They are everywhere – people who are selfish and don’t really care about others. You probably know one, but here is how to tell if someone is using you.
When it comes to being used, it can happen to anyone. Actually, you’ll encounter at least one person *more like hundreds* who will try to use you in your lifetime. You may be able to dodge the bullet now and then, but the only way to know how to tell someone is using you is actually to be used.
It’s a crappy way to learn, but it’s the best way.
Now, that’s not to say that you should put yourself in a position to be used. In fact, no one would wish that upon you at all. So, that’s why we’re writing this feature—to provide insight on what to watch out for.
[Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot them and stop them from hurting you]
What makes someone a user? The characteristics of someone who is using you
What exactly makes someone a user? How did they get that way, and what are the personality characteristics to watch out for? In this section, we’re going to explore those questions. [Read: How to spot a narcissist instantly and save yourself a lot of pain]
First of all, a user is not a nice person
That may sound obvious, but sometimes it’s not. There are some users out there who are outgoing, charming, and charismatic. Other people may actually like them a lot! But that’s one of their tricks.
If people didn’t like them and fall for their tricks, then they wouldn’t be so easily fooled by the user.
Generally, the user sounds so sincere, and so when they are using you, sometimes you don’t even notice it. And that’s exactly what they want. It’s easier to use someone when they don’t know that they’re being used. [Read: 20 worrying signs you are being taken advantage of in a relationship]
Second, they are extremely selfish
Most people have some level of selfishness, because it’s just a survival instinct. But users take selfishness to the extreme. Everything is all about them. They want things the way they want it… and when they want it.
Users don’t even think about other people’s needs at all. They are too busy trying to figure out how to get what they want.
In fact, you could say that they lack empathy and are pretty much a narcissist. They cannot put themselves into other people’s shoes and see things from their perspective. Everything is all about them. [Read: How to deal with a narcissist in the best way you possibly can]
So, how did a user get that way?
Were they just born like that, or is their behavior a product of their childhood? Well, the answer is actually quite complicated. Some people may be born with tendencies to be a user. However, a lot of people who are users are that way because of their life experiences.
Perhaps their parents ignored their needs growing up. Or maybe they were even emotionally or physically abused.
If that’s the case, you can kind of see why someone might turn into a user. When they didn’t get their needs met, that makes them want to turn the tables on people when they get older.
Now, this is not to say that you should excuse a user’s behavior. Quite the contrary, actually! But it does help you understand how someone got that way. You should always look out for #1 – yourself. Just because they had bad experiences in their lives doesn’t give them the right to use anyone, especially you! [Read: How to handle a friend that uses you – The best ways to take a stand and break the cycle]
How to tell someone is using you
These signs aren’t just for intimate relationships. These are signs you might see in family members, colleagues, teachers, and even your next-door neighbor. However, there’s one thing you should know. Knowing these signs is only half of the work. Learn how to act on them too, because that’s the only thing that matters.
If you’re aware that someone is clearly using you, doing nothing won’t change the situation. But, before you turn to action, first, identify the traits of a user. That way, you can avoid them. [Read: The best guilt-free ways to handle guilt trippers in your life]
Let’s make it stop before it happens.
1. You feel off
When someone uses you, you feel it. We all have this ability, but most of us ignore our gut instinct. Connect with it. Your body will tell you whether or not this person is someone you want in your life.
You’ll feel uncomfortable as if there’s a lack of balance in the relationship. And you don’t want an imbalanced relationship. [Read: How to listen to your gut and give strength to your inner voice]
2. You can’t say no
Physically, you can say no, but when it comes to them, you can’t. You’re scared to say no and worry about what will happen if you do. Does this sound healthy to you? Does this sound like a healthy relationship?
Of course, it does not. If they make you feel guilty for saying no, then they want to manipulate you. [Read: How to say no to people and feel awesome about yourself instead]
3. Call out of convenience
When you call or text them, they hardly reply on time. Sometimes it even takes days for them to call you back.
But when they need something from you, they call non-stop. They only want something from you. This is what you need to understand. This isn’t a genuine relationship, it’s a relationship of convenience. [Read: Friends of convenience – The good ones and the bad ones you must avoid]
4. They live on favors
Not only are you someone who does a lot of favors for them, but they also never do anything for you. This is a self-interest-based relationship, so they’re only doing what benefits them.
Maybe they’ll do a small favor for you, but that’s only because they need to continue using you. [Read: 18 signs of self-centered people and the best ways to confront them]
5. They’re selectively nice to you
We all have the ability to control our moods. If you’re wondering how to tell if someone is using you, pay attention to their behavior when they don’t need you.
Do you find that they ignore or are rude to you when they don’t need you? Being selectively nice to you isn’t by chance. Only being kind to you when you do something for them isn’t a good sign. It’s a huge sign of someone who’s trying to use you.
