Missionary Sex Position: What It Is and 32 Secrets & Variations to Make It Hot!

Do you think that the missionary sex position is boring? It doesn’t have to be. Here are ways to spice up this position to make it a lot more exciting.

If there’s one sex position that has the worst reputation, it’s this one. Too many people shut down missionary sex like it’s the worst, most dull way to get it on. Those people, however, just aren’t doing it right.

Missionary sex can be extremely satisfying if you know how to make it better. Understandably, it can get monotonous if you do it the same way every single time you have sex. It can also seem less than exciting if it’s the ONLY thing you do during sex.

[Read: 46 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom and leave you horny 24/7]

What is the missionary sex position? 

The missionary sex position is when the penetrator is on top and the receiver is on the bottom. It’s typically associated with straight couples, but anyone can do it regardless of gender.

It’s a good position for getting momentum going and keeping thrusts consistent. Also, it’s often considered the most romantic position because you’re face-to-face with your partner and can kiss, touch, or stroke each other’s hair. [Read: Most common sex positions and sexy ways to spice them up to expert level]

Myths about the missionary position

While it may be a popular sex position, the missionary has some myths that surround it too. Here are a couple of the most common ones:

1. No variation

Most people think that the missionary is only with the woman on the bottom and the man on top. They don’t know that there are a lot of variations to it. And you will learn about these later.

2. It’s not exciting

If a couple is into kinky sex, they might think that the missionary position is boring and lacking in imagination.

But this isn’t true. Any sex position can be exciting if you just try different things with it. [Read: Vanilla sex – what it is and 26 hot ways to go from boring to OMFG in bed]

Benefits of the missionary position

Believe it or not, there are some benefits to the missionary position. Some of them include:

1. It can allow for heightened intimacy

The missionary position is a romantic one, maybe the most romantic one. This is because it allows for eye-to-eye contact between the couple and allows them to kiss easily. It also helps the woman trust her partner more. 

2. It lets you focus on pleasure

The woman doesn’t need to do much in this position because she’s the one being penetrated. This can be very freeing for people who are self-conscious during sex or don’t want to feel the pressure to “perform.” [Read: Sexual anxiety – 25 secrets to not feel nervous about having sex and enjoy it]

So, lying back and just focusing on how good the sex feels and how nice it is to be close to your partner can be very liberating for some people.

3. It can be used as a tantra tool 

For those who want to explore a more meditative way of having sex, the missionary position is the way to do it.

This is because this position can be maintained for a long period of time without much effort. It also involves a lot of skin and sustained eye contact. 

How to do the missionary sex position

First, you should find a flat surface, such as a bed, floor, couch, or even the back seat of a car. [Read: Male G-spot – what it is and 28 positions, tips, and secrets to find and stimulate it]

The woman lies on her back with her feet flat, knees raised, and legs wide apart. Then, the man goes down on his knees in the space between her legs. Obviously, this position can be done by anyone, not just straight couples. [Read: Lesbian sex – 23 positions, girl-on-girl sex secrets, myths, and other must-knows]

This means that the penis or sex toy is aligned with the vaginal or anal opening. From there, he enters her and begins to thrust. However, both the man and the woman can thrust in this position, but traditionally, it comes from the man.

Switching things up in the bedroom is better for everyone

No matter which position you do, doing it every single time the entire time will get boring after a while. [Read: 34 hand job tips, secrets, and positions to give a hand job that drives him wild]

Your body will be used to it and it won’t have the same effect anymore. It might feel good but not quite as great as it should.

And you’ll just be bored. The less exciting sex is, the more you’ll avoid doing it. In fact, you’ll find that getting yourself off is more fun since it’s something different. 

You need to switch things up in the bedroom to make it feel better and to be more engaged. [Read: 46 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom and leave you horny 24/7]

How to make missionary sex a lot more exciting and pleasurable

For those who do it right, missionary sex can be very powerful. Hitting the right angles in this position can do an awful lot for both of you.

Here’s what you can do to make this seemingly boring sex position the highlight of every romp in the sheets.

1. Stick a pillow under the girl’s butt

This is the best way you can make the missionary sex position feel even better. Basically, doing this creates a more direct angle for the guy to hit that G-spot. 

Just place a nice-sized pillow under her butt and hips so it lifts them up. You’ll both love this position a whole lot more when there’s more pleasure involved. [Read: Shaking orgasm – what it is and feels like and 15 steps to experience it yourself]

2. Use some toys

Why can’t you just throw a toy in the mix? Missionary is one of the best positions to use a toy because there’s so much access. The guy just has to be on his knees upright and he can use one all he wants on the girl.

And ladies, don’t be afraid to request this. If you’re not going to put a pillow under your butt, the least your man can do is throw a toy into the mix. 

Give that clit some stimulation and it’ll become your favorite position. [Read: Must-have sex toys for naughty first-timers]

3. Make it the warm-up

If you’re sick of missionary, just use it to warm up. It’s great right off the bat because it hits all the spots and gives the guy every visual he could want *aside from that booty*.

Get started after some foreplay and move into something else. You don’t have to do missionary the entire time for it to be effective and feel good.

4. Make it the finisher

Instead of starting this way, finish with it! Ladies, if you put a pillow under those hips, it’s the perfect finisher simply because it’ll allow you to actually finish. [Read: Slow sex – 16 steamy reasons it’s so sexy and tips to experience it yourself]

Plus, it has everything a guy could want. He can watch every inch of the girl and has a perfect place for his load if he decides to pull out. 

Not to mention the fact that this position just feels great for him.

5. Bring her legs up

Switch up missionary a little bit by simply bringing the girl’s legs up so they’re draped over the man’s shoulders. [Read: 60 secrets to make a woman orgasm and master the art of making a girl cum hard]

It might not technically be the missionary anymore, but it’s a great transition from it and it’s still a form of it.

6. Keep your bodies pushed up against each other

What’s better than the feeling of skin on skin? You can’t get this level of flesh contact with many other positions and it’s truly a shame.

Why? Because there are tons of nerve endings in your skin that can only add to the sensations. That’s not even to mention the pheromones. [Read: Intense sex – 17 pleasurable secrets and moves to make love with real passion]

When your skin touches that much, the pheromones can drive you both wild with a primal need that’ll fuel your sexcapades.

7. Use some fun lube

Do you ever use lube? Most people avoid it out of embarrassment or just because they see it as an unnecessary hassle.

The truth? Lube can be incredible when having missionary sex because it adds extra sensation down there.

This is especially true if you choose a lube that has a certain effect. There are ones that make the sensations even more powerful, create a warming effect, and more. [Read: How to use lube to liven up your sex life instantly]

Try some new ones out and missionary will be your new favorite position.

8. Have the girl wrap her legs around the guy like a pretzel

This may not do much more than pull him in deeper, but it sure is erotic.

There aren’t too many other positions where the woman can have such a possessive power over the man in this way. Plus, it’ll make the man feel wanted and needed—a turn-on in its own right.

9. Use some restraints

Want to make things kinkier? Add some handcuffs and pin down the woman so she can’t move at all. This is fun for both the guy and the girl. [Read: 26 sexy secrets to be dominant in bed, control your partner, and not hurt them]

He can do whatever he pleases and the sensations will be even more powerful for her because she can’t get away. It’s also just erotic and sexy as hell.

