In Love with a Married Woman? 18 Steps to Do What’s Best for Your Heart

Being in love with a married woman is never an easy thing. You know it’s wrong, so here are some ways to break it off and move on with your life.

Oh gosh, being in love with a married woman is a sticky situation. It is usually highly discouraged. Of course, for the obvious reason that this person is married. But secondly, married people, men and women, rarely end their marriages to be with their side-partner.

Maybe the woman you’re with wanted to escape her reality or is unhappy with her marriage, but it doesn’t mean she’s going to take off her ring and call it quits. And for you, it’s not a good spot to be in. You’re not in control of anything. Rather, you’re at the whim of your married partner.

Should you date a married woman? 

Well, the answer to this question should be obvious – no. After all, she is married. And that means that she’s unavailable. You might keep hoping she will leave her husband, but you can’t control her actions.

Think about how her husband would feel if he knew she was involved with you. Do you think that would make him happy? Of course not. And you are participating in a situation where it really isn’t making anyone happy – not you, not her, and certainly not her husband.

She might tell you she’s in love with you and will leave her husband. Okay. Well, the chances are that she won’t. But even if she does, think about the consequences. If she is cheating on her husband, what makes you think she won’t cheat on you? [Read: Common types of affairs and 20 signs and reasons people get into one]

Starting a relationship that is based on lies never works out well. It’s deception, and that’s not true love. So, morally speaking, it’s never okay to date a married woman.

Therefore, you should walk away.

In love with a married woman? How to end the relationship

You’ve decided that it’s time to move on. If that’s the case, we couldn’t agree more. What are you doing with a married woman? Unless she already signed the divorce papers, there’s no guarantee things will work in your favor.

[Read: How to date a married woman and avoid the messy web of drama]

And the person who’s really going to hurt is you. She has her life, and she’ll go back to it. But you’ll be the one who gets hit the hardest. If you’re thinking about calling it quits, here are some things you should do.

1. Focus on her actions, not her words

So, she’s told you she wants to leave her husband but has she left him yet? You can’t hang around based on her words. If there’s action, that’s one thing. But, if she’s just telling you what you want to hear, that’s not fair. Once you see her behavior, then you have a base to work off of. [Read: Are you suffering from the White Knight syndrome?]

2. Talk to her about it

Listen, she’s been sleeping with you while in a committed relationship with her husband. So, it’s clear something is going on in her marriage. But that doesn’t mean she’s willing to end things so she can be with you.

Have a conversation with her and see what she wants. You’ve watched her behavior; now it’s time to sit down and have a serious conversation about the future. Is she looking for something serious and long-term with you, or just a bit of fun to compensate for her boring marriage?

3. You don’t really know your partner

Of course, you think you know her, but when she goes home, she has a completely different life that you’re not a part of. Maybe she has children, for example, and you are not a part of that section of her life, which is pretty significant. 

So, keep this in mind when thinking about your future. You’re only seeing one side of her. [Read: Feeling trapped? Should you stay or break free?]

4. Think about yourself

When in a sticky situation, we push our needs aside and focus on what we want at the moment. Yes, you spend time together, but you’re not given her full attention.

Remember you’re worthy of attention, honesty, and genuine love. As of now, you’re a secret, and unless she makes a move, that’s all you’ll ever be. You need to love yourself enough to acknowledge that you deserve more than she gives you.

 5. Break up in person

Yes, we’re all about texting these days, but when it comes to relationships, breakups should be done in person. So, if you’re going to end the relationship, meet with her in person and talk about how you feel. 

You need closure, and so does she. If it lacks closure, then there’s a chance the relationship will open up again in the future. [Read: Breaking up with someone you love – 20 right reasons to walk away]

6. Don’t fall for her lines

When emotional and desperate, we say things and promise things we cannot fulfill. When you break up with her, she may say that she’s going home right now to end the marriage, but don’t fall for that. Sure, at that moment, maybe she does want to do that. But as of now, she hasn’t.

So, yes, she’s welcome to do that, but don’t wait for her to make that move. During a breakup, both men and women will say things we don’t necessarily mean in hopes of keeping things the way they are. [Read: Here’s the guide for how to leave someone you love]

7. Be very straightforward

Listen, if you really want to move on with your life, be straightforward. Don’t say any lines like, “maybe one day we’ll reconnect.” No, no, no. This isn’t closing the door, it’s leaving it cracked open. You don’t deserve that, and neither does she. Be clear that you must end the relationship. It’s finished. 

