Birthday Wishes For Someone Special 1. Happy birthday, my dear! You know how much I love you and admire you. May God multiply your happiness and bless you all the…
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We often hear the word “narcissist” bandied about these days. In reality, true narcissism is quite rare. However, when you come into contact with an actual narcissist, there will be no doubt. And it might make you wonder, what causes narcissism?
Why is narcissism on the rise?
The reason we hear the word so much is because there is a lot of cruelty in the world. People treat others badly: lying, cheating, manipulating, and all of this causes pain and heartache for those unlucky enough to have fallen for someone with such negativity in their heart. Narcissism in a relationship is no easy task. Most unions which are touched by narcissism don’t actually survive.
It’s hard to remain in a “loving” relationship when you’re constantly being dragged down and manipulated.
[Read: The secret signs of narcissism you shouldn’t overlook]
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you have my sympathy. I’ve been in this situation and believe me, it’s not a situation I’d want to be in again. It’s awful to be torn between loving someone who is so wonderful to you one minute and cruel the next. You don’t know where you really stand, and you have no idea if you’re imagining half of it or not.
Whether you’re touched by a narcissistic relationship or not, it’s important to understand what narcissism actually is at its very core. So, what causes narcissism. What is it exactly?
What is narcissism?
A true narcissist has a personality disorder, called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD. This isn’t a mental illness, but a behavioral issue, and falls under the umbrella of personality disorders.
A narcissist has a distinct lack of empathy. Before you jump on the bandwagon and label all narcissists as bad people, it’s actually something they can’t help. They don’t know how to love and feel empathy towards other people, because they’ve never felt it in their lives.
They’re incapable of showing real emotion, and their lack of empathy causes them to unwittingly hurt others. At the heart of it all is often a lack of self-confidence and low self-worth too.
[Read: Why narcissists do the selfish things they do]
A narcissistic person usually displays the following traits:
– An inflated sense of self, e.g. they have a high opinion of themselves on the outside, but often don’t really feel it genuinely on the inside
– Rarely admit they’re wrong
– Usually value their own opinion as truth, and doesn’t consider anyone else’s views as valid
– Doesn’t take criticism well and can often lash out
– Turn everything around to avoid taking blame
– Use manipulative tactics in order to ensure others stay close to them and do as they please, this is usually through gaslighting, i.e. making someone else start to question themselves and their own sanity [Read: 14 signs someone’s gaslighting and playing mind games with you]
– Controlling behavior
These are just a few of the most common narcissistic traits you’ll come across in the general walk of life. If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, another common trait is isolating you from the people in your life, e.g. family and friends. This is because they see these people as threats and want to keep you firmly in their control.
The outcome of a narcissistic relationship isn’t particularly rosy. You might want me to tell you that love can conquer all, but when you’re stuck in the middle of a situation which drags you down, it’s hard to see anything bright or sunny.
Narcissists do not know how to love in the same way as someone who doesn’t have narcissism. They feel something, but it’s not the “I’d do anything for you” kind of love that most of us feel. It’s more selfish and one-sided.
That brings us once more to the idea that narcissists are bad people. It’s hard to argue against it, but understand that there isn’t a choice in whether someone is narcissistic or not. They simply are because they have a personality disorder. So, what causes narcissism and all of this pain and heartache? [Read: 16 subtle hints narcissist give away as soon as you meet them]
Do we know what causes narcissism?
The good news is that we know what narcissism is, the bad news is that there is no 100% accurate explanation of what causes narcissism. There are a few ideas which are backed up by studies, but just as we don’t truly understand what causes any personality disorder, it still remains a bit of a mystery.
Every person is different which means one size descriptions don’t fit all.
Despite that, researchers consider the following to be the most probable causes of narcissism:
– Genetic issues
– Issues which occurred in childhood, e.g. poor parenting
– Psychological issues
– Being praised too much when they were children
– Parents who focused too much on looks or talent and didn’t focus enough on giving love
– Traumatic experiences
– A history of excessive criticism
Narcissists aren’t necessarily born with NPD, and it can develop due to problems throughout life. In most cases, this is what happens, but there is very little evidence to really conclude X, Y, and Z as the main precursors to NPD.
Can narcissism be cured?
There is no cure for NPD, but there are some therapeutic methods which can reduce the symptoms and rewire the brain.
That’s the good news. [Read: How to date a narcissist and teach them to change for the better]
The bad news is that there are very few narcissists who actually believe there is anything wrong with them. They assume there is something wrong with you instead. That means they are unlikely to seek the help they need.
To successfully treat NPD, the first step must come from the narcissist themselves. They should ask for help and freely admit there is a problem. From there, time and effort needs to be invested in methods to change their thoughts and behaviors. It’s not an easy road, and it takes a long time to get to the point where any progress is made.
This whole picture makes it very unlikely that someone with NPD will ever be truly “cured.” [Read: How to hurt a narcissist – 11 subtle counterblows to hurt them hard]
So, what about your relationship?
I’ve talked a lot about narcissism and what causes it, but what about your relationship? Is there a future?
Because we don’t really know what causes narcissism, it’s hard to pinpoint a way to manage the problem. And most narcissists don’t actually believe there’s anything wrong with them. It paints a pretty poor picture for your future.
A relationship with a narcissist means never really knowing which side of your partner you’ll see. It could be the charming side, or it could be the manipulative nasty side. After you’ve been privy to their manipulative tactics, you’ll doubt your own thoughts, and find yourself isolated from those you care about. [Read: 23 secret signs of narcissism people overlook until it’s too late]
You might think I’m showing you the worst case scenario, but it’s actually the most common scenario.
A relationship with a narcissist is painful, and unless you want to remain in pain, there will come a point where you should walk away.
Sadly, I’m qualified to advise you on this because I was in the same situation. Okay, your partner isn’t a bad person at their core and they have a personality disorder which explains their problem, but that doesn’t mean you must live with constant lies, twisted truth, name-calling, manipulation, and gaslighting either. Put your own happiness first.
[Read: The narcissist and the empath – and why they’re a match made in dating hell]
Further studies will tell us what causes narcissism for sure, but for now, we should focus on the effects rather than the cause.
The post What Causes Narcissism? The Facts & Theories to Read a Narcissist is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
To get ahead in this world and avoid condemnation; to attract a good mate and less humiliation, be charming. It’s easy, and you can start by reading this article. ;p
Contents
Would you like to be charming as, say, Tyrion from Game of Thrones, or Barrack Obama? Yeah, you would.
How about no more rejections from hot girls, no more waiting in lines for bread and Vodka rations? (I’m in Post-Soviet-Bloc Bulgaria at the moment.)
That’s right. Today I’m going to teach you how to be charming.
What exactly is charm, anyway? Are you just born with it, genetically gifted, like me? Or can you learn to be charming?
Yes, you can learn.
What is charm?
A trait that fascinates, allures, or delights
A physical grace
Compelling attractiveness
It’s also considered a magic incantation, or an item believed to contain luck-bringing qualities.
To be a “charming” person means you’re pleasant, valuable to be around, and possibly magical.
Happy Birthday Father In Law Happy birthday, father in law. Ever since I was married into your family, I have felt blessed to have such an awesome father figure in…
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Under my article "Male vs. Female Mating Motivations Laid Bare", a reader comments:
hard question to ask, but it just seems having children or getting married is a no win situation, if she wants to she can put you on child support or divorce you when she feels like it. with that being said is there a way to have kids and not be put on child support? is there a way to not have kids as an older man and not get looked at as weird? I'm actually really interested in the not paying child support part. what's your plan for yourself Chase logically with this stuff? do you plan to have kids and get married? or just have kids? I liked to know your process of what you think older you would do with women.