10. Use blindfolds

Do you know what makes pleasure even better? When your senses are heightened. When you lose your sight, your other senses sharpen a bit and you can feel and hear things more powerfully.

That means missionary sex can get really sexy by just placing a blindfold on someone. Or you can get extra naughty and have both restraints and a blindfold.

11. Get a cock ring

If you want your man harder and bigger, get a cock ring. This is more fun for him because it makes him a lot more sensitive, due to the increased blood flow. 

And because of that extra blood flow, he’ll be even bigger, which means he can reach that g-spot a hell of a lot easier.

12. Talk dirty

You can spice up any sex position with some dirty talk. If you’re new to it, just ease in and start by describing what feels good. Then you can go a little bit deeper and really make missionary sex extra steamy.

Being face-to-face makes talking dirty even sexier. You can easily whisper in each other’s ear while going at it. Talk about kinky! [Read: 35 dirty things to say to a girl to leave her wet with desire]

13. Find the C.A.T.

The coital alignment technique, or C.A.T., is a small adjustment that allows for maximum clitoral stimulation during missionary sex. While he’s on top, she should scooch down a few inches until the base of his penis is aligned with her clit and pointing slightly downward. 

The woman should wrap her legs around his thighs, and then press her genitals together and rock back and forth. Neither of you will be disappointed. [Read: Turn offs for guys – 72 physical, dating, and sexual put offs all men notice and dislike]

14. Take it to the head

It sounds strange, but dangling the woman’s head and shoulders off of the bed has been known to intensify orgasms. Start by having traditional missionary sex.

As the woman feels herself coming, slide the upper portion of her body over the edge of the bed.

The rush of blood to the head will give her a euphoric tingle from head to toe. Be mindful of any lightheadedness or dizziness, though. If she stays in this position for too long, she may pass out.

15. Pull it in

If both of you would like to explore her lusty depths, bring her knees into her chest the next time she’s on her back.

Once he enters her, rest her calves on his shoulders, have him prop himself up on his hands, and enjoy the ride. [Read: 31 new things to try in bed at least once with your lover]

In this position, he’s in control, which can be nice for the woman every once in a while. He’ll stroke places that she didn’t know she had and, if she’s up for it, transition seamlessly into anal. Who knew the missionary sex position could be so adventurous?

16. Switch your style up

If she’s tired of the same old stroke, the man should change some of his thrusting patterns. When you’ve been with someone for a long time, sex can become a bit routine. 

Something as simple as mixing in a few teasing thrusts with his usual long strokes can keep things interesting between the sheets. [Read: Reasons to have sex every single day]

Women have to be proactive in their own pleasure. That said, she can always take control by grabbing her honey by the butt, pulling him deep inside, and grinding against him until he hits the spot. 

He’ll get a kick out of the way she takes charge, and she’ll get an orgasm.

17. Hop in the whip

Sometimes, it’s not what you do, but where you do it. It sounds a bit juvenile, but having sex in the back seat of your car can be just as hot now as it was when you were a teenager. [Read: 46 sexy secrets to please and pleasure a man in bed and leave him aroused 24/7]

The ever-present elements of danger and surprise are still major turn-ons. Maybe you’ll get caught in a compromising position, but that’s half the fun!

The woman should lie on her back in the back seat and have the man bend her knees and climb on top. Then the woman should place her feet on the ceiling of the car for leverage, and take each other for a spin. 

The resistance between her legs and the roof provides a tension that compliments her lover’s strokes perfectly. [Read: 17 condom types, their secrets, and ways to spice up your sex life with them]

18. Keep it under “lock and key” 

Sorry to disappoint you, but there are no handcuffs involved this time. 

“Lock and key” is actually a missionary remix that puts the woman in complete control of her pleasure. It’s simple, satisfying, and spicier than you may expect.

The woman should lay on her back, just as she would during missionary sex. The man should then kneel between her legs, bend at the waist, and prop himself up on straightened arms. [Read: Aggressive sex – what it is, why people like it, and 23 secrets to give it a try]

Now, the woman should wrap her legs around his hips, and then lift her hips, and guide him inside of her. See? That wasn’t hard at all!

This variation is cool because that luscious leg lock you’ve got going lets her control how deep her lover thrusts. 

She’s in an excellent position to show him how well she winds. Also, from this angle, the man can get an exquisite view of her body, which he’ll definitely appreciate. [Read: Meaningless sex – what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you’re ready for it]

19. Change up the scenery

One of the reasons that a lot of people think that the missionary sex position is boring is because it usually takes place in the bedroom… on the bed. While there is nothing wrong with that, it can get a bit routine and robotic.

So, in order to make this sex position more exciting, change up the scenery! Do it in your kitchen, on the floor, or on the couch. You can even take it outside your house and do it somewhere else.

If you’re risk-averse, you can go away and book a hotel or bed and breakfast and have sex there. [Read: Sexy words – 23 seductive words, do’s & don’ts, to make dirty talk sound erotic]

Or if you’re more of a wild child, you can be more daring and do it somewhere in public or outside. Just don’t get arrested for public indecency!

20. Engage other erogenous zones

Another thing that typically happens when a couple has been together a long time is that they don’t really explore each other’s erogenous zones anymore. But just because you’re in the missionary sex position doesn’t mean you can’t do this too.

Many people’s necks, ears, shoulders, backs, breasts, and stomachs are great erogenous zones to tease and play with. [Read: The most arousing erogenous zones for women all men should know]

Ask your partner what they like the best, and then try to incorporate the touching of these zones as much as you can during sex.

21. Squeeze your legs

The missionary sex position doesn’t always have to be with the woman’s legs wide open. So, the woman should try to squeeze her legs together as hard as she can.

What this will do is put more pressure and friction on his penis and will give him greater pleasure. It also creates more sensations for the woman as well. [Read: The nooner – what it is, how it works, and 22 tips to enjoy a sexy siesta]

22. Go slowly

Of course, sex can be hot and heavy. And when that happens, sex can get rushed because both people are feeling horny and want to have an intense romp in the sack.

But instead, try to go slowly. Not only will this will make sex a lot more romantic, but it also will “turn down” your brain a bit more so you can focus more on the physical sensations and pleasure.

23. Lift one leg up

This is also known as the “impaled” or the “schulachitaka” missionary sex position in the literature of Kamasutra. It allows for very deep penetration. [Read: Pull out method – 28 pros, cons, and truths about the withdrawal method]

In this position, the woman lifts one leg up, which gives the couple the ability to get pleasure with various angles that lead to better sex and more extreme orgasms.

This creates enough space for the man to rub her clit with his penis to provide her with even more pleasure.

24. Flip over 

This position is knowns as the lizard. It’s a little more than the classic missionary—flipped upside down to put the woman on top.

The man lays on his back with his legs together while she lies down facing him, her legs spread over his hips.

Lying down like this forces both of you to focus on gliding and grinding. The cowgirl and missionary can get loud with the bed banging, but the lizard is more discreet and quiet. [Read: The subtle ways to tell your neighbors to stop having loud, noisy sex]

25. Do a bridge 

For this position, he lifts her lower body up off the bed while he wraps his arms around her waist for support. This simple bridge can make the missionary position feel incredible. 

