The Ideal Male/Female Ratio for Your Going Out Group

When you go out to nightlife (especially if to pick up girls), you want a good male/female ratio in your group. And the truth is, there IS an ideal ratio!

Hey guys and welcome back.

Table of Contents

1. Hybrid Game

2. Male-to-Female Ratio

   • A. Going Out with Girls

   • B. LGBTQ+ People

3. Tagging Along with Other Groups

4. Conclusion

Today, I will conclude my series on selecting your peers and who to allow in your group when attending social gatherings.

How many people should you head out with? In my first post, we concluded that you should:

1. Go out solo

2. Go out with larger groups

Groups of two and three are not ideal, though groups of three are usually okay, and groups of two are good IF and ONLY IF that person is your trusted wing. Going out with a girl (as a pair) is not a good idea. I’ve explained why in previous posts.

Last week, I shared factors to consider when selecting who to go out with. My criteria are:

• People who know a lot of people
• Socially savvy people
• People with an edge
• People with money
• People with a good reputation
• People who look good
• People who dress well

Is Marriage Worth Doing Anymore If You're a Man?

Modern marriage seems to offer many pitfalls for men. Yet many men still marry anyway. So is marriage worth doing for men today – or not?

Contents

1. My Position

2. Marriage’s Shifting States

1. Original Marriage
2. Marriage: Qui Bono?
3. Shifting Sands
4. Why This Way?

3. Is Marriage Worth It?

1. Who Is It For?
2. 2 Useful Purposes
3. Stability/Legitimacy
4. State Involvement
5. Love Marriages

4. Marriage Hacking

5. Who Should Marry?

6. Unconscious Marriage

7. Conclusion

There’s an ongoing debate on our forum about whether marriage is worth it if you’re a man.

Marriage as an institution has undergone some extremely significant changes in the Western world over the past century. Indeed, it’s been changing for the past three centuries, but in particular over the past 70 years – since the first no-fault divorce law passed in Oklahoma in 1953 – there’s been a complete transformation in what marriage is, what it stands for – and even who marries and why.

In fact, marriage ALWAYS changes… and most of the ‘new’ changes to marriages have happened many times in history before – if not in recent history.

The changes marriage has undergone are argued to have improved it for many parties.

There’s one party marriage has not improved for, however: heterosexual men.

So, today, we’ll take a close look at what the changes to marriage have meant for men… and whether, as a man, marriage is something worth doing anymore.

Conversation Example: Repartee

This conversation example shows how to build flirtation, banter, and excitement in the initial Repartee Stage with a girl. Follow along & watch it unfold!

A short while back, a reader requested the following:

Chase, in HTMGC you say repartee is to be used after the opener and that it consists of push-pull, chase frames, intrigue and teasing.

Is it possible write an FR style article that shows these tools specifically being used at the outset during the repartee phase?

All the posts on these tactics only give mid or end-game illustrations of their use.

I've also read the conversation example article. It's awesome! Upon close observation, i notice that in the convo example post you skip the whole repartee aspect post opener and jump right into rapport hence why i'm requesting for an article where you specifically show how push-pull, chase frames, teasing and intrigue can be jumbled up together after delivery of the opener.

So all right; let me give you a conversation example with a fleshed out chunk of repartee.

If you have not read my prior Conversation Example, I’d suggest you check it out. That example takes you deeper into the conversation than this example will (we’re going to stop after repartee). If you want some real (verbatim) conversations and repartee between girls and me, plus the full chapter on repartee, check out that chapter and the two reports in the appendix of my book How to Make Girls Chase.

Keep in mind, repartee must be calibrated to the girl. If she’s responsive to it, laughing, into it, you can draw your repartee out a bit and have some real fun with her. If she’s the humorless type, though, you’re going to move through repartee pretty quick just to not waste time cracking jokes that flop / using tech that doesn’t ‘hit’. Some girls just respond better to bonding than they do playful banter.

For our example here, we’ll use a girl who’s responsive to repartee and gets into it – that way we can unfold a nice, fleshed out repartee sequence with a girl you’ve just met.

Spiritual Connection: How It Works, the Science & 33 Signs You’re Connected

Have you ever met someone and felt an instant bond, as if your souls were reunited? That could be a sign of a spiritual connection waiting to be explored.

Who wouldn’t want to find a spiritual connection? You meet someone, and there’s this inexplicable sensation that dances in the pit of your stomach. It feels like the soft echo of a melody you once knew but can’t quite place.

Their eyes seem familiar, like you’ve gazed into them under a different sky, in another lifetime. This isn’t déjà vu or mere coincidence, it’s the whisper of ancient souls reconnecting. Could this be the plot twist in your favorite novel? Nope.

This is a hint towards a powerful spiritual connection that defies time, logic, and perhaps even reason. But what does it truly mean to be spiritually connected to someone? And no, it doesn’t require a time machine or a swig from a magic potion.

[Read: Soul connection: What it means, 8 types, and 16 signs to find and recognize it]

What is a Spiritual Connection?

Really, what does “spiritual connection” truly mean? It’s a phrase we often hear, maybe in whispered conversations under a starry night or in the lyrics of a soul-stirring song.

Let’s uncover its layers and see how far back history takes us.

The concept of a spiritual connection dates back to ancient civilizations. The Greeks spoke of anamnesis, the idea that souls are eternal and can recognize each other from past lives.

Philosophers like Plato, in his work “Symposium“, touched upon souls being split and seeking their other half while ancient Hindu belief speaks of Jiva, souls longing for union with the divine, while the tales of Sufi poets tell of souls dancing together even before setting foot on Earth.

Fast forward to the 20th century, and the likes of Carl Jung have expanded on it, describing it as a connection that exists beyond the conscious mind, deeply rooted in the collective unconscious. [Read: What happens spiritually when you sleep with someone? 24 spiritual truths]

Then take Dr. Brian Weiss, for example, a psychiatrist who ventured into the realms of past life regressions, narrating tales of patients recalling lives gone by and reuniting with familiar souls.

And of course, there’s no shortage of personal stories from everyday people.

Those heartwarming tales of someone thinking about an old friend and then getting a surprise call from them or meeting someone for the first time and feeling like they’ve been lifelong companions. [Read: 25 Ways to emotionally connect with someone and instantly feel closer]

Spiritual connections aren’t limited to romantic partners. They could be with friends, family, or even someone you just met. It’s that inexplicable bond that goes beyond the physical.

Some believe it to be the intertwining of auras, while others attribute it to shared past life experiences.

The Mysterious Signs You’re Spiritually Connected to Someone

Before you start doodling hearts and imagining you and your crush as the ultimate spiritually connected duo, let’s dive into some genuine signs that hint at a deeper bond. [Read: Real soulmates – what it is, how it works, 59 secrets, and signs to find yours]

1. Past Memories, New Faces

You meet them and it doesn’t feel like an introduction, but more like a reunion. There’s this overwhelming sense of nostalgia, a profound feeling that you’re not just getting to know them, but remembering them.

It’s as if the stories you share have spanned across countless lifetimes, dancing through ages and eras. Every conversation feels like picking up a long-lost tale from where you left off.

This powerful sensation, many believe, is a hint of past life connections reemerging in a new world, further deepening the spiritual connection between you two. [Read: Karmic relationship – what it is, 27 signs, and how to heal from a karmic cycle]

2. Instant Comfort

From the moment you first interacted, there was an undeniable comfort, as if you’ve been buddies for ages. No pretenses, no walls, just genuine and raw interaction. This effortless comfort hints at a deeper, spiritual connection beneath the surface.

3. The Unspoken Language

Have you ever shared a moment where words were superfluous? A look, a gesture, a silent nod – and you both just got it. This isn’t just romantic movie magic but a real testament to a strong spiritual connection.

