How soon is too soon to move in? Whether dating or married, moving together is a big step to take. Here are all the signs and tips you’re ready to cohabitate!
Moving in together is a big step. In a way, it is similar to marriage because it takes your relationship from part-time to full-time. There are things you will learn about each other when you’re always under the same roof that you never would have known before, and you may run into potential hazards along the way.
Sooner or later, you will learn how compatible you are when it comes to living together. Moving in together is a big commitment of time, emotions, and money. Therefore, it’s not a step to be taken lightly. The reality is that only you and your partner know when the timing is right.
If you’re contemplating whether you and your partner are ready to live together, we have all the helpful tips, signs, and discussion topics that will help you feel confident about the next steps in your relationship.
[Read: Are you ready to move in together? Your complete 16-point checklist]
Why do couples move in together?
There are many reasons why couples decide to move in together, the most notable reason being commitment. Couples who make this decision are implementing a more significant amount of commitment to their relationship.
Tradition will tell you that it is best to wait until marriage to move in together. But modern relationships have shown opposite results. It is more popular to live with your partner first, see if you can handle each other’s quirks, and then tie the knot.
But most couples don’t let statistics sway their decision. They move in together because they are excited and ready for shared responsibility and commitment. And of course, thrilled about being able to see their significant other more often. [Read: 49 signs and ways to show your commitment in love]
How long should you be dating before moving in together?
There is no exact answer to this question. How long to date before moving in depends entirely on your relationship with your partner. It is less about time spent together and more about the maturity of the relationship.
If you are both mature, stable, and want to live together, then there is really no reason not to. You just have to make sure that the situation feels right for you.
Some people move in after knowing each other for 6 months, get married, and live happily ever after. Others wait over a decade to move in, only to promptly break up. Every couple is different and on their own timeline.
How to know if you’re ready to move in
Before wondering if it’s too soon to move in, you need to understand that readiness to move in together can come down to the facts or the feelings. There is a lot to consider.
Do you feel close enough to each other? Do you think you’ll be happy coming home to them every day? Have you discussed household chores or how many nights a week friends can stay over? These things don’t matter when you are casually dating, but can make or break a live-in relationship.
This volley of questions can be overwhelming, and you don’t have to answer them all right now. Keep in mind that all of these issues will come up at some point. You will need to be ready to talk to your partner about them.
If discussing these things with your partner is too much for you, you may want to put living together on hold. [Read: Common relationship problems faced by couples who live together]
But if these questions excite you and you are looking forward to working through all of this with your partner, you’re probably ready to move in.
What to know before you move in together
Before you move in together, you need to have a solid understanding with your partner about possible issues and unique challenges the two of you will be facing together under the same roof.
Living in the same house means you will hold responsibilities the same as your partner. The things you will be responsible for may differ, but that is why it is so important to be on the same page about topics such as financing and chores.
We are sure you’ve heard it before, but expenses are a big factor that can make or break a couple. Before you move in together, you need to know if you are ready financially. Debt and splitting bills should be discussed ahead of time. Consider where you’ll be moving to, and what your budget will look like.
Finances aren’t the only thing you should plan ahead of time before you make the move. We have seven more topics that are worth discussing before you and your boo decide to move in together.
What to talk about before moving in together
Being on the same page as your partner about these topics will ensure that your move-in experience follows through smoothly.
1. Your motivations for moving in together
Why do you want to move in with your partner? And why does your partner want to move in with you? It sounds simple, but you should be transparent about your motivations for moving in together.
Your motivations for living together should be emotionally driven, not for convenience or financial relief. Make sure this is a step in your relationship that you and your partner are emotionally driven to take. This should feel like a want, not a need.
2. What living together will be like
What would everyday life look like if you shared a house together? You and your partner should discuss your schedules prior to making the commitment to move in together.
If you have long or opposite work schedules, would this prevent you from keeping up with your responsibilities around the house? Will you be able to find time to spend with each other? [Read: Time management techniques for couples]
Do your lifestyle choices complement one another’s? You will want to be on the same page as your partner when it comes to spending time together.
3. Where you’ll live
Will one of you be moving into the other’s house, or will you purchase a new house together? Location is important when deciding where or if you will be moving in together.
Will you be moving farther or closer to work? Do you have resources you will want or need near your new house? Both parties need a location they can benefit from.