Alternately, the woman’s lower body can be elevated by a pillow, blanket, or foam wedge while the man kneels between her legs and enters her.

26. Spreader bar

A spreader bar is a BDSM bondage device in which the woman’s legs are spread and maintained in an open position. [Read: BDSM tips and tricks for curious first timers]

As far as restraints go, it’s not only a good way to restrain the woman, but they are also a way to manipulate her body more.

In the missionary-style position, he can use the bar to push her legs backward and get some good G-spot action for her.

27. The starfish

First, you can lie on a bed, floor, or any flat surface. Then, she spreads like a starfish while he avoids contact with the rest of her body except for their genitals.

It’s called the starfish position due to the fact that the man’s limbs are seen from above or from the woman’s point of view. Plus, with her lying on her back with her legs closed and straight is easier to achieve orgasm.

[Read: How to have rough sex and 15 dirty moves to have the sexiest time ever]

Missionary sex isn’t nearly as boring as you think it is or as people have made it seem. If you really want to make it feel the best and enjoy it together, these tips will help.

The post Missionary Sex Position: What It Is and 32 Secrets & Variations to Make It Hot! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Immature Men: 53 Manchild Signs Why Hes a Pain to Date & Ways to Help Him

Are you dating a manchild? Immature men are everywhere. Here are the signs of one and how you can help him change. It won’t be easy, but it can be done.

It’s an unfortunate reality that we can’t escape – immature men are all over the place. Even a grown man can turn out to be a manchild, making things much harder for you. 

If you want your romantic life to be easier and more fulfilling, you need to steer clear of immaturity and learn to spot a manchild when you see one. 

They probably won’t be at your maturity level and this often makes it hard for them to understand commitment and what you need to make a relationship work. [Read: What age does a man emotionally mature? 19 signs he’s grown a real pair]

What is a manchild?

A manchild is a man who is so immature that they are considered a child. By “immature” we mean that this man can’t take care of himself in any way, shape, or form.

For some reason, it seems like there is a manchild epidemic threatening to take over the world. Since our generation doesn’t stress the need for growing up, some people just never seem to catch up to their actual age anymore. 

Yet, in past generations, you needed to get your act together by the age of 16 and grow up! [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship that signal a bad future ahead]

How to spot immature men from a mile away

If you’re trying to avoid immaturity in the guys you date, you’ll want to figure it out early. Here’s how to tell if a guy is a manchild and super immature. 

These signs may not be super noticeable at first, but after some practice, you’ll be able to point out the immature men easily.

1. He gets upset about small things very easily 

This is usually just because he doesn’t possess the skills to solve problems on his own yet. And that means he’s pretty immature. [Read: 16 types of guys you should avoid like the plague]

When someone is always getting upset about things that aren’t really that big of a deal, it means they’re immature.

2. He’s jealous 

Those who are jealous are usually insecure. Those who are insecure are usually pretty immature. They haven’t yet figured out how to accept themselves as is. 

This means you can run into a lot of issues with jealousy simply because he’ll be comparing himself to anyone else you ever talk to. Which obviously causes major fights and unhappiness. Manchild alert![Read: 25 signs a guy is jealous that he just can’t hide]

3. There’s no communication on his end 

Immature men have trouble communicating in general. They don’t really know how to effectively communicate and they often don’t understand the importance of it, either. 

If a guy is having major communication issues early on, he’s probably really immature. Watch out!

4. He gets weirded out by commitment 

Guys who are very immature don’t like commitment. They think about all the stereotypes of guys in committed relationships and they run for the hills. This is a major sign of immaturity and a manchild. [Read: How to get through the most common commitment issues]

It takes a mature man to admit that commitment is actually great. It makes him stronger when committing to a single person and being faithful. Immature men, on the other hand, are scared by it.

5. He doesn’t have plans for the future 

If you ask a guy what he wants for his future and he shrugs or mumbles about how he doesn’t know, he’s pretty damn immature. 

Failing to make plans shows a lack of interest in your future and that definitely shows a level of immaturity. [Read: 21 secret signs of a bad relationship that signal a bad future ahead]

6. He constantly complains about things rather than changing them 

Those who complain and complain and complain without ever doing something to make a difference are really immature. They’d rather bitch and moan about something than do something to fix it. If you start dating a person like this, he’s a manchild and you should get out as fast as possible.

7. He doesn’t like people who are more successful 

This is a dislike that’s linked only to the fact that they’re successful. It has nothing to do with anything else. This is a major sign of immaturity because it’s also a form of jealousy. 

They’re upset someone else is doing good things mainly because they’re not.

A mature man would see a successful person and want to learn from them. He would look up to them and try to work just as hard to succeed. That person would become more of a role model and less of a threat to a mature man. [Read: How to tell the difference between jealousy and envy]

8. He judges you harshly 

If you can’t safely open up to someone you’re dating, it’s a pretty big sign something is wrong. A guy who judges you harshly without knowing the background information is super immature. He’s not taking the time to think things through. He’s judging based on one little thing and that’s it.

9. He’s lazy 

People who are mature know that it takes hard work to make things happen. Immature people, however, would rather do nothing and wait. 

If the guy you’re seeing seems to be super lazy, he’s also probably very immature. [Read: Lazy boyfriend – 20 signs, why guys get lazy in love and how to help him change]

10. He doesn’t respect your opinion 

Aka, if he disagrees, he gets pissed instead of talking things out and trying to understand where you’re coming from. This could be about anything, really.

Maybe you two are discussing politics and you disagree with each other. Instead of listening to your reasoning, an immature man will just argue and get mad when you don’t agree with him.

11. He always “jokes” with you, but they don’t feel like jokes 

His “jokes” are always super harsh digs at you. They’re not innocent little jokes. They’re hurtful. [Read: Lessons to deal with judgmental people]

When a guy is making fun of you in a way that actually hurts you, he’s just really immature and has no regard for your feelings. That’s not really someone you want to be in a relationship with.

12. He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions 

Maturity is being able to admit when you’re wrong and apologize for it. Immature men will continuously argue that they weren’t wrong or they’ll ignore the issue altogether. 

If a guy is showing this sign that he’s super immature, run. You’ll only have problems with him. [Read: The devious signs of a manipulator you need to watch out for]

13. He’s rude to others 

This can be waitresses, cashiers, or really anyone who is supposed to be doing a service for him. 

Being mean to those who are trying to help is a major sign of immaturity and a lack of empathy. Both of those qualities aren’t exactly great things to have in a man.

14. He doesn’t stick to his word 

This is one of the biggest traits of an immature man. Does he stick to his promises when he makes them? If not, it could be a big sign of immaturity. [Read: 22 early signs he would be a bad boyfriend]

Guys who are always making promises and never keeping them don’t respect you or their own words. How can you trust someone like that? His immaturity in this sense can cause major issues.

15. You feel the need to tell him to grow up 

If you’re always fighting the urge to tell a guy to grow up, then he’s probably immature. You already recognize that he’s acting childish. Need we say more? He’s a manchild. 

16. He never cleans up after himself 

As in, EVER. A guy who throws dirty dishes into the sink without even rinsing them and then lets them fester there for days until you finally have had enough is nothing more than your typical manchild. [Read: Is your boyfriend lazy and boring? Fix him up for good!]