It’s related to our brain’s knack for nonverbal communication, effortlessly recognizing and decoding silent cues. [Read: 37 Secrets to read people by their body language and expressions instantly]

4. Shared Dreams or Visions

So, both of you dreamt of chasing a taco truck last night? While it might just be a shared love for Mexican cuisine, sometimes these synchronized dreams can hint at a deeper spiritual connection.

Carl Jung would probably nudge you towards his theory of the collective unconscious – the shared memories and ideas we carry as a species.

5. Feeling Their Energy

Ever noticed that when they’re on cloud nine, you’re floating right there with them? [Read: Positive vibes – 17 ways to welcome positive energy into your life]

And on their gloomy days, you can feel every drop of that emotional rain. This empathic resonance can be a strong indicator of a spiritual connection.

6. Synchronicities Everywhere

If you find yourselves frequently bumping into each other at the oddest places or finishing each other’s sentences, that’s not mere coincidence. These synchronicities might be the universe’s way of hinting that your spiritual connection is strong.

7. A Deep Sense of Knowing

That eerie feeling when you know they’re upset or ecstatic without a single word from them? It’s like intuition on steroids. [Read: Gut instinct – what it is, how it works, and 30 tips to follow and listen to your gut]

This profound sense of understanding, of just knowing things about them, goes beyond logic and resides in the realm of spiritual connections.

8. Magnetic Pull

No matter the distance or circumstances, you always feel drawn to them, like cosmic magnets. It’s as if the universe conspires to keep your paths intertwined, further cementing the spiritual connection.

9. Time Becomes Irrelevant

Ever chatted with them and felt like only minutes passed, only to realize it’s been hours? Or maybe you’ve been apart for a long time but when you reconnect, it feels like just yesterday. [Read: Relationship closeness inventory – 20 signs to test a couple’s intimacy]

Time distorts and becomes irrelevant, pointing towards a deep spiritual connection that goes beyond the confines of our earthly clocks.

10. Mutual Growth

A true spiritual connection isn’t just about feeling good; it’s about growing together. You challenge each other, inspire growth, and become better versions of yourselves.

This shared journey of self-improvement and mutual support is a strong indicator of being spiritually connected. [Read: 17 Signs of a supportive partner who encourages you and your goals]

11. Shared Silences are Comfortable

Those moments when neither of you speaks, but the silence isn’t awkward? It’s comfortable, peaceful, and speaks volumes.

It’s a testament to the spiritual connection you share, where words become unnecessary and the soul does the talking.

12. Shared Passions or Goals

While opposites do attract, sometimes a spiritual connection manifests in shared passions or life goals. You find yourselves getting excited about the same things, dreaming similar dreams.

This alignment in purpose can be a telltale sign of a strong spiritual connection. [Read: Couple goals – 58 fake and real ideas you MUST add to your relationship goals]

13. Echoed Thoughts

You know those times when you both blurt out the same comment in unison and then laugh, shouting “jinx!”?

It’s like your thoughts are running on parallel tracks, occasionally converging at the same station. While it may seem like mere coincidence, these mirrored thoughts can be a sign of a deeper spiritual connection.

14. Feeling Whole

With them, there’s a sense of completeness. It’s not about them filling a void or being your “other half,” but more about the feeling of unity and wholeness when you’re together. [Read: Twin flame – what it is, 41 signs, and ways to recognize your twin soul]

This bond, where two whole individuals come together in harmony, can be a sign of a spiritually connected relationship.

15. Physical Reactions

Sometimes, the connection transcends the emotional and mental. You might feel a sudden warmth, a tingle, or even a flutter in your stomach when thinking about them or being near them. This physical manifestation of your spiritual connection is hard to ignore.

16. Shared Sense of Humor

It’s not just about laughing at the same jokes. [Read: 17 Good and bad types of humor and how they affect your relationships with others]

It’s about those inside jokes that only the two of you understand, or finding humor in situations where others might not. This shared wavelength of humor further emphasizes your spiritual connection.

17. Knowing Their Presence

Even in a crowded room, you can sense their presence without seeing them. It’s like a magnetic pull, an inexplicable draw that your soul recognizes and gravitates towards. This innate ability to detect them amidst chaos is another beautiful indicator of your spiritual connection.

The Science Behind Spiritual Connections

Surprised? Indeed, while spiritual connections seem to tread on mystical terrains, there’s a hint of science that sneaks its way in, particularly in psychology and neuroscience. [Read: I want to be loved – the psychology and 22 secrets to find that missing piece]

Let’s unravel the threads where tangible science meets the intangible spirit.

1. Brain Waves in Sync

It’s not just feelings that sync, it’s brain waves too! Some research has shown that close couples, especially those claiming a deep spiritual connection, often exhibit synchronized brain patterns.

Think about it: sitting together, watching a movie, and both of you reacting the same way. It’s more than just shared interests; it’s about those mirror neurons in the brain resonating in harmony. [Read: What is the point of life? The theories, paradoxes, and secrets to find meaning]

2. Heart Coherence

If you ever monitored the heart rates of deeply connected individuals, you might find something astonishing. Their heartbeats can actually sync up when they’re together. It’s not just poetic to say your hearts beat as one; there’s a scientific angle to it.

So, the next time you’re with that special someone, remember, it’s more than just emotions; your very heartbeats are dancing to the same rhythm.

3. Pheromones and Attraction

Ever been around someone and just loved how they smell, even if they’re not wearing any perfume? This might be pheromones at play. [Read: Chemistry of love – how hormones make you feel love the way you do]

While not exclusive to spiritual connections, these chemical signals play a role in attraction and bonding. It’s nature’s way of saying, “Hey, there’s a connection here.” [Read: What are pheromones? The scent of sex and the role they play in love]

4. Empathy and Pain Sharing

Some studies have found that individuals in close, connected relationships can actually feel each other’s pain. Witnessing a loved one in distress can activate pain responses in our own brain.

This isn’t just about being kind-hearted; it’s the brain’s empathetic response indicating a profound connection. [Read: The reasons why empathy is important in a relationship]

Fostering a Spiritual Connection

Fostering a spiritual connection isn’t just about finding the right partner; it’s also about cultivating the right practices and mindset. If you’re looking to strengthen that ethereal bond, it’s essential not to waste those golden opportunities to connect deeply.

1. Self-Awareness and Personal Growth

Before diving into the world of spiritual connections, it’s crucial to first connect with yourself. Understand your emotions, desires, and triggers.

A strong foundation in self-awareness allows you to be more present and genuine in your connections with others.

2. Reaching Self-Actualization

Drawing a little from psychology, think about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

When individuals reach the pinnacle of self-actualization, they are in a prime position to establish and nurture profound spiritual connections. [Read: 28 Self-improvement secrets to improve yourself and transform into your best self]

Being your best self helps you resonate more harmoniously with others.

3. Meditation

Meditation isn’t just about inner peace; it’s a gateway to deeper connections. By quieting the mind and tuning into your inner self, you set the stage for more profound, meaningful interactions with those around you.

4. Quality Time

Spending dedicated time with someone is not just about quantity but quality. [Read: Romantic dinner date ideas – 17 fun dates you both will never forget]

Engage in deep conversations, explore nature together, or simply sit in silence. These moments are the building blocks of a solid spiritual connection.

5. Understanding Personal Traumas

Before a spiritual connection can truly flourish, it’s essential to address and heal from personal traumas. Whether through therapy, journaling, or introspection, working through past wounds paves the way for deeper connections.

6. Manifestation Practices

The power of intention is profound. [Read: Law of attraction – 37 secrets to manifest love and bring your dram to life]

Manifestation practices, where you actively visualize and call forth the spiritual connection you desire, can be instrumental. By setting clear intentions, you magnetize those connections towards you.

7. Energetic Investments

Be mindful of where you invest your energy. Surround yourself with positivity, engage in activities that elevate your spirit, and spend time with individuals who nourish your soul. Such practices amplify the strength and depth of your spiritual connections.