4. Types of residencies you’re interested in
Along with discussing where you will be living, it’s important to make sure you know what kind of living space suits you and your partner best.
How many rooms will your house have? Do you and your partner have enough space for your hobbies and belongings?
The size of your space matters as well. Are you and your partner looking to grow a family in your new house? It’s okay if this is an answer you don’t know yet. What matters is being on the same page with your partner about it.
5. How you’ll furnish your new place
Have you budgeted for furniture? What type of furniture, appliances, and decorations would benefit the two of you?
Furnishing a new home might seem like fun, but there are still important steps that should be discussed before your shopping spree.
Do you and your partner have similar or clashing senses of style? Either is fine, just be sure to discuss house decorations with your partner so neither one of you feels left out. Keep in mind that you are sharing a space, so this is a good time to let both of your personalities shine.
6. If you’ll have pets
Pets are a big responsibility. Whether you already have one or plan on adopting, this is a conversation you need to have. Your partner needs to be on the same page about pets as you or you risk causing major issues. [Read: Considering adopting a pet? The things both of you need to ask yourselves]
Does your partner like pets, specifically the same ones as you? If they are okay with owning a new pet, will you share the responsibility of feeding and cleaning? Will you allow the pets on the furniture or are they limited to the floor?
All of these questions and the financial responsibilities for the pet need to be discussed. Introducing a pet to your family is a big commitment you both need to be ready for.
7. How expenses will be managed
To run a successful household, you need to agree on a budget. It is vital that you and your partner discuss how expenses will be allocated in a way that works for both of you.
If one of you makes more than the other, are you okay with an imbalanced contribution? How would an imbalanced contribution reflect on your housing budget? Have you factored in things like utility bills, household supplies, and groceries? [Read: What to do if your partner makes more money than you]
You need to be able to come to understandings and compromises when discussing financials. Nothing crushes a happy relationship faster than poverty, and it comes quickly when reasonable financial expectations are not in place.
Does moving in together help a relationship?
Moving in together is guaranteed to bring you and your partner closer, at least in the sense that you’ll be under the same roof. But this alone does not necessarily mean that your relationship will flourish.
The only way to guarantee it will help your relationship is if you already have a solid foundation. If your relationship is strong and you’re confident you can navigate its unique challenges, then chances are your relationship will get better over time if you live together.
You must know that sharing a living space will not automatically make them a better partner. If you struggle with relationship flaws like communication or secrecy, sharing a room together will not fix your problems.
Ensure that you want to move in with your partner because you are ready for the commitment. Not because there are flaws in your relationship you think will magically disappear. [Read: How to commit to a relationship and show your partner you’re serious]
The clearest signs you’re both ready to move in together soon
There is no specific time that you should or shouldn’t move in. But, there are some signs that you’re ready to move in and it isn’t too soon for you.
1. You know your partner well
It is a good sign that you know your partner well enough to be familiar with their habits, interests, and vulnerabilities. Living together is intimate, so it is best that you are familiar with your partner’s traits before diving in too fast.
Knowing your partner well means you are not afraid to be yourself around them, and they aren’t afraid to either. This is the first step in knowing how soon is too soon to move in together.
2. You can share space even if there is conflict
Conflict is natural and inevitable, especially between two people who share a living space together. If a problem arises, you will need to know how to navigate it and move through it.
You should be comfortable enough with your partner to discuss the conflict and find ways to cope with it together. [Read: The 15 best ways to resolve conflict in a relationship]
Living under the same roof puts a lot more pressure on conflict. But if you and your partner have a healthy way of managing conflict between each other, this is a sign you are ready to move in together.
3. Your lifestyles are in sync
Now, you don’t have to have the same exact routine as your partner to live together. But your lifestyles and schedules do need to be compatible. If you wouldn’t like a neighbor making lots of noise when you’re trying to sleep, then you definitely won’t like it if your roommate does the same.
If your lifestyles aren’t in sync already, communicate and compromise with your partner to ensure you are ready to move in together. Being on the same page about a general schedule or lifestyle is a good way to tell how soon is too soon to move in together.
4. You want to live together
Before you move in together, be sure that your partner is someone who you really want to come home to every day. It may seem obvious, but you need to be sure you want to live with this person before committing more to your relationship.
As we said before, your decision to move in together should be emotionally driven. As in, you should want to because you are emotionally attached to your partner. Make sure you’re not moving in with them for convenience.