It’s also possible that he doesn’t clean up after himself not because he’s lazy, but because he actually doesn’t know how to work the dishwasher – or hell, even the sink.

17. He expects you to do all the household chores 

If your boyfriend is harping at you to cook, clean, do the laundry, and all of the stuff that the “girl is supposed to do” then he hasn’t matured yet at all. 

He’s probably been super-smothered by his mother who did everything for him and he still hasn’t grown out of it. [Read: 36 secrets to spot difficult people and deal with them in a calm and cool way]

18. He sulks if he doesn’t get his way 

Do you know how a toddler will throw everything they’re holding and lay on the ground screaming until you give them what they want? He’s a lot like that. 

He can’t handle it when life doesn’t cater to his every need. So, he sulks and throws a tantrum instead. 

19. He can’t handle constructive criticism 

A manchild just can’t take it when someone tells them how they can do something better.

In his immature mind, he’s the best at everything. So, he’ll just slump down for a while following constructive criticism. 

This is a common trait amongst immature men and shows that they believe they’re the most important person in the world. [Read: Narcissistic boyfriend – 28 signs and ways to deal with a narc guy or dump him]

20. He’s never wrong 

If arguing with your boyfriend is completely pointless because there’s just no way he’ll ever see your side because he’s always right, you may be dating a manchild.

21. Any type of game brings out his ugly side 

Forget drinking games, board games, and even a nice game of Frisbee because if he loses – or even if he wins – he’ll be a sore loser or a gloating, insulting winner. [Read: Annoying boyfriend habits that most girls experience in a relationship]

You might as well just not bother playing because you know that it won’t end well, either way. 

22. He only thinks about himself 

Selfishness is a big trait of a manchild. His inability to think about anyone else in any given situation just proves his immaturity. 

He believes the world revolves around him completely and again, it’s probably because his mother did everything for him. [Read: Selfishness in relationships and 15 ways to deal with it the right way]

23. He can’t handle his finances 

If he’s spending money left and right with no way of tracking it or even being able to pay for it, you’re dating a manchild. This is another major trait of immature men and it does not bode well for your relationship. 

His lack of financial control will impact you, especially if you get to the point where you share finances later down the line. 

24. He lets his mom treat him like a child 

Honestly, we would have to say that about 50% of the responsibility for a guy becoming a manchild lies with how his mother treats him. [Read: 21 subtle signs of emotional abuse you may be overlooking]

If he still lets his mom treat him as she did when he was small, that’s a major red flag. It’s time he grew up!

25. He talks a big game but hardly ever follows through 

He may talk tough, and he may promise you great things, but if he never–or hardly–follows through with his intentions, then he’s a manchild. 

You can’t trust his promises because you know they’re probably not going to come to fruition. He makes plans and then flakes on them. He’s not true to his word and it’s one of the big signs of immature men. [Read: 20 signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you and just wants to have fun]

26. If he gets sick, it’s the end of the world 

Does he actually act like a child when he’s sick? He might just have a cold but in his eyes, it’s the worst thing to hit the world since the black plague. He also expects you to nurse him back to health, just as his mom did when he was young. 

27. He can’t hold a steady job 

Does your boyfriend constantly have to be looking for a job because he’ll be fired or quit after only a few months? If so, it could be a sign that he’s a manchild because he can’t follow rules and maintain a steady job. [Read: Types of guys you need to stop dating if you want real love]

28. He attacks you during an argument

Because he doesn’t know how to work through conflict in an effective manner, he will attack you during an argument. [Read: Turn offs for girls – 25 things guys do that girls absolutely hate]

This deflects the blame onto you, always making you look like the bad guy even when you’re not. So, he will attack you instead of looking at what he did wrong. 

29. He has no impulse control

Whether it comes to spending his money, yelling at you, drinking, or just giving into any desire he has in the moment, he has no impulse control. 

He doesn’t have the ability to stop himself and ask, “Should I really be doing this?” because he has no ability to self-reflect. [Read: Peter Pan Syndrome – what it is, 31 childish signs, and how to grow up ASAP]

30. He is a bully

A manchild is weak and immature. Because of this, he feels like he has to bully other people to get his way.

Instead of being mature and talking things through in a logical manner, he just resorts to bullying people. He thinks this makes him look powerful when in reality, he just looks like a silly little manchild.

31. He is a poor listener

He just doesn’t really want to hear anything anyone has to say. It could be about how your day went, a problem you have, or just telling him something interesting. [Read: 19 ways to be a much better listener in a relationship and read their mind]

And God forbid you actually try to talk to him during a football game or while he’s playing a video game. He doesn’t care what comes out of anyone’s mouth.

32. He is unsupportive

If you’ve had a bad day or if your tire needs changed, he just isn’t there for you. You can’t rely on him for anything.

In fact, you might as well be alone because he surely doesn’t make your life easier by taking care of you in any way. He’s completely unsupportive of you or anyone else. [Read: 17 signs of a supportive partner who encourages you and your goals]

33. He is a pathological liar

Children lie because they think that they can get away with it and no one will figure them out. But their brains aren’t developed enough yet to know that is not true. 

However, a manchild’s brain should be developed, but he acts like a toddler and lies all the time. He doesn’t care about the consequences of his lies either.

34. He lacks healthy ways to cope with stress

Everyone has stress in their lives – it’s pretty inevitable for most people. But immature men don’t have very healthy ways to deal with it. [Read: 17 life secrets to smile more often, feel great, and laugh your stress away]

Instead of going to the gym or meditating, he will drink too much, smoke, and play video games 24/7 to escape or do some other activity that is not helping him or the other people in his life.

35. Unable to delay gratification

When a manchild wants something, he wants it NOW. He doesn’t have the ability to think about it and ask himself whether or not it’s a good idea to have it. 

And he has no patience and can’t delay any kind of gratification at all. He wants what he wants when he wants it. Just like a toddler. [Read: What is masculinity? 46 manly and toxic traits women love and despise in men]

Can an immature man ever change?

Of course, everyone can change their ways if they really want to. The problem is that immaturity doesn’t tend to be something people are aware of or like to be pointed out to them. 

Fixing a manchild isn’t an easy task. It could take a long time for him to properly mature into a real adult. However, there are some ways to hurry the process along.

1. Be patient 

We say this first because fixing a manchild can be a long and frustrating process. Take it day by day and just remember to be calm. 

If you really care about him and want to be with him, be patient with the process. [Read: The big reasons why a man feels emasculated and behaves like a manchild]

2. Communicate with him 

You have to tell him what he’s doing and how it’s affecting you. He doesn’t realize that he’s being immature. Make sure he knows how you feel and tell him often so he’s always reminded that he has to be changing something.

3. Use incentives for him to change 

If talking to him just isn’t enough, you may have to get real with him. Now, he may not accept this at first, but you’ll have to try. [Read: 33 signs and qualities that make a guy a really good boyfriend]

Tell him that if he can’t grow up and get his act together, you may have to move on. It’s a meaningful incentive, but it’s also honest down to its core.

Is it worth dating an immature man?

That’s a tough one! It really depends upon the degree of immaturity. If he’s a super-manchild then you’re just going to end up frustrated all the time. 