Challenges and Misconceptions

When it comes to spiritual connections, the path isn’t always lined with rose petals. Along with the magic and wonder, there are misconceptions and challenges that often need addressing to truly understand the essence of these connections.

1. Meaningful Relationships Beyond Spiritual Connections

One of the biggest myths is that a relationship is only meaningful if there’s a profound spiritual connection. [Read: How to have spiritual sex and experience sexual pleasure beyond orgasms]

While these connections add a unique depth, many relationships thrive on trust, understanding, and shared experiences. A relationship doesn’t need the label of a “spiritual connection” to be genuine and fulfilling.

2. Influence of Belief

Ever held a belief so strongly that it shaped your reality? This is a nod to the concept of cognitive dissonance in psychology.

Sometimes, our fervent belief in a spiritual connection might lead us to perceive situations in a way that aligns with our expectations. [Read: Is it hard to find a good man? 39 reasons and secrets to find a great guy!]

It’s essential to occasionally step back and evaluate feelings and relationships without the tinted glasses of our beliefs.

3. Not All Connections Are Forever:

Just because you feel a spiritual connection doesn’t mean it’s destined to last forever. Relationships evolve, and sometimes the connection might ebb. It’s natural and doesn’t diminish the beauty of what was shared.

4. Misinterpreting Intensity for Depth

A whirlwind romance or an intense friendship isn’t always a sign of a deep spiritual connection. [Read: Love bombing – what it is, how it works, and 21 signs you’re being manipulated]

While they might overlap, it’s crucial to differentiate between the thrill of a new relationship and a genuine spiritual bond.

5. Guarding Against Illusion

It’s easy to get carried away by the idea of a spiritual connection, especially when it’s something you deeply desire.

However, it’s essential to ensure that this perceived connection isn’t an escape from facing issues in the relationship. [Read: Infatuation vs. love – 28 differences and ways to turn it into love]

A true spiritual connection will have its foundation in reality and genuine mutual understanding.

Do You Think You’ve Found Your Spiritual Connection?

Spiritual connections are undeniably beautiful, captivating hearts and minds alike.

But, much like any connection, its true essence is magnified when paired with mutual respect, understanding, and genuine love. If you’re fortunate enough to have found such a bond, treasure it, nurture it, and let it flourish.

[Read: Does true love exist? 21 signs to recognize it and make you a believer]

Remember, every connection is as unique as a snowflake. And yes, in this vast universe of connections, you, too, are that special snowflake, bringing your own sparkle and charm. So, after all this, do you think you’ve found your spiritual connection?

The post Spiritual Connection: How It Works, the Science & 33 Signs You’re Connected is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Narcissistic Supply: 34 Secrets to Control a Narcissist & Cut Their Power ASAP!

If you have a narcissist in your life, you won’t need telling how difficult it is to be around them. The answer? Cut off their narcissistic supply.

Narcissism seems to be a buzzword these days. The problem is, dealing with a narcissist in real life is nothing to joke about. A narcissist can turn your world upside down, leaving you wondering what side is up, down left, or right. Put simply, you’ll be dizzy and extremely confused. That’s the upside. The downside is far worse. If you understand your own mind at the end of it, you’ll be lucky, which is why you should learn how to cut off their narcissistic supply ASAP.

Many people end up stuck in relationships with narcissists because they simply can’t find a way out. We’re not going to lie, it’s really not easy.

When you love someone, you become blinkered to how they really are. Then, when you throw manipulation into the mix, it’s the most confusing story in the world. The thing is, unless you get out of the relationship, you’ll never be happy.

Before understanding why a narcissist is so dangerous, we must first understand what a narcissist is. [Read: How to spot a narcissist instantly and save yourself a world of pain]

What is a Narcissist?

Now, a real narcissist is someone diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder *NPD*. This is not a choice and not something a human actually wants to be, but a narcissist doesn’t know a different way to live. So, their bad behavior continues throughout their life.

They must be the center of attention at all times and have praise thrown at them on a regular basis. They need you to do exactly what they want, whenever they click their fingers.

Any rebellion against any of their needs will result in manipulation tactics and can leave a person emotionally scarred for a long time. One of those techniques is gaslighting, something you’ve surely heard a lot about. [Read: Been gaslighted? The signs a narcissist is playing mind games with you]

When you first delve into the world of narcissism, learning about it, and understanding it, you’ll probably end up confused. Is this person actually an unlikable and nasty type of person? It’s understandable to think that way, but it’s also important to remember that a narcissist has a personality disorder that dictates their actions to a certain degree.

Is it any excuse for hurting others? Not at all. That is why if you are in contact with one and you’re suffering, you need to get out of it NOW.

If you’re not sure if you’re dealing with a narcissist or not, check out these signs. [Read: 23 signs of narcissism people overlook until it’s too late]

1. An Inflated Sense of Importance

Narcissists believe that they are the center of not only their own world, but everyone else’s too. Their sense of self-importance is so inflated, it’s a wonder they can actually walk through a door.

They believe they are the best at everything and they won’t hear you say anything different. Their opinion is also the only one that matters – yours is worth zero in their eyes.

2. They Have Their Head in the Clouds

Because a narcissist believes they are the most important person in the whole world, they live in a world that supports that theory.

Their ideas of grandeur are supported in their own minds by the fantasy world they live in and it’s often as though they’re the only ones in the world who understand it. [Read: 25 signs of covert narcissism – A special kind of mind game]

3. They Need Constant Validation

Despite the fact that a narcissist thinks they’re the bee’s knees, they are actually seriously lacking in confidence underneath it all. Because they live in a fantasy world, they need your constant validation that they’re amazing, good-looking, so talented, etc.

When they don’t get it, they’re likely to get pretty nasty, with vindictive comments, passive-aggressive behavior, cold shoulder tactics, or worse.

4. Extremely Manipulative

Narcissists are master manipulators. They are able to turn any situation around to their own liking by twisting people’s minds.

Gaslighting is just one example but they’re fantastic at manipulation in general. Of course, that’s not something to boast about. It’s for this reason that many people who are in relationships with narcissists don’t actually understand what the relationship is – they’ve been manipulated. [Read: Manipulative people – How to spot them and stop playing the victim]

5. They Lack Empathy

A relationship with a narcissist is going nowhere. Sorry, but it’s true. The main reason is difficult but it’s mostly due to the fact that they have no love for anyone but themselves.

Narcissists lack empathy and that means they’re not able to love you in the way you love them. They might try and make you believe that they can, but it’s all an illusion of their orchestration.

They only know how to fake love based on what they see in the movies or read in the books, but they can never understand true love towards anyone but themselves.

6. They Believe the World Owes Them a Favor

If you look up ‘playing the victim’ in the dictionary you’ll probably see the word ‘narcissist’ not too far away from it. They’re fantastic at playing the victim and making out that the world owes them a favor.

They’re extremely entitled and believe they deserve the best of everything. When they don’t get it, they throw a major tantrum – probably the likes of which you’ve never seen before. [Read: 73 red flag narcissism signs and traits of a narcissist to read them like a book]

7. They’re Bullies

Narcissists often bully, belittle, and manipulate other people to get what they want and to make themselves look better. They have zero care for anyone else’s feelings because they don’t have any empathy.

A narcissist has no problem tearing someone down in front of a room full of people and then laughing about it, even if the other person is visibly upset.

They will feel nothing – no shame, no upset, no embarrassment. it’s just what a narcissist does. [Read: Emotional bullying: How to recognize a bully and stand your ground]

8. Can Turn on the Charm Like a Switch

Probably one of the biggest issues with being in a relationship with a narcissist is the way in which they keep you where you are.

When you first meet them, they’ll be on their very best behavior. You won’t believe you’ve met someone so amazing. Then, when they’ve got you where they want you, they’ll start to allow the mask to slip.

