Do you have fickle friends? If so, do you feel like they are ruining your life? Read on to see if they are worth keeping or if you should let them go.
We all relate to this subject, right? Almost everyone has fickle friends.
Friends are supposed to be there for us to lean on in times of need and for us to celebrate with when times are good. They should be loyal.
But not fickle friends. They practically do the opposite.
But, exactly what are fickle friends?
What are fickle friends?
People who are fickle change their minds so much that you just can’t rely on them. For example, if your best friend suddenly decides that she doesn’t like you one week, and then the next week she wants to hang out again, then she’s being fickle.
They are people that bounce in and out of your life like a bouncy ball. One minute you are totally cool, the next they disappear without any warning.
What are a fickle friend’s motives? [Read: Selfish people – 20 ways to spot and stop them from hurting you]
Well, mostly they are selfish people more concerned about what goes on in their own lives than what you have in yours. A mixture of moody and indecisive, they go whichever way the wind blows, which is not always in your favor.
If you have a fickle friend, it starts to feel like you always make an effort, wondering why you are on the outs, or what you did that made them disappear without warning.
The signs of fickle friends
If you suspect that you have a fickle friend but aren’t sure, they’re not hard to spot. Here are the signs of fickle friends. [Read: Selfish friends – they take so much and give nothing in return]
1. Indecision
Having to make a decision tortures fickle people. So, they generally depend on others’ advice.
It’s not unexpected for their friends to receive a call about a simple issue such as whether or not they should walk or take the bus to work that day.
2. Needing endless opinions
If they ask someone for help with a decision and they don’t sound confident about their answer, they’ll call another person to ask the same question. [Read: Indecisiveness – why your inability to decide is a decision too]
If the answers are different, it’s their worst nightmare. And then they worry about making either of them angry for not following their advice.
3. Can’t commit to a decision
The phrases such as “final decision,” “make plans,” and “put it on your calendar” send them into a cold sweat. It makes them anxious to commit to any decision, so they don’t. And their friends don’t ever expect them to either.
4. Sees the best and worst in people
But only one at a time. There’s no in-between. So, to them, a particular person on a particular day is either Mahatma Gandhi or Hitler. [Read: How to be less critical – 15 reasons why you judge and how to stop it]
But then they get anxious because they don’t know where they stand on those two, either. Hitler was a very dedicated and disciplined soldier, and Gandhiji had his vices, right? You get the point.
5. Can’t decide where to sit
They might change their seat on the bus, classroom, or movie theater many times before they finally settle down in one place. And even then, it’s only because they lost their choices since all the other seats are now occupied.
6. Can’t order for themselves at a restaurant
At a restaurant, fickle friends might always place the menu in someone else’s hand and ask them to order for me as well.
There are just too many options and it overwhelms them. Ordering for themselves is sometimes just too challenging. [Read: Indecisive partner – why they can’t decide and 22 firm ways to deal with it]
7. Freedom equals no choices to make
Sometimes they feel that the best kind of freedom is the loss of freedom – then there are no more choices to make.
While normal people don’t like the loss of choices and freedom, it’s actually fickle people’s comfort zone.
8. Personality dichotomies
They can literally swing between being a completely motivated go-getter, or a purposeless, lazy couch potato. So, there is inconsistency in their personalities, and you never know which one is going to show up. People can’t predict their behavior.
9. Very unreliable
Since their choices fluctuate all the time, that makes them very unreliable. When they said they’d go to dinner with you tonight, they meant it at the moment. [Read: How to deal with self-centered people without losing your mind]
But now that the time has come, they don’t feel like it and change their mind.
10. Perfectionist attitude
Fickle friends also want everything to be 100% perfect. But of course, nothing is ever perfect. Perfectionism is an illusion, but they still keep chasing it.
So, they might do things like return to the same item repeatedly in a store. Or even return it after they bought it because they changed their mind. [Read: 29 subtle signs to spot a narcissist and read NPD traits in a relationship]
11. Lack of confidence
One of the reasons these friends of yours are fickle is because of a lack of self-confidence. This shows up even in small decisions like what clothes to wear or what to eat for breakfast. They need other people to tell them what to do.
Must dos when dealing with a fickle friend
It is hard not to take it personally when you have a friend who seemingly can’t care about your feelings or doesn’t really put any effort into your relationship unless they feel like it.
Never going to be your emergency contact, you take them for what they are worth and either accept them or move along. [Read: 27 fun ways to make new friends and mistakes to avoid and the best social apps]
1. Be careful of what you say
Fickle friends make you feel like you are their “bestie.” You find yourself telling them a wealth of knowledge you might not want everyone to know.
The problem is that they aren’t really that loyal. Because they aren’t capable of forming a true and lasting bond, you don’t want to tell them your innermost secrets.
As a general rule, if you have one, don’t tell them much about anything you care about. It likely goes in one ear and out their mouths. [Read: One-sided friendships and when to cut them loose]
2. Don’t depend on them
Fickle friends are great people to make last-minute plans with. Do you have a boring Friday night without any plans? That is the time to reach out to your fickle friends.
If your favorite band comes to town and you simply have to see them, don’t ask your fickle friend to ride shotgun.