8. Don’t contact her

After the breakup, it will be hard to cope. You’re in love with a married woman; it’s heartbreaking and tragic. But don’t contact her. If you decide to move on, stick to your word and move on. You’ll be tempted all the time to contact her, but you can’t. [Read: Reasons why the no contact rule always works]

9. Don’t accept her calls and messages

If she’s unhappy with her marriage and life in general, she will feel desperate after the breakup. She’ll try to get your attention any way she can and contact you in hopes of things working out. But don’t slip into the trap. Remove her number from your phone, block her calls and messages, and move on with your life. 

10. Remove her and her friends from your phone/social media

You may have her on social media, including her friends. Make the move and delete all of them from your phone and social media. If you keep them, it’s just an opening for her to reach out to you. If you really want to move on, you must take tough actions. [Read: How to feel better after a breakup and find your happiness again]

11. Give yourself time to move on

You won’t fall in love with someone new the next day after the breakup. If anything, it’s going to be a rough period for you. Breakups really suck, especially when the love is still there. But she’s married, and this isn’t something you should accept.

You want a full and wholesome relationship, and it’s something she can’t provide. Give yourself time to move on and process the emotions.

How to fall out of love with a married woman and get over her

Now that you know how to break up with a married woman, here is how you can fall out of love with her and move on. [Read: How long does it take to get over a breakup – 3 months and more timeline]

1. Don’t suppress your emotions

If you have to cry, then cry. You’re allowed to feel grief and pain. After all, it is a loss. The ending of a relationship is not something you can just ignore. If you allow yourself to experience your sadness, it will give your mind and body instant release.

If you don’t let your emotions out, it will be more difficult for you to move on. Recognize your feelings and work through them. Don’t bottle them up.

2. Identify your triggers

If you can, try to identify your triggers and what makes you upset. Eventually, you’ll see the patterns of things that make you emotional. When you figure that out, make the effort to avoid those triggers. [Read: Mutual breakup – why they happen and how to recognize the signs]

For example, maybe you always met at a certain park or had drinks at a secluded bar so no one would see you. Well, avoid those places. Put the pictures away that you have of you and her so you don’t have to look at them.

3. Accept that it’s over

When you break up with someone, it can make you feel powerless. You just have to accept the fact that it’s over and that you can’t do anything to change that. It’s impossible to make her leave her husband to be with you. That’s out of your control.

All you can do now is figure out how to be happy again. The more you fight the fact that the relationship is over, the worse you’ll feel. Don’t resist the breakup. If you can accept the circumstances, you will feel more empowered to go out and try to find love again. [Read: 16 lessons to recover from a breakup one day at a time and move ahead]

4. Forgive 

You might have a lot of resentment toward her because she wouldn’t leave her husband for you. While that’s understandable, you have to realize her point of view too. It’s not easy to end a marriage, especially if children are involved. So, while she shouldn’t have had an affair with you, she did. 

Or, you might be angry with yourself for ever getting involved with a married woman in the first place. You knew it wasn’t ethical or moral, but you did it anyway – maybe even against your better judgment. It’s not the best thing to do, but since it’s in the past, just forgive yourself. And vow to never do it again.

5. Let go of your anger and stop blaming her

It’s easy to be angry with the married woman for not committing to you when you are in love. You might even think she was cruel to start things up with you and should have just let you live your life. [Read: How to stop being angry – free your mind and stop hurting yourself]

But you need to let this go and stop blaming her. As the saying goes, it takes two to tango. You were a willing participant in this affair just as much as she was. When you keep blaming her, it makes you feel powerless. Holding on to resentment doesn’t help you – it only hurts.

6. Stay busy

When you go through a breakup, many people just want to crawl into a hole and stay there forever. They might turn to alcohol or a lot of ice cream to get through it. But staying at home and drowning your sorrows like that won’t help.

Instead, stay busy. Call up your friends and go out on the town. Go visit your family. You could take up a new hobby and learn something new. Or, you can try a meetup group to find like-minded people to hang out with. The point is to stay busy so don’t have the time to obsess over her. [Read: Ways to stop moaning and stay busy after a breakup]

7. Start dating again

You might not want to get back out there and find someone else because you were in love. But you really have no choice unless you want to stay single forever. When it feels right, you should start dating again, but this time, make it with single women.

Get on some dating apps and write a great profile. Take good pictures that will attract the right woman. After a while, you will find Ms. Right and forget all about Ms. Married Lady.

[Read: Understanding your boundaries in dating]

If you’re in love with a married woman, it’s a tough spot to be in. Yes, your heart tells you to keep going, but it’s time to listen to your head.

The post In Love with a Married Woman? 18 Steps to Do What’s Best for Your Heart is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.