If you show any sign that you’re onto them, they’ll turn the charm offensive back on. You won’t know where you stand and it is very successful at keeping you where you are. [Read: Do narcissists know they are narcissists?]

What is Narcissistic Supply?

Narcissistic supply is a term you’ll learn about in the twisted world of narcissists. This concept is key. It helps you understand not only how a narcissist works, but you are given the power to actually cut yourself free. You simply turn off the narcissistic supply you’re giving and walk the hell away. [Read: The games narcissists play to suck you back in]

We’re aware it all sounds a little scientific, so let’s break it down.

1. Validation and Admiration

At the core of narcissistic supply is the need for constant validation and admiration. This stems from an underlying fragile self-esteem, often masked by a superficial layer of grandiosity and self-importance.

Psychologists understand this as a defense mechanism. The narcissist uses external validation to bolster their self-image, which is typically unstable and distorted.

2. Attention-Seeking Behavior

The narcissist’s pursuit of attention is another key aspect of the narcissistic supply. They often engage in attention-seeking behaviors, ranging from exaggerated accomplishments to dramatic personal narratives.

This is explained by their need to be at the center of attention, affirming their sense of superiority. The attention they seek acts as a psychological lifeline, providing them with a sense of worth and existence.

3. Emotional Exploitation

Narcissistic supply isn’t just about receiving compliments or being in the spotlight, it often involves the emotional exploitation of others.

Narcissists may manipulate those around them to elicit specific responses, such as sympathy, admiration, or submission.

This manipulation is a hallmark of narcissistic personality disorder, as outlined in the DSM-5 *Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders*. It reflects the narcissist’s inability to form healthy, empathetic relationships.

4. Supply Sources

The sources of narcissistic supply can be varied. They may include romantic partners, colleagues, friends, or even strangers.

Essentially, anyone who can provide the narcissist with the needed admiration and validation can become a source of supply.

This dependency on others for self-worth is contradictory to healthy self-esteem, which is ideally based on internal validation. [Read: High self-esteem: 33 low signs, what hurts self-worth & secrets to pump it]

5. Psychological Impact of Supply Withdrawal

When narcissistic supply is withdrawn, narcissists may experience a range of negative emotions, from anger and frustration to depression and emptiness.

This withdrawal can trigger what psychologists refer to as a narcissistic injury. This injury occurs when the narcissist’s idealized self-image is threatened, leading to potential emotional volatility and even aggressive behavior.

Narcissistic Supply Can be Anything That Supports the Narcissist’s Fantasy World

If a celebrity is a narcissist *and you’d be surprised how many actually are*, then the celebrity status itself is the narcissistic supply.

This attention *the fame* gives the narcissist the attention they need, the praise, the adulation, and everything else that comes along with being a household name.

Of course, celebrities also get ridiculed and insulted. As you can imagine, the narcissist does not like that one little bit.

Narcissistic supply doesn’t have to be fame. It normally comes down to power in many ways. When someone is constantly telling another person how amazing they are, the praised person is in a position of power.

They’re adored and put on a pedestal and to them it feels great, but it also feels right. Why? Because in the mind of a narcissist, they deserve this praise, and they deserve nothing less because they are wonderful! [Read: What causes narcissism? The facts and theories to read a narcissist]

Are they wonderful? Nobody is really, but try telling that to a narcissist!

The Dangers of Being a Source of Narcissistic Supply

Being the source of a narcissist’s supply is akin to being caught in a psychological trap. It may seem flattering at first to be the focus of such intense attention, but this dynamic often leads to a damaging, one-sided relationship.

Understanding the dangers of being a narcissistic supply is crucial for maintaining emotional health and well-being. This awareness can empower individuals to recognize and escape unhealthy patterns in relationships.

1. Emotional Exhaustion

As a source of narcissistic supply, you’re constantly required to feed the narcissist’s ego, leaving little room for your own emotional needs.

This constant demand for attention and affirmation from the narcissist can lead to emotional burnout.

The psychological toll of such a relationship can manifest as anxiety, depression, or a sense of chronic fatigue, reflecting a depletion of emotional resources. [Read: Signs of anxiety: How to read the signs ASAP & handle them better]

2. Loss of Self-Esteem

Being a source of narcissistic supply often means enduring frequent criticism and belittlement as the narcissist attempts to assert superiority.

Continuous negative feedback can erode your self-esteem, leading to feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy.

Psychological theories suggest that such experiences can impact one’s self-concept, making it harder to recognize and assert one’s value in both personal and professional spheres.

3. Manipulation and Control

Narcissists are like puppeteers of manipulation, often employing tactics like gaslighting and emotional blackmail to maintain their narcissistic supply.

Imagine trying to navigate a maze blindfolded; that’s how these techniques can skew your perception of reality. You might start doubting your own memories and judgments.

This psychological trickery, rooted in cognitive dissonance, fosters dependence on the narcissist, keeping you entangled in their web.

4. Isolation from Others

Narcissists often play the game of ‘divide and conquer’ to isolate their supply sources. They might subtly, or not so subtly, discourage your interactions with friends and family, creating a bubble where they’re the sole influencer.

Isolation can amplify feelings of loneliness, making you an easy target for their manipulative antics. This aligns with the concept of social isolation, which exacerbates helplessness and dependency.

5. Impaired Ability to Form Healthy Relationships

After dancing to a narcissist’s tune, your relationship radar might need recalibration. You may find yourself questioning what normal looks like in friendships and romantic partnerships.

This skewed perspective can lead to a cycle of seeking out similarly harmful dynamics, a pattern explained by attachment theory, where early relational experiences shape future relationship expectations.

6. Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress

Being a narcissist’s go-to person for ego boosts can leave deep emotional scars. The relentless stress and anxiety might manifest as PTSD symptoms, like intrusive memories or heightened alertness.

These psychological impacts are akin to emotional battle wounds and can linger long after the relationship ends. The trauma experienced here is a stark reminder of the mind’s vulnerability to emotional injury. [Read: Emotional abuse: What it is & 39 signs this relationship is breaking you]

7. Compromised Personal Growth and Development

When you’re busy being a narcissist’s cheerleader, your own goals and aspirations can take a back seat. It’s like you’re stuck in the passenger seat while they’re speeding down the highway of self-interest.

The sidelining of personal development can lead to a sense of stagnation where your potential remains untapped.

8. Chronic Stress and Physical Health Issues

Constantly supplying a narcissist with attention can be as draining as running a marathon with no finish line. This ongoing emotional strain often manifests in physical ailments, from headaches to heart problems.

This mind-body connection, a cornerstone in psychosomatic medicine, highlights how prolonged stress can wreak havoc on your physical health.

9. Vulnerability to Further Abuse

Once in the narcissist’s grasp, it’s like being caught in a rip current, making you more susceptible to further abuse. [Read: Am I in an abusive relationship? 66 early signs, effects & ways to get out]

Your eroded self-esteem and impaired judgment can become blind spots, leaving you vulnerable to other toxic relationships.

10. Impaired Social Skills and Relationships

Continual exposure to narcissistic behavior can twist your social skills into a pretzel. You might find yourself either too passive or overly aggressive, struggling with conflict resolution.

These maladaptive behaviors can act as social barriers, a phenomenon well-documented in social psychology. It’s crucial to untangle these habits to rebuild healthy social connections.

11. Development of Codependency Traits

Being someone’s narcissistic supply can lead to a sort of emotional symbiosis, where you feel your worth is tied to pleasing them.

An unhealthy dynamic like this fosters codependency, where your needs take a backseat to the narcissist’s demands.

Breaking free from this pattern requires self-awareness and often professional help, a journey central to the concept of codependent recovery.

How to Cut Off the Narcissistic Supply and Break Free

Okay, you’ve realized you’re the source of narcissistic supply in a relationship with a narcissist. This realization is the first step towards reclaiming your autonomy and mental well-being.

