Learning how to get over being cheated on isn’t a quick deal, it’s a journey to repair the trust and self-esteem that’s been so badly damaged.
When someone you love cheats on you, it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. It tears apart your self-confidence, trust, and belief in love. However, sometimes it happens, and in that case, you need to know how to get over being cheated on so you can look to a brighter future.
Even if you wanted to break up with them already, it’s always a horrible feeling to know that someone went behind your back and was dishonest with you. It takes time to repair the emotional damage, but with effort and determination, you can do it. [Read: Signs you’re dating someone who loves to cheat]
Why do people cheat?
You can’t really predict why people cheat, but several factors contribute to unfaithfulness. Maybe they’re not ready for a relationship, maybe they found someone better, or maybe they’re just incapable of commitment.
We know these reasons sound like absolute trash, but they’re the truth. People choose to be unfaithful and betray you simply because a committed relationship isn’t high on their priority list.
It’s easy to take cheating personally, but you’ll be surprised how cheating is often a reflection of their insecurities and flaws rather than yours.
After all, they’re the ones behind the deed. No matter what, there’s no excuse in the book that justifies cheating. At the end of the day, they chose to betray your trust and that is that. [Read: What is cheating in a relationship? The truth most people ignore]
The scope of cheating
Of course, there are varying degrees of cheating. It might have been a drunken kiss in a nightclub, and your partner might have told you about it straight away.
At the other end of the spectrum, it may be that you are married, and they have been having an affair for months, even years, and would have continued to do so if you hadn’t caught them.
All cheating is wrong, and regardless of the circumstances, it is going to hurt. But perhaps not all of it is unforgivable. [Read: Is flirting cheating in a relationship?]
Are cheaters bad people?
No, they’re not the worst person in the world. They did something bad, but it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. While nothing will ever justify their betrayal and actions, it’s your personal choice whether you choose to forgive them or not.
Relationships and dating are often beautiful feelings, but the moment ugliness seeps in the form of cheating and betrayal, that’s when things get pretty dark. By learning how to get over being cheated on you, you learn not to let that relationship define you.
Just because they cheated, doesn’t mean you should give up on love or life entirely. Remember, relationships are still beautiful despite the dark parts. Being cheated on may feel like the end of the world, but at the end of it all, it’s a new beginning. [Read: Why do men cheat? The biggest reasons and 27 excuses men always use]
Cheating is always a choice
How do you understand being cheated on? Well, not how you might think.
We know you want closure or an explanation. You think if your ex could just tell you why they did it, you could understand and move on. The thing is, that isn’t how it works.
Someone who cheated will rarely tell you the truth about why they did it, or even tell you at all. Many times a cheater won’t admit it, even with proof. [Read: How to survive infidelity without tearing apart]
Yet, when someone cheats, it very rarely has anything to do with you. Yes, maybe you were overwhelmed with work or in a rut. But, those things do not make cheating acceptable or your fault.
You may or may not have been the perfect partner. But either way, cheating is always a choice. They could have spoken to you, they could have broken up with you, they could have asked for a break, or told you what they were struggling with.
They didn’t, because they chose not to. [Read: Why do people in happy relationships still cheat?]
Why am I overthinking after being cheated on?
When learning how to get over being cheated on, you’ll probably start to overthink everything for a while. Look, it’s normal. You’ve been through a very difficult and emotional time.
It’s human to try and protect yourself from that hurt happening again, and a way to do that is to overthink and look for threats. But overthinking will only damage your happiness and ability to move on. [Read: How to stop overthinking – secrets to go from overthinker to relaxer]
However, there are some deeper reasons why people struggle with post-cheating overthinking:
1. Low self-esteem
2. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder *OCD*
3. Anxiety
4. Depression [Read: Why we need to breakdown the stigma of mental illness]
5. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder *PTSD*
6. A history of abusive relationships
7. Prior infidelity in relationships
While a certain amount of overthinking post-being cheated on is normal, if you feel that your overthinking is out of control or seriously damaging your well-being, reach out for help. It will be the best decision you ever make. [Read: Ways volunteer work can help heal depression]
How to get over being cheated on
You’re probably thinking that being cheated on implies there’s only one path to take: leaving them. However, this isn’t always the case. Some leave, but some also stay and choose to repair what the other broke.