I feel like making an "Old players never die, they just..." joke, but can't think of a good one.
"They just NEXT away"?
Nah, too obscure.
Well, anyway. The "what's the endgame?" question is a valid one for the modern playboy.
I'm going to skip the child support one, because, well, it's not realistic for most guys. Children are costly, and someone has to pay for them. Women usually can't pay for them themselves (some rich women excepted, but there's problems with targeting rich women to sire offspring with, then peace out, that I won't go into here). If the father won't/can't pay, the burden then falls to society, simply so the child doesn't die or end up scrounging for scraps on the street like what you see in less developed countries. So most societies have laws mandating fathers pay for their own children, to avoid having it come out of everyone else's pockets. There's no way to get around that in most developed societies without just being a straight-up dead-beat dad who knocks chicks up then runs away and hides so they can't collect child support, then runs away and hides again if he's found and hit with back child support payments. Which I guess you could do, but it's trash behavior, and you're hopefully on this site to learn how to improve your life, rather than lead a trashier one.
The child support question aside, that "what's the endgame?" question, now that's an interesting question.
Because, well... it isn't clear what the endgame for most men IS any longer.
60th Birthday Wishes: There is no doubt in one’s mind that the 60th birthday is a very special occasion for... More
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20 Year Anniversary 20 years anniversary, 20 years of memories, 20 years of experiences and 20 years of partnership together. This is 20 years of love story and today, we…
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Here’s a spicy pickup technique I’ve had lots of success with. It makes you seem sexually experienced and high value while sparking intrigue and jealousy!
Contents
Hey guys, and welcome back. Today I will share with you a savage pickup technique. Yes! It works crazy well, and it sets useful frames that speed up the process.
It’s a deadly technique that has given me tons of lays. To many, it may seem quite reckless and risky, and I can see why. However, my success rate using it has been very high. When it hasn’t worked, it hasn’t led to any rejections or bad vibes.
So, I consider it rather safe with predominantly positive returns. But there are potential caveats, and I will cover those.
This post is recommended for intermediate to advanced users as it will require the following to pull it off properly:
This technique is generally for night game, although you are always welcome to find other applications.
When I was dating, I constantly wondered why a guy would suddenly stop texting me. Why would he suddenly lose interest in me… I don’t get it… As a guy, you probably are wondering, why did she suddenly lose interest in me?
It’s a tale as old as time. You met a girl, she’s amazing, you have a great time together. Suddenly, she disappears, and you never hear from her again. What happened? Why would she suddenly lose interest in you?
The worst part is why didn’t she tell you why she pulled back? These are hard questions to think about, especially when you want to move on. [Read: How to lose feelings for someone and let go of the might have beens]
Why did she suddenly lose interest: The answers and the lessons to learn
Listen, when it comes to relationships, they’re not easy. You never really know what the other person is thinking. It takes a toll. Right when you think everything is going smoothly, boom, things switch completely.
But, you don’t lose sleep over this. If you’re wondering why she suddenly lost interest in you, I have some of the reasons why. Of course, every woman is different, but these are the most common reasons why women lose interest in a relationship.
Dating isn’t always a walk in the park.
#1 She met someone else. I’m not going to lie to you; usually, when a woman suddenly backs away, there’s a strong reason why. Of course, this doesn’t have to be the reason, but if it’s completely out of nowhere, it’s a strong possibility. If she suddenly lost interest, she may have found someone else she’s more interested in. [Read: How to deal with the pain of loving someone you can’t have]
#2 She grew bored. At the beginning of the relationship, everything is fun and exciting. But once things go into a routine, you see the real relationship. This is often when men and women become bored and stray. This doesn’t mean you’re boring, but you don’t have the connection needed to keep the relationship going.
#3 You were a rebound. Here’s the thing, if you knew she was previously in a relationship, then you were aware of the odds of you being a rebound. For her, she was newly single, met you, had some fun, and moved on. It’s a harsh realization, but it’s important for you to move on. [Read: How to not get hurt dating a girl on the rebound]
#4 She changed her mind. What can I say, people, are complex. You can be the most interesting guy in the world, but she realized you aren’t a good match. That has nothing to do with you. In her mind, she didn’t feel you would work, so, she lost interest.
#5 You were too clingy. There’s nothing wrong with showing a girl affection and attention. But if you’re wondering why did she suddenly lose interest, chances are she found it to be too much. It’s not an easy conversation to have with a guy, so, usually, women will back off and act as if they lost interest. When in reality, you chased her away.
#6 She didn’t see a future in the relationship. It was fun and exciting, but she couldn’t picture being in a serious relationship with you. This is something women think about when dating a guy. Can he be someone I see myself with? If she’s not sure, she’ll pull back instead of continuing the relationship.
#7 Things were moving too fast. She liked you, but you were moving at lightning speed. You went from texting to planning your next vacation together. And though it was exciting and fun, she slammed her foot on the brakes, worried that things were moving too fast. [Read: The speedy signs your relationship is moving too fast]
#8 You’re not a priority. You don’t really know what’s going on in other people’s lives. She may be having a hard time with school, busy with her job, or having personal issues. The problem is she can’t give you the attention you need. She realized that she’s scattered and pulled back on your relationship.
#9 She didn’t want to commit. She may have thought she was ready to commit, but when things became real, she got scared. Not everyone is ready to settle down, and clearly, she realized getting into a relationship wasn’t the right choice for her. Though it’s tough, it’s great that she didn’t drag you on.
#10 You’re not the person she thought you were. When you first met her, you were open and generally in a good mood. Maybe you’re going through exams or having a tough period at work, which is causing you to feel grumpy and anxious. This isn’t bad, but she wasn’t able to handle this change.
#11 It was just a fling. For her, your relationship wasn’t anything serious. Sure, she had fun hanging out with you, but she wasn’t thinking about investing in it. See, it was just a fling. Sadly, instead of telling you that she doesn’t want the same things as you, she quickly pulled back. [Read: 10 ways girls casually reject guys they don’t like]
#12 You didn’t share the same values. Maybe you went on a date, and the conversation went down a serious route. Of course, talking about the future, your interests, and your opinions are normal. But that doesn’t mean you will agree on everything. If you said something that didn’t fit her views, it probably turned her off.
[Read: What it means when a girl doesn’t text you back]
Relationships aren’t easy. Sometimes it works out, other times it doesn’t. But, if a girl left you wondering, why did she suddenly lose interest, you now know the reasons why.
The post Why Did She Suddenly Lose Interest & What You Need To Learn From It is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
To accelerate the process of developing your game and skills with women, momentum is key. You get that by dedicating time and staying focused on the right things.
To get good at the seduction game requires time, and a lot of it. The results of your efforts are well worth it in the long run, but the journey can be a struggle for most men. Take my word for it.
Contents
1. Benefits of Dedicating Blocks of Time
Seven years into learning game, and just a few weeks away from being in the triple digits of partners, I still feel like an intermediate when it comes to game and women. There’s so much to learn to become really good. A great way to streamline your journey with women is to set aside the appropriate amount of time to learn and practice game.