If your heart is telling you this is someone you want to see every morning and night, then that is one of the signs you are ready to move in with them.
5. You’ve already practiced cohabiting
Staying with your partner for a few days or weeks will show you a glimpse of what living together is like. This insight is only something you can achieve if you have spent a fair amount of time together, whether it be at their house, your house, or on vacation.
By already having practiced cohabiting, you should be able to know your partner’s habits. Do you bicker? Do you respect each other? Is one of you a slob and the other a neat freak? Do you wake up and go to bed at similar times? [Read: These cohabitation tips will help you live together in peace]
These are things that will be helpful to learn before living together. And if you have already learned them, that is a good sign to know how soon is too soon to move in.
6. Your reason is based on more than one circumstance
It is important to make sure your reasons for moving in together aren’t based on one circumstance. Lots of couples move in together because their leases are up or it’s “easy.”
That’s fair, but it’s not enough of a reason on its own. Remember, you should be emotionally driven to live with your partner. You should be excited about the opportunity to come home to them every day, not doing it because it’s easier than taking out a new lease for yourself.
7. You’ve successfully taken a trip together
Like cohabiting, taking a trip together is a good indicator of how soon is too soon to move in together.
If you can enjoy each other’s company without the interference of work or household distractions, then it is a good sign you are ready to move in together. [Read: Vacation ideas for couples to feel closer instantly]
8. You can talk about money
It is a great sign if you and your partner are comfortable talking about money with one another. If you are honest about your income and where you would like to prioritize your spending, you and your partner will be able to navigate expenses and determine how to budget.
If you can talk to your partner openly about money, you will have a better understanding of their expectations as well.
Discussions about splitting rent, paying for groceries, and other expenses need to be done before moving in together. If you can communicate freely about these with your partner, it is a sign you’re ready to move in with them. [Read: Sharing expenses in a relationship and the must-follow rules to abide by]
9. You communicate
This is something that changes drastically when you start sharing a home. When you are at your partner’s place, you may feel like it is their space so you can’t say anything about their dirty clothes pile or sink full of dishes.
But when you share a home, those things are in your space too. Will they bug you? Will you be able to have a constructive conversation about it?
If you’re wondering how soon is too soon to move in together, ask yourself if you hold back sometimes to avoid a fight. Holding back from communicating with each other causes tension and resentment over the long term.
You have to be able to communicate about things both large and small to successfully cohabitate. [Read: Steps that’ll make you both expert communicators in love]
10. You know your household roles
A relationship is a team and you both need to contribute your parts. Sharing each other’s work and daily schedules helps decide what roles you will need to take on around the house.
Who will get groceries and how will you divide the chores between the two of you? Will you do the cooking and cleaning because you’re home more often? Have an agreement about what you both need to do to keep the household running smoothly so things don’t go unsaid.
11. You agree on invites
You may love having your friends stop by unannounced, but your partner may be more private. Are there certain friends you both feel comfortable around that can stop by? Who needs to call first? Who will you give a spare key to?
In addition to friendly invites, ask your partner about long-term guests. Do they have a friend or family member who tends to crash on the couch for weeks or even months at a time? If so, you need to discuss that ahead of time, and what you are and aren’t comfortable with.
This goes both ways. Don’t assume that your bestie can stay for a month when she loses her job. Talk to your partner about it first. Remember, you are a team and you need to be on the same page about your home.
12. You know time and quality time are not the same
If you are wondering how soon is too soon to move in, take a look at how much quality time you spend with your partner.
Once a couple moves in together, their lives become more pragmatic and romance tends to take a back seat. You’re always together so why put the effort in? Well, there are a lot of reasons.
Just because you are sitting in the same room on your phones, it doesn’t mean you are nurturing your relationship. Taking time to be together away from distractions is so important, even more so once you share a living space. [Read: How much time should couples spend together?]
If you start to treat your partner like a roommate, the flame of your relationship will die very quickly. So make sure to keep dating your partner, even when you live together.
13. You have similar ideas on what “clean” means
You can love each other to death, but if one of you is a neat freak and the other is a slob, it will be hard to live together. This relates to our previous point about ensuring you and your partner have compatible lifestyles.
Have serious conversations upfront about what clean means to you and how you want the house to be kept. If your partner doesn’t want to clean, they may be willing to pay for a service. Whatever it is, just make sure you talk about it before you move in, otherwise, you will be fighting constantly.