But, if his immaturity isn’t that far up the scale, perhaps you can work with him to change. It’s a personal choice at the end of the day but you have to think about what happens when things don’t go well. [Read: How to know if you should break up – 22 signs that can guide you]

Life always throws us curve balls and you need to be able to handle these things together. That takes a certain amount of maturity. And if he’s a manchild, you’re always going to be the one responsible for making the big decisions without much support. 

You have to question whether that’s something you’re willing to handle. For sure, you might love him, but if you can’t handle a total lack of support, you need to walk away. [Read: What is a toxic relationship? 53 signs to recognize the love that hurts you]

Get your man to recognize that he’s an immature manchild

The first half of the article was for you to spot the signs of a manchild and either stay away from him or decide how to handle him if you’re already with one.

But this next part is for him. If you’re already in a relationship with a manchild and want him to change, the first step is to get him to admit he’s an immature man. It’s not going to be easy, and he will deny it. But this is the first step toward change.

So, you will have to have him read this next section. However, you have to approach him in a non-confrontational way. You can’t criticize or yell at him when you are doing this or else it won’t work. Instead, you have to approach him in a loving and non-judgmental way.

Ask him if he feels like maybe he wants to improve himself. Start with something he would respond well to, like making more money.

You could ask, “Honey, wouldn’t you love to have more money so we can go out and do more things or travel?” He’ll probably answer “Yes.” [Read: How to not be a narcissist – self-reflecting steps to change yourself]

From there, you can say that you want to help him change. And you need to emphasize that this is for his own good too – not just yours. Remember a manchild is very selfish. If he doesn’t see anything in it for him, then he won’t do it.

So, you’re going to have to be very methodical and deliberate for this to work. You might even say that if he wants to keep you, he will have to read this and try to make some changes. 

As we said, it’s not going to be easy, but it can be done. So, are you ready? [Read: How to be a man the way he really should be]

How to stop being a manchild

Sure, you like to be babied. It’s nice and convenient to have someone taking care of your every need, but it’s not helping you. 

If anything, your skills are diminishing by the second and soon you’ll be left completely helpless. You really don’t want to become that person.

So, if you landed on this feature, you know you need to change your ways. Which is great! It’s the first step in dropping the “child” from your title. [Read: Self-centered people – 40 signs and ways to change yourself or deal with one]

You need to “man up” and become a man. If you’re over 18 and called a manchild, this is for you. It’s time to be a man.

1. Accept what you are

This doesn’t mean you don’t have to change, you still do. But accepting your behavior and actions is the first step in overcoming your manchild ways. 

If you’re in denial, then you shouldn’t even be reading this, you’re not ready. When you can openly call yourself a manchild, then it’s time for you to take action. [Read: 16 types of guys girls just don’t want to date]

2. Let go of the nipple

You’ve been sucking on the tit for far too long. It’s time for you to let it go. If you want to know how to stop being a manchild, gain some independence. 

Yes, relying on your mom or partner is comfortable, but it’s not helping anyone. Take responsibility, pay a phone bill, and start doing things on your own. [Read: Mature ways to begin facing life like the adult you are]

3. Understand your coping mechanisms

Everyone uses coping mechanisms to deal with their personal issues. If you’re a manchild, you may depend on TV and video games to help cope with your issues. 

Listen, gluing yourself to the TV or playing an entire weekend of Fortnite isn’t going to take you away from the reality of your life.

4. Take responsibility

Of course, you don’t want to hear it, but you’ve been playing the victim for far too long. It’s time for you to take ownership of your actions. [Read: The alpha male – 65 traits of a real alpha man and true secrets to be one yourself]

Instead of blaming everyone else for your problems, and you do since you’re a manchild, it’s time to see how you played a role in your life. Because it’s not everyone else’s fault for how things turned out.

5. Stop being entitled

When you’re a child, you don’t need to work, you don’t need to pay bills, and no one expects anything from you. When you’re a kid, everything is given to you. But the thing is you’re not a kid anymore, you’re an adult. People have expectations.

You have bills to pay and you need to earn the things you want to have. Fix your own problems, and work towards your own success. [Read: How to get rid of your bad sense of entitlement]

6. Leave your comfort zone

When you were a child, it was considered normal if you didn’t want to leave your comfort zone. Who honestly wants to leave their comfort zone? Exactly.

But as we get older, we learn that we have to leave our comfort zone to grow as a person. However, you’re still stuck in your comfort zone and you don’t want to leave. 

Well, then you won’t be able to grow either. [Read: Emotional maturity – clues to know if someone has it]

7. Enough with the lying

Aren’t you getting tired of lying? Because we’re sure tired of hearing the excuses. You need to lie to cope with your problems but it’s not working to your advantage. 

In the short term, sure, it may ease things, but in reality, all it’s doing is holding you back. Plus, you don’t need to be known as a liar.

8. Cut dependent relationships

That doesn’t mean that you need to stop talking to your mom, but you need to create boundaries. If you have a partner that is babying you, change the behavior. [Read: 41 rules to be a gentleman every girl would secretly dream of dating]

Some people crave babying another adult, but if you want to get out of this phase, then you need someone who values independence.

9. Learn simple skills

It’s not that you’re useless, but you probably never did the dishes or cleaned the toilet bowl. Now, no one likes doing this but these are things you need to do when you grow up. 

If you want to know how to stop being a manchild, learn how to do things around the house and actually do them. Clean the bathroom, learn how to do the laundry, and start to take pride in taking care of yourself.

10. Keep your word

When you say you’re going to do something, do it. A manchild is someone who only talks with no action. And when you bail out on a plan, there’s always an excuse. 

When it gets tough, you decide to give up and come up with a reason why. But that needs to stop. If you say you’re going to do something, do it. [Read: How to court a woman – the meaning and 23 gentlemanly ways to woo her]

11. Focus on being empathetic

If you’re a manchild, you’re mostly concerned about your own well-being. You may have a partner, but you rarely ask them how their day was or how they’re feeling. 

Instead, everything is about you and what’s going on in your life. But if you want to be a man, start giving a shit about people other than yourself. [Read: Why empathy is so important in relationships]

12. Get real

Time to wake up. You may have wanted to be a race car driver when you were a kid but now you’re twenty-five, and that’s not going to happen. 

You probably don’t want to get a “real job,” but sitting on your couch isn’t productive. It’s time to get real with reality.

13. Give more in bed

If someone asks your partner if you’re giving, they’ll probably say no. Usually, if you’re a manchild, you’re not overly giving in bed. Instead, you focus on receiving pleasure. But it’s time to give. [Read: Signs you’re the selfish one in the relationship]

14. You’re not going to change overnight 

Everyone would like to change overnight. Though you can change your behavior overnight, committing to the change is an entirely different story. 

You’re going to make mistakes, feel vulnerable, and sometimes, you’ll want to quit and go back to being a manchild. It takes time. [Read: 15 things immature men do that hurt them bad]

15. Talk to a therapist

This isn’t something that you’re going to overcome with ease. You’re going to go through many struggles and obstacles when it comes to this. But you don’t need to do this alone. 

Talking to a therapist can help give you the tools and a safe space to talk and work on your manchild issues. Because honestly, these issues aren’t shallow, they go way back.