Guys sometimes only focus on learning game from a textbook before applying dedicated time to go out. Or they might practice in a piecemeal fashion, sporadically going out and approaching women when it’s super convenient. I’ve used both methods in my journey. I attest that there is a third, far superior means of hustling to learn how to game. The best method is to dedicate specific, regular, and frequent blocks of time to the art.
As with learning or building anything of value, developing skills requires dedication. For women and game, you’ll realize the benefits after dedicating chunks of time to learning and practice. Think of it like going to the gym. While you might feel good (and sore) for a day or two after your first workout, you’ll feel significant results after four days in a row. Then, if you go to the gym four days in a row for eight weeks, you’ll visually see and physically feel the results of your actions.
Getting a woman to spread her legs for you depends on your ability to smoothly navigate her through the 4 transition phases of seduction. Let’s hammer out the first 2.
Before we get started with today’s installment of relentless pragmatism, let’s do a quick recap of where this results-oriented philosophy has taken us so far.
We cross-examined the nuances of becoming more attractive, discussing different ways to improve your fundamentals. Next, we explored the 3 schools of seduction, overarching lady-killer factions every experienced seducer operates under. Every aspiring student of the game should use this as a study guide in his journey to dating success. We also studied the pragmatic implications of the various dating tools and girl-getting methods unique to each game class.
By this point in the series, you should be well aware of the diverse, exciting experiences awaiting you once you subscribe to and learn how to seduce women from:
Today we’re going to apply this elite mindset to continue exploring two parameters of mastery: efficiency and effectiveness. We defined and began a discussion on these essential standards of progress in the last installment of relentless pragmatism. This article will take a step further and discuss how you can become more effective and efficient in your transition phases.
Transition phases form the foundation of your game plan to seduce a woman. Think of them as a crucial aspect of your quest to develop and refine a process to get you laid from cold approach.
Say you meet an extremely sexy girl, the type of girl who inspires more passion and desire the more you pay attention to her. You must remember that expertly navigating through each transition phase gives you the best odds of having a steamy sexual encounter with this girl. Regardless of whether you’d like to take her on as a new casual lover, turn her into an infatuated girlfriend, or just enjoy a one-night-stand with a real beauty, you’re only four transition phases away from transforming this carnal imagination into a triumphant reality.
Happy Holiday Wishes Happy holidays! I’m sure that you’re going to enjoy your break after such a long term working away at your office. Make sure to relax and be…
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A few hours ago as I walked down a city street, a woman stepped out in front of me.
Her face and body were ordinary. But she triggered an involuntary response in me. My heart rate quickened. I felt excitement. I wanted to talk to this girl, and meet her.
I didn't talk to her. She finished crossing the sidewalk and entered the car waiting for her, with someone I guessed was a boyfriend.
And, truth be told, she wasn't really my type. Like I said, pretty average face and body.
Had I met her somewhere else though, I'd have likely talked to her and, if she bit, pursued her. Her walk was quick, confident, sexy. Her hair was a clear bottle blonde, and she'd clearly used a curler to add some wave. Her nose was too big, but her eyelashes were long and luxurious, and her lips were bright red, so I didn't stay focused on her nose long.
Her breasts were pert; though I've been with girls with breasts like hers where you take the girl's clothes off and discover those breasts are 90% bra. Her stomach was flat and her legs looked strong, so that was real, though there wasn't much to her butt. Even still, in her form-fitting yoga clothes, she looked good.
I passed through the perfume wake she trailed behind her as I continued my way down the street, and when I inhaled her sent my pulse quickened a second time.
And I thought to myself "That girl is far more ordinary, in her face and body, than plenty of more beautiful women I've seen already today. Yet, she excited me in a way none of those girls did."
What worked for her will work for you as well.
Because the secret of how to attract women is the same for men as what women use to have that effect on men.
And just like women like that can attract you and me with certain irresistible attraction signals (even if we know how they're doing it), you and I can do the same to women, too.
You wanted to bring her home and have sex with her, but you ended up having another platonic date with no action. Why? It’s because these elements were lacking.
Ever worry so much about your approach anxiety or what to say that when you actually land a date, you have no clue how to turn it into sex?
It’s super common. Usually, you’re waiting for a sign that she’s attracted, a special laugh, compliment, or a submissive, coy gesture. And when it never materializes, you think “Oh, maybe she’s not that into me. I better not be creepy. I better take this slow.”
Contents
II. Always Assume She Would Sleep with You
Of course, this means you go on three dates and never have sex. Lose-lose.
Want to know if she’s down? Assume that ALL WOMEN ARE INTO YOU. They just don’t know it yet.
The reason you fail to close dates? You fear mistakes. What if you say something “weird” or try to touch her, and she freaks out? But you know what? It’s either you take those risks or stay in the friend zone.
When you meet girls from day game, you’ll probably have to go on at least one date. Same-day lays don’t happen very often for most guys. And for most men, you won’t get laid even on the first or second date. By the third or fourth date, you’re solidly slotted as a “friend.”
If you want to get laid fast from a date, you need an effective plan and the right mindset.
In this article, I’ll teach you a basic guideline on how to take a date home and bang her silly.
What makes a guy physically attractive to you? Because we all find different things attractive.
One person might find a guy carrying a few extra pounds super-attractive, but another person might prefer a guy with shredded abs. One person might go weak at the knees for a guy with a beard, but someone else might shudder at the thought.
The subject of attractiveness is such a broad one, and it’s really interesting to ask people what their own preferences are. For instance, I find a guy with a six pack really off-putting. I think this is because I am far from gym-ready myself, and, as a result, I find all this ab-carving a little terrifying.
Would I go for someone overweight? I wouldn’t find them physically attractive immediately, but once I got to know their personality, maybe that would change? [Read: The strongest signs of a mutual attraction between a man and a woman]
Sometimes we change our minds
This is the wonderful thing about the human mind when it comes to what it does and doesn’t find appealing. It’s so inconsistent! You might meet a guy with all the traits you always found unattractive, but he makes you laugh, you like his personality, and you really like what he stands for in life. Suddenly you’re feeling butterflies whenever he’s around, and you’d quite like to lean in for a kiss or two.
Strange, yes, but wonderful too!
I want to explore what makes a guy physically attractive, and at first I was wondering how to go about this. I didn’t want to do a list of features, because let’s face it, we all find different things attractive.
You’ll find so many lists out there saying that a guy must have cheekbones you can cut glass on, soulful eyes, a lean physique and biceps you can’t squeeze because they’re so hard. But does every single person who is attracted to men find that appealing?
Of course not!
[Read: How to understand the science behind attraction]
What makes a guy physically attractive in general?
We all have difference preferences, and that is a great thing because if we all found the same thing attractive, there would be a hell of a lot of competition for just one guy!
From talking to my friends and asking them what makes a guy physically attractive to them , I found the following subjects cropping up quite a lot:
– Height
– Eyes
– Smile
– Hairstyle
– The way they dress
– Whether or not they have tattoos
– Abs, either for them or against them
– Personal hygiene
– Biceps
– Strong shoulders and back
How many of those can you agree with?
[Read: 25 real things that make a man attractive to women]
I know I said that I didn’t want to go down the line of a list of things that people find physically attractive about men, but I want to explore why these things crop up. Why do we find tallness attractive? Why do we like strong shoulders? And why does hairstyle matter?
I’ll tell you what I think, and then you can figure it out for yourself.
If you ask me what makes a guy physically attractive, I would probably say ideally someone taller than me. I’m not suggesting he has to be six feet or more, but it’s not hard to be taller than me so it’s not really an issue. Yes, I agree with eyes. I like a nice pair of eyes, but I have no preference over color at all. Smile? Big on that one. A nice smile which makes his face light up, please!