14. You’re not only doing it to save money
Regardless of if your lease is ending or if your parents are kicking you out, you should be moving in with your significant other for reasons other than the opportunity to save on expenses.
If you’re contemplating if you’re ready to move in together, it is important that you reflect and ask yourself if you want to move in to save on finances, or if you actually want to be with this person because they fulfill your emotional needs. The answer, if you’re ready to move in together, should be the latter.
15. You can discuss your future
Moving in together is a commitment toward the future with your partner, so it only makes sense that the two of you have discussed your future. You may not know the answer to everything, which is okay, but what matters is you’re on the same page about it.
So before you move in together, ask what the end game is here. Do you plan on getting married? Will you have kids?
If you cannot discuss these things with your partner, even in the abstract, it is probably too soon to move in together. [Read: The most important would you rather questions for couples who want to go deeper]
16. You’re excited to live together
Are you really excited to spend more time with your partner? To live together, and share a home? If you are not excited or even dreading spending that much time together, don’t do it. Be honest with yourself, because the truth will come out sooner or later.
17. Are you really ready for the next step?
Living together is a big step in the relationship, and it means pulling back all the mystery surrounding your partner.
Living together means being sick around each other, taking care of each other, and seeing one another in a new light. It means washing their socks and underwear, and facing their vulnerabilities as well as your own.
18. You have an exit strategy
We know, you probably don’t want to think about breaking up when discussing something as exciting as moving in together. But, it’s important and safe to be realistic and have a backup plan if worse comes to worst.
Will you be able to support yourself if the time calls for it? Have you discussed ownership of the pets, furniture, or house if it came down to it?
It is an uncomfortable conversation to have, but it is an important one. If you have security outside of your relationship and shared house, then that is a good sign you are ready to move in together.
Can moving in together too soon ruin a relationship?
Moving in together before you or your partner are ready can cause strain on the relationship. If either you or your partner do not see each other as dependable, honest, or if you have communication problems, living under the same roof will only highlight these issues.
When living together, you don’t have the luxury of having your own space to resort to. This is why it is so important to understand your partner and be able to compromise and discuss any challenges that arrive.
Signs not to move in with your partner
If you’re still contemplating whether it is too soon to move in with your partner, take a look at these 16 signs and see if any of them apply to your relationship.
1. One of you feels pressured
Although moving together isn’t permanent, you should still feel more excited than worried about the opportunity if you really want to pursue it.
If either you or your partner do not naturally feel ready for this next step in your relationship, it is a big indicator that you should not move in together yet.
2. The thought causes anxiety
Having anxiety about moving in together doesn’t necessarily mean you dislike your partner, but perhaps the timing just isn’t right.
If you are having substantial anxiety about the thought of moving in with your partner, communicate this feeling with them and try again at a later date. [Read: Signs of anxiety – How to read the signs ASAP & handle them better]
3. You don’t always feel safe with your partner
If you do not feel safe with your partner, it is too soon to move in together.
Feeling nervous is normal when planning to move in together. But, you should never feel scared, pressured, sad, upset, or afraid about them or the idea of moving in together.
If you feel any of these emotions towards your partner, it’s urgent that you address why you are experiencing these emotions and find possible solutions to them. [Read: 34 reasons and signs you should break up & leave even if you love them]
4. Your relationship is under a year old
If you are trying to decide how soon is too soon to move in together, ask yourself how long you see yourself committed to this person.
Every relationship is different, but it is easy to fall under the spell of love when you are newly together. You may be partially blind to how much you actually know about this person or how much you truly like them.
Your friends and family can be some of the best judges when it comes to your relationship. If you feel that your relationship is too young to know how soon is too soon to move in together, consult others and consider their opinions.
5. You haven’t met each other’s friends and family
Your friends and family should have met your partner by now if the two of you are considering moving in together. If not, it is a sign that you may not be fully committed to each other for the long term.
And, if you’re wondering how soon is too soon to move in together, well, it is too soon if you are not already committed for the long term. [Read: 18 signs it’s time & ways to prepare your partner to meet the parents]
6. You can’t communicate or be honest with each other
If you can’t be completely honest with each other, it is too soon to move in together. Living together means you will have to be intimate and vulnerable with them. Make sure your partner is someone you can be that comfortable and open with.