Either way, here’s everything you need to think about first and how to start moving on.
1. You need to make a decision
When someone cheats on you, you need to make a decision. Are you going to stay with them or not? If you’re trying to figure out how to get over being cheated on, remember that for some people, the decision is easy, while for others it’s much more difficult.
When kids are involved, this decision doesn’t just involve you. Do you think the good outweighs the bad if you stay? If not and if there aren’t any external factors involved, choosing to walk away may be the best option. [Read: Getting back with a cheater – is that even possible?]
2. Express your emotions
Even if you think you’re the most resilient and mentally strong person in the world, you need to be able to express your emotions. Otherwise, shutting off all your anger and resentment will eventually lead to repressed emotions.
Going through the pain on your own isn’t going to work well for you. Talk to people about your feelings as that’s the only way you can move forward while putting it behind you.
Talk to people around you that you love or talk to a therapist, they’ll be able to help you make some difficult decisions. [Read: The 15 qualities of a great friend that sets them apart]
3. You can’t change what happened, so don’t blame yourself
The first thing that often comes to mind when you realize you were cheated on was that it was somehow your fault. That if only you did X and Y, maybe they wouldn’t have cheated on you. However, you don’t know that and self-blame won’t get you anywhere.
If you really want to know how to get over being cheated on, accept what happened and face the facts. You need to reflect on the relationship and the events, what you need to work on, and how you want your future relationships to look.
4. Be sad
It all comes down to feeling your feelings. Listen, if you want to spend an entire weekend watching Netflix and eating ice cream, do it. If you want to lay on a beach for a week crying, do it. Nobody’s judging your sadness.
In fact, it’s a healthy way of coping instead of repressing your emotions. When you let yourself be sad, one day you’re going to get tired of all that sadness and realize you’re ready to take the next step. [Read: My boyfriend cheated on me – 20 things you need to do ASAP]
5. Talk to your partner
If you’re someone who tends to avoid confrontation rather than face it, this is a really important one. At some point, stop avoiding a difficult conversation and just talk to them. Honestly, the cheater is the one who is supposed to be more afraid of a conversation than you!
Communication with your partner is essential after they cheat on you, whether you choose to stay with them or leave them. They need to know how their actions affected you, and you need closure. [Read: 20 questions to need to ask your partner as you break up with them]
6. Remove them from your life
That is, if you’re choosing to break up with them. If not, then you may need to see a couple’s therapist to help you work through your issues.
You can’t settle for a relationship where you’re half out the door and half in – it doesn’t work that way. Maybe it’s for just a certain period until you heal or maybe it’s forever, but you definitely need space from them. [Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]
7. Don’t rush it, it won’t happen overnight
You see this in a lot of heartbreaks and betrayals, but you can’t rush the healing process. It may feel like your heart is dying because the betrayal hurts so much, but this isn’t something you can rush.
If you’ve been with your partner for years, you can’t expect to get over the issue in a couple of days.
It will take months and months of healing before you start to feel better. The days will be long but eventually, there’ll come a point when you’re ready to move forward and leave everything behind. And maybe, just maybe, you won’t miss them as much anymore. [Read: How to get over being cheated on quickly without breaking apart]
8. Stay off of their social media
The worst place you can be is on your social media platforms. Stop stalking them, their friends, or anything related to them. If you want to know how to get over being cheated on, then social media is the last place you should be.
If anything, you’ll become obsessed with seeing their statuses and photos, but in the end, it doesn’t matter.
9. If you choose to stay with them, define your relationship
What type of relationship do you want to have? If you stay with them, you need to redefine your relationship again. Your old relationship rules are no longer valid since they destroyed an important part – your trust.