The rest of it I’m very negligible on. The way someone dresses can be a deal breaker for some, but a quirky dress style can suit someone who is a little cheeky. I say that it totally depends on their personality!
Are tattoos a yes or a no for you? I say yes, but not too many. Again, it depends on their personality and whether or not the tattoos they have suit them as a whole person. It’s certainly not a deal breaker for me and not for many of the people I asked either.The same can be said for hairstyle, it depends if it suits them or not.
Let’s talk about body and group these together: abs, biceps, shoulders and back.
Okay, I’m not going to lie, a nice body is a plus, but as I mentioned before, a person’s body doesn’t really matter once you get to know them and find them wonderful on the inside. Abs terrify me: seriously, a six pack makes me want to shudder, yet I asked my friend and she went weak at the knees at the thought!
I’m totally on board with the strong shoulders and back, probably because to me it’s a sign of inner strength, a really masculine point which I find very attractive. In terms of biceps, I am not a fan of someone who has such big biceps they seem to extend up to their neck and make it disappear completely!
Can you see how trying to find out what makes a guy physically attractive is so difficult? We all like different things! [Read: 20 traits that almost all girls find attractive about a guy]
Is there a deal breaker consensus?
The biggest deal breaker I found amongst everyone I asked, and something I agree with myself, is personal hygiene.
I could meet the most jaw-droppingly attractive guy but, if he had a rather nifty BO problem, I would be over it faster than you could count. Everyone I spoke to agreed. So, guys, if you want to attract a mate, make sure you spray the deodorant! [Read: The cultured moves that make a man sophisticated]
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder
I learned a lot from trying to understand what makes a guy physically attractive in society’s eyes. It actually made me rather sad. While I sat here writing this, there is probably someone else writing about the things which make a woman attractive. I do not claim to have most of the features that many people would choose for female attractiveness. What I do have however, I rock very well!
Once I delved a little further I thought about my own preferences much more. Do you know what I realized? The most physically attractive thing about a man to me is confidence. [Read: 16 ways to build super confidence and realize you’re worth it]
You can see confidence when it radiates from the inside out. It’s a kind of magnetism, something you can’t explain. It’s the one single thing which I guarantee will leave me weak. Someone confident in themselves is physically attractive on every level.
Of course, I’m not talking about guys who clearly love themselves and don’t care who knows it. I’m talking about guys who are just self-assured, the ones who are happy with who they are. That is irresistible to me.
What makes a guy physically attractive to you? Now you’ve read this little chat, has anything changed in your mind? Identifying a single type is impossible, but it’s also very wrong. This creates body images issues for every single guy who doesn’t live up to what society says is the so-called attractiveness norm. Surely we should be focusing on individual traits and looking for confidence instead? There is nothing sexier than that.
[Read: What actually makes a man attractive?]
What makes a guy physically attractive is a very complicated issue, but a fascinating one. By exploring this subject I’ve learned every single person on the planet has their own preferences which may vary wildly from person to person.
The post Girl Talk: What Makes a Guy Physically Attractive and Appealing? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Thank You Message for Anniversary: The hours of celebration have finally come to an end, it’s time to thank your... More
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It’s impossible to start a crush, fling, or relationship without actually having a conversation! The problem is, someone has to start that conversation, which can be challenging. Even the most confident of people can turn into a puddle of goo when it comes to starting a conversation with someone they like. If you’re not sure how to start a conversation with a girl you like, it’s likely become a huge mental wall to overcome.
Now, I am a girl, so I’m going to share my pearls of wisdom with you. This is advice you can trust, because although every girl is different, there are certain things which are extremely annoying and cringe-worthy when someone tries to start a conversation with you.
Avoid those things and there’s no reason why you can’t strike up a beautiful friendship, which may become more!
There are two situations we need to cover here. Starting up a chat with a girl you have your eye on in person, and doing the same via social media. Without a doubt, the virtual option is much easier, because you can hide behind your phone/tablet/laptop and disappear if it doesn’t go well!
Despite that, there are still just as many pitfalls, and the false sense of confidence that a keyboard can give you might just be your undoing! Let’s cover both, with the dos and don’ts to bear in mind. [Read: What to talk about with the girl you like]
How to approach a girl you like
Some of us still prefer the old school route, but having someone approach you and start talking to you can be just as nerve-racking. What are you supposed to say back? There’s no time to prepare!
The bottom line is that if you’re going to start a conversation with a girl you like in person, watch your body language and fake the confidence that you don’t feel. [Read: How to approach a girl you don’t know and impress her]
Things to remember:
– Make eye contact first and add a smile
– Read their body language and decide whether you should approach them or not
– Watch your body language and make sure it doesn’t become defensive, e.g. arms crossed over the body, avoiding eye contact because you’re nervous
– Do not approach her while she is with her friends, unless you want an extremely uncomfortable experience!
– Remember to keep smiling, but not to the point where it looks like someone superglued a smile on your face
Now you know how to approach the girl, let’s cover how to start a conversation with a girl you like. [Read: 16 tricks that will make you instantly likable with girls]
How to start a conversation with a girl you like in person
There is one thing you need to remember: be real. Just be yourself, seriously. There is nothing more annoying than a person coming over to you and trying to be something they’re not. Of course she doesn’t know you yet, but she’s not stupid, and she can tell if you’re being fake. Women have a great intuition, remember!
For me, someone trying to start a conversation with me by looking smug and overconfident is a huge attention killer. I simply want to get away from them–fast! So, just be normal. Smile, and say something akin to small talk, such as ‘this queue is taking forever’ with a smile, or ‘this weather is really something, isn’t it?’
It depends how forward you want to be. The small talk option is going to take you longer to get to the point where you can express your interest. If you’re fine with that, and many girls will be happy with that too, then small talk is your way forward. [Read: 15 things you absolutely must know when you approach women]
Throw in some compliments. We love compliments, but make sure they’re not fake. Don’t go telling her that her eyes are like the stars or any of those annoying chat up lines, just keep it real. Something like ‘I love that color on your dress’, or ‘those shoes are great.’ Normal things!
Also, remember to keep your questions open ended, e.g. avoid anything which only needs a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ in response. By asking questions which need a little more explanation, you’re opening up a conversation, and you can read from there whether she wants to talk to you or not. [Read: How to hit on girls – 15 things most men don’t know]
So, remember these main points:
– Avoid cheesy chat up lines – we do not want to know that we look like an angel fallen from heaven
– Use small talk and make sure questions are open ended
– Make eye contact and smile
– Compliment her, but don’t go over the top!
How to start a conversation with a girl you like over social media
From our first section, understanding how to start a conversation with a girl you like isn’t actually the rocket science subject you might have thought it was. But, it does require confidence. You can fake that confidence and hope it manifests, or you can simply go for it and keep trying. Either way, you’ll find out whether she wants to talk to you or not!
Now, the danger is trying to start a conversation over social media. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had conversations started via Instagram and Facebook and enjoyed every second of them. Many also ended in coffees or drinks at some point.
The problem is, sliding into a girl’s DMs has a negative stigma attached to it. What are you really after? That is what she will be thinking. So, make sure you approach this with caution and do it the right way. Handily, you have the time to prepare, such is the wonder of modern technology! [Read: How to slide into a girl’s DMs and get a reply]
The best tips to stand out from the others
The key points to bear in mind when starting a social media chat with a girl you have your eyes on is that being sleazy is not going to work. Many a suitor will have tried and failed with this approach. Don’t be another one! Word your message carefully and check for undertones of potential sleaze.
