You love him, but something isn’t right. It’s time to learn the signs of a toxic boyfriend and work out whether or not you’re wasting your time on the wrong guy.
Relationships have the power to either lift you up or drag you down. Unfortunately, the sheer number of toxic relationships far outweighs the number of healthy ones. As a result, it’s vital that you know when you’re seeing the signs of a potentially toxic boyfriend and then you can either work to rectify the situation or, more likely, walk away with your head held high.
When you fall in love, it’s easy to overlook all the negative aspects of the relationship. You put up with a lot because you simply don’t want it to end, or you think that perhaps your partner is going to change.
The problem is that a toxic boyfriend is likely to stay a toxic boyfriend unless he sees the error of his ways and changes for the better.
He’s not going to do that without a conversation that tells him to, or until you decide that enough is enough and find happiness in yourself away from him. [Read: What is a toxic relationship? How to understand what it is so you can get out]
The glaring signs of a toxic boyfriend you should never ignore
To help you identify whether or not a change is needed in your relationship, let’s check out the most common signs of a toxic boyfriend.
1. He often speaks down to you
It’s nothing but annoying when someone speaks down to you, regularly uses sarcasm, or acts in a condescending manner.
As annoying as it can be coming from someone you’re not close to, it’s not something you should be dealing with from a boyfriend. If you’ve pointed it out to him before and he’s still doing it, that’s one of the key signs of a toxic boyfriend. [Read: The double standards in a relationship that are as toxic AF!]
2. He resorts to gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation. It’s also a type of emotional abuse. While we must be careful that we don’t confuse toxicity with abuse and think it’s always the exact same thing, in some cases, it overlaps.
Gaslighting is when someone makes you question yourself or your own sanity. For instance, your boyfriend might say something and when you recall it later, he pretends he never said it. You then doubt whether you heard it or not.
Over time, this form of manipulation can be very damaging. [Read: Understanding gaslighting and how to know if your lover is messing with your mind]
3. He is controlling
One of the main signs of a toxic boyfriend is someone who is regularly controlling. You are a grown adult and have your own mind. You do not need someone else telling you what you can and can’t do. When a man tries to control you, he is bending you to his will. Don’t allow it!
4. Jealousy is a common theme
Let’s be honest – it’s nice when someone is occasionally a little jealous, like when another guy looks at you in a certain way and your boyfriend puts his arm around you to let the guy know you’re his.
However, it’s not nice when it’s constant and it stops you from doing anything. There is no place for extreme jealousy in a relationship.
5. You often catch him in a lie
Liar, liar, pants on fire! Lying basically means that you’re deceiving your partner, and it’s one of the biggest signs of a toxic boyfriend.
If your guy is always lying about the small things, you don’t know that he’s not lying about the big things, too. Lies erode trust and make it impossible to believe anything he says. [Read: Emotions you just shouldn’t feel in your relationship]
6. You’re constantly walking on eggshells
It’s no fun when you’re never sure what mood your guy is in and you have to walk on eggshells around him to avoid drama. It’s toxic because you can’t relax and can’t be free to allow your relationship to develop.
7. Your needs are never his priority
Your needs are of equal importance to your boyfriend’s. If his needs are always met but yours aren’t, you should worry a little. It means you’re never going to be happy and you’re always going to be lacking what you need. It’s one of the definite signs of a toxic boyfriend.
8. He’s generally quite disrespectful
You can be disrespectful to someone in a myriad of ways. It could be not respecting their boundaries, showing off in front of others when they’re around, or not taking what they say seriously.
If you constantly feel disrespected, it’s a big problem that needs to be addressed. Unfortunately, it means you’re in a toxic relationship, too. [Read: How to deal with a disrespectful boyfriend in the best way possible]
9. He never has your back
Your guy should be your biggest supporter. If he never has your back and never sticks up for you when others talk about you, does he even care?
It’s definitely one of the signs of a toxic boyfriend, and it’s something you should view as a red flag. Your guy should defend you at all costs.
10. He flirts with other people in front of you
This is another point of disrespect. Flirting with other people in front of you is toxic on so many levels. If your guy does this, you should have a serious conversation with him and consider whether or not there is any future in the relationship. [Read: My guy is very flirty… with other women!]
11. He simply refuses to commit
While you shouldn’t expect your boyfriend to commit straight away, if he’s refusing to commit to you after a considerable amount of time, does it mean he’s toxic? In some ways, it could.
If he’s not interested in being committed to you after a length of time, you might wonder if the relationship is going anywhere.