Yes, you went through a rough patch, and now you both are focused on making the relationship work. So, you need to decide how you want the relationship to look and what’s missing. [Read: 28 signs that tell you if your relationship is over or not]
10. Don’t necessarily listen to your friends
Your friends don’t want to see you hurt, so they’re obviously going to try to hook you up with other people or get you to end all ties with your cheating partner. But if you’re not ready to decide on the best way forward, then you’re not ready.
Don’t let yourself be pressured into dating again because if you’re not there yet, it will do more damage than good. In knowing how to get over being cheated on, realize that your friends don’t always know what’s best for you.
Plus, if you choose to stay with your partner instead of breaking up, you’ll probably get an earful from your friends. It’s not their life, it’s yours. [Read: The most powerful and practical ways to rebuild trust after your partner cheats on you]
11. Realize one day, this won’t bother you anymore
Time really is such a strange concept, but time can indeed heal everything. You miss the relationship so much it hurts but one day, you won’t miss it as much anymore. There will be a moment when you just stop thinking about it.
It’ll be a moment of clarity where it just stops defining you. Being cheated on will simply be an event of the past and nothing more. [Read: What do you wish you could say to the one who cheated?]
12. Focus on your personal development
There’s no better revenge than focusing on your personal development. They might have cheated on you, but that doesn’t mean you have to sabotage yourself for it. Instead, use that pain as an opportunity to rise above and become better.
You can use it as an important lesson for your next relationship. It might not prevent you from being cheated on entirely, but you’ll get to acknowledge the red flags before you even commit to them.
13. Let go of all the anger and resentment
Anger and resentment really aren’t doing anything for you. If anything, you’ll feel more stuck the more you hold grudges in your life. Cheating sucks and you feel betrayed, but don’t let anger and resentment get the best of you.
Forgive yourself for not knowing better and forgive them for hurting you the way they did. It takes a lot of courage to be the bigger person but don’t do it for them – do it for you. [Read: How to stop being angry: Free your mind and stop hurting yourself]
14. Take a lot of showers
This may seem like a weird one, but actually, it is a great way to get yourself fixed up and feeling fresh and ready to face a new day. [Try: Emotional cheating and bad things it can do to you]
It might be that you only last an hour before you are reduced to a shriveling wreck again, but it’s still worth it. Getting up, washed, and dressed every day will mean that you aren’t totally defeated, and that will make you feel stronger.
Little by little, it will start getting easier, too.
15. Make a playlist
Listening to music really helps put you in touch with your emotions, and making the perfect playlist can really help with this.
In fact, make two.
One for when you need to indulge in your emotions, and a happy, punchy, shouty one that gets you up, pumping your fists in the air and dancing like a mad, crazy fool. It will really help—we promise! [Read: 48 songs about cheating to heal and help ease the pain]
16. Make a list
Of everything you didn’t like about your partner, that is. Focusing on all the negatives will help you get over them quicker, and perhaps make you realize that you were never right for one another in the first place.
It’s so easy to get sucked into feeling all nostalgic about the good times you had together, but this is pointless.
Instead, remember what crappy taste they had in music, how they would always leave hair all over the bathroom, how they were selfish in bed, or used to get annoyed with you for really unfair things. [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]
17. Get a new hobby
There is nothing better than getting rid of your old life by starting something new. Getting a new hobby will get you out of the house, get you to meet new people, and will distract you from thinking about your ex all the time.
Do something that you have always wanted to do, but put off when you were with them. You’ll feel an awesome sense of achievement and realize that they were holding you back.
18. Do something that scares you
Getting out of your comfort zone is important. Push your boundaries and do something that scares you. It might be a skydive, or it might be talking to your boss about a pay raise. [Try: “My boyfriend cheated on me” – 15 things you need to do ASAP]
Whatever it is, now is the time to do it. When something terrible happens to us, we can choose to sit down and take it—let it break us—or we can stand up and fight.