Avoid cheesy pick up lines, don’t mention that she looks good in her profile picture, and as for pictures of your own – no, no, no! Believe me, sending an intimate picture of any part of your body is not the way to start a conversation that you want to continue! [Read: The no-fail guide to get a girl’s number every single time]
Let’s sum up the main points:
– No pictures
– Don’t mention her pictures either
– Avoid just ‘hey’ – it’s not interesting and shows no imagination
– Keep it real, be yourself *we can spot fake a mile away*
– Honesty goes a long way
– Don’t send another message if she sees it and doesn’t reply – take the hint
– Avoid closed questions
The danger of conversations started over social media is the stigma attached to it. Many people use it for hook ups, so make sure the tone of your message is less booty call and more genuine conversation! You can do that simply by being real.
[Read: Learning to talk to a girl without being awkward]
The art of learning how to start a conversation with a girl you like is more about actually being a real person speaking to another real person. Remember, they’re human too, just like you!
The post How to Start a Conversation with a Girl You Like, Like a Gentleman is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Their wisdom is unmatched.
Their truth is unmarred.
Their virtue, unassailable.
Okay, not really. Women aren’t perfect or any more magical than men are (though sometimes I swear they are angels), but women can teach you a LOT about, well, women. And yourself.
Sometimes it’s not their words, but their actions. But sometimes, yes, their words are also truthful (well, mostly...).
I will teach you the art of LEARNING from women. I have known no greater teacher during my journey through the land of women.
Papi Gnome will explain...
When a relationship ends, are you someone who finds it easy to cut ties and never think about that person again? Or do you always keep one ear to the ground in some small way, wondering what they’re doing, seeking signs your ex misses you?
Most of us do the latter if we’re completely honest with ourselves. That also means that your exes out there are probably doing the same to you!
You might want to rekindle your romance, you might be very glad it’s over. Either way, it’s a good idea to be on the look out for some key signs your ex misses you. The reason? You can handle the situation in the best possible way by knowing where you stand, by reading between the lines.
If you have no intention of getting back with this person, if you do notice signs, you’ll know to back away. On the other hand, if you want to start things up again, knowing the signs to look for will help you make the right move!
The biggest signs your ex misses you
So, what do you need to know? [Read: The steps to take to find closure after a breakup]
#1 You receive the classic drunk texts or calls. Come on, we’ve all done it. You think you’re fine. You’re over your ex, you don’t care it’s finished. Then you have just a little bit too much to drink, out comes the phone and a heartfelt text is on its way! The next morning you wish someone had preempted the move, but you can’t turn back time!
If you’re receiving texts or even calls when you know your ex has been drinking *usually late at night*, that’s a pretty solid sign. We become a little braver when alcohol is involved. It could mean reaching out to people who perhaps we wouldn’t be so keen to talk to when sober. The question is, does a drunk mind always tell the truth or is it all just a case of “vodka made me do it?” You know your ex, so you should be able to answer that question a little easier! [Read: How to avoid the awkward drama of drunk texts]
#2 They start liking your photos and posts on social media. There is one obvious way to know if someone is social media stalking you. You suddenly get a ‘like’ on a photo which you posted a while ago. In order to do this, they must have bee wistfully pouring over your old snaps!
This is one of the biggest signs your ex misses you. It takes effort to look through someone’s old photographs. If the affected photos are of you and your ex together, that’s a serious sign they’re being nostalgic!
#3 You hear they’ve been asking about you. Most of us have mutual friends with exes, especially if you were with them for a long time. If you’re hearing that your ex has been asking about you, even if it’s just asking how you are, that’s a pretty clear sign.
If someone didn’t care, why would they ask about you? Okay, it could be a passing pleasant comment, but if your name comes up in conversation more than once, you’re certainly on their mind. It means they’re missing you. [Read: When does an ex start to miss you?]
#4 They reminisce about old times. If you’re still on speaking terms with your ex then you might notice that they look back over your experiences and memories with a fondness in their eyes and perhaps a wistful smile on their face. If this is the case, they’re missing the days that have passed with you.
What you should consider is whether you want to go back over old times. Do you want to leave it in the past and move on to make new memories with someone else? [Read: How to help your ex get over you and find peace]
#5 You start to see them wherever you go. It’s normal to bump into someone from time to time, but if you notice your ex pops up far more often than usual for no reason, then you have to wonder whether this is one of the signs your ex misses you!
In addition, if you are still friends on social media or with someone close to your ex, and you posted that you were at a specific place when they turn up, that’s another sign to look out for. [Read: 14 things you must know when you bump into your ex accidentally]
#6 They become jealous when you’re out with someone else. If you’ve been seeing someone else, seriously or not, and your ex finds out, do they become jealous? If they do, why do you think that is? Because they’re still hung up on you. They miss you! The fact your ex becomes jealous when you’re seen with someone else means they don’t want you to be with anyone else. If they didn’t miss you, they wouldn’t care, right?
#7 You notice they try to make you jealous. There are many ways to try and make someone jealous. This could be via social media, turning up with someone new to places they know you’re going to be, make it known via mutual friends, or directly, they’re seeing someone new.
If an ex was genuinely moving on, they wouldn’t care if you were bothered about it or not. If they’re pushing it in your face, this is a clear way to make you jealous. By doing this, they exhibit one of the main signs that your ex misses you! [Read: 16 signs your ex wants you back and can’t stop thinking of you]
#8 They’re always trying to meet up. There is probably no reason to continue meeting up for coffee, unless you’re trying to stay in touch. In that case, why did you split up in the first place? If your ex is always wanting to meet up with you for some reason or another, then the chances are that they’re desperately trying to keep you in their life. The only reason for this is that they miss you and want you back.
How do you feel about meeting up with your ex? If it’s done in your mind, is it worth it to keep going back over old ground? Does it drag up old wounds? In some cases, cutting your losses and moving on for good is better. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]
#9 They tell you they miss you in a joking way they’re not joking! Joking about something is one of the best ways to try and gauge someone’s reaction, without saying it in a serious manner. If your ex is always jokingly telling you that they miss you, they’re probably not joking. They actually do miss you.
[Read: The guide to help you decide if you should be friends with your ex]
These signs your ex misses you are big red flags of lingering feelings. Weigh the pros and cons carefully before diving back into a situation which caused you pain in the past.
The post How to Look for Subtle Signs Your Ex Misses You After the Breakup is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Here’s a great seduction gambit based on anti-climaxes and creating intrigue. This one is designed specifically to get her isolated with you. Tequila!
Hey, guys! It’s time to share another gambit that is part of the seduction stack I currently use in the field.
Previously, we discussed how to use anti-climaxes to stimulate her and be intriguing while also setting a sexual frame. Today we will still use anti-climaxes to build intrigue and stimulate her, but we will also introduce a tool to generate a high note that can allow you to isolate her in a smooth way.
Isolation is the subject for today. This post will give you another tool to isolate women!
Let's begin with a discussion about why it's so important to isolate your girl.
Are you someone who knows how to start a conversation with a stranger while waiting for the bus or standing in the supermarket queue? Be honest. Most people shy away from talking to people they don’t know. They’re terrified they’ll turn out to be a clinger or a serial killer, or simply because of their own anxiety.