[Read: How to grow up and face life like an adult]

Now that you know the signs of a manchild and had your immature man read this article, it’s time to make some changes for the better, don’t you think? Of course you do, but hopefully, now he will too.

The post Immature Men: 53 Manchild Signs, Why He’s a Pain to Date & Ways to Help Him is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

How Men Build (and Lose) Women's Attraction

Men don’t build attraction in women gradually. Raised attraction comes in spurts – and when lost, it’s lost in disappointing spurts (or collapses), too.

How do some men take a woman who’s barely interested in them and make her fall in love?

How do so many other men manage to turn women who were attracted to them into women who no longer are?

105 Most Common Gaslighting Phrases Techniques & Signs to Recognize Them

Has your partner or someone else ever made you feel like you’re crazy? If so, you might need to know some common gaslighting phrases to know for sure.

Relationships aren’t always easy. And it doesn’t matter what type of relationship it is – it could be your parents, friends, or a significant other. Sometimes these relationships can turn toxic, and the other person can use gaslighting phrases on you, and you might not even know it.

You may or may not have heard of the term “gaslighting,” so let’s start out by defining exactly what it is.

What is gaslighting?

The term “gaslighting” was derived from the name of a 1938 play and 1944 movie, Gaslight. In the film, the husband manipulates his wife into thinking she’s crazy.

In a nutshell, gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. It’s also a method to gain control over another person.

It works by breaking down the other person’s trust in themselves and increasing how much they trust or depend on the abusive person. And they use a lot of gaslighting phrases to do it. [Read: Pistanthrophobia – why you fear trusting people, 16 signs, and ways to overcome it]

When the abuser gaslights their victim, it causes the victim to question their own memories, sanity, and perception of reality. This makes them feel anxious, confused, and as if they can’t even trust themselves.

Usually, gaslighting begins slowly. First, the abusive person gains the victim’s trust by appearing to be a good person. In this phase, there isn’t any abusive behavior. But then the abuser suggests things like the other person is forgetful, unreliable, or even mentally ill.

Because of this, the victim questions if their partner is right. The more this happens. The more the abuser gains control. The victim feels unable to trust themselves or even make any decisions. [Read: 10 decisions you should never let your partner make for you]

The must-know gaslighting techniques

There are many different ways that an abuser can gaslight their victims. So, let’s take a look at some of their devious techniques before we look at the gaslighting phrases.

1. Denial and contradiction

If the victim reminds the abuser of something they said or did in the past, they will vehemently deny it and pretend like they just made it up. They could also say things that are very contradictory to each other as well.

2. Withholding information

As the saying goes, “information is power.” In other words, if someone has important information but doesn’t share it with others, it gives them power over them. So, gaslighters might withhold any kind of information to be in control. [Read: Controlling people – 32 common traits, signs, and ways to deal with them]

3. Diverting blame

A person who gaslights others never takes responsibility for their actions. Instead, it’s always someone else’s fault – even if it’s not. They will always blame others for things, and can’t self-reflect and hold themselves accountable.

4. Minimizing feelings

Their feelings are always more important than others’, and they also minimize and downplay when others have emotions. They might belittle or make fun of others for expressing their feelings in order to make them feel small.

5. Creating doubt and confusion

When someone is experiencing confusion and doubt, they are much easier to control.

Someone who gaslights knows this, and so they use different techniques on purpose in order to throw other people off balance with a lot of different gaslighting phrases. [Read: Overcoming self-doubt – 26 signs & best ways to stop doubting yourself]

6. Using sarcasm and mockery

Sarcasm can be fun in the right situation when you are just joking around. But that’s not how an abuser uses it.

They use sarcasm to be mean and tear other people down. They also like to mock the behaviors of others in order to ruin their self-esteem.

7. Controlling and monitoring behavior

Gaslighters are very controlling. They will have a microscope over their victim and monitor their every move.

If the victim allows it, they will control everything from when you can leave the house, who you can talk to, and what to eat.

8. Isolating the victim

Another very effective tactic that abusers use is the isolation of their victims.

They have to do it because if the victim tells other people what the abuser is doing to them, they might talk some sense into them and convince them to end the relationship. [Read: Narcissistic abuse – What it is, types, 58 signs and ways they hurt and break you]

9. Gaslighting through “gaslighting the gaslighter”

When people are guilty of doing something, it’s not uncommon for them to accuse other people of doing exactly what they’re doing. So, they might actually accuse their victim of gaslighting them when it’s not true!

10. Exploiting vulnerabilities

Everyone has insecurities – it’s just normal human nature. And most normal people try to make people feel good about themselves.

But a gaslighter does the opposite. They find someone’s vulnerabilities and exploit them on purpose.

11. Making unrealistic demands

Because an abuser is controlling, they obviously make demands on their victim. They might make absurd, unrealistic demands of other people, such as cutting out all their loved ones from their life and never seeing them again. That is toxic and dangerous. [Read: 36 secrets to hurt a narcissist and make them feel miserable for using you]

12. Invalidating experiences and emotions

Everyone goes through hard times, and when they do, it’s nice to be comforted by your loved ones.

But not only does a gaslighter not comfort the victim, they actually seek to tell them that their experiences are stupid or wrong. As a result, they completely invalidate their emotions.

13. Playing the victim

Even though the abuser has the power in a relationship, they still act like they’re a victim.

The purpose of this is to gain more control through guilt and psychological manipulation. They try to turn the tables and make the victim feel like the abuser themselves. [Read: Narcissistic victim syndrome – what it is and how to escape the mess]

14. Gaslighting by proxy

Gaslighting by proxy occurs when someone else backs them up. Sometimes it’s very subtle. They might say something like, “I’ve never seen him/her do anything like that.” Then, the victim feels completely unsupported, alone, and is left doubting their perceptions once again.

15. Projecting insecurities onto the victim

As we said previously, everyone has insecurities. It might not seem like an abuser has them because they seem so confident and in control.

But the reason they have to act like that is because of their own insecurities. But they project them onto their victims.

Gaslighting phrases and examples

If you think you might be a victim of gaslighting, then in order to get out of the situation, you need to know some of the phrases and examples. Once you recognize it, then you can stand up for yourself. Here are some to look for. [Read: 23 Secrets to stand up for yourself in a relationship and know your true worth]

The gaslighting phrases that undermine your perception and reality

1. “You’re imagining things.”

2. “That never happened.”

3. “You’re just being too sensitive.”

4. “You’re crazy.”

5. “You must have dreamt that.”

6. “You’re just being paranoid.”

7. “You’re overanalyzing everything.”

8. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

9. “You’re always making things up.”

[Read: Pathological liar – what causes it and 55 signs and ways to help them change]

10. “You’re just looking for attention.”

11. “You’re too emotional to see things clearly.”

12. “You’re just being dramatic.”

13. “You’re too sensitive for your own good.”

14. “You’re blowing things out of proportion.”

15. “You’re just making a big deal out of nothing.”

[Read: Narcissistic abuse – what it is, types, 58 signs and ways they hurt and break you]

Gaslighting phrases that discredit emotions and experiences

1. “You’re overreacting.”

2. “You’re too emotional.”

3. “It’s all in your head.”