The following strategies are designed to help you cut off this supply, set boundaries, and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. [Read: Gray rock method: What it is, 23 secrets and how to use it on a narcissist]

1. Recognizing You’re a Source of Narcissistic Supply

Acknowledging that you are a source of narcissistic supply is crucial. This often involves understanding the dynamics of the relationship and recognizing patterns of manipulation and emotional abuse.

It’s a painful realization but a necessary one for change. Seeking a therapist’s help can provide clarity, as they can offer an objective perspective and guide you through the nuances of narcissistic behavior.

2. Setting Boundaries with a Narcissist

Establishing firm boundaries is essential in dealing with a narcissist. This might include limiting communication, saying ‘no’ to unreasonable demands, and not reacting to provocations.

It’s important to remain consistent with these boundaries, despite the narcissist’s attempts to test or violate them.

Psychologically, this process helps in reducing the emotional impact the narcissist has on you and starts to shift the power dynamic. [Read: 29 secrets to set boundaries with a narcissist & typical ways they’d react]

3. The Role of Support Systems *Friends, Family, Therapy*

A strong support system is invaluable when distancing yourself from a narcissist. Friends, family, and therapists can offer emotional support, validation, and advice.

They serve as a sounding board, helping you to see the situation more clearly and reaffirming your right to be treated with respect.

In therapy, specifically, you can work through the emotional baggage of the relationship and develop strategies to avoid similar dynamics in the future. [Read: How to leave a toxic relationship: 24 steps to end it and find happiness]

4. Rebuilding Self-Esteem and Identity

Cutting off narcissistic supply marks the beginning of a journey towards self-healing and discovery. This process involves rebuilding self-esteem and rediscovering your identity outside of the relationship.

Activities like journaling, self-care practices, and exploring new interests can be therapeutic. It’s also a time to reflect on personal values and what you truly seek in relationships, fostering a stronger sense of self and healthier relationship patterns.

5. Developing Emotional Intelligence

Enhancing emotional intelligence is key in dealing with narcissistic relationships. This involves recognizing and understanding your emotions, as well as the manipulative tactics used by the narcissist.

By becoming more aware of these dynamics, you can better manage your emotional responses and avoid getting drawn into the narcissist’s emotional games.

This self-awareness is a powerful tool for regaining control over your emotional well-being.

6. Practicing Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Engaging in self-care activities is crucial for mental health, especially after being exposed to a toxic relationship.

This can include physical activities, hobbies, relaxation techniques, or simply giving yourself permission to rest.

Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a good friend. This practice helps in healing from the emotional wounds inflicted by the narcissist.

7. Educating Yourself About Narcissism

Understanding the nature of narcissism can be empowering. By educating yourself about narcissistic personality disorder and its impact on relationships, you gain insights into the behavior you’ve been subjected to.

This knowledge can demystify many confusing aspects of the relationship, helping you to rationalize and contextualize your experiences. Books, credible online resources, and therapy sessions can be valuable sources of information. [Read: What causes narcissism? The facts & theories to read a narcissist]

8. Learning Assertiveness Skills

Developing assertiveness is essential when dealing with a narcissist. This means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, direct, and respectful manner.

Assertiveness training can help you stand up for yourself in a healthy way, without being aggressive or passive. This skill not only aids in dealing with narcissists but also improves your interactions in all relationships.

9. Seeking Professional Help

Sometimes, the impact of being a source of narcissistic supply is deep-seated and can benefit from professional intervention.

Psychologists or therapists who specialize in narcissistic abuse can provide the necessary support and guidance.

They can help you work through trauma, rebuild your self-esteem, and develop strategies to protect yourself from future toxic relationships.

10. Building a New Supportive Network

If your current social circle has been influenced or tainted by the narcissist, it might be necessary to build a new network of support.

This can include joining support groups for survivors of narcissistic abuse, participating in community activities, or forging new friendships.

Surrounding yourself with people who respect and value you is crucial for your recovery and overall well-being.

Yes, your partner will flounder, and they will turn on the charm to make you feel bad. Remember why you’re doing this. You’re cutting off the narcissist’s supply and you’re taking the first brave step towards ridding your life of narcissistic abuse. Because that’s what it is deep down. [Read: 16 subtle signs a narcissist is abusing you]

You Deserve So Much More Than This

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’re probably being abused on some level. Constant jibes, dragging you down, forcing you to see things the way they want you to see them, isolation from your friends and family. It’s emotional abuse. [Read: How to use the grey rock method to get a narcissist to walk away from you]

No matter how you dress it up, it’s certainly not love. How do we know that? Because narcissists aren’t capable of empathy, so how can they be capable of love in the same way as everyone else? They can’t.

This is the key to helping you see that you should leave. You deserve to be loved in the right way, and you deserve better.

[Read: A relationship with a narcissist and what it means to love one]

Cutting off the narcissistic supply can feel like cutting out your own heart at first. No matter how much you want to leave someone and feel better, you still love them deep down. But try this, and you’ll see the power transfer from the narcissist into your own hands in a matter of days!

The post Narcissistic Supply: 34 Secrets to Control a Narcissist & Cut Their Power ASAP! is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.

Why Are There So Many Single Men and Women?

There are 4x as many unmarried 40 y/os today than there were just 3 decades ago. What’s happened, and why are so many men and women single and alone?

In the same forum thread that inspired my last article about men who resent women, a separate forum member commented to ask:

Does this still apply when women reject all of their suitors to end up single? Many of the women who rejected me over a year ago are still single. This description could well apply to many single women above 33, say. Can we then declare that the woman's standards were unrealistic or that the criteria that she used to reject were unreasonable and harmful (to her own happiness)? Or would you still argue that she rejected all of those guys and ended up single because she has expectations for men based on her experiences with men the past and she didn't see comparable quality with any of her suitors? This could be a past chad boyfriend but even if she's a virgin it could be male figures in her family e.g. a woman might want a guy to be taller than her baby brother. In that case, would you make the argument that the suitors who got rejected failed to effectively compete with the guys/male figures of the past or would you concede that the women can be blamed here for their standards?

It's true; there are lots of single older women, and more all the time. There are also lots of single older men. There are lots of people in general who are not having committed long-term relationships, and even more of them (single and attached) who do not reproduce.

All this – people remaining single, even while older; people eschewing committed relationships; people remaining childless – are part of a broad sociological trend throughout modern societies. It is not just a Western phenomenon; the same phenomenon is occurring in East Asia, which has a very different society but the same exact issues.

If we want to understand the explosion of older single and childless people, we need to look beyond individual cases and examine broad civilizational trends to grasp what is really happening in human societies.

How to Pick Who to Go Out with to Nightlife

Who you take with you to nightlife can make or break your night. Choose wrong and you can be barred from venues or see your evening ruined. So pick well!

Hey guys and welcome back. Today, I’ll resume last week’s discussion, which covered how many people you should go out with during night game, or when at social events with the intent of getting laid.

We are not discussing outings with close friends to maintain bonds or for any purposes other than taking a girl home.

For review, here are the four takeaways from last week’s article:

1. Solo is the go-to for top-tier seducers. These guys like the freedom and independence from going solo. Most other men are not at their level and will drag the experienced seducer down. Those who are good with women, without being trained in the art, are mostly unfamiliar with key concepts such as logistics and calibration.

2. I do not recommend going out with two guys as the typical wingman combo UNLESS the wing is trained and can go solo when necessary, like when you become isolated with a girl.

3. Groups of three are not ideal.

4. Larger groups over three can be helpful because this creates a private party within the venue to which you are invited. Your group will attract positive attention, allowing you to meet other women through warm approaches. The group’s good vibe may positively increase your state. Also, you avoid situations where you are alone and don’t appear as a loner.