19. Put your favorite outfit on and get out there
It’s party time! Get your hair done, have a massage, treat yourself to something new, then get all your best buddies together and hit the dance floor. [Check out: Build your self-esteem – 35 funny things to tell yourself]
It takes a great night out with friends to realize that you can be okay without your ex and that there are plenty more fish in the sea.
20. Spend some time alone
At some point, you have got to be alone. When you spend that first day, evening, and night alone and you are okay with it, that’s a brilliant sign that you are moving on.
Of course, there is no need to force it, but when you feel ready to spend some time just being with yourself, it actually can be quite fun! You’ve got no one to answer to anymore, so just do your thing, exactly the way you want to! [Try: Things you need to know when you’re living alone]
21. Forgive them
This one might be pretty hard to do, but no matter how badly they hurt you, if you can forgive them, you will feel at peace with your life.
You don’t have to be best friends with them, you don’t have to meet up with them, or even call them on the phone. Just know, in your heart, that you have forgiven them, and that it’s definitely time to move on and let go. [Read: How to forgive and forget – 24 thoughts to decide on the right step]
22. Don’t feel ashamed for mourning
You do not need to get over being cheated on right away. In fact, you have every right to mourn the loss of that relationship. You can be sad or angry or pissed, and you can feel like crap.
Take that time. Grieving that relationship is healthy and helps you let go of it. You can look back on the good times while knowing it ended and you were betrayed. It is okay to miss the person that cheated on you even though they hurt you.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like mourning the loss of a relationship is weak or a waste of time.
23. Seek closure if you need it
A lot of people feel the need to have one last conversation to end things once and for all. Once you’ve been ghosted and lied to enough times, you realize that no conversation, apology, or meetup is going to change what happened. [Read: How to find closure within yourself after the end of a relationship]
So, if your partner is begging to explain or see you, or if you need that explanation, go ahead and get it. There is no guarantee it will help you. It probably won’t give you an epiphany or help you move on overnight.
But, if you feel you need it and your ex is open to it, then go ahead. Just be prepared for a letdown. [Read: The truth behind why you should never seek closure from your partner after a breakup]
24. Go to therapy
This one is worth repeating. If you are still struggling with self-esteem or trust issues and feel like it is holding you back, there is nothing wrong with you. We all react to these things differently.
But, if you feel like nothing is helping you and you’re not making any progress, find a therapist. Whether it is in person or virtual, talking to a professional can help you realize why you are holding onto that fear so much and guide you to let go of it.
25. Find out why you’re overthinking
If overthinking is becoming a major problem for you in the weeks after the event, spend some time trying to pinpoint why that is. Of course, a small amount of overthinking is normal, but if it’s becoming too much, you need to get to the root of the problem.
A little earlier, we mentioned some possible reasons for excessive overthinking. Do any of those apply to you? If so, reach out for help in dealing with them and vow to conquer damaging overthinking once and for all. [Read: How to stop overthinking in a relationship and calm your mind down]
26. Lean on your social support circle
You’re going to need some support and in that case, you should lean on your friends and family members and let them help you. Get out of the house and go for a coffee or a walk with a trusted friend, or simply sit on the sofa together and watch a movie.
Being around people who love you will help you feel better and allow you to develop your self-esteem that’s been so badly damaged. Pour out your heart and let them listen to you. You’ll feel so much better.
27. Work on trust issues
One of the key things to note when learning how to get over being cheated on is that you’ll probably struggle with trust issues for a while afterward. This is normal, but you shouldn’t allow it to dictate your life.
When you feel like you’re ready to start dating again, or just before that point, start working on your trust issues slowly but surely. A therapist can help you with this, or simply using positive mantras and affirmations is a good route. [Read: Trust issues in a relationship – 22 whys and ways to get over it together]
28. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness can bring so many positives to your life, and when you’ve been through a hard time, it’s a great tactic to help you build your confidence again. Mindfulness allows us to stop thinking about the past and to focus on the here and now.