I’ll admit, I used to avoid talking to anyone unless they decided to speak to me first. I was terrified that if I made that first move, they’d think I was strange and simply smile politely, while waiting for the first opportunity to move away.
Then I decided to start traveling on my own a little. Then, I didn’t have a choice. It was either go overseas alone or don’t go at all. You’d be surprised how many people start to talk to you when you’re alone, and from there the chances of making new friends, and possibly more, is huge!
[Read: How to open up to people and welcome new life]
I’ve made many new friends simply by sitting in a cafe alone. Someone makes one very random comment about the weather or the coffee they’re drinking. A chat starts and before you know it, you’re friends on Facebook. It really can happen that easily. Finding the confidence to be the one doing the talking first can be difficult.
What to consider when deciding how to start a conversation with a stranger
My advice? Just go for it! There are a few things which can it make easier. Let’s examine eight things you need to bear in mind when working out how to start a conversation with a stranger.
#1 Be mindful of who you choose. Of course, be open to talking to anyone, but there are some people who aren’t the best candidates. You’ll recognize the ones you can talk to versus the ones it’s best not to as you get more experienced to talking to strangers.
For instance, it’s not a good idea to try and speak to someone who looks angry, someone who’s just come off the phone from having an argument, someone who looks generally very aggressive, or someone who reading a book. Remember, some people want to be alone and unbothered! [Read: Understanding what it means to be vulnerable in life]
#2 Make eye contact first of all. Once you’ve identified a person you’d like to start a conversation with, ascertain eye contact. This will allow you to figure out whether this is a good choice or not. A quick fleeting glance and a smile should do it. If they hold your eye contact or smile back then you might have found your next conversation friend.
This is one of the biggest things to bear in mind when deciding how to start a conversation with a stranger. If they refuse to hold your eye contact and turn away abruptly, move your attention elsewhere.
#3 Read their body language. We all give off signals without realizing it. Sometimes our body language can be deafening. I mentioned earlier about being mindful of who you choose. A person closed up and with defensive body language is not someone who wants to chat.
Alternatively, if they aren’t crossing their arms over their body, frowning, *hopefully not* crying, or scowling in your direction, their body language is open enough for you to drum up a conversation. Eye contact also flows into body language. [Read: Exciting ways to learn to meet new people]
#4 Small talk works. The number one best way to start a conversation is to talk about the weather or comment upon a situation that you’re both in. Small talk is a fantastic ice breaker. If you’re both in a queue in a coffee shop and it’s taking forever, use a little humor and say ‘I think they’ve gone to pick the coffee beans’ and smile.
If you’re both outside waiting for the bus, ‘this rain never seems to stop’. It doesn’t have to be a hilarious one-liner, it simply needs to be disarming, and something you can both connect with. [Read: Drawing a blank? Try these 25 easy conversation starters]
#5 Compliments always work too. Everyone loves to be complimented. Humans love to have their egos stroked after all! I find a great way to start a conversation is to say something like ‘I love your dress’, or ‘that shirt is a lovely color’.
It doesn’t have to anything major. Be careful to walk the line between compliment and full on flirting, but a compliment is often one of the best answers to how to start a conversation with a stranger.
#6 Make sure you smile a lot. Okay, I’m not suggesting you paste a smile on your face and look deranged. However, regular smiling and eye contact as a combination will help to disarm the other person and let them know that you’re friendly and not about to grab their bag and run away.
Smiles help us feel comfortable. Think about people you’ve spoken to in the past, did it make you want to continue talking to them if they were frowning all the time? No! Smile and you will make the other person feel comfortable, encouraging the conversation to continue.
#7 Avoid ‘yes’ and ‘no’ questions. Asking questions which require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer isn’t the best way to encourage a conversation. Instead, opt for open ended questions, e.g. ‘what do you think about the weather today?’ You basically ask questions which require a sentence to answer. From there you reply, they reply back etc. Before you know it, you’ve got a conversation flowing away!
#8 Get over your own anxiety! Honestly, what is the worst that could happen? The worst thing is that they smile and move away. So, what? No harm done! It might be slightly embarrassing for roughly five seconds, but at least you tried. The more you do this, the more your confidence will grow. The easier you will find it next time you’re wondering how to start a conversation with a stranger. [Read: How to be more comfortable meeting new people]
Start taking the plunge
Most people worry about talking in large groups, but plucking up the courage to actually come out and say something to someone you have never met before gets easier the more you do it. My journey into drumming up random conversations started in the airport when I began traveling alone.
You’d be surprised how many other people are doing the same thing. Half the time, they want to start a conversation, but they’re too scared to make the first move. I figured one of us had to go for it, so it might as well be me!
I have met many people by smiling, making small comments, and complimenting them whenever I wanted to. Some have remained friends, some were fleeting people I met, but all of them left me with an interesting story.
The guy I met on the plane who did not stop talking once I started *that’s an occupational hazard*, the lady who was jetting off around the world after finally getting her novel published, and the girl who had just split up with her boyfriend and told me all about how she threw his beloved PlayStation off the balcony as payback. If the conversation leads to nothing more, at least you connected with another person for a short period of time. That’s what life is all about!
[Read: 13 steps to come out of your shell and stop feeling shy around people]
Learning how to start a conversation with a stranger isn’t an art form. It’s simply about confidence, picking your person carefully, and just being a human being. We all love a compliment, we all love to talk. Go for it!
The post How to Start a Conversation with a Stranger & Say the Right Things is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
No one ever said relationships were easy. To find someone you love and want to share your life with comes with hurdles, compromises, and more. Sometimes doubts and questions, like why something feels off in your relationship.
But, with all of that your relationship should always bring you more happiness than sadness, fear, misery, or anything else.
Whether you and your partner have been fighting, living long distance, or feel bored, there is something that feels off in your relationship, and it shouldn’t be left alone. [Read: The rulebook on what’s normal doubts in a relationship]
When something feels off in your relationship
Even in the most successful and happy of relationships, things can feel off. They may feel off when you move in together. They may feel off if you haven’t seen each other in over a week.
All relationships have moments and times when things feel off. That is totally normal. So, try not to overanalyze or panic right away. Just because something feels off it doesn’t mean it is wrong.
When something feels off in your relationship, it can be fleeting or lasting. It can last a few days while one of you is going through something. It can happen when you are stressed or just don’t have time for each other like normal. [Read: 15 common reasons why people get bored with their relationships]
In those cases, you don’t have to worry. Just talk about it. Let your partner know that something feels off in your relationship and you want to make sure you are both on the same page. A simple talk should get you moving back in the right direction.
But, if something feels off in your relationship and it is bigger than a work problem or stress, you may want to worry. Our guts tell us when something feels off in our relationships. They are usually right. [Read: 14 ways to learn better communication and make your relationship stronger]
Why something feels off in your relationship
As I always say, all relationships are different. The reason your relationship feels off could be totally different to why your best friend’s relationship feels off or your boss’s relationship feels off.
Apart from the minor things that can easily get back on track with open and honest communication, here are some other reasons why something feels off in your relationship.
#1 Your partner has a plan. Right before a big change is coming in your relationship, it is common for things to feel off. Similarly to cold feet before a wedding, something tends to feel off before it feels right.
If your partner is planning to propose or buy you a dog, they may be acting shady and secretive. They may even pull away right before making a big grand gesture. This can be very hard to read and difficult to know. Give that off feeling a little while to settle before acting on it. [Read: Steps to telling your partner you’re unhappy]
#2 Your partner is keeping a secret. A proposal is a pretty great secret. But there are a lot of other secrets your partner could be keeping that aren’t so great. Even without any proof, your gut can feel something is off in your relationship.
