirming. As a result, there is the “is this happening or isn’t it?” situation.

I hate that situation. [Read: Double texting and second texts – The guidebook to play it cool]

Over the years, I have done my best to figure out how to confirm a date without sounding desperate and usually failed, but then I came across a foolproof method which works time and time again.

It all comes down to the words you use, the timing, and the “one strike and you’re out” method.

Let me explain. [Read: How to ask someone if they like you without embarrassing yourself]

How to confirm a date without sounding desperate – Why confirm in the first place?

First, let’s talk about the reason that confirming a date might be awkward.

You’ve agreed to go on a date, but it might be that no solid plans were made. That means the idea is still floating in the air casually without confirmation. The problem is, we all agree to things in the moment that we have no intention of doing, so when you’re trying to confirm date details, you’re also asking them whether they still want to go on the date with you. You’re subtly reminding them that they agreed to meet you.

What if they’ve changed their mind? What if they only agreed because it was awkward at the time but never had any real intention of actually going through with it?

Oh, the awkwardness!

This cringe-worthiness might cause you to not bother even attempting to confirm the date in the first place, but then what if you’re missing out? What if they feel the same way, worried that you want to back out and too scared to be the one to make the first move and attempt to get the date in motion?

You know what my advice is? Just do it.

Seriously, life is too short for all this “do they/don’t they” rubbish.

Despite that, I don’t want you to jump in with both feet, a little too eager. That’s where my three elements of how to confirm a date without sounding desperate come into play. [Read: How long should a first date last? A guide to perfect timing]

Element 1 – The words you use

The words you use dictate whether or not you’re coming over as desperate or simply wondering. Obviously, simply wondering is the feel we’re going for here. Without a doubt, I would always try and confirm a date by message or text. Never call and ask. It’s too embarrassing if they say no, and they might also feel like they have to agree when they don’t really want to. I don’t mean to sound negative, but I think messages are best.

The problem is, you need to hit the perfect piece of middle ground. Too many words and you err into essay territory, and too few and it looks like you can’t be bothered. For starters, nobody has time to read an essay, and secondly, you should at least look like you want to meet this person!

Keep it light and uncomplicated and avoid negative phrases, like “if you don’t want to, I understand.” That looks desperate on many levels, just as much as “please come” does!

Something along the lines of “hey, I wondered if you were still up for meeting?” And then wait for their response. Don’t confirm with a date, time, and place to meet until you know that the date is actually going to go ahead. You’re giving them an ‘out’ here without it looking like you’re trying too hard. If they don’t reply, take it as a no and move on. If they reply with something that sounds distinctly like they’re trying to put you off, again, take the hint and move on.

However, if they reply with a positive answer, simply say something like “Great. How does Sunday sound? I’m free any time after 6pm.” That sounds like you have a life because you’re busy before 6pm, but doesn’t dictate where they need to be and at what time, almost like they’re heading to a job interview. Avoid anything else. Save the “great to see you” for the actual date! [Read: How to avoid getting stood up on a date]

Element 2 – The timing

The next element is the timing. The words are nothing without the right timing.

Firstly, remember that people have busy lives and that means you can’t suggest a date for that evening or even the following day and expect them to be free. Send your text at least three or four days beforehand, giving them enough time to figure out what else they already have planned. It also makes it look like you’re busy and can’t simply drop everything too.

Clever, huh?

Secondly, don’t send your text too early in the morning or too late at night. Too early looks eager, because it basically implies that they were the first person you thought of when you woke up. Cute, but save that for when the relationship is solidified, if it gets that far.

Texting too late at night also shows you’re thinking about them for the wrong reason, or you were too busy to think about it during the day. Either way, stick to the middle of the day, perhaps mid-afternoon, to send your text. [Read: A complete guide to texting before the first date]

Element 3 – One strike and you’re out

Finally, when learning how to confirm a date without sounding desperate, stick to the ‘one strike and you’re out’ rule. Basically, you text them about the date only once. If they reply, great; if they don’t, move the hell on and do not send another text under any circumstances!

Do not send a lighthearted text about something else entirely, subliminally trying to remind them about the date you’re supposed to be having. Yes, I know how your mind works! You’re showing desperation if you continue to text them. Ask them once and leave it at that.

At the end of the day, if they’re not replying to you, do you really want to go on a date with this person anyway? It’s rude to ghost someone, and replying to say “no, thank you” is better than ignoring them completely! Manners people. Always rate manners highly, and you won’t go wrong!

Okay, I understand, it’s hard to do the ‘one strike’ thing when you really want to meet this person and go on a date. It’s important that you take either no reply or a flaky reply in the intention it is meant. It’s basically a no without actually saying the words. Take it on the chin, move on, and find someone you don’t have to work quite so hard for.

[Read: How to know if someone actually likes you back]

Understanding how to confirm a date without sounding desperate isn’t hard, provided you stick to the three rules I’ve talked about.

The post Play It Cool: How to Confirm a Date without Sounding Desperate is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Happy Republic Day Wishes, Messages and Quotes

Republic Day Wishes: Sending Republic Day wishes and messages to family and friends on this auspicious event is a wonderful... More

The post Happy Republic Day Wishes, Messages and Quotes appeared first on WishesMsg.