So, the best choices are:

1. Going solo
2. Going out with big groups

Going out solo will not be detailed here, as we went through this last week. But who you go out with to clubs is just as important as how many people you go out with. That is what we'll discuss today.

First, a few words about going out with a wingman. The ideal wingman should:

1. Be at your level or better.
2. Match your style.
3. Have predictable behavior.

I’ll share a detailed list in my upcoming series on Wingmanning. So, with a bit of patience, you will be rewarded.

If You Resent Women, You're Blind to the REAL Dating Picture

Men who resent women miss one key thing: it’s not women they’re competing with for women! But who is it who’s REALLY responsible for making them lose then?

We’ve got a guy over on the forum talking about how he resents women because they have it so easy in life (his words). This is pretty common red pill / incel talk these days.

I get it. Men are frustrated. Frustrated people look for someone to blame. Women are the ones turning these guys down, so women are the ones they saddle with the blame. Is it fair? Is it unfair? Well, this is what humans do.

Normally I would talk about fixer vs. complainer mentalities here (Fixer: “I’m failing, so I need to figure out why and fix it”; Complainer: “I’m failing, and it’s all everyone else’s fault!” Guess which one of those two guys is going to eventually get what he wants, and which one isn’t?). Or I would advise men not to compare themselves to women, because men aren’t women, and comparison to women is getting oneself stuck in mental impotency.

But today I specifically want to discuss this phenomenon of men resenting women, because they blame the women for their predicaments as rejected, dateless, sexless men.

But it is not women who are ultimately to blame for you getting rejected.

I won’t even say it is ‘you’ who is to blame.

Nor is it fair to say ‘society’ is to blame for your rejection.

Instead, there is another culprit – a far more ubiquitous one; one you are doing everything in your power not to look at, to avert your eyes from, because he is threatening, intimidating, and makes you feel weak and small.

But you must know this foe if you ever hope to overcome him.

What to Do When She Wants to Reschedule

A girl you have a date with texts that she wants to reschedule. What should you do? How to respond? It depends – on which of the 4 “reschedulers” she is.

Everybody’s been there before. You have a date set up with a girl, everything’s planned, and then out of the blue she wants to reschedule.

She might be really apologetic. She might have a totally understandable reason to postpone.

Or she might not apologize or give a reason for it at all… all you get is a curt “Hey I won’t make it. We’ll have to reschedule,” and that’s it.

How do you handle curveballs like these?

What should you do when a girl asks to reschedule a date?

Using Uncertainty to Make Girls Chase You More

Women won’t chase if they feel certain they can get you – or that they can’t. Instead, you’ll use uncertainty to make girls chase you… PLUS 1 more thing.

Do women chase men because they feel uncertain?

They most certainly do. In fact, uncertainty is one of the central features of chasing behavior.

If you own a copy of my flagship program One Date & The Dating Artisan, and you’ve made it through Module 1 on getting girls to chase you, you know all about uncertainty.

You know the large role it plays in chasing behavior. You know that if you can create it, you can compel women to pursue you who might otherwise never chase a guy.

In that same Module 1, you also have a broad range of powerful tools to create all that attractive uncertainty. So we aren’t going to go too much into the nuts and bolts here today.

Instead, I want to take a closer look at the concept of uncertainty itself and expand on what we talked about in TDA Module 1. While Module 1 covers the “how to do it”, I’d like to dive deeper here into WHY it works… just why uncertainty drives people to chase others, and what preconditions there before the effect kicks in.

If you’re ready to really understand what it takes to create an inescapable vortex of attraction that sucks in women inexorably in with intrigue and attraction, you’re reading the right article.

Let’s talk about using uncertainty to make girls chase you harder and more.

Alpha Widow: What It Means, 53 Signs & Ways to Date a Girl Hooked to Her Ex

Ever heard of the Alpha Widow phenomenon? Learn the meaning, signs to recognize this girl, and the must-knows before you consider getting serious with her!

Ever feel like you’re not just dating her, but also competing with her memories of an ex? Congratulations, you might be dealing with an Alpha Widow. Now, don’t be fooled—this isn’t some cutesy term you can shrug off. It’s a concept that has some real psychological meat on its bones.

Whether you’re just dipping your toes in the dating pool or you’re a seasoned swimmer, being aware of the Alpha Widow phenomenon can save you from a whole lot of heartache and “why isn’t she over her ex yet?” Google searches.

[Read: 37 signs your girlfriend’s not over her ex or still secretly wants him back]

What is an Alpha Widow?

First off, no, she isn’t mourning the death of a wolf pack leader or anything like that. An Alpha Widow is a term that’s drenched in psychological lingo, specifically Attachment Theory.

It describes a woman who’s emotionally attached to an ex-lover whom she considers the Alpha Male of her dating history.

In the realm of Attachment Theory, an Alpha Widow forms a strong emotional connection with her past partner, one that may not have been reciprocated or was unhealthy.

This attachment is so intense that it tends to overshadow her current relationships. So if you’re feeling like you’re living in the shadow of her ‘fantastic’ ex, you might just be dating an Alpha Widow.

How It’s Different from Just an Ex Who Was “The One That Got Away”

Sure, we all have that one ex who left a significant mark, but an Alpha Widow takes this to a whole new level. While someone may wistfully remember “the one that got away,” an Alpha Widow actively compares her current partners to that one memorable ex.

It’s less about a romantic notion of loss and more about an ongoing, mental competition where, sadly, you’re not the favorite to win.

Then let’s talk about Hypergamy and high sexual market value *SMV*, because let’s face it, we’re all secretly *or not-so-secretly* judged on some sort of love-and-lust stock market. [Read: Hypergamy: What it is, the good, bad and 24 truths about women marring up]

Hypergamy, that instinctual drive that has its roots in our social and evolutionary biology, pushes females to seek mates who are ‘superior’ in some way—be it physically, financially, emotionally, or all of the above.

Now, what does this have to do with an Alpha Widow? Well, her previous ‘Alpha Male’ ex typically has what is considered a high SMV. [Read: Sexual market value: What it is and 11 factors that boost a man’s SMV up instantly!]

We’re talking the triple-threat: good looks, charisma, and maybe a sturdy financial portfolio or even just an exciting bad-boy edge. That sets a high benchmark, making it a bit of an uphill battle for any guy who follows.

So if you’re feeling like the opening act to her ex’s headliner, it could be because she’s still anchored to that high SMV from her past. [Read: Sexual market value: What it is & big factors that boost a person’s SMV]

Signs You’re Dating an Alpha Widow

You might be wondering, “How do I even know if she’s an Alpha Widow?” It’s not like she’s going to have it on her dating profile, right?

There are signs, my friends, pretty clear ones too, that can indicate if you’re dating an Alpha Widow.

1. Does She Constantly Bring Up Her Ex in Conversations?

If she’s always talking about her amazing, adventurous, so-freaking-cool ex, you might be in Alpha Widow territory. It’s as if her ex is this omnipresent figure haunting your relationship.

An occasional story is fine, but if her ex is the uninvited third wheel in every conversation, red flags should be waving. [Read: 37 signs your girlfriend’s not over her ex & misses him or wants him back]

2. Does She Have Unrealistic Expectations from You?

If you feel like you’re auditioning for the role of “Better Than Her Ex,” this could indicate you’re dating an Alpha Widow. [Read: Unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

She might expect you to pick up right where her ex left off—same restaurants, same hobbies, even the same cologne. It’s not just about filling shoes, it’s like you’re expected to fill a custom-made, diamond-encrusted boot that only her ex could wear.

3. Are There Frequent Mood Swings Based on Old Memories?

One minute she’s happy, the next she’s down in the dumps because a song on the radio reminded her of a date with her ex.

Mood swings triggered by old memories are another sign you could be dating an Alpha Widow. Emotional instability based on past experiences is a tough hurdle for any new relationship to clear.