And if you don’t know each other well enough to be comfortable being completely honest together, then get to know each other more. You can always reconsider the idea when you have open honesty and communication.
7. You still haven’t had your first big fight
All couples argue, and there is nothing abnormal about this. Some even consider it healthy to fight with your significant other from time to time. What matters is not the fight itself, but understanding how your partner responds to stress and managing each other’s emotions during and after an argument.
Being able to conclude a fight with your significant other means that both of you display problem-solving skills. It shows true commitment if you are familiar with each other’s patterns.
We aren’t rooting for you to fight, of course, but this level of understanding is only obtainable from having a fight or two. And if you haven’t yet, then it is too soon to move in together. [Read: How to handle the first fight in a relationship – 25 things you need to do next]
8. Your relationship can feel like emotional vertigo
Relationships have their ups and downs, but if yours is causing you extreme lows, it is too soon to be moving in together.
Not only should you avoid living with someone who causes you substantial stress, but it will be challenging to sort through the relationship when you’re stuck in a lease or sharing the same space every day. Work on your differences, and then revisit the idea.
9. Lack of trust or confidence in the relationship
Moving in together requires you to have full confidence and trust in your partner. You will have to manage bills and responsibilities together.
If you do not see your partner as someone you can depend on, it is not only a red flag, but a sign that it is too soon to move in together. [Read: Trust issues in a relationship – 22 whys & ways to get over it together]
10. You can’t decide to have similar plans
Compromise is essential when living together. If you’re contemplating how soon is too soon to move in together, take a look at how often your partner compromises with you.
Are you and your partner able to agree on terms often? Does your inability to have similar plans start arguments? Or, does one of you make the decisions and the other blindly follows?
If you are unable to compromise in your relationship, it is a sign that it is too soon to live together.
11. You are afraid to be alone
Although you will have to compromise a sense of your privacy when moving in together, you still need to find time and space to have “me” time. You and your significant need to value yourselves as partners and as individuals. And neither of you can do that if the other is clinging onto them 24/7.
Codependency does far more damage than good to a relationship. If you find yourself codependent on your partner, or perhaps they are too attached to you, then it is not a good sign to move in together. [Read: Alone time – why you need it, how it helps and how to make the most of it]
12. You use each other to fill an emotional void
Similar to prioritizing your individualism in your relationship, you need to make sure that you or your partner are not taking advantage of each other emotionally.
You should meet your own emotional needs in ways other than being with your partner. If you are holding onto your relationship because they fill the emotional void in you, you need to reevaluate your priorities before moving in together.
13. There is a jealousy problem in the relationship
If you’re struggling with a jealousy problem in your relationship, and you’re wondering how soon is too soon to move in together, first ask yourself why you want to move in together in the first place.
Is it because you would feel more comfortable if you could monitor your significant other? Know they aren’t lying or at places they said they wouldn’t be? This is because you don’t trust your significant other.
If these reasons or anything alike are why you want to move in together- it is a sign not to.
14. You can’t discuss money
If you or your partner hides money from the other, it is a major red flag. It is too soon to live together.
A significant part of living together is sharing and discussing expenses. You will have to discuss all of your finances and spending habits at some point, so it is best to get them out in the open before you move in. [Read: How to talk about money with your partner without fighting about it]
15. You only move in together for financial relief
Yes, finances are a big part of living together. And yes, you will essentially get to split the cost of living in half. But if this is your reasoning for wanting to move in, it is too soon to move in together.
16. You don’t have an exit plan
If you do not have a support system or the finances to fall back on in case you need to move out of the shared living space as soon as possible, then it is not advised to move in together.
Having an exit plan is a safety net to fall back on when your living condition suddenly changes. It does not mean you are expecting to break up, but it is still vital to have. If you cannot be responsible or realistic in this sense, then it is too soon to move in together. [Read: why do couples break up even if they’re still in love?]
There is nothing wrong with deciding that it is too soon. You may just want to spend more time in the romantic, mysterious phase of dating.
Moving in together is a commitment you make to yourself, your partner, and your future together. If you are not ready for this responsibility, you can always revisit it in the future.
[Read: Considering moving in together? Exactly how big a step is it really]
If you are contemplating whether moving in together is the next step in your relationship, ensure that you are confident, comfortable, and honest with your partner. If you don’t have to, don’t rush it.
The post How Soon Is Too Soon to Move In Together? 41 Signs You’re Both Ready! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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