There are many mindfulness meditation exercises you can do and while it won’t happen overnight, slowly but surely you’ll notice that you develop a sense of inner calm.
The past will still be there, but it won’t bother you as much. [Read: How to be chill and learn to live a happier life as a result]
29. Try a new environment
Get out of your town and go somewhere for a weekend. It doesn’t have to be an exotic location, it can be the next town over or a local beach resort. Of course, if you’ve got the cash to go and lay on a Caribbean beach, go for it!
Getting out of your regular environment can give you separation from your feelings and allows you to start to bring new energy into your life. It will open your eyes to what is around you, giving you a new sense of positivity. [Read: 15 reasons why you should travel at least once a year]
30. Positive self-talk
If you catch yourself talking negatively, it’s time to stop. Every day, we have a stream of chat that goes through our minds – self-talk. But if that self-talk is negative, you’ll start to believe everything you tell yourself.
Instead, reframe those negative chats into something positive and watch your outlook on life slowly change.
Negative self-talk is extremely damaging in so many ways, but being aware of your habits will allow you to reframe whatever is bothering you. [Read: Positive self-talk – what it is, where it comes from, and how to master it]
31. Let go of ‘what if’ thinking
There’s really no point in thinking “what if.” You can’t change the past and you can’t go back and do-over. When you think about the “what if’s,” you’re just wasting your own time and causing unnecessary pain and anguish.
Whenever you notice that you’re having a thought like this, push it away and distract your mind. The more you do it, the less these types of thoughts will bother you.
32. Try journaling
Journaling is a great way to get your thoughts and feelings down on paper. It’s a cathartic exercise that will help you to gain clarity and closure over a short amount of time.
You don’t need to write a full story every day. Simply scribbling down a few feelings or events will allow you to look back and identify triggers and patterns in your behavior. Plus, pouring your thoughts and feelings onto paper is also very freeing. [Read: 28 self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and transform into your best self]
33. Try yoga or do something active
Exercise helps to release feel-good hormones in the brain, which is exactly what you need right now.
Yoga is a great option because it helps you to feel calm and relaxed. It will also teach you coping strategies using your breath, ideal for overcoming heightened emotions. But if yoga isn’t your thing, any type of active exercise is great, such as running, jogging, playing a team sport, swimming, or just going to the gym. [Read: 20 sexy yoga poses that look super-hot and make you feel really good too!]
34. Create something
There is something very calming about creating something with your hands or your mind. You can write a book, make bread, do some crafts, make furniture, anything you want!
When you create something, you’re distracting your mind from the pain and focusing on creativity. It’s a fantastic way to get over being cheated on, and you might even realize you have a skill you never knew about!
35. Join a support group
Check out local support groups or look online for virtual groups. There are so many people out there going through the same thing as you, and coming together to support one another will speed up your recovery.
You don’t have to share all the gruesome details of your partner’s betrayal, but simply having someone to talk to who has been through the same thing can be very healing. It’s one of the best ways to learn how to get over being cheated on. [Read: How to get your life back on track after a big change]
36. Establish new routines
Sometimes, a change is as good as a rest. What do you want to change in your life? It doesn’t have to be something big, it can be as small as taking a different route to work every day.
The point is, when you change your routine a little, you open your mind to new possibilities and new people out there. Who knows who you might meet or what you might encounter?
The pain will eventually fade
There’s no single way to get over this kind of betrayal and hurt. However, you take it one step at a time until you’ve eventually healed. Whether you stayed or left them, it’s a process you need to endure before moving forward in your life.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, it feels like the end of the world right now, but in time, those feelings will fade a little, and you’ll find an inner strength you never knew you had.
[Read: The most common yet most painful types of cheating in a relationship]
Now that you know how to get over being cheated on, take the time to focus on yourself. You can’t change the fact that you were cheated on, but you can avoid letting it define you.
The post 36 Healing Secrets to Get Over Being Cheated On Quickly & Not Fall Apart is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
0 comments:
Post a Comment