4. Does She Compare You Openly or Subtly to Her Ex?

Comparisons can be overt *”My ex used to do this”* or subtle *a sigh or eye-roll when you do something differently*.

Either way, if you’re constantly being measured against her past, you’re likely dealing with an Alpha Widow. [Read: The alpha male: 65 traits of a real alpha man & true secrets to be one yourself]

5. Is She Reluctant to Commit?

If she seems hesitant to commit, it might be because she’s still emotionally tethered to her ex. You’ll notice that future plans are vague, or she avoids discussing a long-term vision for your relationship.

Her heart might still be anchored to the past, making it difficult for her to fully embrace the present with you. [Read: Committed relationship: 59 signs & ways to show your commitment in love]

6. Does She Avoid Introducing You to Her Friends and Family?

If you’re kept a secret or just not quite “Facebook official,” it may be because she’s comparing you to her ex, who was probably quite the hit at family gatherings.

An Alpha Widow might avoid these introductions because it makes the relationship with you seem more real, and therefore, harder to compare to her idealized past. [Read: 37 real signs she’s serious about you & wants an exclusive relationship]

7. Does She Seem Indifferent to Your Achievements?

You got a promotion, or you just finished a marathon, and her reaction is as flat as a pancake. This could be because, in her eyes, it doesn’t measure up to whatever grand feats her ex accomplished.

An Alpha Widow might have a hard time genuinely celebrating your victories.

8. Is She Frequently Nostalgic About Specific Places or Activities?

If certain restaurants or activities are off-limits because they were “her places” with her ex, you might be dating an Alpha Widow.

Her attachment to these places can make it difficult for her to create new memories with you.

9. Are Your Arguments Often About Her Past?

Arguments are normal in any relationship, but if you find that disagreements frequently steer back to her ex, then it’s a likely sign.

You’re not just arguing with her, you’re arguing with her AND her past relationship.

10. Does She Keep Mementos from Her Previous Relationship?

Photos, letters, gifts—anything that should be in the “ex-box” but isn’t. If she’s still holding onto these items and frequently revisits them, she might still be emotionally attached to her past, making her a probable Alpha Widow. [Read: Old love letters and memories – Keep or throw them?]

11. Does She Often Use the Phrase “If Only”?

“If only you were more like him,” or “if only things had worked out with him, life would be perfect.” Sentences like these indicate that she still views her ex as the gold standard, a key sign you’re dealing with an Alpha Widow.

12. Is Her Social Media Filled with Memories of Her Ex?

If her social media platforms serve as a shrine to her past relationship, take note.

While it’s normal to have old pictures, an overemphasis on the past indicates she might be living there, both emotionally and virtually.

13. Does She Go Through Your Phone Looking for Faults?

An Alpha Widow may be looking for reasons you don’t measure up to her ex. If she’s sifting through your texts, calls, or social media, she might be looking for faults to justify why you’re not as good as her “Alpha” ex.

14. Does She Get Defensive When You Mention the Term “Alpha Widow”?

If the term gets brought up and she’s visibly uncomfortable or defensive, that’s a sign she might recognize some of these traits in herself.

The very fact that she reacts strongly suggests that she knows she fits the profile to some extent.

15. Do You Feel Like You’re in a Three-Person Relationship?

And no, we’re not talking about polyamory. If her ex is such a frequent topic of conversation and comparison that it feels like he’s a silent third member of the relationship, you’re likely dating an Alpha Widow.

16. Does She Repeatedly Cancel Plans With You for Ambiguous Reasons?

You had dinner reservations or plans for a weekend getaway, and suddenly she cancels without a clear reason.

Could be a sign that she’s holding space for the possibility of something ‘better,’ as shaped by her past experiences with her Alpha ex.

17. Is She Reluctant to Say “I Love You”?

While being cautious about expressing love is common, an Alpha Widow might be particularly hesitant because saying those three big words would mean fully accepting a new relationship and letting go of the past. [Read: Saying “I love you” & not hearing it back: Why it hurts to accept it]

18. Does She Seem Uninterested in Your Emotional Needs?

An Alpha Widow might be so focused on how you measure up to her ex that she forgets relationships are a two-way street. If your emotional needs are consistently on the back burner, take note. [Read: 33 emotional needs in a relationship, signs it’s unmet & how to meet them]

19. Does She Make Financial Comparisons?

If she’s often sizing up your financial standing in comparison to her ex, especially if he was well-off, this might be a red flag.

Economic stability can be a significant factor in the hypergamy equation, making it hard for her to see past the dollar signs—or lack thereof.

20. Is She Overly Critical of Small Mistakes?

Making a mountain out of a molehill? If small errors on your part become huge issues for her, she could be nitpicking as a way to keep emotional distance.

Remember, nobody can fail to measure up if the bar is set impossibly high.

21. Do You Start to Doubt Yourself?

If you’re frequently second-guessing your worth or your place in the relationship, that’s a sign the dynamic is affecting your self-esteem.

While relationships should uplift you, dating an Alpha Widow can lead to a constant feeling of inadequacy as you struggle to meet her benchmarks, which are often based on her past relationship.

Your confidence starts to wane, and you begin to question if you’ll ever be “enough” for her. [Read: Overcoming self-doubt: 26 signs & best ways to stop doubting yourself]

22. Does She Seem Consistently Sexually Unsatisfied?

If you notice that she is often dissatisfied in the bedroom and it doesn’t seem to be about technique or connection, she may be comparing you to her ex. [Read: 20 sexual problems in a relationship you can avoid]

An Alpha Widow might hold onto an idealized sexual experience or dynamic she had in the past, making it difficult for her to enjoy the present fully.

Remember, it’s not necessarily about you but how she views her past.

How to Deal if You’re Dating an Alpha Widow

So, you’ve read the signs, done some self-reflecting, and now you’re wondering: is this relationship doomed to become a tragic love ballad?

While dating an Alpha Widow comes with its own set of challenges, it’s not an automatic ticket to Heartbreak Hotel.

Here’s a roadmap to help you navigate through the complexities without losing your way or your mind.

1. The Importance of Open Communication

Active Listening is your best friend here. If you’re dating an Alpha Widow, understanding her feelings and perspectives is crucial.

Instead of interrupting or planning your rebuttal, listen to understand. It can make a world of difference and may encourage her to open up about her lingering attachments. [Read: Communication techniques to finally get them to open up to you]

2. Establishing Boundaries

Assertiveness Training 101: Know what you’re comfortable with and vocalize it. If her frequent mentions of her ex make you uncomfortable, say so.

Setting clear emotional and conversational boundaries can create a more equitable relationship dynamic.

3. If All Else Fails, Counter-dependency as a Coping Mechanism

Counter-dependency isn’t the healthiest long-term solution, but it can serve as a coping mechanism. It involves emotionally distancing yourself to protect your well-being.

It’s like emotional Teflon, their issues can’t stick to you. Use it cautiously, though, as it can lead to relationship disintegration.

4. Be Mindful of Your Own Self-Esteem

Dating an Alpha Widow can be a blow to your ego. Make sure you engage in activities that boost your self-worth.

Whether it’s going to the gym or focusing on a project you’re passionate about, maintain your sense of self.

5. Seek Professional Guidance

Therapy isn’t just for the movies or extreme scenarios. Couples counseling can offer constructive coping strategies.

Sometimes a neutral third party can provide invaluable insights into the dynamics of your relationship with an Alpha Widow.

6. Re-Evaluate Your Own Needs and Desires

Pause for a second, play some introspective jazz if you have to, and ask yourself: are your emotional needs being met? Self-awareness is key.

If you find you’re more sacrificial lamb than equal partner, it might be time for some serious relationship reevaluation. Don’t compromise your happiness for a relationship that’s not reciprocally fulfilling.