6. They betray your trust
Maybe they started hitting on a guy you like or use your ideas to push themselves higher in their careers. But the point is, they’re betraying your trust. You told them your ideas or dreams because you trust them, but it’s not a two-way street. This person is using you for their own personal gain.
7. They don’t give back
You may have taken them out for dinner, lent them money, or given them support during a breakup, but they never did anything for you. They’re not paying you back in any way. You’re starting to look like a welcome mat they can walk all over. [Read: When people use you – How to stop being a doormat and regain control of your life again]
8. You dislike them
Even though this may be your sister or close friend, the more you’re around them, the more you dislike them as a person.
With all the favors and guilt-trips, how can you not feel resentment towards them? This isn’t a balanced relationship if you’re feeling bad about yourself.
9. They’re hot and cold
When you’re just about to make a move and cut them off, they do something extremely kind and sweet for you.
You think they changed, but that’s not the case. They’re going to use you again, drop you on the side of the road, and pick you up when they need you. You’re walking on eggshells. [Read: 3 stages to understand why some people blow hot and cold]
10. They don’t know you
When you break it down, this person doesn’t actually know anything about you. They don’t call you out for coffee or listen to you vent about work. They’re not even sure they know what you do for work. If this person cared about you, they would invest their time and energy in the relationship.
11. They’re very pushy
When they’re not getting their way, they’re extremely pushy and manipulative. In these situations, it’s hard to say no. They use crafty words to make you feel guilty.
It’s common to hear, “I thought you were my friend” or “You’re not being a good friend right now.” If they weren’t using you, they would never push you to do something you don’t want to do.[Read: Manipulative behavior – What makes it so toxic and the signs you should never ignore]
12. When you need help, they’re gone
If you’re trying to figure out how to tell someone is using you, this one is quite common. When you need a helping hand, they’re not there for you.
Maybe they’re not feeling well or have a really busy schedule. There will always be some excuse. And it happens over and over again. They’re using you!
13. They only text
Maybe they call, but only when it’s an emergency. Usually, they stick to texting because why would they put any more effort into the relationship?
If they never text you for anything outside of a favor, they’re using you. It’s clear you’re not worth the phone call. [Read: How to set personal boundaries and guide other people to respect it]
14. They’re in charge
If you thought you had control over the relationship, you’re crazy. If you’re being used, you’re not in control. You’re the doormat, not them. If they have full control over the relationship, then they’re using you. They will only do what serves them, and this isn’t right.
15. They actually tell you they use you
Okay, they may not literally say, “I’m using you,” but, they’ll say things like, “I know I’ve asked you for help lately and only hang out with you when I need something. I’m sorry.”
This is an attempt to make you feel empathetic, but they’re just a jerk. They have no plans to change. [Read: How to instantly tell the difference between real and fake friends]
16. They never pay
When people are using others, they do it out of self-interest. What makes you think they’re going to pay? Hell, no, they won’t take out their wallets for you. They tell you they’ll get the next lunch or dinner, but it never happens. Never.
17. They “borrow” money from you
The word borrow is in quotations marks for a reason. When nice, normal people borrow money from someone, they have good intentions of paying the person back – and they do.
But when users borrow money from you, they almost never will. You might as well kiss your money goodbye forever.
18. They always ask you to do things for them
If a user needs to move, you will be the first person they call. If they need something fixed around the house, you will definitely hear from them. You might feel like they are always asking favors from you. And if that’s true, then you are being used. [Read: Signs of sneaky people – 20 signs that should make you run]
19. They lie to you
Let’s say that this person tells you that they have a great investment opportunity for you. They say you will get 500% return on your investment in just a year.
They make it sound amazing, and you are fooled by their words. But they don’t really mean it. They probably just made up those lies so they could swindle money out of you.
20. They ignore your needs
Everyone has needs. We all want to be loved, respected, and cherished. We want people to help us and to be nice to us. But if you are constantly trying to express your feelings and needs to a user, it will fall on deaf ears.
They don’t care at all about your needs because they are too busy trying to figure out how to get their own needs met. [Read: Selfish friends – They take so much and give nothing in return]
21. They make you buy them things
Maybe you are newly dating someone and they complain about how their laptop is not working right. They drop hints all the time about how they need a new one.
They may even come right out and ask or tell you to buy them one. If they are always making you buy things for them, then you are being used.
22. They never reciprocate
The whole basic definition of a user is that it is only one-sided. They just take, take, take, and then take some more.
They never think to give back to you – or anyone else for that matter. The whole world revolves around them, and they have zero needs or desires to give back to anyone.
[Read: 20 worrying signs you’re being taken advantage of in a relationship you trust]
No one wants to be used. It makes us feel terrible, gives us low self-esteem, and makes us feel like we can’t trust anyone in the world! But once you know how to tell if someone is using you, you can learn to recognize the signs and take a stand. And honestly, it all starts from there!
The post How to Tell Someone Is Using You: 22 Signs a User Just Can’t Hide is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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