4. “You’re just being dramatic.”

5. “You’re always making everything about yourself.”

6. “You’re just trying to play the victim.”

7. “Nobody else feels that way, it’s just you.”

8. “You’re just being too sensitive.”

[Read: 61 Signs you’re dating a narcissist and the best ways to help them change]

9. “You’re just looking for reasons to be upset.”

10. “You’re just being irrational.”

11. “You’re too emotional to have a rational opinion.”

12. “You’re too weak to handle this.”

13. “You’re just being difficult on purpose.”

14. “You’re too needy for attention.”

15. “You’re just trying to manipulate me with your emotions.”

[Read: 46 Secrets to deal with a narcissist, break them, and handle their petty games]

Gaslighting phrases to shift blame and responsibility

1. “You’re the one at fault.”

2. “You made me do it.”

3. “You’re the problem in this relationship.”

4. “If you didn’t do ___, I wouldn’t have to react this way.”

5. “You always ruin everything.”

6. “You’re the reason I’m unhappy.”

7. “You’re just trying to sabotage us.”

8. “You’re the one who started this argument.”

[Read: How to resolve conflict – the 15 best ways to cut out the drama]

9. “You’re the one who needs to change.”

10. “You’re just too difficult to be around.”

11. “You’re the reason things never work out.”

12. “You’re the one who can’t handle criticism.”

13. “You’re too sensitive to handle the truth.”

14. “You’re just trying to control me.”

15. “You’re the one who pushed me to this point.”

[Read: Emotional abuse – what it is, and 39 signs this relationship is breaking you]

Gaslighting phrases that create doubt and confusion

1. “You’re just remembering it wrong.”

2. “I never said that.”

3. “You’re crazy.”

4. “You’re just trying to manipulate me.”

5. “You must have misunderstood me.”

6. “You’re just being paranoid.”

7. “You’re twisting my words.”

8. “You’re just making things up to cause problems.”

[Read: 73 Red flag narcissism signs and traits of a narcissist to read them like a book]

9. “You’re the one who’s confused, not me.”

10. “You’re too irrational to understand the truth.”

11. “You’re just trying to start an argument.”

12. “You’re too sensitive to handle the reality.”

13. “You’re just misinterpreting everything I say.”

14. “You’re the one who’s delusional.”

15. “You’re just trying to make me look bad.”

[Read: Toxic relationship – what it is, 107 signs, causes, and types of love that hurt you]

The effects of gaslighting

Obviously, gaslighting is very damaging to most people because it is so toxic. But what are the effects on the victims? Let’s take a look. [Read: Gaslighting – what it is, how it works, and 33 signs to spot it ASAP]

1. Loss of self-confidence

A lot of people lack high self-confidence, which is unfortunate. And many people who are victims of gaslighting have naturally low self-esteem. But when they are gaslighted, their self-confidence plummets even more. The abuser tries to break down anything good that they feel about themselves.

2. Increased self-doubt

Along with low self-esteem comes self-doubt – even before someone gets into an abusive relationship.

But once the abuse starts, the victim’s self-doubt gets even worse. They might even start to think that they are actually going insane and need help.

3. Emotional instability

When people are in uncertain situations, they frequently become emotional. Gaslighters create uncertainty and confusion by using a lot of different gaslighting phrases. [Read: Emotionally stable – how to find your zone of perfect calmness]

As a result, victims might go from feeling very depressed to having frequent crying episodes. There might even be some good emotions sprinkled in there, which is even more confusing for them too.

4. Isolation

Because the gaslighter doesn’t want their victim to have contact with other people, they isolate them. And sometimes, even the victim themselves might even self-isolate because they are embarrassed by the kind of relationship they are in.

5. Cognitive dissonance

A victim might fundamentally see themselves as an honest and good person, but when the abuser makes them feel like a low-life, then they will experience cognitive dissonance. [Read: Hoovering – what it is, how narcissists use it, and how to avoid falling for it]

In other words, there is a mental contradiction between one thought or feeling *“I’m a good person”* and the other *”I’m a bad person”*.

6. Loss of trust

Even if the victim was a trusting person before this relationship, over time, they will eventually lose the ability to trust their abuser.

They might even stop trusting people altogether. And even worse, they will; probably stop trusting themselves and their own judgment. 

7. Self-blame

When someone is being gaslighted, sometimes they think that they are to blame for it. The gaslighter doesn’t take any personal responsibility, and just projects blame on the other person.

Eventually, the victim will internalize it and blame themselves too. [Read: Low self-worth – 5 steps to see yourself in a better light]

8. Diminished decision-making abilities

The abuser wants the victim to always feel off-kilter. Because of that, their ability to see things objectively and make decisions for themselves is slowly eroded.

Therefore, they have to rely on their abuser to make the decisions for them, which is exactly what the abuser wants.

9. Increased dependency

The abuser doesn’t want the victim to be independent and do things on their own and think for themselves, because then they wouldn’t have enough control. So, they make sure that the victim is increasingly dependent on them and no one else – not even themselves.

10. Emotional exhaustion

As you can imagine, being in an abusive relationship where there are a lot of gaslighting phrases is nothing but a negative, wild roller coaster of emotions. [Read: Emotional roller coaster – the signs, causes, and ways to end this relationship]

And while roller coasters can be fun *the literal kind*, emotional ones are not. This leads to extreme emotional exhaustion for the victim.

11. Development of anxiety and depression

Because there is nothing but negativity going on when there is gaslighting present, it can lead to some deep levels of anxiety or depression. The victim is always anxious and worried about what the abuser will do to them next. 

12. Sense of powerlessness

When someone has control over you, the most obvious reaction is that you feel powerless.

So, if gaslighting occurs on a regular basis, the victim might feel like they will never be able to get control of the situation, relationship, the other person, or even their sense of reality. [Read: Narcissistic supply – how to control a narcissist and cut their power]

13. Difficulty in setting boundaries

Many victims lack personal boundaries, and that’s why they because abused by other people. But even so, as the abuse and gaslighting go on, they have even more difficulty setting boundaries.

Eventually, they have no personal boundaries at all because the abuser has broken down them all.

14. Physical symptoms and health issues

A toxic relationship leads to an immense amount of emotional stress. And emotional stress is toxic to the body.

In fact, stress is one of the biggest contributors to health problems. So, the victim might start having a lot of negative physical symptoms as a result of the gaslighting.

15. Loss of identity

Being pushed around, bullied, and constantly being made to question their sanity, a victim might actually lose the sense of who they are completely.

This loss of identity is not only unhealthy – it’s actually dangerous to not know who you are anymore. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

Why is it important to recognize gaslighting phrases?

If you feel like you are being gaslighted by someone, it’s important to be able to recognize it so you can stop it. Remember, you are being taught to question your sanity and reality itself, so you need to end the abuse as soon as you can. Here’s why.

1. Self-protection

Abuse comes in many forms. You don’t have to be physically abused to know that you’re a victim. Gaslighting is a form of emotional and psychological abuse.

So, just as you need to protect yourself from being physically harmed, you should also protect yourself from being harmed by gaslighting. [Read: Self-centered people – 40 signs and ways to change yourself or deal with one]

2. Maintaining mental well-being

Everyone wants to be happy. And everyone deserves to be happy. But when you are in a toxic relationship, you aren’t happy.