12. He’s never there when you need him
If you need something, he’s just not there. He either makes an excuse or he just doesn’t answer his phone.
Maybe you just feel that there’s no point in asking him because you know what the answer will be. If that’s the case, you already know that you’ve got a toxic boy on your hands.
13. He’s often only interested in sex
A relationship isn’t just about the physical aspect. Sure, it’s important, but it’s not the be-all and end-all. If he’s only ever interested in sex and doesn’t really care about what’s going on in your life, you need to ask yourself whether or not he’s really invested in this relationship. The chances are that he’s not. [Read: 15 signs he just wants sex & is only using you for his enjoyment]
14. He tends to hide your relationship
If you’ve only just gotten together, this shouldn’t be one of the major signs of a toxic boyfriend by itself. However, if it’s been a while and you feel like you’re being hidden away from friends and family members, ask yourself why.
While there’s no need to shout from the rooftops about a relationship, there’s no need to keep it shrouded in mystery, either.
15. He’s never present in the moment
When you’re out or spending quality time together, is he always on his phone? Does he rarely look up when you speak? It’s something we’re all guilty of occasionally, but if it’s a common thing then you have to question if he’s even bothered about hearing what you have to say.
Not being present in the moment in any situation is rude, but it’s definitely disrespectful in a relationship. [Read: How to be present – The guide to finding your zone of calm perfection]
16. He doesn’t encourage you
Do you feel like he often holds you back? If so, that’s one of the signs of a toxic boyfriend right there! Your boyfriend is supposed to be your number one supporter, just as you are supposed to be his.
If he tries to dissuade you from going for your dreams or from trying anything new, it’s not out of concern – it’s because he wants to keep you in your little box away from success and everything you deserve.
17. He borrows money from you all the time
It’s normal to help one another out occasionally, but if he’s always borrowing cash from you and never giving it back, ask yourself what’s going on.
You’re not his personal cash machine, and he needs to get off his ass and fix his situation.
18. The relationship is always one sided
Are you always coming up with date ideas or suggestions of things to do, but he never does? Do you often buy small, thoughtful gifts, but it’s never reciprocated?
Perhaps you just feel like everything is totally out of balance and you’re the one pushing the relationship along? That’s because he’s not trying and being nothing short of toxic instead. [Read: The hidden signs of a one-sided relationship we all choose to ignore]
19. He pulls you away from your friends and family members
Be careful of this one, because it could be a sign that you’re around a narcissist. This type of toxic personality will isolate you from your friends and family members so that they’re able to control you better without any outside influences.
20. He’s always with his friends
It’s normal and healthy to spend time with friends, but there has to be a balance. I
f you two are never spending quality time together because he’s always partying it up with his buddies, then he’s not taking your relationship seriously and he’s seriously disrespecting you. [Read: He won’t commit but won’t let go either – here’s what to do now]
What should you do now?
These signs of a toxic boyfriend are the most obvious red flags you need to watch out for. Don’t panic if you occasionally only see one sign.
Everyone can be a little thoughtless once in a while, but if you see more than one sign over a considerable length of time, consider this a toxic relationship that you need to escape.
Toxic relationships do nothing but drag you down. They make you feel like you have nothing to fight for, pull at your self-confidence, and force you to question the relationship time and time again.
The problem is that one of the most common signs of a toxic boyfriend is that they convince you to stay by being pleasant in other ways. It’s a game of cat and mouse that is difficult to escape. [Read: Blowing hot and cold – The 3 stages that explain why someone does this]
You have a difficult decision to make
If you really do feel that you are dealing with a toxic boyfriend, ask yourself if his behavior can be genuinely changed.
Does he know what he’s doing? Does he understand that his behavior is toxic? Start a conversation and change the situation. If he refuses to see what is going on, think about leaving the relationship behind. [Read: 23 signs of a controlling boyfriend most girls ignore]
A toxic relationship has no future. It’s that simple. You can’t be happy with a toxic boyfriend. He will always make you feel less than you are. You deserve better!
By focusing on the positives, you can move away from the toxicity and find someone who will treat you with the love and respect you really do deserve. The biggest issue is that when you are with a toxic guy, you won’t believe that you deserve anything better.
[Read: Should I break up with my boyfriend? The 36 signs it’s time to end a bad relationship]
If you notice these signs of a toxic boyfriend, tread carefully! If you recognize repeated signs over time, sit up and take notice. A toxic relationship is not a relationship you need to be in.
The post 20 Traits & Signs of a Toxic Boyfriend that Predict a Painful Relationship is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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