7. Create New Memories Together

If she’s an Alpha Widow, chances are she’s stuck in a nostalgic loop. Here’s where you can be her “new playlist” that gets her humming a different tune.

Shaking up the routine with fresh activities can create new emotional memories for both of you. Whether it’s a spontaneous road trip or trying a weird new cuisine, bring some ‘new’ into the ‘now.’ [Read: 65 couple activities and fun things to do together that’ll make you both feel closer than ever]

8. Understand Her Perspective

Easier said than done, right? Still, understanding her perspective is like having the cheat codes for the emotional video game that is your relationship. Delve into why she’s clinging to the past.

Knowing her fears and insecurities can be invaluable when dodging the landmines in your love life. It could help you be the player two she needs.

9. Be Patient but Realistic

Romantic comedies lied to you, change doesn’t happen in a two-hour runtime with a pop soundtrack. Patience is your ally, but don’t let it turn you into a doormat.

While it’s beautiful to think love conquers all, the reality check here is that some things might not change. Balance optimism with a dash of pragmatism.

10. Know When to Walk Away

Ah, the hardest level in the “Dating an Alpha Widow” game. Sometimes, love isn’t enough, and that’s okay.

When the emotional toll feels like you’re accumulating debt with no payoff, it may be time to cut your losses. Recognize when your well-being needs to take precedence and have the courage to put your emotional health first. [Read: 15 types of bad girlfriends who’ll make your life a living hell]

When to Consider Moving On

Speaking of knowing when to walk away, you might wonder when that red flag turns into a deal-breaker.

Let’s break down the signals that indicate it might be time to update your relationship status from “It’s complicated” to “Single, but wiser.”

1. Assessing Your Own Emotional Needs

Maslow would indeed be tipping his hat to you for this one. Self-Actualization is not just a lofty concept, it’s a necessity.

Are you thriving emotionally, or just surviving? If the relationship with an Alpha Widow is hindering your self-growth, it might be time to reassess your priorities.

2. Indicators the Relationship is Causing More Harm Than Good

Love shouldn’t feel like an emotional boxing match. If you find yourself continually defending your self-worth or compromising your happiness, these are glaring indicators.

Remember, a relationship should be a source of support, not a perpetual struggle. [Read: Emotions you shouldn’t feel in a healthy relationship]

3. You’re Working Too Hard to Meet Her Expectations

When the work-to-reward ratio in the relationship starts skewing heavily towards work, reconsider. If you’re bending over backward to meet her expectations and still falling short, that’s a sign.

Your relationship should not feel like a second full-time job where you’re always in the red.

4. You’re Not Yourself Anymore

Do you recognize the person in the mirror?

If being with an Alpha Widow has morphed you into someone unrecognizable, that’s a red flag. Relationships should enhance you, not erase you.

5. You’re Not Happy

Happiness, that elusive creature! While ups and downs are normal, if your general emotional state leans more toward unhappiness, take note. You don’t need a Ph.D. in psychology to know that’s not healthy. [Read: Not happy in a relationship: Signs, why it happens & what to do]

6. No Shared Future Vision

If you’re a globe-trotting adventurer and she still sees her future with the local Alpha, Houston, we have a problem. A shared future vision is crucial for long-term relationship sustainability.

7. Emotional and Physical Distance

If either of you has checked out emotionally or physically, that’s a significant warning sign. It might be a good time to hit the pause button and re-evaluate.

8. You’re Becoming Resentful

Small irritations can accumulate into resentment over time. If you’re storing a mental list of wrongs, it’s detrimental to both you and the relationship.

9. The Trust is Gone

Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. If that’s eroded, you’re building on shaky ground, and it’s only a matter of time before things come crumbling down.

10. Your Feelings Go Unacknowledged

You’ve mustered up the courage, probably even rehearsed it in the mirror a few times, and finally voiced your feelings. And what do you get? Crickets.

If she treats your emotional disclosures with apathy or, worse, disdain, it’s a severe issue. Your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged.

If they’re not, it could be a sign that the relationship is more of a monologue than a dialogue. [Read: 27 clear signs she’s losing interest in you and getting bored]

11. How to Break Up Amicably, If It Comes to That

Exit Strategies aren’t just for action movies; they’re for relationships, too. If you decide it’s time to part ways, aim for an amicable breakup.

Be honest but gentle, clear but kind. And give both of you time to heal; jumping into a new relationship immediately can lead to another Alpha Widow situation, and you don’t want to be on the other side of that coin. [Read: 31 best breakup lines & phrases to end a relationship gracefully & avoid a mess]

How Not to Become the Next “Alpha” in Her Life

So you’ve navigated the complex labyrinth of dating an Alpha Widow, and things seem to be going well. But hold on a second—how do you ensure you’re not just the next “Alpha” on her emotional playlist?

Let’s avoid becoming the sequel in a long-running saga.

1. Why Pedestalizing a Relationship Can Be Harmful

Look, we get it. Love feels great, but let’s not start idolizing it. The Idealization-Devaluation Cycle can make you go from hero to zero in no time.

Once you’re up on that pedestal, the only way to go is down—usually with a painful thud. Keep it real, keep it balanced, and remember: you’re both wonderfully imperfect human beings.

2. Emotional Intelligence as Your Best Tool

Knowing how to read the room—or your partner’s mood—can save you a lot of grief. Being emotionally intelligent helps you navigate the ups and downs without turning into an emotional wreck yourself.

This skill enables you to understand when to push, when to pull, and most importantly, when to tread carefully around an Alpha Widow.

3. How to Foster a Healthy, Balanced Relationship

Balance is not just for gymnasts, it’s for relationships too. Ensure there’s a fair give and take emotionally, mentally, and, yes, even physically. [Read: What is a normal relationship supposed to be like? The real truth]

Consistency over intensity often wins the race in long-term love affairs. Be aware, be present, but don’t be overbearing.

4. Understand Your Own Value

Don’t get so caught up in trying to meet her expectations that you forget your own worth. You are not merely an extension of her needs or wants.

Maintain your identity and self-worth independent of the relationship.

5. Avoid Becoming an Emotional Sponge

It’s great to be there for her, but you’re not an emotional dumping ground. Know when to draw the line between being supportive and becoming an emotional sponge absorbing all her past dramas.

6. Openness Without Oversharing

While it’s essential to be open, oversharing can set you up for future resentments. Keep some parts of your life and thoughts to yourself to maintain a sense of individuality.

7. Be Mindful of Attachment Styles

Understanding both your and her attachment styles can prevent a lot of misunderstandings. If she’s anxious or avoidant, knowing how to communicate effectively based on these styles can be a game-changer. [Read: Attachment styles theory: Types and signs & ways you attach to others]

8. No White-Knighting

You’re her partner, not her savior. While it’s tempting to swoop in and “fix” things, this can lead to a dynamic that’s anything but equal.

You can’t “save” her from being an Alpha Widow; she needs to want to move on herself. [Read: White knight syndrome: Reasons & signs some men love white knighting]

9. Establish Your Own Boundaries

Know your limits and make them known. You’re a person too, and your comfort and well-being are just as essential as hers.

10. Avoid Emotional Rollercoasters

Stability should be your aim. While the highs may be high, the lows can be soul-crushing. Aim for a steady, loving relationship rather than o

Know When to Give it Your All and When to Gracefully Exit

Navigating the turbulent waters of dating is tough enough without having to be in an emotional triathlon against some “Alpha” from the past.

But hey, even an Alpha Widow is just someone trying to make sense of her own narrative.

[Read: 25 signs to stop pursuing a girl who’s only using you or won’t ever really be into you]

If you find yourself scripting chapters with her, just remember: you’re not a guest star in her life’s story—you deserve a leading role in your own. Know when to give it your all and when to gracefully exit stage left from an Alpha Widow’s life.

The post Alpha Widow: What It Means, 53 Signs & Ways to Date a Girl Hooked to Her Ex is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.