So, that’s why you need to recognize the gaslighting and get out of the relationship as soon as you can. Your mental well-being depends on it.

3. Validation of experiences

As we mentioned earlier, an abuser will invalidate your experiences, thoughts, and emotions with a lot of different gaslighting phrases.

You will begin to think that you have lost a sense of reality. But when you stop the gaslighting, you will be able to validate your experiences once again.

4. Empowerment

Gaslighters take away the personal power of their victims. As a result, they have no control over their lives at all – or at least to a very large extent.

So, when you recognize and stop the gaslighting, the person feels more empowered and proud of themselves for standing up to the abuse. [Read: 55 secrets and self-love habits to build confidence and realize your worth]

5. Building self-esteem

Because abuse just constantly chips away at your self-esteem little by little, the victim will end up feeling awful about themselves. And that is no way to live.

But when they stand up to the gaslighter and set personal boundaries *or even end the relationship*, they will feel much better about themselves.

6. Healthy relationships

When there is a power dynamic of the abuser/victim, the relationship can’t be anything but toxic and potentially even dangerous.

So, the victim must learn how to stand up for themselves, build their self-esteem, and learn how to have healthy relationships. [Read: 38 signs and traits of a happy, healthy relationship and what it should look like]

7. Improved communication

Good communication skills are vital to a healthy relationship. Just communicating alone isn’t enough. After all, yelling, screaming, and name-calling is communication, but it’s not healthy communication. Stating your need and pointing out the gaslighting will help improve communication overall.

8. Strengthening boundaries

Everyone has to have personal boundaries. If they don’t, then they become a doormat and other people just walk all over them and take advantage of them.

But when you stand up to abuse, you strengthen your boundaries. Not only does it make you happier, but you also respect yourself more. [Read: 23 secrets to set personal boundaries and guide others to respect them]

9. Trust in one’s intuition

Because gaslighting eventually wears down a person’s sense of reality and decision-making skills, standing up to the gaslighting helps individuals trust their gut instincts and intuition.

They eventually see reality more objectively and don’t feel like they are crazy anymore.

10. Avoiding self-blame

When a gaslighter projects blame onto their victims, they turn to self-blame. But when you know the signs of gaslighting, the victim no longer sees themselves as the person to blame.

Instead, they see their behavior more objectively, and they avoid self-blame.

11. Promoting emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the ability to monitor and regulate your emotions. But it also means that you can read other people’s behaviors and emotions and adjust yours accordingly.

As a result of recognizing and stopping the gaslighting, you will become much more emotionally intelligent. [Read: Social cues – what it is, 22 universal behaviors, and how to respond to them]

12. Preventing long-term damage

The longer a person stays in a toxic, abusive relationship, the more damage it will do to their psyche – and maybe even their physical body too.

So, getting yourself out of the negative power dynamic will save the victim a lot of mental health issues later on in their life.

13. Nurturing self-trust

Gaslighters make sure that their victims question reality, so eventually, they don’t trust themselves anymore.

But when the victim calls out the gaslighting behavior, they can eventually trust themselves again because they see things from an objective point of view.

14. Encouraging healthy self-expression

An abuser doesn’t want their victim to stand up for themselves. In fact, they just want to silence them, and they don’t allow them to express themselves.

But when the victim starts to voice their concerns, they will continue to develop healthy self-expression which will be an asset to them for the rest of their lives. [Read: Stand up for yourself – why it’s hard and steps to get what you want and deserve]

15. Breaking the cycle

Bullies will just keep on bullying their victims until they say “no” and break the cycle. They’ll get away with as much as they can until someone puts a stop to it. So, by learning these gaslighting phrases, the victim can break the cycle once and for all.

Ways to cope with gaslighting

Now that you know some of the words and phrases that go along with gaslighting, you need to know how to cope with it. Here’s how.

1. Recognizing the signs

Obviously, this is the first step. You can’t change what you don’t recognize, so you have to know the signs. If you have to, print out this feature and study it.

Carry it around with you so you don’t forget any of these signs. Show them to your abuser so you can call them out on the gaslighting when it occurs. [Read: 20 Traits and signs of a toxic boyfriend that predict a painful relationship]

2. Seeking support from trusted individuals

Even if the abuser has isolated you from friends and family, it’s important to turn back to them and seek support from them – or anyone else you trust.

If you can seek out a therapist, then that is definitely another way you can overcome the emotional and psychological damage that the gaslighter did to you.

3. Setting boundaries and asserting oneself

There is no way that an abuser will stop abusing you if you don’t assert yourself and set personal boundaries.

It’s not always easy to do at first, but the more you do it, the better you will become at it. Don’t let the gaslighter make you back down either. Stand your ground and be firm. [Read: How to set boundaries with a narcissist and weaken their hold over you]

4. Building self-esteem and self-confidence

Do things that will build your self-esteem and self-confidence. Spend time with people who genuinely love you, read self-help books, and do anything that will make you feel good about yourself.

Once you build your self-esteem back up, you will no longer tolerate abusive behavior.

[Read: How to build self-esteem and love life with these simple life changes]

Gaslighting is a form of abuse, and it needs to be stopped for your own mental health, well-being, and happiness. Now that you know the gaslighting phrases and examples to look for, you can put an end to it. After all, you owe it to yourself and your future!

The post 105 Most Common Gaslighting Phrases, Techniques & Signs to Recognize Them is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

[VIDEO] Having Natural Conversations Over Text with Girls

In one week, I open the doors for IMPULSE TEXTING… my innovative new text-the-girl course that teaches you to use the psychology of natural conversations to get girls texting you back on impulse.

Today I have a second free video on creating natural conversations with women over text.

In it, we talk about why most guys’ text message convos DON’T feel natural… plus I give you a couple of tips you can start using today to help remedy this.

Picking Up Women in After-Hours Venues

The regular nightlife’s over, but the after-hours venues are still on. How do you pick up women from these places – and not risk late-night rejections?

Hey guys and welcome back.

Table of Contents

1. Male-To-Female Ratio

2. Picking Up in After-Hours Clubs

3. Good Venue Logistics

4. The Game Plan for After-Hours Venues

   • A. Opening

   • B. Building Social Proof

   • C. Isolating

   • D. Building Rapport

   • E. Escalation

   • F. Extraction

5. Conclusion

In my last article, I gave an overview of after-hours venues.

These venues remain open after the general nightlife closes. They are the clubs that people go to if they want to party more. They usually attract more of the power-going crowd, like ravers and clubbers. Those may make up half the crowd. The rest will be regular people who have no idea how they got there.

I recommended opting for gay-friendly after-hours places or straight-friendly gay places. They tend to have the most girls with less male competition (most men there are gay).

Gay-friendly after-hours places are not unusual because those places are known as party scenes, and nobody parties harder, longer, and more seriously than gay people. They will readily go to the after-hours venues. Most after-hours venues that are good have a gay clientele.

Those that don’t tend to be sausage fests with primarily straight men.

You may see more men, but most don’t “count” because they are gay. This is even more so in gay venues open to straight people. Even more interesting is that gay and gay-friendly venues often have more girls than those that do not attract the gay crowd.

And no, they are not lesbians.