I don’t want to scare you but it could be cheating, flirting, addiction, or even plans to move across the country without you. When something feels off in your relationship, it usually is.
#3 You are keeping a secret. Being the person keeping a secret doesn’t make you immune to something feeling off in your relationship. By hiding something small, like a weekend getaway or something big like a job promotion that makes your travel two weekends a month, your relationship can get out of whack really quickly.
Think about something you haven’t told your partner, even something minor like a coworker hit on you. Even if you shut it down, not telling your partner about it could be building up unresolved guilt. And that makes something feel off in your relationship. [Read: The must-know rules and exceptions for keeping secrets in a relationship]
#4 You’re not talking. Once you get comfortable in a relationship, it can be easy to settle into a routine. You may go from talking every day and sharing your wants and needs to falling asleep watching the same episode of Game of Thrones every night.
Losing that communication can quickly lead to an off feeling. When you go from sharing your feelings to just staying quiet, you no longer express yourself or understand how your partner is feeling. It makes sense that something would feel off.
#5 You’re not prioritizing your relationship. I know that responsibilities arise and your partner cannot be your number one priority 100% of the time. Jobs, kids, friends, and more take over. Your relationship could be put on the back burner.
It happens, but if you let it happen without acknowledging it things can feel off and only get worse from there. If you know that something feels off because you’re super busy or your partner is overwhelmed with work, make time for each other when you can.
Have a date night once a week or once a month if that is all you can swing. Make sure you don’t cancel. Do something different and fun so you both have that to look forward to. [Read: How to rekindle your romance and fall in love again]
#6 Someone wants to breakup. For some reason, in the current dating culture, people put off breaking up as long as possible. We all know it is hard to end things and that you don’t want to hurt the other person, but looking at it from a rational perspective lets you see that putting it off only makes things worse.
Whether you haven’t admitted your desire to breakup to yourself or your partner is feeling antsy that is a go-to reason something feels off in your relationship. [Read: 17 signs you’re past the point of no return and need to break up]
#7 You’ve grown out of each other. People change. When relationships don’t change with those people, it just isn’t the same. If you grow up and your partner grows up, your relationship may still be stuck in the past.
It sucks to admit it. Sometimes something feels off because it has changed so drastically and the relationship doesn’t fit you anymore. That is okay.
#8 It just isn’t right. I know it is hard to hear, but sometimes if something feels off in your relationship, it’s because it is. There may be no rhyme or reason to it. You could have lost your chemistry or it just isn’t right.
You don’t always need a specific reason for something to be off. And if it feels off to you it probably is. [Read: 14 common reasons relationships fail]
What to do when something feels off in your relationship
Now that you know some of the main reasons why something feels off in your relationship, you have to decide what to do about it.
First, trust your gut. If you feel something is off, it is. Always try to talk about it first. Don’t blame your partner. Let them know how you’re feeling and work through it. It could be due to something small that is easily workable. [Read: 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]
If you want to fix whatever is off, try to. You can try it on your own or go to couple’s therapy to really get everything out in the open.
But, sometimes when something is off it just is, and ending it is the best thing you can do to get back to feeling normal and well, sane. I know it is hard to end a relationship no matter how long you’ve been together, but not every relationship needs to last.
Some people come into our lives for weeks, months, or years and are not meant to stay forever. They come and serve their purpose. Then we move on.
[Read: 10 ways to know if your relationship is worth keeping]
Next time you are wondering why something feels off in your relationship refer back to here. Then decide what the best next move is.
The post Why Something Feels Off in Your Relationship: Sniff Out the Cause is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
We've talked on Girls Chase before about the importance of giving women permission to desire you. Which might almost sound silly at first... she's a strong adult woman, she doesn't need a man's permission to desire him! Right?
But there are all kinds of rules women feel socially obliged to follow.
Most of these rules are unspoken... the unconscious rules of the social contract.
All a society is is rules and trust. People agree on (often unspoken) rules, and trust each other to follow and uphold the rules, and trust the society itself to be a fair one, based on these broadly understood but largely unspoken rules. During times of social upheaval, you actually get large numbers of people in violation of the unspoken rules, which leads to an erosion of trust in the society, and a schizophrenic society. If you're interested in the big picture, you can read my article on how the violation of long-standing intersexual rules has led to a collapse of trust between the sexes in the West. But this article is not about that.
What this article is about is the individual man and woman.
Namely, you, and a woman you like.
She's with you, she feels like there are things she 'has to' do, and other things she 'has to not do', and you want to shake her free of these constraints so she will join you on your exploits.
How do you break her free?
Have you ever wondered what love really is? Do you need love to have an attachment or vice versa? Or is it more like love vs attachment?
What is love really?
Love is a strange thing. It makes us feel on top of the world one minute. Then suddenly has us plummeting down to depths we never thought possible. The highs make you feel alive. The lows make you wonder why you even bother with love in the first place.
The bottom line is that we all want to be loved, but we all want to love in return. Loving someone is selfless. It’s a way to look after and care for someone without expecting anything back in return. Of course, it’s nice to get something back in return, i.e. their love too, but that’s not always the case! [Read: The 4 attachment styles and how they impact your relationship]
Can you confuse love for something else?
Love can be confused with many things, and lust is probably the most common. Infatuation is another. While love is supposed to be passionate and all-consuming, it’s not supposed to take away a part of who you are. Nor should it make you feel like you can’t breathe. Love is a gentle, yet powerful, phenomenon. In order to ensure that it is love you’re feeling, think very carefully about the relationship you’re in.
With that in mind, I’m going to pit love vs attachment against each other.
Aside from lust and infatuation, two of the most breath-taking and extreme feelings, attachment is something which is often confused for love. Attachment can form part of a loving relationship, but it will only allow the relationship to thrive if the attachment is healthy. When attachment becomes too extreme, it can suck the life out of your partner and turn you into a nervous wreck.
If you’re recognizing that explanation in your current relationship, perhaps it’s time to sit down and have a hard look at the union you’re in. [Read: The 10 clear signs you’re feeling infatuation and not love]
Love vs attachment, what do they feel like?
To figure out whether you truly love someone or simply attached, we need to pit them against each other. How do they feel, and what situations you might feel them in.
Attachment can be obsessive. It can be an unhealthy connection to someone which means you don’t want them to leave your sight. When they’re away, you might feel worried, on edge, and have a tendency to check in with them far too often. On the other hand, attachment can occur when a relationship is simply ticking along. The passion has gone and you’re sticking around out of habit.
Both situations can be due to attachment. Neither is a true form of love. [Read: 12 signs your fierce emotional attachment is unhealthy]
Let’s be honest, attachment is selfish, but love is selfless. From that description, you might wonder how the two can coexist. Well, they can, but not very well.
Let’s look at both situations again and work out what the differences are.
If you’re overly attached, e.g. you don’t like your partner going out without you, nervous when they’re away from you, and you don’t like them being spontaneous with their friends, that’s not love, that’s control. You might love them deep down, but your love has taken a turn for the dark. You’re in danger of suffocating the life out of them.
Your attachment in this case isn’t pure. A loving relationship allows your partner space, just like you have space in return. You allow each other time with your friends separately. In fact, you encourage it. [Read: 12 signs you’re being selfish in the relationship]
You both know that spending time apart and enjoying your own personal interests gives you something to talk about. It allows you to enjoy your special time together. It’s a healthy balance within a relationship, ensuring that the scales don’t tip too far in one direction.