Because they aren’t dependable, you just never know if they will back out and leave you holding two tickets with only your butt to sit in them. [Read: The kinds of friends everyone needs in their life]
3. Don’t take it personally
When someone is your friend one minute, and then they couldn’t care less about you the next, not only is it confusing, it hurts. If you have a fickle friend, realize it has nothing to do with you or anything you are or aren’t.
They are fickle with everyone and probably blow off someone else to be with you.
If they cancel, ghost you for a while, or just seem to disappear, let it go and move on. You have other friends, so focus on the ones that make you feel good, not lost. [Read: Why am I so sensitive? How to stop being sensitive and grow a thick skin]
4. Stop reaching out to them
Fickle friends usually carry on their fickle ways because those in their lives let them get away with it.
We all have that person in our life who treats everyone badly, is not so nice, and does shitty things that we just say, “Oh that is just the way that she is.”
It is your fault if you keep reaching out to your fickle friend and get let down. The first thing to do is to stop catering to their behavior. [Read: 15 ways to get yourself the friends you want]
And if you do, they might change it. If you allow someone to behave badly, they continue doing it, period.
5. Be fickle back
If you want to teach your friend a lesson about how their fickle ways affect other people, then do what they do to you back to them. For example, if they cancel last minute, do it to them.
If they disappear without answering, don’t answer them when they come running back. Perhaps they don’t even know they are fickle. [Read: How to say no – 15 ways to reason politely, stop pleasing, and feel kickass]
But, if you don’t show them how it feels, they aren’t ever going to get it or know what being a friend means.
6. Just ignore it
If they are a pain in the ass, demanding, or just snarky, ignore it. Fickle people are just who they are.
The only way to continue a friendship with someone who behaves the way they do is just to accept them the way they are. When they are in a good mood, have a good time. [Read: 17 bad friends you should unfriend from your life]
If they aren’t in a good mood or they blow you off, let it roll off your back. Just always have a backup plan and let things go instead of allowing them to make you mad or upset.
7. Cut them loose
If you can’t put up with their actions, moodiness, or their lack of commitment to your feelings, plans, and friendship when they don’t feel like it, cut them loose.
A fickle friend makes you constantly wonder what’s up, if you did something, or lets you down when you rely on them. They just aren’t really a friend at all. [Read: Friendship breakup – why it hurts when friends leave and 18 truths to get over it]
If you are okay with someone here today, gone tomorrow, and maybe back next week, then you can handle a fickle friend.
Just be sure not to rely on them or think they’ll be there when you really need help because you just never know.
Why fickle friends are bad for your health
Fickle friends are bad for your health for one reason and one reason only – stress. They are very stressful to have in your life because of their unreliability. [Read: How to reduce stress – 17 fastest hacks to a calmer and happier life]
If you don’t know if you can depend on them, then it leads to you getting stressed out.
And doctors have said that there is really one major cause of disease – stress. Stress can lead to all sorts of ailments such as:
1. Damage to your immune system
2. High blood pressure
3. Weight gain
4. Problems detoxing the body
5. Brain damage
6. Premature aging
7. Reduces sex drive
8. Lowers bone density
So, do you really want your fickle friends to damage your health because of the stress they cause you? Of course not. [Read: 17 life secrets to smile more often, feel great, and laugh your stress away]
When to end things with a fickle friend
Usually, when we hear the term “break up,” we think of a romantic relationship. But you can also break up with friends too.
So, when should you end things with your fickle friend? You should end it if any of these 5 things are happening.
1. They are preventing you from making and keeping plans
Sure, they prevent you from making and keeping plans with them. That’s bad enough. [Read: 42 signs and ways to see manipulative behavior and stop being used by people]
But if they are preventing you from plans with other people, then that’s a dealbreaker. You have to be able to live your life without them messing it up with their fickleness.
2. They are affecting other areas of your life
If you are so annoyed with your fickle friend that it’s affecting other areas of your life, such as your career, then it’s definitely time to be done with it. Stress like that can seep into many parts of your life and that’s not acceptable.
3. They are affecting other relationships in your life
Not only can they affect things like your work, but they can also have a negative impact on your other relationships too. [Read: Toxic people – 48 warning signs and the best ways to deal with them]
If you are grumpy with your partner because of your fickle friend, or if their flakiness reflects on you, then that’s also unacceptable.
4. You feel drained by them
You probably know what an energy vampire is, right? They are people who suck the positive energy and life force out of you. You feel drained and depressed every time you’re with them. And who wants to live like that?
5. You feel like your life would be better without them
Maybe you fantasize about how stress-free your life would be if you weren’t friends with them anymore. Or you dread getting a text or phone call from them.
That’s no way to live! Friends should be uplifting in your life. [Read: 44 stress-free ways to ignore someone and stop people from hurting you]
When to seek help
If you feel like you just can’t bring yourself to end the relationship with your fickle friend, then it’s definitely time to seek help doing it. You need to get this person out of your life.
So, whether it’s with the help of a therapist, your partner, or a family member, just get the help you need if you’re not strong enough to do it yourself.
After all, your sanity is the most important thing in life, so don’t let them steal it from you.
[Read: Here are the reasons to ditch flaky friends]
If you have a fickle friend, you might want to examine how they treat you. Everyone gets moody once in a while, but when you are an adult, you should not be treating people like this. So, don’t let them ruin your life!
The post Fickle Friends: 23 Signs, Must-Dos & Ways to Know if They’re Hurting You is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
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