When a relationship consists of one partner who doesn’t want to be apart from their lover and the other one trying to go about their business and see their friends, there are going to be screaming rows, emotional ups and downs, and the whole thing is doomed for failure.
The attachment has become too much, and it’s probably down to a total lack of trust and faith in the relationship.
Can you turn it around?
If this sounds your like your predicament, consciously pull back a little. Right the scales of love vs attachment, and work on trusting your partner. Understand that time apart is healthy and necessary. [Read: 11 signs of being smothered in a relationship that seems like love]
Of course, if you’re coming to the end of a relationship you might be feeling attachment that stops you from leaving. You know it’s for the best, but you don’t want to forget their face, you don’t want to live with the memories. You can’t bear to not have them in your life in some way. Again, this is selfish.
You’re stopping your partner from being with someone who appreciates everything about them and isn’t secretly plotting to leave them on the side. You also deserve a relationship with someone who you’re not staying with simply out of habit and attachment.
We all deserve love
Real love has a certain amount of attachment connected to it. If you weren’t attached to your partner, then there would be no reason to be together! The difference between a loving, healthy amount of attachment and a type of attachment which doesn’t serve a purpose is understanding you are two separate people in your own rights. [Read: Want a happily ever after? Look for these 14 signs of love]
This type of attachment is natural and doesn’t require any work. You are magnetically drawn to each other because of the love you feel for one another. You want to see each other and spend time together, but it doesn’t drive you to extremes or cause negative feelings.
For instance, whenever my partner is away, of course, I miss them, but I don’t send them messages every ten minutes, sit and let my life get away from me, and refuse to eat. I am not pining for them. I am simply missing them. That’s a healthy amount of attachment. The type of balance between love vs attachment you need to aim for. [Read: These are the 15 rules you need for a healthy love]
How to judge an unhealthy attachment
On the other hand, if you can’t eat, sleep, constantly wondering where they are and what they’re up to, focus on yourself. Take the spotlight from your relationship. Ask yourself why you feel this way, and why you have so little trust in your partner.
Have they cheated on you before? Are you acting out of previous experiences in past relationships? Do you have a generally negative mindset? These are all things you can work on. It will help to right the balance between love vs attachment.
The scales should sit somewhere in the middle. The weight should be even, so neither side is higher or lower than the other. You should be attached to each other because you are in love, not because you want to control or escape the relationship.
A healthy amount of attachment is a good thing, anything other than that is negative and toxic.
[Read: How to know if you relationship is toxic so you can get out fast]
How do you measure love vs attachment? Love is honest and pure and doesn’t require you to grab hold of your partner and never let them go. If that’s the case with your relationship, it’s time to evaluate why you feel this way.
The post Love vs Attachment: Is There a Vital Difference Between the Two? is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.
Breaking up with someone is never easy regardless of your reasons why. But if you feel the relationship has run its course then you’re most likely right. But you don’t want to do the dirty deed, instead you want to know how to get someone to break up with you.
Even though you want to end things, how are you going to do it? I once dumped a guy over the phone after telling him that he’s more like a brother figure—ouch. Mind you, I was young and clueless about the whole break up protocol.
But, even though I wanted to end it, it was a hard move to make. Sometimes, we stay in a relationship longer because we’re terrified of making that step. But listen, the time is now. You can do it. [Read: The signs it’s time to break up even if it is hard]
How get someone to break up with you
To be honest, you shouldn’t try to get someone to break up with you. If you really want to end things, you should approach them directly and talk about it with them. That way, you’re not playing with their emotions. But I can’t make those decisions for you.
If you don’t want to face them, you should know that you’re acting like a huge coward. Of course, there are other ways to dump someone. They’re not nice but people use them.
After this break up though, you should take a break from dating. If you can’t break up with them properly, you shouldn’t be dating.
#1 Give the relationship space. Listen, if you want them to break up with you, you’re going to have to show that you’re distancing yourself from it. It’s a shitty move, but it gives a strong hint.
Try not to spend so much time around your partner, slow down the number of calls and texts you send out to them. Overall, just take a step back from the relationship. They’ll notice. [Read: How to tell someone to leave you alone and get out of your space]
#2 Stop bringing up the future. When you’re in a happy relationship, you’re always talking about future plans. But, if you want to end it, cut all talks about the future. They may be making plans with you for future events, but you need to not commit to anything. You can mention things with your friends, but do not include them. Oh god, this is cold. [Read: Understanding the psychology of ignoring someone]
#3 Minimize affection. If you’re still sleeping with them, holding their hand, and telling them that you love them, you’re leading them on. So, you need to cut out all signs of affection. Yes, you’re going to look like a cold asshole, you should know that. Can’t you just tell them you don’t want to be with them? It would be so much easier.
#4 Tell them you need space. Well, this is a pretty obvious one when it comes to knowing how to get someone to break up with you. If you literally tell them that you need space from them, it’s a strong sign that a storm is coming in their direction. They should get the hint that you’re not happy with them and will hopefully end things with you or at least confront you on it. I’m telling you, this is more difficult than it needs to be. [Read: 25 tips to end a relationship without a messy struggle]
#5 Complain. About anything. Just complain and complain and complain and literally drive them away with your complaining. No one wants to be with a Debbie Downer, and right now, that’s what you have to play. Just try not to get sucked into your new annoying character. See, this is gonna backfire!
#6 Talk about your ex. No one wants to be with someone who’s not over their ex. So, start talking about them. Mention their name in conversation, memories you have with them, and regrets over ending it. They’ll start to question whether you’re actually over your ex or not. Which is good for you, even though it’s a complete fabrication. [Read: Why using this dating tactic makes you a jerk]
#7 Comment about their friends and family. Now, don’t insult their friends and family to the point where you’re blacklisted from your community, but people become very defensive over who they hang out with, obviously.
If you don’t fit in with their friends and if their family doesn’t like you, you’re not going to be around for too much longer. That’s what you wanted, right?
#8 Act single. Now, ideally, you could be acting single already if you just made the move to break up with them before starting all this drama, but no, now you’re here and we have to deal with it. If your social media looks like you’re single and you act like you’re single, well, not much is stopping you from being single, right? [Read: Should you really break up? 17 signs you’re past the point of no return]
#9 Have more “me time.” You need them to realize that you’re selfish. Because let’s face it, if you’re reading about how to get someone to break up with you, you are. But if they’re able to see your behavior and label it as selfishness then they’ll be more inclined to end the relationship. Do more things that you want to do on your own without their opinion or consultation.
#10 Social media is key. If you’re always posting photos of you and your partner – stop. You can’t try to break up the relationship when you’re still acting like you’re together. No, you need to completely change your behavior.
Stop posting pictures and videos, stop tagging them, stop commenting on their posts. Just stop everything. [Read: The lowdown on social media and relationships]
#11 Tell friends. Gossip flies around fast, and if you tell the right people who have a big mouth, your partner will eventually catch on to the news that you’re looking to break up with them. Naturally, no one wants to be dumped, so they’ll run to make the first move.
[Read: The breakup conversation you can use to break up with your partner]
Listen, the best way to break up with someone is talk to them and be honest. It’s hard, but they will respect you versus learning how to get someone to break up with you instead.
The post How to Get Someone to Break Up with You If You Can’t Do It Yourself is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.